Hem's Log - I know it's (7)in there somewhere!

[hhorner50]

I think it was a good idea to not get anything for your ex-gf for the holidays, not only for her, but for you. Hardest part of breaking up is moving on, and you need to learn to do it. Sorry to hear about the breakup. It's really good that you are running and have PE to put your concentration.

What do you have as your desktop background?

[Hemmels]

Cheers guys, I really appreciate the words/time you guys put in. I do think that penis size is as much as 50% emotive; (I know when I'm scared to sh*t it turtles - P.S. Hasn't turtled since I started PE which is nice) hence all the lifestory tags.

Hopeful: Wow, that is weird. Handily for me, sounds like you're 2-3 months in front of me, so if anything good/bad happens let me know lol. I'll defo be reading your log anyway

hh50: Cheers man, the exercise (physical and PE) is a life-saver; I also have work to do and this forum to browse, so not enough time to dwell. I can't tell you specifically what my desktop background is, because I have Windows 7 slideshow-background-awesomeness. But it's my favourite model right now. (Incidentally, who also turns out is a complete douche and spending some douche's cash, (they were made for each other!?)).

6th Dec: Having been sleeping really, really well recently I decided not to spoil it, and wake up really late. I went for a 4mile run (weighed myself naked at 11st 10 - that seems pretty low since I was 14st little under 3 months ago), had a hot shower for warmup (damn did I need it 'cos it was cold outside!), and got through day 6's routine in the 40mins it deserved. I think that due to my sensitive penis and ability to treat this as non-masturbation, I managed to pretty much keep a 6/10 erection for the whole thing, and I feel really good about it.

I also noticed through the day that my flaccid length seemed slightly longer than usual (usually sometimes close to turtling), which is promising; and during the V-Jelqs earlier, my balls swapped high/low positions when stretching to the left/right. I'm not sure if this is through pulling too hard (It's not been hurting at all, but I read somewhere to "feel the stretch"), or through being in a cold room, but again, i'm going for "change is good".

Tomorrow is another week. Not sure how i'm going to continue PE when I visit the family, but i've got a few ideas.

[Hemmels]

7th Dec: Day went well today, woke up feeling good, work went quick, i ate healthily and ran the full 4.8 miles I set out to do, even if I paced myself for it a bit. Had to stop twice during the PE routine, because of a 7.5/8 out of 10 hard-on, but I put it down to feeling great and resisting temptation to masturbation past the PONR yesterday, and such a great day on the 5th.
<lifestory>
I always go "window shopping" for girls when out and about, but (maybe because of the weather / time of year) I've found nothing near remotely what I had before (even if I was punching above my weight). I've definately moved on, because I'd imagine I couldn't care less if I found out she was going out with someone else; but; she was with me for a year happy, and a whole year of getting more and more frustrated. I'm not dwelling, the point is, I know I can get the 9 or the 10/10 girls, even if I'm only a 6 or a 7 (on good days 8!) myself.
Personal development is the name of the game until i'm 25, and this log is my motivation and proof.
</lifestory>
No "ball movement" during jelqs today. Dunno what that was about. Still loads of hairs on the underside of my shaft (ouch to pluck? scared.) and the sides near the scrotum. Will maybe pluck these this week.
EDIT: Went edging for 20mins, felt good for the last 4-5mins (gradually getting closer and closer and stopping) until I blew just trying too hard but I'm sure I was close lol.

[Hemmels]

8th Dec: Gotta be in work early tomorrow, but I can't give up after 2/3 great days!

Was kegelling (spelling) at work and somehow, pulled a 8/10. When I could feel it starting to harden, I tried to get on with my work and not go with the "pulls", and after 20-30 seconds my dick made 1 massive "pull" that I couldn't resist from probably a 8 o'clock angle to somewhere near 10 o'clock (my natural angle is 10.30/10.45) (Thank you still wearing 36" trousers lol). So, getting into the toilet (and seeing the biggest penis on me I have ever seen for sure (much more girthy)), I had a play around with 8-10 dry kegels (to see how much room there was in my skin lol - I'm sure my smooth muscle is still my LF, given (what I think) is a large amount of foreskin I have even while erect (and i'm cut)).

I played with urinating in spurts (which took about 5 mins lol), i.e. kegel to stop, pause, then reverse kegel to "shoot". (Only found out about reverse kegels and how it can help relax an erection (Damn I needed you 6 months ago!!).

Figured this was good stuff. Finished up with 80-100 kegels throughout the day.

Before warmup, my testicles are saggier than ever before. Heh. Not great session because was worried about getting up early, but still managed to edge for a bit; trying to dry cum and failing with reverse kegels. Aiming to last longer than 2mins next time i sleep with a beautiful girl.

<lifestory>
Her birthday is before Valentine's Day, (End of Jan), do I "celebrate" her birthday with card + gift, or wait until the god of erotic love and beauty plays his game on Feb 14th? (Obviously subject to conditions, she might be with someone, so obv I'll check that scene out first (i'm not against leaving it a year either as a weird 3rd option, (think: Time for me to grow));

Equally, I don't want her to panic when she gets to 25 and start getting hurt again; I think I was her 3rd after 2 poor efforts (with apparently big dicks (not ironically, who hits girls anyway?)). This will also give me time to find myself, career etc.

Long story short. I'm at 7.2/10, in a month i'll be a 7.6/10 (think exercise and the PE) but, in a year i'll hopefully be a 9/10, with a career and the stamina of an ox after the PE efforts; and this is the girl I want to spent the rest of my life with; grrrr the more I type the more it sounds like "wait until you're 27, by which time she'll probs already have kids (she's a year older than me), but it'll be ok 'cos there are more fish in the sea". Ah well. Maybe just a card for both bday and Feb 14th, if she's free. (And a "Merry Christmas, with love ..") text in a fortnight (She might even reply with "stop texting me", that'd defo sort it out, but I can't help feel I didn't show her what I could have been for her). I'm also down with not chasing 1 girl for the rest of my life, so whatever.
</lifestory>

[Hemmels]

9th Dec: Turtling today, so keep Jai streching to keep it loose. Probably will call today a rest day after the epicness before today
EDIT: Not many good PIs at all today; it's pretty cold so didn't go running or anything; landlady hasn't been over in a few days, so no heating on; and feeling a bit lonely and depressed. Probs couldn't get an erection if I tried. /sleep

[Hemmels]

10th Dec: Worked through the routine after yesterday's off day. Was apprehensive because of my penis being noticably smaller than previous days. Probs because I ran my 4.8 miles again today.

A few red spots (not dots) where my foreskin touches my glans, right on top; I think this is where I plucked some hairs out? It is where I hold my unit when stretching though, so will move closer to base for tomorrow's piss streches. I should also add, I had to wait for a few mins after my penis reacted to being "touched" and rocketed to a 8/10 EQ erection after 10 wet jelqs lol. The rest of the routine was fine. May just practice reverse kegels to try and stave off an edging sesh explosion. I NEED to practice coontrol dammit...

I'm a lot better emotinoally recently, no idea why lol, probs because I feel I made some useful comments on this forum earlier

8 days left until I leave for home.

[Hemmels]

11th Dec: Bloody cold out, so didn't run today, also ate a large amount of food to compensate for having no-one around to talk to on a Friday night and i'm 23; these should be the best years of my life ffs.
Despite not "in the mood", I went for a run through of the routine anyway, and despite my flaccid length being alright (no turtles or whatever), I couldn't get anywhere near aroused, and jelqing was like pulling a sock up through a drain guard of some type.
So I tried edging for a bit, but ended up losing patience, maybe getting close to PONR once.
But, I don't wanna suddenly go from being all quiet down stairs to getting off every day, i'm sure there are health implications there! (My right testicle hurts because it's sooo cold )
Gonna cool down with my rice sock in bed.
Maybe take tomorrow off as well. /facepalm.
Hope everyone else is having a better time than me. (What a difference 3 days can make)

[Hemmels]

12th Dec: definately a good day for an "off day". I've been sat down doing some computer work nearly all day, so I could feel it turtling a bit, so made sure to get a few Jai stretches in, and kegels. My unit isn't happy lol. P.S. Probably staying up until 3.30AM at weekends isn't a great shout.

[NP97]

Hemmels... real quick, I'm going through the same thing with my ex right now. I just called her and her new BF answered... anyway I don't want to get into it (I have a thread somewhere about it from a drunk night I was upset. Anyway, I'm getting her FAMILY (which includes her, but not directly) a nice thing of poinsettias and her dog a new toy to play with. Not trying to force my way in there, but it will get her thinking of me and the amazing Christmas we had last year (when I got her a ring I spent 3 months paying off....).

Just an idea you may want to try if you are like me and want her back.

[Hemmels]

Yeah, appreciate it mate, I've got a weird situation now though, because I still speak to her brother every day; we're in the same clan, and I met her through him. Me and her mum still get on, (I'm sure it's not just all an act; becuase they obviously talk to each other, and we split up 2 months ago, and it's like nothing happened).

Whilst I defo want to get her mum a bottle or something, to "thank her for the help she gave me while we were together", I think the best thing to do is to leave it 100%. I think she's amazing, and the one for me, so i'm not giving it up, just giving us both time. It's only been 3 months.
If I know my ex, I know she likes tough guys, so I'm gonna be just that.

Also, as someone said to me IRL, and in your thread, females hate being alone during holiday/family time; AND hate stress. And there's a 100% correlation between stress and lack of logical thinking.

I might drop a card down near Feb 14th however, depending on if it's appropriate or not.

I hope your girl sees you for who you are man; I'm glad the "ball's in her court" now, that's the best thing you can do. If you get put down though, I would consider that her sign to you to move on. If however she leaves it there, then that shows insecurity, and things are looking good. Just make sure to give her space for her to find out what she wants. She might not be sure herself.

EDIT: Listening to http://www.last.fm/music/La+Roux/_/In+For+The+Kill; seems very apt for you xD