Going to settle this once and for all

[ravzanrat Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravzanrat]

I've written on here before and half heartedly looked at the comments but I've decided it's time to put an end to my PE once and for all.

I cum during sex too early all the time. I'm lasting less and less time each time. And it should be the other way round if I'm having more sex!!! I've had sex about 7 times in total. I cum all the time really quickly during a blowjob. I recently had a blowjob with a condom on (this girl was not going to do it without a condom - weird I know) and even still I only lasted about a minute. So blowjobs are the worst. If the girl is on top (reverse cowgirl) I can often last fairly long - especially if she is moving forwards and back and not up and down since I don't feel much.

Basically one second I feel fine and I don't think I am going to cum. Then a second later boom I'm cumming. It's like I'm not aroused at all and then it just happens instantly. Usually I can feel it building up if I'm masturbating but not with sex.


I just wanted to clear some things up between different terms (please don't say 'see links' as I've looked at the links already:
1) There are kegels and reverse kegels. One is used to help premature ejaculation and the other has other benefits but one negative is it can increase premature ejaculation. Which one is which. Which one should I be doing. Also I know they are both basically tensing a muscle quite close to each other. But when I try and do a kegel and reverse kegel I cant distinguish which muscle I'm tensing (it seems the same muscle for both).

2) I really struggle to not watch porn for 90 days. I've tried cutting back but it is so difficult. I normally masturbate every day to porn. I've tried to watch porn only once or twice a week which is hard and the other days just masturbate fantasising to people.

3) Since I have a really small penis (4 inches erect), I always try to make sure I'm really aroused so my penis is hard because when it goes flaccid it can go to about an inch! I need to make it as big as possible otherwise it is embarassing. However I know this may affect my PE.


I've got a girl coming down to see me tomorrow and it is almost guaranteed we will have sex. What short term tips can you give me for tomorrow?

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UPDATE:

I've been seeing this girl over the last 4 or 5 days (we are basically spooning buddies who enjoy each other's company and occasionally we get carried away and have sex). She keeps getting annoyed at the short time I last.

I'm lasting about 30 seconds when she gives me a blowjob - She is REALLY good at them which doesn't help the situation.

During actual sex I always wear a condom and last about a minute and a half.

I've been reverse kegelling and it my PC muscle doesn't feel as tight but it hasn't helped me last longer at all. I've also done some edging and it has helped me last longer when watching porn but has done nothing when I'm with a real girl.

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Thought you said you were finished with PE and then you ask for tips at the end?

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

First of all, don't give up, for as long as you're breathing, never give up, ever.

PE is a long term commitment, it may take time to master the techniques, but you will reach your goals none the less, be patient.

Treating Pre-E may take long time for some, that doesn't mean they won't overcome it, but they need to stay positive.

1) Reverse and regular kegels, both are important and required for a strong and balanced pelvic floor, you may utilize them both to overcome Pre-E as well:
- A regular kegel, is when you squeeze your muscle to stop urination midstream, it needs to be strong enough for you to be able to use it to prevent ejaculation (with right timing and technique), achieving a dry orgasm, and being able to keep going without loosing your erection.

- A Reverse kegel is when you relax your pelvic floor, and flex your abs, applying pressure on your PF muscles to stretch them (pushing out urine faster), they are necessary to prevent and treat a tight pelvic floor, which is one of the causes of Pre-E.

Now, if you only perform regular kegels, your pelvic floor will get tighter, and you will come faster, also note that during sex, a regular kegel may bring you closer to the PONR, and here comes the magic of reverse kegels, not only that they balance your pelvic floor muscles and help keep them strong, when used during sex, and before you reach the ponr, they actually delay it, letting you keep going.

The trick here is to learn how your body responds to stimulation, so you know when to do what, all that can be done by following the techniques listed in the edging and pelvic floor balance threads and stickies in this forum.

2) Quitting porn needs time and a strong will, don't get discouraged, keep trying, use your imagination instead of porn, recall previous encounters, or watch erotica, anything that engages your imagination is good. There are some threads covering that too.

3) Performance anxiety is a cause of Pre-E, and more issues, take it all out of your mind, relax and be in the moment, savor the experience, and don't worry, ladies want to have fun as well, its not a mission, its an experience to be shared and cherished.

[tiny10 Member Find all posts View Profile Close tiny10]

Quick solution as you continue to gain, do you last longer after you cum? If so, why not wank off before your lady gets ahold of you. That way you can not feel embarrassed while you figure out what a long term solution can be.

[ravzanrat Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravzanrat]

Quick solution as you continue to gain, do you last longer after you cum? If so, why not wank off before your lady gets ahold of you. That way you can not feel embarrassed while you figure out what a long term solution can be.

I'm going out clubbing. I wouldn't notice a difference if i wanked 5 hours before I had sex with her. Also if you wank before sex isn't your dick slightly smaller as the erection won't be as good?

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Basically one second I feel fine and I don't think I am going to cum. Then a second later boom I'm cumming. It's like I'm not aroused at all and then it just happens instantly. Usually I can feel it building up if I'm masturbating but not with sex.

I found edging really helped with this, it can be a harder when your younger and full of hormones but you can train yourself to stop before the PONR. I discovered edging before finding this site, when I was in my teens (I'm 34 now) after watching a programme on sex tips, I didn't have sex till I was 23. All that edging helped a lot, I was and still am in complete control of my orgasm.

When you masturbate you are basically training yourself for the main event and if you jerk as quick as you can just to get off, this is exactly what is going to happen when you have an attractive lady entertaining you.

You can practice edging when your with your lady, tell her what's going on and to stop touching and kissing you when you feel like your getting there, take a minute or so breather and continue ( the lady will appreciate that you are doing this for her benefit). But you sound like you need the practice on your own more!

If your watching porn and fantasising about this when your with your girl, its going to over stimulate you and you are not really with her. If your tensing when doing the reverse kegel your doing it wrong, its to do with relaxation and stretching.

Short term tip :- if it were me and I couldn't last more than a few minutes, I would try penetration for just less than the time you normally can go for, withdraw, give the lady some stimulation with your fingers or orally, allow yourself to cool down and go again. Also any position that makes you tense your bum is going to make you ejaculate faster - missionary with you on your knees (this is why you last longer with her on top), try missionary at the edge of the bed with you standing maybe?

I hope none of this sounds condescending, because I would genuinely like to help as would most on here. Edging has definitely helped me, if you stick with it, it can help you, don't be too hasty and quit, it will take time to improve but its well worth it.

[ravzanrat Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravzanrat]

I found edging really helped with this, it can be a harder when your younger and full of hormones but you can train yourself to stop before the PONR. I discovered edging before finding this site, when I was in my teens (I'm 34 now) after watching a programme on sex tips, I didn't have sex till I was 23. All that edging helped a lot, I was and still am in complete control of my orgasm.

When you masturbate you are basically training yourself for the main event and if you jerk as quick as you can just to get off, this is exactly what is going to happen when you have an attractive lady entertaining you.

You can practice edging when your with your lady, tell her what's going on and to stop touching and kissing you when you feel like your getting there, take a minute or so breather and continue ( the lady will appreciate that you are doing this for her benefit). But you sound like you need the practice on your own more!

If your watching porn and fantasising about this when your with your girl, its going to over stimulate you and you are not really with her. If your tensing when doing the reverse kegel your doing it wrong, its to do with relaxation and stretching.

Short term tip :- if it were me and I couldn't last more than a few minutes, I would try penetration for just less than the time you normally can go for, withdraw, give the lady some stimulation with your fingers or orally, allow yourself to cool down and go again. Also any position that makes you tense your bum is going to make you ejaculate faster - missionary with you on your knees (this is why you last longer with her on top), try missionary at the edge of the bed with you standing maybe?

I hope none of this sounds condescending, because I would genuinely like to help as would most on here. Edging has definitely helped me, if you stick with it, it can help you, don't be too hasty and quit, it will take time to improve but its well worth it.

That's brilliant thanks. I will give that a go. Plus I always spend ages on foreplay for her!

[bendricks Member Find all posts View Profile Close bendricks]

well usually from what I have read and talking with Pelvic floor Physiotherapists.The reason you last longer with woman on top is the Pelvic floor muscles are more relaxed.Much like im sure you last longer when drinking alcohol.What is curious to me is you have premature ejaculation when receiving oral sex.This would make me think your PRE E might not be pelvic floor related.This explanation was given to me:"Anxiety" is said to be the number one cause of PE. But again, how can an emotion cause an orgasm? It doesn't. It's the emotion of anxiety that causes the tension in the man, and it's that tension that causes the orgasm. The anxiety isn't the cause, it's only the trigger for the cause. With oral sex, there's no anxiety! Receiving oral sex is the only sexual activity that's just for the man, and he is under absolutely no pressure to perform. It's the most relaxed sexual activity that a man can engage in. Followed closely by "woman on top".

[ravzanrat Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravzanrat]

well usually from what I have read and talking with Pelvic floor Physiotherapists.The reason you last longer with woman on top is the Pelvic floor muscles are more relaxed.Much like im sure you last longer when drinking alcohol.What is curious to me is you have premature ejaculation when receiving oral sex.This would make me think your PRE E might not be pelvic floor related.This explanation was given to me:"Anxiety" is said to be the number one cause of PE. But again, how can an emotion cause an orgasm? It doesn't. It's the emotion of anxiety that causes the tension in the man, and it's that tension that causes the orgasm. The anxiety isn't the cause, it's only the trigger for the cause. With oral sex, there's no anxiety! Receiving oral sex is the only sexual activity that's just for the man, and he is under absolutely no pressure to perform. It's the most relaxed sexual activity that a man can engage in. Followed closely by "woman on top".

Interesting thanks!

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

That's brilliant thanks. I will give that a go. Plus I always spend ages on foreplay for her!

Just stick with it, I have every faith you will see improvement in time.

Lots of luck with your lady.

[ravzanrat Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravzanrat]

Thanks for the advice guys. Just going to give an update on last night.

We met up drunk and we went back together to mine. She never told me this but she was on her last day of her period so we never had sex. However I got a blowjob and I actually lasted ages. She gave me 3 blowjobs and I only cummed once (she had to keep stopping as her jaw hurt). The blowjob was awful though (she was using her teeth and it wasn't good). However each time she gave another blowjob it was better and better. She was really drunk and so was I.

Then the next day I went back to hers and we started foreplay and I got a blowjob again. This time I cummed REALLY quickly. She didn't understand it as I lasted last time. Her blowjob was much better/sloppy and no teeth though.

Some general thoughts:
- The fact I was in my own bed perhaps made me more comfortable and relaxed and so I lasted longer
- The alcohol meant I lasted longer but also perhaps meant her blowjob was worse and may have also been a factor as to why I lasted longer.
- She got really aroused the next day when we were doing foreplay. The fact she was so horny sort of made me horny and I think that is why I cummed quicker.

Not sure if the points above are true but just observations which I think COULD have been why. But they are all guesses/I have no proof.

[lclutchl Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lclutchl]

It's only one thing. The alcohol that's why you lasted, no other reason.

It's a depressant

[SeratoBeats Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SeratoBeats]

It's only one thing. The alcohol that's why you lasted, no other reason.

It's a depressant

This

Even someone with severe pe who is drunk can't last 10x longer

Keep it at it dude!

[SeratoBeats Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SeratoBeats]

This

Even someone with severe pe who is drunk can't last 10x longer

Keep it at it dude!

Can*

[pegaso79 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pegaso79]

Thanks for the advice guys. Just going to give an update on last night.

We met up drunk and we went back together to mine. She never told me this but she was on her last day of her period so we never had sex. However I got a blowjob and I actually lasted ages. She gave me 3 blowjobs and I only cummed once (she had to keep stopping as her jaw hurt). The blowjob was awful though (she was using her teeth and it wasn't good). However each time she gave another blowjob it was better and better. She was really drunk and so was I.

Then the next day I went back to hers and we started foreplay and I got a blowjob again. This time I cummed REALLY quickly. She didn't understand it as I lasted last time. Her blowjob was much better/sloppy and no teeth though.

Some general thoughts:
- The fact I was in my own bed perhaps made me more comfortable and relaxed and so I lasted longer
- The alcohol meant I lasted longer but also perhaps meant her blowjob was worse and may have also been a factor as to why I lasted longer.
- She got really aroused the next day when we were doing foreplay. The fact she was so horny sort of made me horny and I think that is why I cummed quicker.

Not sure if the points above are true but just observations which I think COULD have been why. But they are all guesses/I have no proof.

Perhaps you are been giving light touch to your penis, and you made it too sensitive.
Try to make a little bit more tightgrip. .