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Mental problems with wife's and own sexual past

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  • CUSP82
    replied
    Find something you enjoy doing and do it. Put sex away.

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  • Trapezius
    replied
    Originally posted by CUSP82 View Post
    Life is not destroyed. That occurs only if you let it. There are many things in life I wanted but I just couldn't have. I never dwelt on that which I couldn't have but rather found other things to do that I enjoy.Sure I like women but if I didn't have one there is so much in life to enjoy I always found something to keep me and happy and I go to bed each night satisfied with the day. Think about other hings and that which you can't have right now forget about and with time it will come back.
    Again thank you for commenting. I am grateful to anyone who takes time to post this thread after 5 years of my endless seeming struggling. I myself am actually staring to believe again that I will be fine with great amount of effort.

    One thing is that I really have enjoyed sex in 2 different relationships and liked how I am sexually. And I could not understand why I can't be like that with other women. I have kinda accepted that I need longer relationship and feelings to enjoy sexuality and there is nothing to shame about that. Now with current GF I have started to like my sexuality too. Not yet so much that in those two relationahips before, but I am getting there. Thought has actually come to mind that I could be with her long time and do not need to seek experiences anymore.

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  • CUSP82
    replied
    Life is not destroyed. That occurs only if you let it. There are many things in life I wanted but I just couldn't have. I never dwelt on that which I couldn't have but rather found other things to do that I enjoy.Sure I like women but if I didn't have one there is so much in life to enjoy I always found something to keep me and happy and I go to bed each night satisfied with the day. Think about other hings and that which you can't have right now forget about and with time it will come back.

    Leave a comment:


  • Trapezius
    replied
    Originally posted by CUSP82 View Post
    Trap face it your brain is broken. No kind words here will help you. You are suffering a form of PTSD that needs professional help. No shame in admitting you need that kind of help. It takes a man to realize he need assistance and to go out and get it. Do it and you'll have a chance to get better. Without it, well you'll be forever what you are now and I don't think you like it.
    I am facing it. And just writing here helps a little bit. I have been on psychotherapy just under 2 years straight. Just started with different therapist. I have talked to psychiatrists too. I have also studied this and ssri meds is the one route I have not taken. Psilocybin I would be very interrested to try. Maybe SSRI or psilo will be cure for the brain. I think I will need chemical assistance to cure brain. You are right about post traumatic stress disorder.

    Short version of main actual reason for last 2 years of misery and post traumatic stress disorder.
    That priapism accident and ED after that happened in that point of life that it utterly destroyed me. That accident caused post traumatic stress disorder. I was not mentally stable before that, but nothing actual damage has happened to my body, EQ was 10/10. I would have been ok soon without that accident. After that I was scared to death that there is permanent damage.

    Long version:

    The main mind fuckery was that 2019 fall when I was in bad mental state after things went bad with women I dated 10 months. I did few very stupid decisions. I had 10/10 EQ and tried to have sex with very ugly woman and it did not work. I promised myself I will never try to have sex with ugly woman. I had one beautiful woman after that. Then the woman I dated canceled spa weekend in last minute and went to take another man to her bed. I wanted to have some woman in my bed. In bar I went for ugly woman who looked at me. Took her home and said I don't want sex but she wanted. It did not work even with 100mg viagra. In the morning I injected Invicorp and got priapism that was taken care in ER after 5-6 hours.

    ​​​​

    After that erection did not work with that beautiful woman who with it had worked before. This was the moment that destroyed my life. I was handsome 35yo guy, with good body and dick, who wanted to finally live dating period of life. Then suddenly I had what I thought to be permanent ED even with drugs. Just before I was super alfa 10/10 EQ. Self-confidence straight from 7/10---> 1/10. I met few beautiful women but dare not make a move. And even after 8 months after accident when I met my current GF my erection did not work and mind was utterly ruined. Thoughts of ending my life came to visit my head.

    I should have stopped beeing in contact with my ex and take it easy and not rush things. Take a little time before starting dating again. Just like I did after my divorce and it worked.

    Now erection is ok with drugs. 80-90 % what it was before. Just had 2 nights in a row with 1-2 hour sex sessions. I am again few years older and look 5 years older because huge anxiety.

    It is part perfectionism;
    I have about everything else fine in my life. Good job, 2 healthy kids. But the ego had plans that good looking guy, liked by girls since teens and whole life and still +30yo. Good body, good dick, everything good to go. And I fucking failed again in that part of life, dating and single life, just like I failed as teenager. Psychological erectile dysfunction is the main reason.

    And that one part of life where I failed brings mind down so whole life is destroyed.
    Last edited by Trapezius; 10-19-2021, 06:56 AM.

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  • CUSP82
    replied
    Trap face it your brain is broken. No kind words here will help you. You are suffering a form of PTSD that needs professional help. No shame in admitting you need that kind of help. It takes a man to realize he need assistance and to go out and get it. Do it and you'll have a chance to get better. Without it, well you'll be forever what you are now and I don't think you like it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Big Al
    replied
    You have to value and love yourself. If you don't how can you expect others to?

    This may sound like pat advice, but it's a very real thing! It's also not a reference to judging yourself based on looks, penis size, wealth, etc. but to your value as a human being.

    When you really do this, you'll be able to attract and keep relationships with those who want to be with you for more than superficialities.
    Last edited by Big Al; 10-15-2021, 03:35 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Trapezius
    replied
    Originally posted by Stretching Eternal View Post
    Trapezius When it comes to relationship's trust is a must, if you don't trust your partner hire a good private investigator and either dispel your insecurities or verify your suspicions. From my experience suspicion about infidelity is often founded, but it can also be a sign of personal desires to be unfaithful and projection.

    If you can't personally contain your desires for other women then you are best to be single. Being in your children's life is very important to their development, but women are known to weaponize them against a man if there is a benefit in doing so or they feel slighted. What ever you decide remember what is best for your kid/kids and work towards that outcome.
    It would be best for me to be single or have few years of short few weeks to few months relationships. I tried that in 2019 but failed and got priapism and lost all my confidence. Now slowly regaining some of it with great effort and money.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stretching Eternal
    replied
    Trapezius When it comes to relationship's trust is a must, if you don't trust your partner hire a good private investigator and either dispel your insecurities or verify your suspicions. From my experience suspicion about infidelity is often founded, but it can also be a sign of personal desires to be unfaithful and projection.

    If you can't personally contain your desires for other women then you are best to be single. Being in your children's life is very important to their development, but women are known to weaponize them against a man if there is a benefit in doing so or they feel slighted. What ever you decide remember what is best for your kid/kids and work towards that outcome.

    Leave a comment:


  • Trapezius
    replied
    Today was a bad and sad day. For the first time I asked my GF if one guy at my work was the one she talked before that she knew. It was him. Anxiety peaked and I could not stop myself and asked some more questions. She said it was 11 years ago that they met and knew two weeks and did not have sex (I don't belieave that at all). And he was the quy who with she could start a family. Anxiety peaked throught the roof and I was thinking she lies. She would not say she would start family if they knew 2 weeks and did not even have sex. I did not send another message, but apologized very much. She said she feels bad now. Now I am in shame that I asked her. Slowly I destroy this relationship too and could not leave on time before I start to ask questions about past. Fuck.

    Leave a comment:


  • Trapezius
    replied
    Originally posted by BlueMorpho View Post

    I would imagine that this would be a starting point to go about unlocking the secret of your obsession (with wanting to be a Super Male Alpha). Maybe the start to a better life is to accept that your life right now is missing something, maybe even missing MANY things. Not everyone has got a wonderful life going... so one thing you could do now is just accept the fact that life COULD be better. But can it be made better? That part is in your hands... but personally, I don't believe that time doing PE stuff is going to make it better. It's about reconnecting with your emotionality. Working out alone at a gym, or doing PE, may benefit your body, but these activities cannot stimulate or engage your emotions. Watching a drama on TV can... sounds silly but it does.. sooner or later a character may start growing on you. So TV can help for a bit... but ultimately, you will want to live and engage in the real world, get to know some people, some will leave abroad and that might cause a bit of sadness... but that's ok! It means you are starting to FEEL again. Those that stay around may become friends, or you might find that spending time with the community already makes you feel "wholesome" again.

    All this to say that to me it is better to be on a path of feeling vibrant emotions, even if these are more sad than happy, than it is to numb the pain by retreating within and closing the door to new experiences.
    Great post! Thank you. I will start by going to yoga/stretching class where is a lot of people. And going out more.

    One problem I have nowadays is lack of self-confidence and it affects greatly how I communicate with people. Or how I communicate with women. It is about my looks. I remember that before when I had ok self-confidence I was good at talking to women. That area I must build back up. It also makes my retroactive jealousy worse because I am jealous to men who have good self-confidence approaching women. And if I leave my GF I don't have anymore confidence to approach new women.

    ​​​

    Leave a comment:


  • BlueMorpho
    replied
    Originally posted by Trapezius View Post
    That is true too that life is lacking other things like engaging with community. I just go to work, grocery store and gym to train alone and home.
    I would imagine that this would be a starting point to go about unlocking the secret of your obsession (with wanting to be a Super Male Alpha). Maybe the start to a better life is to accept that your life right now is missing something, maybe even missing MANY things. Not everyone has got a wonderful life going... so one thing you could do now is just accept the fact that life COULD be better. But can it be made better? That part is in your hands... but personally, I don't believe that time doing PE stuff is going to make it better. It's about reconnecting with your emotionality. Working out alone at a gym, or doing PE, may benefit your body, but these activities cannot stimulate or engage your emotions. Watching a drama on TV can... sounds silly but it does.. sooner or later a character may start growing on you. So TV can help for a bit... but ultimately, you will want to live and engage in the real world, get to know some people, some will leave abroad and that might cause a bit of sadness... but that's ok! It means you are starting to FEEL again. Those that stay around may become friends, or you might find that spending time with the community already makes you feel "wholesome" again.

    All this to say that to me it is better to be on a path of feeling vibrant emotions, even if these are more sad than happy, than it is to numb the pain by retreating within and closing the door to new experiences.

    Leave a comment:


  • Trapezius
    replied
    Originally posted by Junior17288 View Post
    IDK but did you make a TV series of this and is it call sex life??

    sounds very familiar
    I have to watch first episode of that show. It is on netflix.

    Leave a comment:


  • Junior17288
    replied
    IDK but did you make a TV series of this and is it call sex life??

    sounds very familiar

    Leave a comment:


  • Trapezius
    replied
    Originally posted by thepowerpole View Post
    I don't think that failed start at 15yo affected you that much, you still afterwards had one gf and a wife that you spent good portion of your life with. That wife turned out to be a terrible human being, cheated on you and after that kept in touch with you to torture you with her sex life. You took that personally, as if it was your fault that she cheated on you. She made you feel inadequate in sex so you invested yourself too much in that, trying to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Like sex is the base of relationship and someone's worth.

    I just feel that you forgot what love is and how to love. Sex isn't performance, soul talks to a soul during sex. Of course, there is casual sex but everything in moderation. And for you I would not recommend it because you don't know how to love and you would be consumed by it.
    It was woman I dated after divorcing my wife that cheated me.

    It feels impossible to love anyone with mind in this state. My current gf sexual past has started to haunt me about year after we met.

    At start she talked that she had usually younger guys. When we were out in town there was some young guy in bar who with my gf had something going on before we met. And then she knows 2 guys who live in same house as me! And when we were walking some guy came across that she knew and he smiled/grinned to my gf. Surely they had sexual affair before and I think she has quite a lot of guys as sex partners in last 5 years of not beeing in long relationships. Some of them she calls "friends".

    Nothing of that matters. Mind wants to go for that it matter, but really it is that it brings painfull sting to me that I have failed in that part of life what she and many guys have succeeded. For many it comes naturally meeting and dating different people, not founding anything lasting, and outcome is many partners without actually trying to get many partners. I have tried to get many partners in fall 2019 and to get those experiences and not feeling inferiority about it, but failed. And downgrading looks (balding) gives more problems to go and do it. Before I had some confidence to go talk to women in bars but right now it's low. Still have enough condidence to go tinder dates. I think I have to get to the point where I feel I have succeeded in this part of life before I can let it go. Before that my partners sexual past will always haunt me.

    Leave a comment:


  • thepowerpole
    replied
    I don't think that failed start at 15yo affected you that much, you still afterwards had one gf and a wife that you spent good portion of your life with. That wife turned out to be a terrible human being, cheated on you and after that kept in touch with you to torture you with her sex life. You took that personally, as if it was your fault that she cheated on you. She made you feel inadequate in sex so you invested yourself too much in that, trying to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Like sex is the base of relationship and someone's worth.

    I just feel that you forgot what love is and how to love. Sex isn't performance, soul talks to a soul during sex. Of course, there is casual sex but everything in moderation. And for you I would not recommend it because you don't know how to love and you would be consumed by it.

    Leave a comment:

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