I recently joined this forum & started out my conversation with few of the members in PM as I was not very confident to start a new thread & share with everyone but now as suggested by Minuteman I should start a thread & log so it would be helpful for other members as well & they can also give suggestions.
So first of all I would share my PM conversation with other guys which will be a little long read and then a regular posting. I hope & expect response from other male & female members.
So here is how this all started 2 weeks ago..
I am 28 years old and getting married in 2 months, I am facing PE for long time but never really cared about but since now I am getting married in 2 months so I am very worried about this situation.
How I know I have PE?
I am very much addicted to porn & always masturbate to porn, what I normally do is watch porn for 2 3 hours & get several erections between that time which make me highly aroused and then as soon I touch my penis, I ejaculate (within few seconds)
I would like to mention that I NEVER had a physical relation with any girl before so I am not really sure how worse my PE is going to be after marriage. All I fear is I will not even be able to enter vagina for the first time as I think I will either ejaculate while foreplay or trying to enter.
I think I have good erection, though I don't really know what good erection is for penetration but it looks hard enough.
I started to work on kegels few months ago and practiced or trained my PC so that now I can hold PC for about 20 to 30 seconds but all I noticed is a hard erection & intense ejaculation but no benefit on PE, though I was able to hold ejaculation at PONR for once along with some breathing pattern.
So here are few queries I need to ask and I hope you will be able to guide well based on your personal & forum experiences:
1. Should I post this as a thread or keep this in private message?
2. Can I overcome PE or at least improve myself a bit (I am not looking for having hours or intercourse, 5 to 10 mins in the start will be good enough & satisfactory for me)
3. Where exactly I should start?
4. I have not done edging yet, I'm confused how to do? Edging along with breathing? Adding kegels or simple edging?
5. I'm done with forward kegels but cant understand at all reverse kegels & their importance from this forum
6. I studied few ebooks and never read anything like reverse kegels
7. I hope I'll not watch any porn during these 2 months and just edging and stuff but then I'm afraid I'll be highly excited & aroused on my marriage night to face PE for sure
8. Do I need any medical treatment? though I've already got all medical tests & I'm perfect (just few hormonal disorders)
9. How to control my arousal during foreplay? because no matter how much I practice, it will be my first experience with any girl.
10. My fiance is virgin too, any suggestions on that matter? I mean breaking hymen & all?
Here are replies to this PM from few members (so thankful to them)
First reply from Pegasus...
1. Up to you . The downside is negative feedback from guys who don't want to underastand where your background or are just bad people.
2. You can certainly improve . In the westwern world guys are supposed to boast and they do, 5 min is actually the nornal time for intercourse ,plus some foreplay
3 also 4 Start with basic stop /start edging, masturbate until you get to a level of arousal you have decided beforehand . stop till your arousal goes down a bit start again and so on. You can move to more advanced forms as you become more experienced. Begin learning reverse kegels.
5. Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor . Reverse kegel relax ,tone ,balance. Doing kegels without reverse kegels can put strength out of balance and increase pre e issues.
6. I did not invent reverse kegel (rk), but I have helped popularise them , they are becomeing better known through this site .
7. Do not expect to be perfect when you first learn a skill , it is enough to be commited to develop.
8. I do not know what medical treatment would help at this point and in any case this can have dangers.
9. a boxer trains hard in the gym but ar some point he must have his first actual bout .
10 . Oh boy . Take your time .
Some of your questions may be better answered by a female . We have some female mods here I could bring in on this. (I would really appreciate if some female member or mod is reading this & could help with any of the matter she thinks)
Next reply is from another Senior Member Spanky, a very good read & it was very helpful to boost my self-confident (thanks man)
"Hey boy, congratulations on your marriage, and good luck for the future.
Don't be shy about posting on here - it's anonymous unless you tell people your name and address, and you're not alone on here.
First thing I want to say to you is RELAX!
You have a whole load of things in your favour here that should take the pressure off. Treat the whole thing as an adventure that you BOTH can share, it's a wonderful thing, and you know, just like anything new in this world, as you find your way you're going to stumble and fall, and learn and grow in the process. You bth get to share that, and you really shouldn't put the pressure to perform like a porn star in your way - You can have sex like that, but you both need to be in that zone, and pretty comfortable with each other. The biggest obstacle to great sex is to my mind all psychological. You can only have sex like that when you're both in absolutely filthy moods, and utterly confident and comfortable with what you're doing.
That takes time. And practice. For everyone.
Nobody has great sex their first few times. That doesn't mean it'll be bad by any means - sex is great fun whatever happens, and that's where you need to be. It's fun you share together, not a performance. If you cum really quickly, don't worry about it. Laugh it off. Say to her "haha, I was so worried that was going to happen" and carry on anyway because you both want to see what happens next... DON'T roll over and go to sleep - that's the WORST thing you can do.
Now all that state of mind stuff out of the way, there are things you can do NOW to help yourself if that mental relaxation doesn't get you over the finish line on its own.
Give the porn a break. I know everyone says this, but really. Do. Half the reason it makes you cum so quickly is because it's arousing you so much before you're hard. There is a huge difference between mental arousal and physical, I mean let's say you're out with someone and you know you're going to get some, you're basically going to be aroused ALL DAY. You won't be hard all day, but as the night approaches yu're going to be thinking about it, looking forward to it, maybe flirting like crazy ... now ok, if you're a virgin you may not relate directly to that but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. Porn does that too. Like if you're sat down and feeling horny, you're journey to orgasm *already started* .. then as you go and find some porn to put on, you're already hot for it, filled with anticipation.. looking forward to watching all that silky glistening skin and hearing her moan... and that's before you've even got your penis out of your trousers.
You can control that mental arousal. Breathe slowly. Relax. Consider that the journey TOWARDS orgasm is just as delightful (sometimes more so) than orgasm itself. Women are far more like this in their approach to sex than men anyway. So realise that. Take a leaf from her book, and enjoy it. With your partner, take pleasure from giving HER that journey.
I diverted again. But I wanted to make the point about the way we deal with porn, because porn doesn't know you. Porn isn't there with you, taking pleasure from you or loving the pleasure you give it. Your wife will be. It's a different experience.
Porn is designed to make you cum.
Sex is a sea of pleasure to swim in.
Don't get them confused.
Plus, your wife to be is a virgin too? She's not going to judge you. That takes an *immense* amount of pressure off you as far as performance goes, becaue she's not going to be able to compare you to other guys. I can tell you that of the women who have slept around that I've asked, they say that MOST men are bad in bed, so the fact that you're making the effort puts you up in the top flight already. Seriously. But just don't worry about being amazing on day one. Nobody is. It's your ATTITUDE that makes the difference. And you will learn something new all the time. I've been about a fair bit, maybe not hundreds, but enough, and every time is a new adventure, and I still learn new stuff every time. More about me, more about her, more about women in general.
And it's all new to HER too, so spend your energy on making this an adventure for her instead of freaking out about yourself.. you'll both have a much better time this way I promise you. Shift your focus and perspective. It'll make a massive difference.
Ok, so now that's all I can think of to say n the mental side, let's look at the physical side.
1) Give the porn a rest. For starters if your sex life is all that, the porn won't be half as inviting. Otherwise as I said, porn can't take you on a journey like sex does. It ruins your relationship with orgasm. From time to time, sure. We all "just want to cum" sometimes, but that's not sex.
2) Start edging. And use it to get familiar with how arousal feels ALL THE WAY UP from start -> cum. Slowing down or stopping to control yourself may not teach you how sex feels, but it will teach you how YOU feel, and it will let you discover the effects of kegels and reverse kegels among other things. When it comes to real sex, it's REALLY hard to stop at a 9/10 right at PoNR, at least a first. But it's much easier to hover around a 6 or 7/10. You'll find this with practice.
3) Reverse kegels are the opposite of forward kegels. By pushing the muscles from inside rather than squeezing frm the outside you're competing with your forward kegels, and having fitness in both those areas helps you gain a good balance across your pelvic floor. Being well balanced here is kind of a basis to physical stamina there. Pegasus talks about balance a lot in threads I've linked before. It's kind of a scientific approach, but there's a lot of wisdom in his words. Some people have had GREAT success using reverse kegels to keep ejaculation at bay. JamesMonroe is a notable one. And I found they helped when I started working on myself too. Less so if you're right at PoNR, but if you're at 8/10 and want to stop for a second and drop down to to a 7 where you have more control, relaxing your kegels is about the best way to do it. Reverse kegels are an aggressive way to force you to relax those kegels by in theory stopping your body from being *able* to kegel o its own.
4) don't judge based on ebooks - the best information is here on this site. I'm not being paid to say that, I'm saying that as someone who's done a LOT of deperate research. There are loads of people here who really know their stuff. Doctors really don't. Sounds crazy, but they don't. That's why they'v started prescribing SSRI Antidepressants, because they DO work. But it's not a sustainable way to live. I suspect based on my journey that a short course of SSRIs can really help if serotonin levels are at he root of a PreE problem, but it's not a given that that's the reason.
Besides, It's too soon for you to say for definite how much of a problem you have as a virgin, you might still find that when it comes t real sex that you're completely fine!
In truth though, the fact that you're taking the time to make this journey will equip you to be in far more control than most guys. And that's a promise.
As far as further work or (gulp) medical treatment - put that to the back of your mind. At the end of the day, sex is different to masturbation, it's not necessarily as intense, it's not as constant an experience, just enjoy it, like you enjoy a kiss, but with more squishy bits
Re your wife to be being a virgin, I don't think I've ever taken a girl's virginity, s I can't speak with any authority, but I know a lot of girls say their first time hurt and was unpleasant, so I guess be gentle with her. As long as she knows you're looking after her and not going to get angry with her or something, she'll be comfortable with you and she'll enjoy herself a lot more. And the more comfortable she is with you, the more she's going to be willing to do with you.
Hope that was interesting ... as usual I wrote a whole load more than I meant to. Good luck x"
Another very helpful reply & a proper routine suggestion from Minuteman which I'm following right now....
"Here is a very similiar situation:
Virgin/Suffering From PE
also read this (especially the 3day routine):
Curing Premature Ejaculation- My Story So Far
Now to answer your questions:
1. Feel free to post this as a tread you can also make your journey log.
2. I am certain you will be able to rise to at least 5 minutes with 3 day routine and by reading the links i have psoted
3. Virgin/Suffering From PE and Curing Premature Ejaculation- My Story So Far
4. Edging is masturbation with a specific goal in mind. Let say that your goal is to mastubate until you feel the need to ejaculate and then stop, then work on making that time longer.
5. They are like stretching exercises you do before and after you run, or/and counter balance exercises you do to make your pelvic floor return to balance, for many they have been a lot of help.
6. Reverse kegels are not so well documented, but then again many things here are not and yet are effective.
7. Form this point on i would suggest to stop watching porn all together. Also as with naj, you should have came and asked for help a little bit earlier, but it is never to late.
8. Most people in this forum are against any medical usage, so if you opt to follow mine advice you will need no medicine or drugs.
9. The best way to do it solo is simply to gain better understanding on how your arousal works, but without the effect of porn which warps that understanding. The main thing to remember is to get used to your own naked body (if you are not comfortable with it), also spending more time with her in general will also help, naked or not naked she is still a same person. Also take your time when you are with her during foreplay, there really is no rush, get to know her body and let her get to know yours, when you feel you are overstimulated focus more on her, or just slowly stop her from doing what makes you overaroused. I mean it will be her first experience with a naked man, and it is not that you didn't watch enough porn so that you have no idea how a female naked body looks.
10. In case you didn't know i am a virgin too, so knowledge of sex you should seek of other more experienced members. But generally since you are both virgins how you preform isn't that important. Use a lot of lube and go slow, lots of foreplay ect, are the most commons sense suggestions/advices. Also when you first enter her vagina don't pump like crazy, be still and simply make out with her with you penis inside of her not moving, get used to that sensation.
So, go ahead and open the topic on the premature ejaculation sub forum and ask other members also for their oppinion in the mean time read the two links and also stop watching porn."
So first of all I would share my PM conversation with other guys which will be a little long read and then a regular posting. I hope & expect response from other male & female members.
So here is how this all started 2 weeks ago..
I am 28 years old and getting married in 2 months, I am facing PE for long time but never really cared about but since now I am getting married in 2 months so I am very worried about this situation.
How I know I have PE?
I am very much addicted to porn & always masturbate to porn, what I normally do is watch porn for 2 3 hours & get several erections between that time which make me highly aroused and then as soon I touch my penis, I ejaculate (within few seconds)
I would like to mention that I NEVER had a physical relation with any girl before so I am not really sure how worse my PE is going to be after marriage. All I fear is I will not even be able to enter vagina for the first time as I think I will either ejaculate while foreplay or trying to enter.
I think I have good erection, though I don't really know what good erection is for penetration but it looks hard enough.
I started to work on kegels few months ago and practiced or trained my PC so that now I can hold PC for about 20 to 30 seconds but all I noticed is a hard erection & intense ejaculation but no benefit on PE, though I was able to hold ejaculation at PONR for once along with some breathing pattern.
So here are few queries I need to ask and I hope you will be able to guide well based on your personal & forum experiences:
1. Should I post this as a thread or keep this in private message?
2. Can I overcome PE or at least improve myself a bit (I am not looking for having hours or intercourse, 5 to 10 mins in the start will be good enough & satisfactory for me)
3. Where exactly I should start?
4. I have not done edging yet, I'm confused how to do? Edging along with breathing? Adding kegels or simple edging?
5. I'm done with forward kegels but cant understand at all reverse kegels & their importance from this forum
6. I studied few ebooks and never read anything like reverse kegels
7. I hope I'll not watch any porn during these 2 months and just edging and stuff but then I'm afraid I'll be highly excited & aroused on my marriage night to face PE for sure
8. Do I need any medical treatment? though I've already got all medical tests & I'm perfect (just few hormonal disorders)
9. How to control my arousal during foreplay? because no matter how much I practice, it will be my first experience with any girl.
10. My fiance is virgin too, any suggestions on that matter? I mean breaking hymen & all?
Here are replies to this PM from few members (so thankful to them)
First reply from Pegasus...
1. Up to you . The downside is negative feedback from guys who don't want to underastand where your background or are just bad people.
2. You can certainly improve . In the westwern world guys are supposed to boast and they do, 5 min is actually the nornal time for intercourse ,plus some foreplay
3 also 4 Start with basic stop /start edging, masturbate until you get to a level of arousal you have decided beforehand . stop till your arousal goes down a bit start again and so on. You can move to more advanced forms as you become more experienced. Begin learning reverse kegels.
5. Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor . Reverse kegel relax ,tone ,balance. Doing kegels without reverse kegels can put strength out of balance and increase pre e issues.
6. I did not invent reverse kegel (rk), but I have helped popularise them , they are becomeing better known through this site .
7. Do not expect to be perfect when you first learn a skill , it is enough to be commited to develop.
8. I do not know what medical treatment would help at this point and in any case this can have dangers.
9. a boxer trains hard in the gym but ar some point he must have his first actual bout .
10 . Oh boy . Take your time .
Some of your questions may be better answered by a female . We have some female mods here I could bring in on this. (I would really appreciate if some female member or mod is reading this & could help with any of the matter she thinks)
Next reply is from another Senior Member Spanky, a very good read & it was very helpful to boost my self-confident (thanks man)
"Hey boy, congratulations on your marriage, and good luck for the future.
Don't be shy about posting on here - it's anonymous unless you tell people your name and address, and you're not alone on here.
First thing I want to say to you is RELAX!
You have a whole load of things in your favour here that should take the pressure off. Treat the whole thing as an adventure that you BOTH can share, it's a wonderful thing, and you know, just like anything new in this world, as you find your way you're going to stumble and fall, and learn and grow in the process. You bth get to share that, and you really shouldn't put the pressure to perform like a porn star in your way - You can have sex like that, but you both need to be in that zone, and pretty comfortable with each other. The biggest obstacle to great sex is to my mind all psychological. You can only have sex like that when you're both in absolutely filthy moods, and utterly confident and comfortable with what you're doing.
That takes time. And practice. For everyone.
Nobody has great sex their first few times. That doesn't mean it'll be bad by any means - sex is great fun whatever happens, and that's where you need to be. It's fun you share together, not a performance. If you cum really quickly, don't worry about it. Laugh it off. Say to her "haha, I was so worried that was going to happen" and carry on anyway because you both want to see what happens next... DON'T roll over and go to sleep - that's the WORST thing you can do.
Now all that state of mind stuff out of the way, there are things you can do NOW to help yourself if that mental relaxation doesn't get you over the finish line on its own.
Give the porn a break. I know everyone says this, but really. Do. Half the reason it makes you cum so quickly is because it's arousing you so much before you're hard. There is a huge difference between mental arousal and physical, I mean let's say you're out with someone and you know you're going to get some, you're basically going to be aroused ALL DAY. You won't be hard all day, but as the night approaches yu're going to be thinking about it, looking forward to it, maybe flirting like crazy ... now ok, if you're a virgin you may not relate directly to that but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. Porn does that too. Like if you're sat down and feeling horny, you're journey to orgasm *already started* .. then as you go and find some porn to put on, you're already hot for it, filled with anticipation.. looking forward to watching all that silky glistening skin and hearing her moan... and that's before you've even got your penis out of your trousers.
You can control that mental arousal. Breathe slowly. Relax. Consider that the journey TOWARDS orgasm is just as delightful (sometimes more so) than orgasm itself. Women are far more like this in their approach to sex than men anyway. So realise that. Take a leaf from her book, and enjoy it. With your partner, take pleasure from giving HER that journey.
I diverted again. But I wanted to make the point about the way we deal with porn, because porn doesn't know you. Porn isn't there with you, taking pleasure from you or loving the pleasure you give it. Your wife will be. It's a different experience.
Porn is designed to make you cum.
Sex is a sea of pleasure to swim in.
Don't get them confused.
Plus, your wife to be is a virgin too? She's not going to judge you. That takes an *immense* amount of pressure off you as far as performance goes, becaue she's not going to be able to compare you to other guys. I can tell you that of the women who have slept around that I've asked, they say that MOST men are bad in bed, so the fact that you're making the effort puts you up in the top flight already. Seriously. But just don't worry about being amazing on day one. Nobody is. It's your ATTITUDE that makes the difference. And you will learn something new all the time. I've been about a fair bit, maybe not hundreds, but enough, and every time is a new adventure, and I still learn new stuff every time. More about me, more about her, more about women in general.
And it's all new to HER too, so spend your energy on making this an adventure for her instead of freaking out about yourself.. you'll both have a much better time this way I promise you. Shift your focus and perspective. It'll make a massive difference.
Ok, so now that's all I can think of to say n the mental side, let's look at the physical side.
1) Give the porn a rest. For starters if your sex life is all that, the porn won't be half as inviting. Otherwise as I said, porn can't take you on a journey like sex does. It ruins your relationship with orgasm. From time to time, sure. We all "just want to cum" sometimes, but that's not sex.
2) Start edging. And use it to get familiar with how arousal feels ALL THE WAY UP from start -> cum. Slowing down or stopping to control yourself may not teach you how sex feels, but it will teach you how YOU feel, and it will let you discover the effects of kegels and reverse kegels among other things. When it comes to real sex, it's REALLY hard to stop at a 9/10 right at PoNR, at least a first. But it's much easier to hover around a 6 or 7/10. You'll find this with practice.
3) Reverse kegels are the opposite of forward kegels. By pushing the muscles from inside rather than squeezing frm the outside you're competing with your forward kegels, and having fitness in both those areas helps you gain a good balance across your pelvic floor. Being well balanced here is kind of a basis to physical stamina there. Pegasus talks about balance a lot in threads I've linked before. It's kind of a scientific approach, but there's a lot of wisdom in his words. Some people have had GREAT success using reverse kegels to keep ejaculation at bay. JamesMonroe is a notable one. And I found they helped when I started working on myself too. Less so if you're right at PoNR, but if you're at 8/10 and want to stop for a second and drop down to to a 7 where you have more control, relaxing your kegels is about the best way to do it. Reverse kegels are an aggressive way to force you to relax those kegels by in theory stopping your body from being *able* to kegel o its own.
4) don't judge based on ebooks - the best information is here on this site. I'm not being paid to say that, I'm saying that as someone who's done a LOT of deperate research. There are loads of people here who really know their stuff. Doctors really don't. Sounds crazy, but they don't. That's why they'v started prescribing SSRI Antidepressants, because they DO work. But it's not a sustainable way to live. I suspect based on my journey that a short course of SSRIs can really help if serotonin levels are at he root of a PreE problem, but it's not a given that that's the reason.
Besides, It's too soon for you to say for definite how much of a problem you have as a virgin, you might still find that when it comes t real sex that you're completely fine!
In truth though, the fact that you're taking the time to make this journey will equip you to be in far more control than most guys. And that's a promise.
As far as further work or (gulp) medical treatment - put that to the back of your mind. At the end of the day, sex is different to masturbation, it's not necessarily as intense, it's not as constant an experience, just enjoy it, like you enjoy a kiss, but with more squishy bits
Re your wife to be being a virgin, I don't think I've ever taken a girl's virginity, s I can't speak with any authority, but I know a lot of girls say their first time hurt and was unpleasant, so I guess be gentle with her. As long as she knows you're looking after her and not going to get angry with her or something, she'll be comfortable with you and she'll enjoy herself a lot more. And the more comfortable she is with you, the more she's going to be willing to do with you.
Hope that was interesting ... as usual I wrote a whole load more than I meant to. Good luck x"
Another very helpful reply & a proper routine suggestion from Minuteman which I'm following right now....
"Here is a very similiar situation:
Virgin/Suffering From PE
also read this (especially the 3day routine):
Curing Premature Ejaculation- My Story So Far
Now to answer your questions:
1. Feel free to post this as a tread you can also make your journey log.
2. I am certain you will be able to rise to at least 5 minutes with 3 day routine and by reading the links i have psoted
3. Virgin/Suffering From PE and Curing Premature Ejaculation- My Story So Far
4. Edging is masturbation with a specific goal in mind. Let say that your goal is to mastubate until you feel the need to ejaculate and then stop, then work on making that time longer.
5. They are like stretching exercises you do before and after you run, or/and counter balance exercises you do to make your pelvic floor return to balance, for many they have been a lot of help.
6. Reverse kegels are not so well documented, but then again many things here are not and yet are effective.
7. Form this point on i would suggest to stop watching porn all together. Also as with naj, you should have came and asked for help a little bit earlier, but it is never to late.
8. Most people in this forum are against any medical usage, so if you opt to follow mine advice you will need no medicine or drugs.
9. The best way to do it solo is simply to gain better understanding on how your arousal works, but without the effect of porn which warps that understanding. The main thing to remember is to get used to your own naked body (if you are not comfortable with it), also spending more time with her in general will also help, naked or not naked she is still a same person. Also take your time when you are with her during foreplay, there really is no rush, get to know her body and let her get to know yours, when you feel you are overstimulated focus more on her, or just slowly stop her from doing what makes you overaroused. I mean it will be her first experience with a naked man, and it is not that you didn't watch enough porn so that you have no idea how a female naked body looks.
10. In case you didn't know i am a virgin too, so knowledge of sex you should seek of other more experienced members. But generally since you are both virgins how you preform isn't that important. Use a lot of lube and go slow, lots of foreplay ect, are the most commons sense suggestions/advices. Also when you first enter her vagina don't pump like crazy, be still and simply make out with her with you penis inside of her not moving, get used to that sensation.
So, go ahead and open the topic on the premature ejaculation sub forum and ask other members also for their oppinion in the mean time read the two links and also stop watching porn."
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