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  • Signals or Imagination?

    I've known this person for quite some time, about seven years, and we had this little barely relationship going a few years ago, but nothing was ever made official and she met someone. We have flirted a lot during this time, both when she is and not in relationships, which has been nothing but harmless as I have always said that when she is in a relationship I won't do or say anything that steps over the line.

    With that though over the last six months to a year there has been some rather odd statements. Now many of these aren't completely out of left field, like when I mention how I should have asked her out or if she's single again I'll ask her out and she says "Maybe one day". Statements like that don't mean much, at least I don't think so, but then recently, along with many other statements, I started to think if she means more by some of these. For example recently she was incredibly sick for a couple months and we couldn't speak much, so when she came back she said "I missed you, more than you know."

    That last statement has me really thinking if she means something deeper. So here I sit wondering and thinking if maybe the next time we talk if I should bring up my confusion of these statements and what she means. What do you folks think? Am I reading what she is saying wrong and imagining things? Is it worth the time and risk to ask, possibly risking a friendship, or should I ask just for clarification, and on a chance at something more?
    Dontrike
    Senior Member
    Last edited by Dontrike; 11-24-2017, 06:43 PM.

  • #2
    Me personally, I wouldn't nudge anything. It seems that things are progressing naturally on her part. I would let it play. Continue being consistent and do what you have been. Be the faithful friend that is always there for her. Let it blossom naturally. You'll know when the time is right. I think a little more patience will do it. Sometimes nudging the situation can cross the line into weirdness and then there is that prolonged awkward period before things stabilize again. This is just my opinion from what limited experience I've had, but regardless, I think it's still good advice.
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    • #3
      I would test the waters a little more generously. If this is meant to be, then be forthright and ask her her intentions. Say it with a positive vibe that you are interested and this could be really fun. That you dig her and really like her friendship. Don't want to loose it, but would like to know if there is more there. Nothing really to lose if approached the correct way. Time to step out of the box Donny, and go for the gusto.
      TheZZMan
      Moderator
      Member of the Month Sept 2018
      PEGym Hero
      Last edited by TheZZMan; 11-25-2017, 06:31 AM. Reason: typo

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      • #4
        To be honest, I have an issue with her flirting with you. If she was in a relationship with you would you want her flirting with someone else. There is no such thing as harmless flirting IMHO all that energy should be spent on her partner. If things aren't right in her current relationship, she should break it off with him before pursuing another. I think you should tell her that you are willing to be her friend but any flirting should stop out of respect for her current BF. I am sure this is not a popular comment but I believe that this is where cheating starts, with "harmless" flirting!

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        • #5
          Just keep her as a good friend. She knows you. She'll tell you if she wants to date.
          The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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          • #6
            Reciprocate. She missed you more than you can know. That isn't a flirt. That is someone who values you. Just as a friend now. I like the ZZWoman don't push for cheating. I also don't want to see you pushed into the role of rebound relationship. Stay the course. If they break up consider if you will be a rebound or possible long term. Good luck it sounds intriguing
            ALL THE WAY WITH GOOD OLE JAY!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by TheZZMan View Post
              I would test the waters a little more generously. If this is meant to be, then be forthright and ask her her intentions. Say it with a positive vibe that you are interested and this could be really fun. That you dig her and really like her friendship. Don't want to loose it, but would like to know if there is more there. Nothing really to lose if approached the correct way. Time to step out of the box Donny, and go for the gusto.
              I suppose there isn't a problem with asking what has been meaning by a lot of this, even if I don't make my feelings clear. At the very least knowing her feelings would at least take some befuddlement out of the equation.

              Originally posted by TheZZWoman View Post
              To be honest, I have an issue with her flirting with you. If she was in a relationship with you would you want her flirting with someone else. There is no such thing as harmless flirting IMHO all that energy should be spent on her partner. If things aren't right in her current relationship, she should break it off with him before pursuing another. I think you should tell her that you are willing to be her friend but any flirting should stop out of respect for her current BF. I am sure this is not a popular comment but I believe that this is where cheating starts, with "harmless" flirting!
              I don't think it's a unpopular opinion. You certainly have some points and I have brought that up with her in the past. We've had this semi-flirting dynamic four about five years now and we've kept it through our kind of relationship, her awful relationship a few years ago, and this one. I guess it's just the way it is between us.

              I can see what you mean though and how it would look from the outside. I have brought that up to her in the past and we agreed we do flirt quite often, but we didn't think much of it. I mean I have no intention of breaking anything up, but perhaps flirting will do that without it being the purpose. I guess that's something to think about and discuss that with her. She's not the type to cheat, but I'm not one to break people up so I guess it's something else to consider.

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              • #8
                Well that's over with. I asked her what she meant and she cleared things up. Good friends and that's what we'll be. It is a tad disappointing, but I wasn't expecting all that much. At the very least I know what was meant by all of these statements and don't have to wonder anymore.

                Nothing wrong with being good friends, and that's perfect for me. She did say if she was single we'd probably be dating, but I won't linger on that, as that wouldn't be right. Friends is great.

                Thank you all for the advice.
                Dontrike
                Senior Member
                Last edited by Dontrike; 11-25-2017, 03:36 PM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Dontrike View Post
                  Well that's over with. I asked her what she meant and she cleared things up. Good friends and that's what we'll be. It is a tad disappointing, but I wasn't expecting all that much. At the very least I know what was meant by all of these statements and don't have to wonder anymore.

                  Nothing wrong with being good friends, and that's perfect for me. She did say if she was single we'd probably be dating, but I won't linger on that, as that wouldn't be right. Friends is great.

                  Thank you all for the advice.
                  At least you know, which is nice. And you have also taken the initiative to ask which should help next time you are curious and it will make it easier the next time around. Now that you will be working in a restaurant with other employees instead of working alone in an office building, at night, by yourself. There will be many more opportunities to meet others who are potential candidates. Another "perk" of your new position.

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                  • #10
                    What are you going to be doing Don?
                    ALL THE WAY WITH GOOD OLE JAY!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Wishful10x8 View Post
                      What are you going to be doing Don?
                      Well I went to an interview for a dishwasher/utility job at an Olive Garden and was there for a little over an hour and they offered me the job.
                      Bringing you up to speed Wish, from the Just Talking thread.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by TheZZMan View Post
                        At least you know, which is nice. And you have also taken the initiative to ask which should help next time you are curious and it will make it easier the next time around. Now that you will be working in a restaurant with other employees instead of working alone in an office building, at night, by yourself. There will be many more opportunities to meet others who are potential candidates. Another "perk" of your new position.
                        A place of business where I interact with more than 1-2 people at a time will certainly help with meeting others, although I don't know much about the dating part when it comes to work.

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                        • #13
                          I'd like to quote TheZZMan's signature cuz there's a lot of truth in it, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” I think that applies to all types of relationships. If you can do that and show others that you are confident in yourself, you'll be just fine. Direct eye contact, body language, smile, all are important .
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                          2016 (5 1/2 x 4 1/2) > 2017 (7 5/8 x 5 5/8) > 2020 (8 x 5 3/4) > Oct 2021 (7 1/2 x 5 3/4)
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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ultimate Burrito View Post
                            I'd like to quote TheZZMan's signature cuz there's a lot of truth in it, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” I think that applies to all types of relationships. If you can do that and show others that you are confident in yourself, you'll be just fine. Direct eye contact, body language, smile, all are important .
                            Show confidence? That's like asking a mongoose and a snake to get along.

                            In all seriousness though it is time I start doing that and hopefully, whatever job I get (as I recently got a call about a possible shift manager position for Goodwill) I'll need to breathe confidence and let things go as they may, and I'm sure I'll have more confidence now that I'll actually be able to do things like buy stuff and do things with money.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Dontrike View Post
                              I've known this person for quite some time, about seven years, and we had this little barely relationship going a few years ago, but nothing was ever made official and she met someone. We have flirted a lot during this time, both when she is and not in relationships, which has been nothing but harmless as I have always said that when she is in a relationship I won't do or say anything that steps over the line.

                              With that though over the last six months to a year there has been some rather odd statements. Now many of these aren't completely out of left field, like when I mention how I should have asked her out or if she's single again I'll ask her out and she says "Maybe one day". Statements like that don't mean much, at least I don't think so, but then recently, along with many other statements, I started to think if she means more by some of these. For example recently she was incredibly sick for a couple months and we couldn't speak much, so when she came back she said "I missed you, more than you know."

                              That last statement has me really thinking if she means something deeper. So here I sit wondering and thinking if maybe the next time we talk if I should bring up my confusion of these statements and what she means. What do you folks think? Am I reading what she is saying wrong and imagining things? Is it worth the time and risk to ask, possibly risking a friendship, or should I ask just for clarification, and on a chance at something more?
                              One thing will advice you with any girl is to act quickly, not wait long because she'll then put you in friends zone or at best possible future bf while she'll be clearing the list.

                              Serious women like things to work smoothly which is also asap because in her mind says if he's ''the one'' then it must had already started..from time we got our eyes on each other.

                              Ofcourse it's different if she's the testing playing around girl which I avoid since they are waste of time and simply not worth for a relationship, except if you have lot of time to spend on games than building a relationship or/ you have other women to enjoy with while ignoring...playing with the testing type.

                              *Now you must wait for an opportunity like when she said "I missed you, more than you know." so you instantly use it to build kind of deeper relation with her, always hit when she does the front step so it was her idea not yours
                              Last edited by Solving; 11-27-2017, 05:00 AM.

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