Please give me advice....at a loss

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

Hi All
I've been trying to beat PreE for around five months now, edging, rev & normal kegels, deep breathing etc. I think my kegels are good quality now.

The past 5 days I've had sex 4 times but it has got more difficult to control the PONR each time. Even when my fiance touches me with her hand I can feel like i'm going to come. I can kegel hard to stop myself, but the feeling comes back very quickly under stimulation. It feels like all the energy stays in my pelvic floor, it's tense and won't relax. Edging on my own is no problem even for very long periods.

I'm quite sure the problem is with thinking too much. It's like my arousal can go from 0-10 over and again in seconds. It would be good to have a slow and steady build up of arousal. If I know my parter is in the mood this can be enough to give me an erection and sometime pre cum.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Work on your RKs some more. Also arousal techniques.

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...echniques.html

Pre-cum is normal during arousal/sex.

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

Thanks, I will continue with rks and pelvic floor balance.
I have looked at that arousal thread before, I need to understand my arousal scale a lot better, but I don't have the option of doing it to porn(nor do i want to use porn).
I feel like just the anticipation of sex is enough to get me over aroused.
It's frustrating. I can stop myself ejaculating but it seems pointless when then PONR comes back in seconds everytime.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

It's frustrating. I can stop myself ejaculating but it seems pointless when then PONR comes back in seconds everytime.

Seems to me you're having a difficult time relaxing your PC muscle(which a RK will help do), or you're having a difficult time controlling your arousal levels.

Being able to control your arousal without porn is better than with porn, IMO. Edging/ballooning is a good way to get in tune with yourself!

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

Yes I agree, I think I have a difficult time controlling arousal, this leads me to being unable to relax my pelvic floor.
I can edge/baloon for a long time without issues...it's just when my girl is involved lol! Seems the more I try to fix the problem the worse it gets.
I just want to enjoy a few minutes of penetration, at least.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

What is your k/rl routine?

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

What is your k/rl routine?

For about 2/3 months reverse kegel only, for around 45 minutes a day.
Now reverse and back reverse 80%, kegel 20%, maybe 45-60 minutes a day or whenever I can.

I don't edge/balloon at the moment.

A few days ago, my gf was giving a handjob, I reached 'plateaus' to the point I could last with a lot of fast stimulation. then when we had sex if I went slowly I could do the same.
Last night I felt I couldn't control it even with a few seconds of handjob, I feel it's some kind of over arousal/mental block.

When edging I can rk/k and move the energy away from my groin and around my body. Very difficult to do this during sex.

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

I should add that I had sexual anxiety in the past, to the point I would sometimes lose my erection.
I really don't want to disappoint my gf, I think I'm now putting a lot of pressure on myself to perform.
During sex you should be 'in the moment' and not worrying about past/future. I know this is an issue for me, and I know I can perform when I am actually 'present' in the moment, just enjoying it. But the more I try the harder it is!

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Drummer 19 has a thread in the stickies and would be a good person to contact.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

I think you should try this:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...se-kegels.html

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

Thanks, although I have been trying the meditative reverse kegels for some months now. They are indeed very effective for my pelvic floor but I haven't managed to translate the benefits into actual sex yet.
Maybe I just need more rk practice.

Sometimes when being pleasured by my partner everything will be fine, then it's as if I mentally slip out of the the moment or I have a small worry in my mind and then my arousal shoots up to 9-10 and I can't control it. It's very frustrating for my gf. I can make her orgasm with my fingers or mouth but I struggle to get any pleasure as I have to stop every few seconds. If I do cum it's not even that pleasurable as the build up is so fast.
I believe I am out of touch with my own arousal. I'm sure it's mental as around 2 years ago I had a short period where I could last pretty much as long as I wanted, I just remember thinking to keep my pelvic floor relaxed.
Now nothing I do seems to work lol!

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Thanks, although I have been trying the meditative reverse kegels for some months now. They are indeed very effective for my pelvic floor but I haven't managed to translate the benefits into actual sex yet.
Maybe I just need more rk practice.

Sometimes when being pleasured by my partner everything will be fine, then it's as if I mentally slip out of the the moment or I have a small worry in my mind and then my arousal shoots up to 9-10 and I can't control it. It's very frustrating for my gf. I can make her orgasm with my fingers or mouth but I struggle to get any pleasure as I have to stop every few seconds. If I do cum it's not even that pleasurable as the build up is so fast.
I believe I am out of touch with my own arousal. I'm sure it's mental as around 2 years ago I had a short period where I could last pretty much as long as I wanted, I just remember thinking to keep my pelvic floor relaxed.
Now nothing I do seems to work lol!

Being out of touch with your arousal is not uncommon, for example during a certain period of time I was so dissconected from my arousal that I would prematurely ejaculate and feel no arousal nor orgasm.

If you are a natural worrier it only gets more complicated, and I understand that is can simply be hard to be foruced on your arousal and stuff when your head is full of other things. You have to somehow learn to separate those two worlds, by immersing yourself in as much pleasure as you can, it wont be easy but it can be done.

Either than the https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...-response.html, https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...echniques.html maybe you should also try https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...y-routine.html but with your partner.

Other solution is to try and become an MMO by mastering dry orgasms.

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

Thanks for the response, I'm not able to try the first 2 methods at the moment. At the moment I don't edge or ejaculate at all, unless during sex.
I don't really want to ask my Mrs to do anything as she has put up with enough of my sexual failures as it is.
I'm in a better physical condition than ever before, I have excellent erections and a much more balanced pelvic floor. I'm just extremely unaware of my own arousal.
I realised that I have been a big worrier most of my life. Over the past year I have really dealt with this well, I'm much less stressed, but I think sex is like the final hurdle. I think I just mentally associate sex with PreE, failure, stress etc. I don't feel like I deserve to feel pleasure. I have been trying to deal with PreE since Oct and since then it's got worse.
Sometimes I feel like becoming a buddhist monk or something lol.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Thanks for the response, I'm not able to try the first 2 methods at the moment. At the moment I don't edge or ejaculate at all, unless during sex.
I don't really want to ask my Mrs to do anything as she has put up with enough of my sexual failures as it is.
I'm in a better physical condition than ever before, I have excellent erections and a much more balanced pelvic floor. I'm just extremely unaware of my own arousal.
I realised that I have been a big worrier most of my life. Over the past year I have really dealt with this well, I'm much less stressed, but I think sex is like the final hurdle. I think I just mentally associate sex with PreE, failure, stress etc. I don't feel like I deserve to feel pleasure. I have been trying to deal with PreE since Oct and since then it's got worse.
Sometimes I feel like becoming a buddhist monk or something lol.

Post by buttersketch in this topic talks about meditation, it might be a good idea to look into it.

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...tml#post632567

[gettingb Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gettingb]

Thanks, that's interesting I will definitely give meditation a try.