Losing hope..

[BadPE Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BadPE]

Well.. as the titel says: Im kind of losing hope in ever being 'normal'. I dont want my life to be like this.. I often get really insecure about my self cause of this fucking pre-e.

I got some advice on here and read alot. I decided to follow my plan and do the following: deep squat stretches every day, edging and sometimes ballooning and often do some reverse kegels. Things are going pretty well actually, when Im ALONE..

During edging I can reach like 40minutes (not very easy, but definitely not hard at all), I have like 0 IK kegels while doing so and I can control my arousal.

Aside of this routine I have sex with my girlfriend, as she likes to be pleased also haha. The thing is.. I'd just get a rock hard boner when we get a little bit intimate. I feel my penis kegeling and filling with blood. From that moment I just more aroused and when I finally penetrate her (or blowjob, no difference) I just cant last.. I just have this pressure on me and every feeling or sucking on my penis is just too intense to last..

I have been doing start stop with her, its a little bit better, but still I cant last like 20 seconds straight.

I feel terrible, help me please

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

You could go the route I did, become multiorgasmic. I was able to achieve dry orgasms and could even remain erect after a wet orgasm making my refractory period zero. After your first orgasm it's easier to go harder before you feel like you need to blow your load. It's how I got over it, with practice it gets better and better.

PreE takes time, right now you've mastered it manually but are still getting overly excited and IKing when with your partner. Relaxe, practice some reverse Kegels, even wright before penetration, and keep it going.

when you do cum faster than you would like, work back up to another erection as quickly as possible and keep going. Use th refractory period as a time to focus on her pleasure.

the more you practice in a real sexual encounter the better it will get.

relax, and enjoy the moment. Don't let any anxiety take hold, it can greatly increase IKs.

You aren't alone, the gym is a great place.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Hey BadPE, don't lose hope bud.

For every problem, there is a solution. You just have to work harder for some than others. But it is there, and when you find it, the reward will be as equally high as the challenge.

Let me ask you, when you're with your girl, as opposed to being alone, what are some of the most major differences that you see which would cause the high sensitivity?

Is it the feeling? The thoughts that cause arousal? Different sensations?

You said there's a great pressure on you. Do you mean mentally, or physically, as in build up?

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

I am still learning about this stuff. But I can tell you that lots of guys here know what they are talking about and are here to help. Don't give up! Apparently you've made some progress. That's an awesome thing. It's an accomplishment. Sometimes it's hard to recognize progress when what we really want is resolution. And the longest hour is just before the dawn. But as long as you don't give up, there's hope!

[popol5169 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close popol5169]

I guess you're uncut.
If so , then I've got an idea which may be worth trying.
Try retract the foreskin as often as you can (in the jeans during the day etc...).
It should help you a lot with glans sensitivity.
It won't cure you from pre e but could be a worthy addition.

Also focus on doing deep breathing, inhale slowly and fill your belly , then exhale through the mouth , slowly, for a long time. Repeat this throughout the day, and right before you're with your girl as well as when you're together. Stay very focused on you breathing and the tensions in your body, calm and relax yourself down all the time.

Also learn to snap out of this overwhelming pressure, it may happen but learn to jump a step back and observe yourself and the situation as a third person, there's nothing more happening than what is physically happening in the moment.
Always pay attention to your beathing and all the tensions in your body, don't let go of this focus, beware of it and I'm sure you'll soon make good progress.
Don't give up, you're already making great progress with edging.

What you switch from edging yourself to have her make you edge (with her hands )? You stop her when you need to and go on when you can, breathe etc.. to get accustomed to sex in her presence.

[BadPE Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BadPE]

Thanks for all the repliek guys, appreciatie it! I get back to you as soon as Im in teach of my laptop. Replying to all the post on my phone is like near impossible. I will explain my feelings, physically an mentally along with the discoveries so far.

Again, I appreciatie it guys! Get back to you asap

[BadPE Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BadPE]

You could go the route I did, become multiorgasmic. I was able to achieve dry orgasms and could even remain erect after a wet orgasm making my refractory period zero. After your first orgasm it's easier to go harder before you feel like you need to blow your load. It's how I got over it, with practice it gets better and better.

PreE takes time, right now you've mastered it manually but are still getting overly excited and IKing when with your partner. Relaxe, practice some reverse Kegels, even wright before penetration, and keep it going.

when you do cum faster than you would like, work back up to another erection as quickly as possible and keep going. Use th refractory period as a time to focus on her pleasure.

the more you practice in a real sexual encounter the better it will get.

relax, and enjoy the moment. Don't let any anxiety take hold, it can greatly increase IKs.

You aren't alone, the gym is a great place.

I guess its a nice way to cure it like that. For now I just want to get to the core problem and solve that. Becoming multiorgasmic may be something that I would want to achieve afterwards. The idea of lasting longer that just a minute already makes me satisfied let alone becoming MMO.

I am trying to relax, taking deep breaths, not trying to think about it, do some reverse kegels, but the actual 'game' gets me much more aroused. Together with that I just can't last when my penis goes inside.. the feeling is too intense physically.

Anxiety is a bitch.

Hey BadPE, don't lose hope bud.

For every problem, there is a solution. You just have to work harder for some than others. But it is there, and when you find it, the reward will be as equally high as the challenge.

Let me ask you, when you're with your girl, as opposed to being alone, what are some of the most major differences that you see which would cause the high sensitivity?

Is it the feeling? The thoughts that cause arousal? Different sensations?

You said there's a great pressure on you. Do you mean mentally, or physically, as in build up?

Lets just hope the reward will come at first.. its mostly my brain realizing that I'm with a 'real' girl right now instead of myself. Its not like I get hard the second I see her naked or something, but if I focus a couple of seconds I will think about doing all kinds of stuff to her. My thoughts cause arousal, yes. But physically, like being touched is very sensitive and makes my arousal go up also.

I feel pressure mentally. I feel like I'm to far into this sh*t, I try to relax and just chill out. The thing is that no matter how much I relax, the physical feeling makes me think about it, it is just too much for me.

I am still learning about this stuff. But I can tell you that lots of guys here know what they are talking about and are here to help. Don't give up! Apparently you've made some progress. That's an awesome thing. It's an accomplishment. Sometimes it's hard to recognize progress when what we really want is resolution. And the longest hour is just before the dawn. But as long as you don't give up, there's hope!

Thank you, inspiring words! I don't want to give up, but sometimes I just reach rock bottom..

I guess you're uncut.
If so , then I've got an idea which may be worth trying.
Try retract the foreskin as often as you can (in the jeans during the day etc...).
It should help you a lot with glans sensitivity.
It won't cure you from pre e but could be a worthy addition.

Also focus on doing deep breathing, inhale slowly and fill your belly , then exhale through the mouth , slowly, for a long time. Repeat this throughout the day, and right before you're with your girl as well as when you're together. Stay very focused on you breathing and the tensions in your body, calm and relax yourself down all the time.

Also learn to snap out of this overwhelming pressure, it may happen but learn to jump a step back and observe yourself and the situation as a third person, there's nothing more happening than what is physically happening in the moment.
Always pay attention to your beathing and all the tensions in your body, don't let go of this focus, beware of it and I'm sure you'll soon make good progress.
Don't give up, you're already making great progress with edging.

What you switch from edging yourself to have her make you edge (with her hands )? You stop her when you need to and go on when you can, breathe etc.. to get accustomed to sex in her presence.

I am indeed uncut.. I don't really know if my glans is oversensitive or just (very)sensitive. Its not like I can't touch it or it hurts or something. When I did some ballooning last time I noticed that I would kegel much easier then with the edging, also it is much harder to control the feeling. Its just so intense. After like 20mins of ballooning my whole body was tingly and it was like I was having a fullbody orgasm.

Snapping out is hard for me. It has two faces. On one side I have the feeling the mental thing aint that hard for me, as long as I don't let myself get drawn into the sexual mood (not really like an enjoyable state while trying to be intimate with your girl, but okay). On the other side, the physical part is just too strong, it also makes my mental state go BOOM.

I think if she edges me, it will be too taxing for me. I can try, but I think its just the knowing and the feeling that it is her touching me and not me touching myself. The physical feeling is different.

[QC Lover Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close QC Lover]

I have the same issue with Pre E and getting very aroused during foreplay that when it comes to the actual sex I feel like I just HAVE to blow my load within the first few minutes (if that).

What I find to help me the best is breathing. I cannot stress the fact that you need to breathe enough! Just like working out in a gym, you need to breathe like this your muscles don't tense up too much. Focus on deep breathing (maybe even moaning?) and instead of thinking to yourself "shit, I gotta blow this load, I can't hold it any longer", focus on how your dick is stretching her out and put yourself in her shoes. It's a great little perspective and lessens the pressure on yourself. Also, try to keep your eyes open for most of the time and focus on the physical features of your GF, be it here eyes, neck, tits, face, etc.

I have lasted a full 40 min session of intense, hardcore sex with my GF and boy, was she screaming

Another note to add, if you really feel the urge to cum, breath deeply, pull out and focus on her then resume in another position.

Hope this helps

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

I know you want to be able to last longer your first time, but if and when you do cum too fast, try and regain an erection and keep going. Having sex and being intimate after your first ejaculation can help train you to better handle the stimulus under those conditions.

you could also try ejaculating a few hours before, so long as your refractory period is not long and your EQ good this should only serve to prolong your experience.

[sameel Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close sameel]

Hi BadPE
Your problem is similar to me, and it is kind of mental. It is hard for me to last even few thrusts without deep breathing like QC Lover has described. Actually it is more than deep breathing what I do. I just tighten lower part of my stomach / diaphragm and push it on the pelvic floor like a hammer. I do this after each thrust in. This keeps me away from the PONR. I can do this for 30-40 minutes. So my suggestion is you should practice pushing the pelvic floor with deep breathing.

I have the same issue with Pre E and getting very aroused during foreplay that when it comes to the actual sex I feel like I just HAVE to blow my load within the first few minutes (if that).

What I find to help me the best is breathing. I cannot stress the fact that you need to breathe enough! Just like working out in a gym, you need to breathe like this your muscles don't tense up too much. Focus on deep breathing (maybe even moaning?) and instead of thinking to yourself "shit, I gotta blow this load, I can't hold it any longer", focus on how your dick is stretching her out and put yourself in her shoes. It's a great little perspective and lessens the pressure on yourself. Also, try to keep your eyes open for most of the time and focus on the physical features of your GF, be it here eyes, neck, tits, face, etc.

I have lasted a full 40 min session of intense, hardcore sex with my GF and boy, was she screaming

Another note to add, if you really feel the urge to cum, breath deeply, pull out and focus on her then resume in another position.

Hope this helps

[sexmaster Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close sexmaster]

by pushing the pelvic floor you mean reverse kegel? For me I generally assume I tense pretty much every muscle I have from abs downwards so I always try to relax. Interesting that this worked for you.
Gogogo BedPE, you will sort it out and congrats on your improvements during edging.

[sameel Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close sameel]

Yes, it is quick 1 second rk, push as hard as you can. This gives kind of shock/jerk to the pelvic floor. With some practice you should be able to do this during sex.

by pushing the pelvic floor you mean reverse kegel? For me I generally assume I tense pretty much every muscle I have from abs downwards so I always try to relax. Interesting that this worked for you.
Gogogo BedPE, you will sort it out and congrats on your improvements during edging.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Hey BadPE,

The mind plays a big part in arousal and stimulation. And it can work for or against you. For example, in the most heated of moment, a phone call from a relative can almost kill the mood completely.

I found your response to our comments very interesting. (https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...tml#post963340) I know you want to identify the issue, so you can address it. But if you read back through what you wrote, I think you did just that.

Sounds like your mental state of arousal is increased by your girl so much, that it's actually making reach the PONR sooner. Understandable, you desire your lady highly. Add that to high sensitivity already, and throw in a bit of anxiety....

The nerves are the nerves. They will feel at the maximum level they feel at, regardless of who's doing the stimulation. Her touch may feel better than your own, but I think the mental part plays a much bigger role than the physical.

There's some good advice above that addresses this, directly and indirectly. Focusing on something other than the immediate act may be part of the solution, though hard as it may be. Edging, kegeling, and the other exercises had one common theme. She wasn't a part of it, and it was "work focused". Even the thought of her helping triggers that concern.

Meditation and deep breathing techniques may be of interest. Clearing and controlling your own thoughts beforehand.

Maybe also try being intimate without intercourse. Just spending time touching, teasing, caressing. Letting your body get used to the situation, without direct stimulation.

And, communicate. She sounds like a great girl. Let her know what you're doing, and maybe consider just stopping for a moment when you get to that point, and doing something else. Like using hands until you calm down, then resume. May just make for a great total experience for both of you.

Good luck BPE, I wish you the best in this!

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

Hi bad pe, you simply need to transfer your progress to the bedroom. Pegasus had brought to light for a lot of guys that the reason you last long edging and still near the same with sex is because of the differences between the two. Fight night effect.
When edging your using your hand, not thrusting and arousal won't be nearly as high (even with external stimuli ).
Your next goal is to to step up your edging, harder grip, more ballooning more intense.
Positions you edge in should vary and replicate that of sex, and practice thrusting.
Arousal should be as high ad possible when edging to get used to it.

Attempt the above and see the difference, take it slow and keep aiming for your targeted time and in a few weeks/months you should see improvements.
But also keep edging with your gf to further your progress. When she sees the improvements then believe me she'll be the one not letting you finish.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

And never lose hope.