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Please help me identify the cause & treatment for my PreE

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  • Please help me identify the cause & treatment for my PreE

    Good morning. Im desperate for help. Im in my mid 30's, I've been married for 8 years. I've suffered from premature ejaculation my whole adult life.

    I'm making this post in the hopes that you guys can help me diagnose the cause of my PreE and the best way to treat it. I've been reading the forum for the last week and I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm not really sure how to proceed.

    Here is some info:

    When we have sex we usually do it in the cowgirl position (her on top). That's the only position she can orgasm in. Luckily it's the position that I can last the longest in too. On bad days I can barely make it 30 seconds after penetration. On the rare good days I can go maybe 3-4 minutes. In other position like missionary, 30 seconds to a minute tops every time. One reason I rarely try missionary. I only premature ejaculate during intercourse. With oral sex I can last long, hand job (her giving) with lube I can last at least several minutes or longer and that's me trying to get off. When I masturbate to porn I usually don't try to prolong it because I've got some where to go. Or errand to run. Sort of just looking to get that quick fix of endorphins I guess. It takes an effort to orgasm when I'm masturbating too(I use lube) I have to concentrate about it. I guess I do it too much or just doesn't compare to the real thing. I don't know.

    I've tried Viagra. Gives me a harder erection every time but doesn't help keep it up after orgasm.

    I've tried masturbating an hour or so before sex. It's helped some times, and sometimes doesn't. Sometimes I even have a hard time getting a full erection after masturbating.

    We have sex about once a week on average. I initiate. It's been years since she's initiated.


    I weigh 270lbs, 6ft tall. Down from 282lbs a week and a half ago. I've been working out and extra motivated to lose weight, that can only benefit our sex life.

    My marriage is on the verge of collapse, this has been a big part of it. We started seeing a marriage counselor.

    I'm desperate! Please help.

    If there's any other info I can provide to help you guys make a better decision let me know. I will be watching this thread closely.

  • #2
    to the Gym FastShooter!


    I believe anxiety is your problem, quit porn, and replace masturbation with edging.

    Start by reading the stickies on this forum, there are good information on how to control your arousal and find the root of your Pre-E, but remember that fear of Pre-E causes Pre-E, so try to relax.

    It is normal to not be able to last as long in missionary position unlike woman on top positions, as the former places more stress on your pelvic floor than the latter.

    Balance your pelvic floor by following a regular and reverse kegels routine, and take a look at the following threads.

    https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...se-kegels.html

    https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...loor-yoga.html

    To spice up your sex life, take a look at the https://www.pegym.com/forums/womans-...women-sex.html


    If you are interested in Penis Enlargement exercises for improved penile health and higher EQ in addition to size increase, don't miss this thread!!





    And if you haven't already done so, please read the START HERE thread and focus on safety.

    Then pick one of the manual beginner routines to follow for at least 90 days to condition your penis, most members here choose JP90.

    Good Luck!
    A real man never hurts a woman. The woman came out of a man’s rib, not from his feet to be walked on, and not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved. - Mrs. workin_4_it

    Comment


    • #3
      1. Edging/Masturbation for staying long
      Get rid of the bad habit of rushed masturbation with porn. This seems your major problem.
      Start doing edging.
      Edge slowly, slowly and maximize your time gradually to an hour or so. Keep the stroking or thrusting rate very low. This will train your body to control excitement (which currently builds very quickly and brings you to the point of no return). When you feel your excitement is getting high or your pelvic muscles are tightened, or you get "too good" sensation, just stop and then restart again after few seconds. You can also use deep breathing and reverse kegals to keep your arousal in check. Your target should be to not reach point of no return at all.

      It is a common practice to not ejaculate after each edging session. You can ejaculate every 3rd session or so.

      Guy's make a common mistake of reaching the point of no return quickly and then try to control it. It is a better strategy to NOT reach point of return at all. So, never never fight with PONR.

      When I got started on it, it was quite hard for me even to masturbate for a minute or so. But after practicing this, I was able to masturbate for more than half an hour easily within 4 weeks. Focusing on extending the timing is important. And never ever do rushed masturbation ...

      To learn more about edging read https://www.pegym.com/forums/beginne...ing-101-a.html

      2. Learn to keep your pelvic floor relaxed with Deep Breathing and Reverse Kegal
      These techniques will help you in keeping the pelvic floor muscles relaxed. Many guys clench their anus or pelvic floor muscles while thrusting or stroking which happens unconsciously and is bad practice and it just increases the arousal quickly. Here are a couple of good threads about deep breathing and reverse kegals.
      https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...se-kegels.html
      https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...se-kegels.html

      Mastering these will keep your pelvic floor muscles relaxed. Try deep breathing throughout the day so that it becomes your second nature.

      3. Retrain the ejaculation reflex with competing response
      During Edging or masturbation, learn to counter the involuntary spasms (which is major symptom of premature ejaculation). When you anticipate an involuntary spasm, do a couple of reverse kegals. Even you can do a couple of reverse kegals after each stroke or thrust. This will keep you away from spasms and keep your arousal in the zone. Here is a good thread on how to counter or retrain your ejaculation reflex with "COMPETING RESPONSE".
      https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...aculation.html


      4. Tone up your muscles
      Tone up your muscles with yoga, body squats, pelvic floor stretching, etc. General exercise also reduces the stress and anxiety. Anxiety and premature ejaculation is closely related. When you workout your muscles and tire them, inhibitory chemicals are released automatically to reduce the anxiety and pain.
      See Yoga for pelvic floor.
      Penis stretching also worked for at least 2 guys.

      5. Build the reverse kegal and regular kegal strength gradually.
      Long holds are advised but be sure to not clench your anus while doing regular kegal. This simply reinforces the habit of clenching the anus. This is important. You need to know the difference between regular kegal and back kegal or so called root lock.

      6. Learn to keep your mental arousal in check
      Porn and imagination just increases the mental arousal and sex or edging becomes out of control. You need to quit porn and also mental imagination to gain some control.
      See Arousal Control Techniques.


      7. Take Food Supplements to lower your over excitement and stress levels
      Methionine (or SAMe), Magnesium, and L-Arginine are good supplements to calm down the nerves. These can make the difference even from the day one.
      I hope this information will help you in getting started. You can get more information on this forum as you go. Also read success stories and arousal control threads.

      Comment


      • #4
        ^^^^
        Great post Sameel! Quick and poor masturbation practices are the cause of most guys pre-ej. problems. The good news is it can be overcome and cured, but it takes practice and some time to figure it all out. For a short term fix, there's always the de-sensitizing creams. This can be helpful until your pelvic floor muscles get stronger and possibly help with some anxiety issues until you get your confidence back. Another supplement suggestion to relieve anxiety is GABA. There's so much good information here on the forums. Put them to use and get stronger every day. We're all pulling for you!

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks guys! I can't thank y'all enough for taking the time to write such thorough explanations, I really appreciate it. I've read over them once, going to read them again and read the info at the links provided. I'm sure I'll have some questions along the way. Thanks for giving me hope!

          Comment


          • #6
            Circumcis?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by edivad View Post
              Circumcis?
              You never slow down, you never grow old!

              Comment


              • #8
                So not doing back kegel is recommended even though u do front and back rk???

                Comment


                • #9
                  I started edging. I've done it twice now. It takes a while for me to reach PONR while edging. I did reverse front kegels when I was approaching the PONR and that did seem to bring the arrousal down a bit, even during the first session.

                  I just wonder how this will help. Using my hand and controlling my stroke and being able to stop is very different than a hot naked woman on top riding away. Is there something I will learn from edging that I will have to consciously apply during real sex? Or is it a subconscious reprogramming of my brain/muscles?

                  thanks guys!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    FastShooter
                    Edging makes you better aware of your arousal levels. So you are able to slowdown or speedup to keep the arousal in the manageable zone. You learn to apply the techniques like deep breathing, rk, slow stimulation or anything else to control the arousal.
                    When you prolong your edging sessions to 1 hour or so, your brain unconsciously learns to stay in the zone. You have to learn these things solo first and then try it during real sex. You will slowly and gradually build the stamina.

                    You control the things consciously first, your brain learns and start to apply these things unconsciously.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Something I just thought of I would like to add to my original post... Whenever wife and I are having sex in our jacuzzi hot tub I usually last much longer than in bed. I'm talking 5-10 minutes. I'm usually sitting with my legs out forward and back tilted back a little and she's in the same position over the top of my legs facing me.

                      is anxiety still my problem? My wife thinks so. Sometimes when I'm really bothered by my preE I think anxiety is the issue, but there are times I don't think about it and it still happens.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Anxiety is 100 percent the issue.

                        You can have the best pc muscles, be in shape and in good health, take all the supplements you want and try all the little techniques you hear about on this site. If you are worrying, thinking, or even having the slightest doubt about your performance such as the end result or if you're going to last long or not, you are finished. You've already lost before you even started.

                        Trust me I know this and it is the number one reason there's so many people who have yet to overcome the problem or see any improvement during actual sex.

                        I can sit here and tell you the usual things most guys will tell you... "Be in the moment", "focus on her", "just relax", "stop worrying". And even though you know this is what needs to be done your mind just won't allow it. You can go in confident and tell your self that you got everything under control, but your subconcious mind will always creep in and you'll have that slightest doubt or worry that has plagued you for so long because of your past performances.

                        I can't really give you the answers you seek to get rid of these anxieties but I truly believe that you need to completely change your whole mentality and view on sex and the way you think in general.


                        There is a 1on1 program I am going to be taking come this week coming or the next and it's called THRIVE. Just google the THRIVE programme and read into it. It's not hypnotherapy or your typical ebook. There are plenty of testimonials and videos of people who were skeptics but have changed their lives from this program. I am a skeptic myself but I am going to dish the cash and take part in it. I know what my issue is and I know that anxiety and worrying is the number one issue causing pe. Yes there's the pc muscles and the chemical side but if you can masturbTe and cum on demand on your own with no issues I can guarantee you that your issue is all mental and this is what people need to understand. There is too much talk on these forums about reverse kegels and such. You can train these muscles to kingdom come all you like, if your head isn't in check they won't do a damn thing for you

                        I highly encourage you to check out this program. This program also specializes in men with sexual issues such as pe.

                        This is just my 2 cents. Coming from a man who has been training here for almost 2 years now and keeping a strict log. Get the physical issues sorted first with your penis as this is the easy part (if you have any) and then find a way to tackle the mental part of pe, by far the most difficult part.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The" it's in your head" has been the standard medical model for some time . I really do think it is flawed and unhelpfull.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            What do you think is flawed?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The central concept.

                              Comment

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