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Hi :)
It has been a while since I last posted in my progress log, however I have been reading the forum silently anyway the past 3 weeks. Last time I told that I would try to train with the fleshlight 4 times a weeks for an hour. Unfortunately I haven't had the time for it, however when I have 30minutes for my self I do deathgrip hard and fast, both dry and lubed. And when my girlfriend is in bath at the mornings I sometimes do deathgrip to for 10-15minutes very fast.
I have began to like the tingling sensation when it goes hard and fast and while using the deathgrip dry and lubed. I can now stay on the edge without fearing to cum. When I have the time I do it for 1 hour just staying on the edge and performs a very light reverse kegel just to relax. It is a really great feeling.
In sex I now also have much better control. I have began to move much of my practice into real sex now, I normally have sex for 30 minutes now with penetration all the way through (Off course with some small breaks where we just kiss and moves very slowly). In kneeling missionary where she has her legs up in the air I can now thrust in her quite fast and hard without cumming, Also in missionary where I am supporting on my straightened arms I have quite good control. However I do have to slow down sometimes, but not like a complete stop.
In doggy I have better control to, however I am still struggeling with it. Sometimes I have tried to go sooo close to the edge that I almost couldn't stop and then just relax completely and perform a reverse kegel, and often I just feel like i little bit of presperm is running out, but not much.. And after that I can continue really hard and fast for a long time, but when I feel this control I usually stop before I ejaculate because my girlfriend normally has had an orgasm before I get to this point. (I rub her clitoris to get her off mostly). When I get in better control with this trick and can do it every time I will begin to do it before she orgasm because I feel she want it harder before she orgasm than after.
All in all I see very good progress now, and I do not see my self with premature ejaculation anymore, I feel normal now. Even though I can't fuck her as hard and fast without breaks as I would like, I still feel that I have improved so much which gives me alot of confidence.
I have still not achieved my goal of thrusting very fast, deep and hard for a solid 3 minutes in doggy style, but I am pretty sure I will achieve it if I follow my current path.
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Moving edging into real sex
In my post above, I mention that I now mostly practice during real sex. I felt that I needed to explain some more details about that:
- First of all, my girlfriend knows that I would like to last longer. I told her that it is not only for her pleasure, but also for my own, since I would like stronger orgasms. (Telling her that it is was for myself also, seemed to make her really enjoy the 'travel' to a 30 minute man, off course there is also an element of power in taking your woman hard, that gives some satisfaction, but you do not need to tell her that, personally I feel that it only puts more pressure on you).
- Second, I had a tendency to stress a bit and try to make my girlfriend orgasm as fast as possible because I knew that I couldn't last that long, so I would make sure that she had an orgasm before me. I have completely stopped that. Now I instead thrust slowly and sometimes a bit faster in her and kisses her for a long time, slowly as foreplay. It gives me better control and I get used to the sensation. Also she enjoys the more relaxed way of having sex now. I feel that I have gradually improved the time I can thrust without breaks using this method.
- Third, find the position that you have the best control in and stay in that. Do not rush it, just stay in it and maybe when you get more advanced play with the sensation on the edge and take it down again with a little break. However if it gets to excited in a position, then try to switch to another, while doing it try to stretch your penis down and perform a reverse kegel, it helps me to reset my excitement.
- Fourth, this has helped me alot, but is more advanced and I usually only play with it after my girlfriend has orgasmed. I had a tendency to go in some form of primal state when I knew that my girlfriend has orgasmed and that it now was my turn to orgasm, I had no control and just went faster and faster for 20-30 seconds before ejaculating. Now when I know it is my turn to ejaculate I try to still go slowly and then gradually build it up, I do however in the middle of it try to go really fast to get the feeling of it, but when I then feel the urge to ejaculate I stop completely and tray to hold it in without using a regular kegel, but instead a very light reverse kegel. Sometimes I also just build it up slowly and then try to take it slowly down in tempo again when I feel the urge to orgasm, sometimes it works and I can then continue for longer time, and sometimes it fails and then I just have a nice orgasm that is intense because I really feel what is going on.
-- If you have any other ideas that you are using, then please let me know :)
Lastly: DO NOT FORGET, sex is much more dynamic than solo edging and you do not always control every movement, hence it is very important to not get too frustrated if you fail. It is like every other practice you will fail, but when you have failed try thinking of what went wrong, such that you can try to adjust for it next time. Also if you manage to get frustrated, do not show it to her, just finish her off afterwards and playing it cool. Otherwise she will also she it as a problem, or maybe she do not want to have sex that often because she do not like to see her lover getting sad afterwards. Maybe she even think that something is wrong with her, yes women are wonderful. :)
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As a sidenote my current routine is now:
- Fast DeathGrip whenever I have the change to enjoy myself.
- If I have an hour or more I switch between lubed DeathGrip and Fleshlight, mostly combined in same session.
- I always strive not to ejaculate while edging alone, sometimes I don't even do it in real sex.
- In my edging sessions I breath deep and controlled and ensures that I do not tense my body when feeling pleasure.
- Deep resting squat. (Do it for at least a month and I believe you will see improvements.)
The new thing that I have adopted is the deep resting squat, it has been mentioned many times on this forum and I really feel that it makes a difference. I do not perform tennis ball massage anymore, I didn't really feel that I saw progress using it, but after I switched to resting squats with a light reverse kegel in the bottom position I really feel a much more relaxed pelvic floor. I try to take my knees more out, since I feel a better stretch in the pelvic floor this way.
And lastly the greedy details, which I mention just in case there is one like me somewhere :) As I mention in my very first post I have had some trouble with hemorrhoids, however with better diet and some fiber supplements my digestive system has become better, also to ensure my pelvic floor is relaxed after a bathroom visit I have even made it a habit to perform a resting squat for 1 minute with a light reverse kegel in the bottom position. This helps tremendously.
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Great to see you back Jan, how long do you hold your deep squats?
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Congrats on your success. what do you think that which thing was the main source for your improvement? edging or deathgrip or any other thing?
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Sorry for the late answer again, my mobile phone forces me to log in very often, which is very annoying.
Ralph - I do not sit that long, just 2 minutes. However I have made it a routine that I do everytime that I am at the toilet at work. Also I do it in the mornings and before bed. I try to do it before sex to. :)
Rapid - The main resource for my success must be the deathgrip and by that getting used to the tingling sensation when you can feel that you are on your way to orgasm, but sets the tempo down and keep it their a bit from the edge, but still such that you can feel it real nice. I do this for an hour at least.
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Re-motivating my self :)
As mentioned, I have seen a lot of progress while having sex with my girlfriend. I can thrust quite good in missionary and especially when I fuck kneeling in missionary with her legs up in the air.
However, I am still struggling with the doggy, especially when I fasten the thrusting. My initial goal was 3 minutes of hard and fast thrusting in doggy, and I will still like to achieve that goal, even though I have been a bit lazy after my progress.
Now I will start up again to achieve full control.
Last two days log
I have decided to try using the fleshlight a bit more, hence the last two days I have been 'cold-starting' with the fleshlight, i.e. I did not do deathgrip first. I feel better control when I thrust, but lying on my back is hardest. Hence I aim to perform an hour of fleshlight lying on my back.
The last two days I set time for an hour, and wanted to do hard fleshlight edging for that time. However both days I finished with ejaculation after 30 minutes. At first I was a bit disapointed, however now that I think about it, this was the same that happened to me when I first started out with the deathgrip, so I guess I should just continue practicing. Also I do it quite fast sometimes, and it is often after this that I cannot get my arousal down again, but again. I just need more practice.
Bad idea?
I have begin to think, if it would be a good idea to play some audio porno to stimulate more in order to get used to that also?, however I think I would wait until I can handle fleshlight hard and fast (with small breaks) for an hour, like I can with deathgrip. Just wanted to hear you guys opinion about audio porn. I do not think that I would ever return to video porn anymore, I like it more without actually. It is much better than having to edge in a certain position just to be able to see the screen.
But have you any experiences with audio porn?
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I think you should be the source of the audio.If you are alone in your house, start talking, start visualizing how you pound your girl hard in doggy, start talking dirty things, and don`t hold yourself, be free.I believe this is more beneficial than porn..
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any new updates about your progress?
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My current status is that I am not edging that much, due to the fact that my girlfriend is a lot home lately, since she is writing her master degree and also I am a little bit busy helping her. But that will change in the end of this month.
Anyway we have great sex and I have moved the practice into bed instead, however not in the sense that the sex becomes mechanic in anyway. I just ensures on keeping my mind in focus.
My total progress so far is:
Missionary: Now I can do this hard and fast for like 2 minutes, however when I feel I am at distance to ejaculate, I just slow down a bit without holding breaks and can then hold it here until I feel control to fasten it again. It gives a great dynamic during sex. Also I feel that I slowly increase the time I am able to go hard and fast. Now I feel it is more about my mind telling me to blow when I go fast than the actual sensation in my penis, hence I am began to really moan, since I feel it sort of releases the energi that I build up. When I say 'Ohhh... you are so hot..' in a controllable way I feel that I mentally release the dirty thoughts in my mind.
Kneeling missionary <pornographic link removed by mod>:
Same as normal missionary, however a bit better control here. Also this was the one that I learned most of the control in, since in this position you are able to rub the clitoris while taking small breaks and still have the penis inside her. Mostly she does not even notice that I am resting in this position, since it is just normal dynamics of sex to change the rhythm sometimes. So I can really recommend this to begin with, also the fact that you get away from her kisses and curious hands can help much in the beginning.
Woman on top:
I always felt that this position was hard to control, especially when my girlfriend moved up and down for my pleasure, and it often ended out with her on top, but more leaned back such that I can rub her clitoris while she was just sitting still or maybe moved a bit back and forth, but not up and down on my penis.
Now I have really good control in this position, when she just sits still and get her clitoris rubbed (which she still loves), then I have complete control, I do not feel the need to cum at all. Often I pull her down to me, take her ass and then just fucks her quite hard for a minute or so, then I again slows down, still thrusting though but slowly such that I really feel the sensation of her, while we kisses intensely and both are moaning. (Again moaning controllable really releases much pressure and clears the mind, for me at least).
Doggy style:
I have always had a hard time in this position, it is indeed the most arousing position for me. Lately I have begin thinking of that this has always been the 'finish off' position for me, such than when my girlfriend has had her orgasm I took her from behind afterwards. It took about 20 seconds in a hard and furious pace with no control at all, so I wouldn't be able to slow down afterwards.
When I now finish in this position I have a bit better control, but I am still not were I wanna be. I can maybe go hard for 20-30 seconds, but with the control such that I can slow down (I mean really really slow down here, not the same control as in missionary yet). I came to the conclusion that I really have to rewire my brain not to finish off in this position.
Working on better control in doggy style:
So what I am currently working on is the ability to control doggy style much better. As mentioned above I have been used to the doggy style position as the last position in sex and most often getting off in this position after my girlfriend was satisfied. This has made me think I should get off as fast as possible. I now work on rewire my brain by prefer doggy style earlier in the act. I notice that I have better control knowing that I need to take myself together since my girlfriend hasn't had orgasm yet, but unfortunately not so much that if I wanted I could fuck her hard in doggy.
However getting more used to doggy as pleasure and not just as a finish off quickly position is my focus at the moment. I am even considering to forbid my self to get off in doggy style position until I have better control.
Conclusion
I now feel that I have good control in most positions, however not for 3 minutes hard and fast yet, but anyway it works fine by just slowing down a bit, or stopping a bit and kiss instead. I really work on the doggy style and find it a bit hard, but I do see very slow progress. I hope my newest idea by starting in doggy instead of finishing in it might help me.
If you have any ideas to control doggy style better, then please let me know. :)
