Depressed and defeated

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

So today I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a year (don't ask). Between then I had decided to start edging and doing 15 reverse kegels (held for 5 seconds each) during my edging.

My edging seemed to improve, I went from lasting about 8 minutes with heavy stimulation with lubricant (to simulate a vagina) to about 15-20 using rk inbetween.

Barring in mind throughout this maybe 3 month process (off and on) I didn't incorporate normal levels as I get involuntary spasms when I get horny sometimes and I wanted to ensure my previously quite tight pelvic floor was balanced before incorporating regular kegels.

Today I had sex with her, she gave me head for a little while. I was fine. I penetrate her (no condom) and we have sex for maybe a minute before I can't control myself and cum. I thought after all this I'd be able to last maybe 10-15 minutes but now I'm even worse than I was before (previously maybe 7-9 minutes.

This has never happened to me and I've never felt so humiliated and depressed in my life. What am I doing wrong and what can I do? Please help I need a routine that will cater to my needs. I don't know what's fucked up down there but I thought reverse kegels would only enhance it.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Dude you r thinking to much, relax Focus on oral. Get her there first and then the pressure will be off you. Then you'll last longer. And there will be a double bonus for you and her. Just chill

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

But it's not that. I've been more nervous than that and lasted longer. I wasn't even nervous excited and horny as fuck but not nervous.

Ive looked online and people say to do regular kegels exclusively however won't this just tighten my PC muscles? I'm so confused I thought doing just reverse kegels to balance out your PC muscles until you last longer and then incorporating regular kegels would be the best idea.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

So today I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a year (don't ask). Between then I had decided to start edging and doing 15 reverse kegels (held for 5 seconds each) during my edging.

My edging seemed to improve, I went from lasting about 8 minutes with heavy stimulation with lubricant (to simulate a vagina) to about 15-20 using rk inbetween.


Barring in mind throughout this maybe 3 month process (off and on) I didn't incorporate normal levels as I get involuntary spasms when I get horny sometimes and I wanted to ensure my previously quite tight pelvic floor was balanced before incorporating regular kegels.

Today I had sex with her, she gave me head for a little while. I was fine. I penetrate her (no condom) and we have sex for maybe a minute before I can't control myself and cum. I thought after all this I'd be able to last maybe 10-15 minutes but now I'm even worse than I was before (previously maybe 7-9 minutes.

This has never happened to me and I've never felt so humiliated and depressed in my life. What am I doing wrong and what can I do? Please help I need a routine that will cater to my needs. I don't know what's fucked up down there but I thought reverse kegels would only enhance it.

A year without is a huge factor in that. What your currently doing is good, but because of long spell without arousal and ( possibly ) performance anxiety would have impacted it. Theres more you can do though read through the different theads on exercise, pf balance, stretches, plateau edging. I'd explain here but i'm going to bed man.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

I'm so confused I thought doing just reverse kegels to balance out your PC muscles until you last longer and then incorporating regular kegels would be the best idea

This is right. Just need time now to tansfer to the bedroom.
I'm tired going to bed definitely.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

No need to feel bad about this, the reason is in the first line of your post, the novelty and the pressure/anxiety are the cause, besides, being with your lady is far more exciting than edging by yourself.


If your pelvic floor is tense then do more reverse kegels than regular kegels, add squats and maybe some yoga, but please do not let this get to you.


https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...-response.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...r-balance.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...-thats-me.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...ep-squats.html

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

I was so looking forward to pleasuring her. Giving her a good time and making her feel special and its so shit to just be a disappointment. I feel like no matter what obstacles I get through more just come along. I don't want to self pity or whatever but it's so shit right now. I feel emasculated and like she won't want sex again. She was great with it afterwards as she said it was painful (she's tight) and so didn't mind but I could tell she was disappointed

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

Thanks guys Ill look into those exercises. That's reassuring. How will I know when my Pelvic floor is balanced?

Also just to be sure, when I do reverse levels I do then erect during edging. My penis glans inflates while reverse kegeling as blood is pushed up there. This seems similar to the effects of a regular kegel so I'm confused if IM doing it right.

like surely if I was doing it right I would at least have lasted as long as before i ever started kegels?

When I do reverse kegels I push out hard like I'm trying to piss or poop (lol). my stomach tenses etc. Is this all correct?

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

I was so looking forward to pleasuring her. Giving her a good time and making her feel special and its so shit to just be a disappointment. I feel like no matter what obstacles I get through more just come along. I don't want to self pity or whatever but it's so shit right now. I feel emasculated and like she won't want sex again. She was great with it afterwards as she said it was painful (she's tight) and so didn't mind but I could tell she was disappointed

Next time it will be better, IF you put it behind you, stressing about it will only lead to increasing the "problem".

Spend more time warming her up, foreplay starts long before you get to the bedroom, you can learn a lot of tips from the https://www.pegym.com/forums/womans-...women-sex.html AND TPW's Blog.


Please keep in mind that sex is not a performance, but a mutually pleasurable experience between two partners.


The Perils of Goal-Oriented Sex

Debunking A Popular Myth About the Female Orgasm



https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...l-anxiety.html

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

Thanks guys Ill look into those exercises. That's reassuring. How will I know when my Pelvic floor is balanced?

Also just to be sure, when I do reverse levels I do then erect during edging. My penis glans inflates while reverse kegeling as blood is pushed up there. This seems similar to the effects of a regular kegel so I'm confused if IM doing it right.

like surely if I was doing it right I would at least have lasted as long as before i ever started kegels?

When I do reverse kegels I push out hard like I'm trying to piss or poop (lol). my stomach tenses etc. Is this all correct?

Yes, but do not strain yourself, and do it long before the PONR.

A reverse kegel is done by relaxing your pelvic floor and flexing your abs, to apply pressure on your pelvic floor muscles and stretch them out gently. (There is a good description in the link in my first response.)

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

I've had PE for many YEARS. Didn't even know I was supposed to last longer than a minute. My wife was never close to me, no wonder, I never fulfilled her. At one point , after getting old, I last long enough to feel her first orgasm with me. WOW. Talk to her her, my wife didn't for years, cost both if us years of bliss and almost divorse.

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

What routine should I begin with? Reverse kegels only? or both regular and reverse? How many of each?

Party - what changed? what did you do to achieve that. I'm sorry to hear, I hope this isn't a similar journey for me.

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

I was so looking forward to pleasuring her. Giving her a good time and making her feel special and its so shit to just be a disappointment. I feel like no matter what obstacles I get through more just come along. I don't want to self pity or whatever but it's so shit right now. I feel emasculated and like she won't want sex again. She was great with it afterwards as she said it was painful (she's tight) and so didn't mind but I could tell she was disappointed

You couldn't tell she was disappointed. You feel like she was. You think that she was. But in the state you just described, there's no way you can trust this. Go with her words and trust that. Most women understand far more than we are capable of believing. Please don't do this to yourself.

Edit: And once again, what MrB8 said.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Blackscale, don't be so hard on yourself.

It's been a year since you've been able to be intimate with her. Your excitement and arousal were peaked. The emotions and mental effect on stimulation were heightened because of the situation.

Is it any wonder the long build up and excitement resulted in an explosive release? Any man would be subject to that.

Let her know you just couldn't control yourself, and the effect she has on you is the reason. She may just find it flattering.

Take it as the opportunity to end the long wait, and now you can focus on the kind of evening you had planned. No time spent in enjoyment with her is a failure, so don't think of it that way. Just step one of many.

Don't get discouraged Blackscale. Get motivated!

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

Thanks guys this is reassuring.

On a practical note, how do I know if my pelvic floor is balanced, too tense/tight or 'loose'?

What routine do I do, just reverse kegels or regular and reverse? I'm gonna do the squats too.

Sometimes when my girl gets me hot by and I have trouser or tight boxers on my dick gets hard and will involuntary kegel pretty hard. is this a sign of a tense pelvic floor?

If so what course of action do I take, as stated above what kinds routine am I looking at here?