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  • Insecure, jealousy or being played

    Hello everyone, ive been having an issue with my girlfriend latelly.
    Its about the doubt of the feeling being insecurity or just jealousy. Ive read a couple of posts in many forums about related issues and thought it would help me express myself aswell to take some air off my chest.

    Well, introduction, Im 26 shes 28 and we have been toghter for around a year and a couple of months. I had a girlfriend of 3 years, but things werent working out and I ended up falling in love with my actual girlfriend (we also had the same job in the same company, but she doesnt work there since 6 months ago, but irrelevant to our relashionship). She had a boyfriend before me of 3 years also, but they broke up 2 years before we started dating (this info is kind of important for later).

    Shes the type of girl that has male friends and few lady friends, most lady friends are just from her old high school or hometown, so almost zero comunication. She has a really close male friend (my main issue, lets call him G). So she met G through her ex boyfriend, she hanged out with him and talked alot. My girlfriend even told me that her ex would get jealous because he couldn't reach the same level of comunication that she had with G. Fast foward to a couple of time after her breakup with her ex, she was searching for a home, and G offered to stay at his place, she was there for a month or so. And from the looks of it they bonded very well, but according to her they never had any sex or intimacy togheter because at that time G had a girlfriend.

    #! Heres my first insecurity flag ! She told me that he once told her that if she didnt had a girlfriend at that time he would have been hooking up with her and she said kind of the same to him (my girlfriend own words told to me). !#

    My girlfriend introduced G to me, and we went out the 3 like 2 times but I didnt like him. Seemed like a very unstable person and the type of person that if is drowning he would grab someone to drown with him...lets just say we didnt click much. And whenever she hangs out with him I just say "you go, ill see you later afterwards." She knows I dont like him, and never pressured me to try befriends which im gratefull.

    !# Second insecurity flag. Social media. Yes facebook that devil...well when she goes out with him, 80% of times she takes a photo with him and passes it to me, puts it in facebook and on the status photo of WhatsApp. And yes you are right, if you are wondering how many photos of me she has...yes 0. And im fine with it. The problem is, that at the start of the relationship she told me she doesnt put photos of her boyfriend on her social, even with his ex, unless its a group photo (im in one with my girlfriend now that I think of it, yey). But the photos that she has with G have like a message "always with you " with him grabing her by the waist or over her shoulder, and yeah I know supper dupper BFF's (remember the first insecurity flag?)...but to matters worse...for me...about a month or two ago G girlfriend broke up with him. So yeah, my girlfriend BFF is free, doesnt like me, and maybe (probably) had feelings for her....recepie for disasters if you catch my drift. !#

    Yesterday we had an argument (femenism, sexism, etc), things didnt end well, lets just say we just said goodnight and each sleeping in one side of the bed, its not nice sleeping angry in the same bed with a loved one belive me. And today she hanged out with G, they went to see a football game he had bought tickets a couple of weeks ago so she didnt went to see him because we were angry. BUT after the game...yes...photos of both very happy and jolly another "you are always here " message and WhatsApp status photo. Also she didnt say much to me, asked her how was it and she was "good, good stadium, good people." Quite the report. I didnt even bother replying, because I know shes not the type of person who gives short replies. She might have done that to get to me because a couple of months ago I openlly told her that it made me uncomfortable and insecure by the amount of pictures with G. One of her friend even though she was dating him and not me...cause I dont exist in her FB Page. She said that she understands it but that I shouldnt worry about it. Its just photos. Yeah, you keep "your personal life" ocult from facebook but her bestfriend...oh thats a different story. Anyway enough about G lets go to the next person.

    Her Ex, we will call him V. Long story short she says that she still has feelings for her, even though they havent seen each other for like 3 years. The only thing I say to her is that she might have feelings of nostalgia when the good times lived (i avoid nostalgia on a daily basis). She still talks via messages to her ex and Im completelly fine with it, I kind if envy it, sometimes I wonder hows my ex, but she blocked me everywhere. Fair. Anyway back to the story...a couple of weeks ago she was messing around with her old stuff, boxes, photos, etc and she stumbled on her ex stuff. She got all dramatic, cryed about the good old times (even though she knows both are incompatible and cant comunicate) and she told G how she feels, he told her to do what she thinks is right...thanks alot buddy you keep drowning people with you.. so my girlfriend texted V telling him she missed the good old times, he replied with a suprised emoji and didnt say anything more. After all that she told this story. She has more confidence to tell G this things over me. Even though we can talk about our feeling and ex's very openlly which is something i love about her. No tabus in any subject...unless its about feminism, trying to resolve it. And that also hurted me not talking about the situation, when she "demands" to know whats happening to me when im down.
    I told her, her feelings for her were more of a nostalgia and not "love" and she agreed on it in the end. But still...who the hell texts that to an ex? Seriously...sometimes I just think she wants attention from other guys. And I understand that everyone loves to feel they still have game...but I dont think texting her ex like that is a good way to achieve it...

    So the tl;dnr version (suggest reading the whole story)

    Am I insecure or jealous or is she playing me?

    - she has a overlly attached friend with suspicious intentions right now due to their past (not lovers) and is the only guy that she has photos with on social media.
    - she had a string nostalgia moment of her ex and texted him that she misses him

    Thanks and sorry for the looooong post.

  • #2
    Waaah! man! That is a very long story you got there. My reply can be this: What do you want to do with this girl of yours? Is it to marry, kids, family etc? Simply go ahead and do it already. What are you waiting for? Think about it. If you love her, marry her, have kids. If you are in doubt if she is the one, and are still waiting for more time to pass to clear things up, then she most likely isn't the one.

    Drugging it a long without proper resolute is wrong. Either you are being insecure, controlling, possessive, undecided, gambling or addicted. Decide, make happen, move on.
    A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle

    Comment


    • #3
      If it was me, I'd brake up. Unless she is extremely hot it would just feel wrong to be with an older girl also, on top of all that unneeded drama. You're 26, damn you should/could have an 18-19 year old girlfriend.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hmmm, weve only been togheter for like a year, its way to early for that, we dont even live togheter which is something one should experience to see if you can live with your partner. And when I enter a relationship its for the long run. Its not just i thing.

        Comment


        • #5
          Peckerachu, im more into older women. Young ones are way too unstable and dramatic. For me shes hot, probably because I live her aswell. Love blindness

          Comment


          • #6
            if you don't like G or the attention for V you have to be honest with your girlfriend and tell her/ confront her. It sounds like she wants more attention in general so she could be misbehaving because of that maybe you're not giving her the attention she had or needs due to you always wondering about v and g. You definitely have reasons to be insecure but if you can drop those and try connect with her by being honest everything might work out. While telling her you don't want to sound needy and could even mention you've had slight nostalgia about your past relationship.

            P.S she could be playing you be prepared for that it's more likely she just wants love from you in general
            honeyboy619
            Junior Member
            Last edited by honeyboy619; 11-23-2017, 02:54 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              I give her alot of attention, shes the type of cold hearthed girl, she isnt into much affection. I happen to suffer the oposite, and we both are aware of this. Currently she is looking for a job and ive always been there for her, spend my days at her house, even though it takes me 1 hour and half to reach my job in the morning. i helped her start a page on FB so she could have her mind in other things cause she at a point where she doesnt know what she wants professionaly speaking. And all those issue involved with G and V I spoke about it previous times. The good thing is that she told me whenever I feel insecure to tell her...but Ive done it a couple of times already, and I dont want to sound needy. ..ill talk with her tonight when I get to her place and see what happens

              Comment


              • #8
                She is obviously a freedom seeker. If you have the balls for it you have to give her the freedom she needs. If not i think its difficult to work out all the stuff thats building up inside you now. Its just a matter of time until you had enough. And start accusing her for this and that. And then she will not understand anything. Because thats just the way she is. And in the meantime. All the stuff that bothers you wil come to show. In different kind of discussions. Like you will overreact and stuff.. this will again cause her to build stuff up. No advice my friend just a lot of best wishes! The best girls are sometimes the hardest to love!
                Start 5.8 (14.9 cm) BPEL 5.2 MEG

                Now: 7 .9 (20 cm ) BPEL 5.3 MEG

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think you have legitimate concerns. Any girl that is really into a guy wants to show him off to the world so the picture thing tells me she wants to show off G, not you. Believe in the old saying, "you should marry your best friend". This is clearly not you as she does not confide in you. She is probably not cheating on you physically, but mentally she is and doesn't even know it. The thing about rediscovering feelings for V just proves her own immaturity in relationships. She sounds scared to me, scared of commitment and scared she will ruin it with the one she really wants, G, so she keeps him sexually at arms length while confiding in him her personal thoughts. She will have sex with "a boyfriend" but keeps her personal thoughts distant from him, both you and V. This is to protect herself from getting seriously hurt as she does not think she can handle it.

                  IMO you can do one of two things, you can continue to date her and she may mature enough to realize she wants both in one guy and that guy is you, then she can commit to you fully. Or you can simple let her go and it can be an amicable break up, just tell her you need someone that is excited about having you as a boyfriend and shows you off to the world.

                  For the record, I don't think shes playing you - I think she is very confused about what she wants right now and you are in the middle of it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by TheZZWoman View Post
                    I think you have legitimate concerns. Any girl that is really into a guy wants to show him off to the world so the picture thing tells me she wants to show off G, not you. Believe in the old saying, "you should marry your best friend". This is clearly not you as she does not confide in you. She is probably not cheating on you physically, but mentally she is and doesn't even know it. The thing about rediscovering feelings for V just proves her own immaturity in relationships. She sounds scared to me, scared of commitment and scared she will ruin it with the one she really wants, G, so she keeps him sexually at arms length while confiding in him her personal thoughts. She will have sex with "a boyfriend" but keeps her personal thoughts distant from him, both you and V. This is to protect herself from getting seriously hurt as she does not think she can handle it.

                    IMO you can do one of two things, you can continue to date her and she may mature enough to realize she wants both in one guy and that guy is you, then she can commit to you fully. Or you can simple let her go and it can be an amicable break up, just tell her you need someone that is excited about having you as a boyfriend and shows you off to the world.

                    For the record, I don't think shes playing you - I think she is very confused about what she wants right now and you are in the middle of it.
                    Just this!

                    If I were you, Azurez, I would break up with her. I dont know about you but I like to be the bestfriend of my girl. Things are easier that way.
                    06/2016 - BPEL: 6.3 / MEG: 5.3
                    09/2017 - BPEL: 7.1 / MEG: 5.5

                    GOAL - BPEL: 7.5 (19 cm) / MEG: 6.3 (16 cm)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yeah, I also agree with Zzwoman. The main issue is that I feel undervalued by my girlfriend, and even if its just a photo, theres more than that in the end. Thanks everyone. Ill speak with her tonight and update it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Azurez View Post
                        Hello everyone, ive been having an issue with my girlfriend latelly.
                        Its about the doubt of the feeling being insecurity or just jealousy. Ive read a couple of posts in many forums about related issues and thought it would help me express myself aswell to take some air off my chest.

                        Well, introduction, Im 26 shes 28 and we have been toghter for around a year and a couple of months. I had a girlfriend of 3 years, but things werent working out and I ended up falling in love with my actual girlfriend (we also had the same job in the same company, but she doesnt work there since 6 months ago, but irrelevant to our relashionship). She had a boyfriend before me of 3 years also, but they broke up 2 years before we started dating (this info is kind of important for later).

                        Shes the type of girl that has male friends and few lady friends, most lady friends are just from her old high school or hometown, so almost zero comunication. She has a really close male friend (my main issue, lets call him G). So she met G through her ex boyfriend, she hanged out with him and talked alot. My girlfriend even told me that her ex would get jealous because he couldn't reach the same level of comunication that she had with G. Fast foward to a couple of time after her breakup with her ex, she was searching for a home, and G offered to stay at his place, she was there for a month or so. And from the looks of it they bonded very well, but according to her they never had any sex or intimacy togheter because at that time G had a girlfriend.

                        #! Heres my first insecurity flag ! She told me that he once told her that if she didnt had a girlfriend at that time he would have been hooking up with her and she said kind of the same to him (my girlfriend own words told to me). !#

                        My girlfriend introduced G to me, and we went out the 3 like 2 times but I didnt like him. Seemed like a very unstable person and the type of person that if is drowning he would grab someone to drown with him...lets just say we didnt click much. And whenever she hangs out with him I just say "you go, ill see you later afterwards." She knows I dont like him, and never pressured me to try befriends which im gratefull.

                        !# Second insecurity flag. Social media. Yes facebook that devil...well when she goes out with him, 80% of times she takes a photo with him and passes it to me, puts it in facebook and on the status photo of WhatsApp. And yes you are right, if you are wondering how many photos of me she has...yes 0. And im fine with it. The problem is, that at the start of the relationship she told me she doesnt put photos of her boyfriend on her social, even with his ex, unless its a group photo (im in one with my girlfriend now that I think of it, yey). But the photos that she has with G have like a message "always with you " with him grabing her by the waist or over her shoulder, and yeah I know supper dupper BFF's (remember the first insecurity flag?)...but to matters worse...for me...about a month or two ago G girlfriend broke up with him. So yeah, my girlfriend BFF is free, doesnt like me, and maybe (probably) had feelings for her....recepie for disasters if you catch my drift. !#

                        Yesterday we had an argument (femenism, sexism, etc), things didnt end well, lets just say we just said goodnight and each sleeping in one side of the bed, its not nice sleeping angry in the same bed with a loved one belive me. And today she hanged out with G, they went to see a football game he had bought tickets a couple of weeks ago so she didnt went to see him because we were angry. BUT after the game...yes...photos of both very happy and jolly another "you are always here " message and WhatsApp status photo. Also she didnt say much to me, asked her how was it and she was "good, good stadium, good people." Quite the report. I didnt even bother replying, because I know shes not the type of person who gives short replies. She might have done that to get to me because a couple of months ago I openlly told her that it made me uncomfortable and insecure by the amount of pictures with G. One of her friend even though she was dating him and not me...cause I dont exist in her FB Page. She said that she understands it but that I shouldnt worry about it. Its just photos. Yeah, you keep "your personal life" ocult from facebook but her bestfriend...oh thats a different story. Anyway enough about G lets go to the next person.

                        Her Ex, we will call him V. Long story short she says that she still has feelings for her, even though they havent seen each other for like 3 years. The only thing I say to her is that she might have feelings of nostalgia when the good times lived (i avoid nostalgia on a daily basis). She still talks via messages to her ex and Im completelly fine with it, I kind if envy it, sometimes I wonder hows my ex, but she blocked me everywhere. Fair. Anyway back to the story...a couple of weeks ago she was messing around with her old stuff, boxes, photos, etc and she stumbled on her ex stuff. She got all dramatic, cryed about the good old times (even though she knows both are incompatible and cant comunicate) and she told G how she feels, he told her to do what she thinks is right...thanks alot buddy you keep drowning people with you.. so my girlfriend texted V telling him she missed the good old times, he replied with a suprised emoji and didnt say anything more. After all that she told this story. She has more confidence to tell G this things over me. Even though we can talk about our feeling and ex's very openlly which is something i love about her. No tabus in any subject...unless its about feminism, trying to resolve it. And that also hurted me not talking about the situation, when she "demands" to know whats happening to me when im down.
                        I told her, her feelings for her were more of a nostalgia and not "love" and she agreed on it in the end. But still...who the hell texts that to an ex? Seriously...sometimes I just think she wants attention from other guys. And I understand that everyone loves to feel they still have game...but I dont think texting her ex like that is a good way to achieve it...

                        So the tl;dnr version (suggest reading the whole story)

                        Am I insecure or jealous or is she playing me?

                        - she has a overlly attached friend with suspicious intentions right now due to their past (not lovers) and is the only guy that she has photos with on social media.
                        - she had a string nostalgia moment of her ex and texted him that she misses him

                        Thanks and sorry for the looooong post.
                        Sounds to me like she's keeping her options open. Constantly putting you in a state of turmoil attempting to break you. From my opinion these type of women will forever be doing the same thing. They'll have backup upon backup never really making you feel secure in a relationship. If you don't like the relationship, find a new one. There's billions of people in the world, bound to be a few here or there you find a real connection with. She isn't putting in any effort to fulfill your emotional needs and hers are being met by other people. You two are not compatible. Move on.
                        Nov 2016 Start
                        6.5 BPEL 5.5 MEG

                        Jan 18, 2018
                        7.625 BPEL 5.875 MEG

                        Total PE:
                        14 months
                        +1.125" length +.325" girth

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