How to tell a blow-off excuse from a genuine story?

[Wang McDiddledong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wang McDiddledong]

Soo... how to know when a girl is telling you the truth, and when she's just saying something so that you won't feel hurt?

Like for example a girl that says she doesn't want to do carnal stuff, but explains it's because "she's tired of men for the time being", "her mindset has changed since the old days", and "she doesn't want a long distance relationship"? Are these common things women say to men they don't want to get intimate with to spare their feelings, or are there chances of these reasons being genuine?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

It's called trust;either you trust them or you don't.

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Doesn't really matter either way, the outcome is the same.

But if she was lying to save your feelings, is that such a bad thing? It would mean she cares enough to try and not hurt you.

I can't honestly answer your question as I'm not her, but would say accept it graciously. You never know what's round the corner.

[Wang McDiddledong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wang McDiddledong]

Doesn't really matter either way, the outcome is the same.

But if she was lying to save your feelings, is that such a bad thing? It would mean she cares enough to try and not hurt you.

I can't honestly answer your question as I'm not her, but would say accept it graciously. You never know what's round the corner.

She hurt me bad enough already by not wanting to do the sex stuff with me, so no, I don't appreciate any attempts to spare my feelings. I prefer brutal honesty to white lies, I want to know whether I should feel good or bad about eliminating persons like this from my life you know

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Well you know her, does she lie a lot? If not, believe her.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

The fact that she has given you multiple reasons tells me that she is not being completely honest.

I am a brutally honest person and I can tell you that I have gotten a lot of sh*t for it. Like Tara said it really doesn't matter what her reason is, the end result is still the same, you aint gettin' any. The only thing I can say is be careful what you wish for. Lies are made up to protect oneself, not the person being fed the lie. She is not trying to preserve your feelings, she is trying to avoid conflict and an uncomfortable situation for herself. If she cared about your feelings her approach would not be self preserving, she wouldn't lie to you, she would find a gentle way of telling you the truth so she could preserve the relationship.

The only reason you should want people to be totally honest with you is so that you can hear what they have to say and learn from it to make yourself a better person. If that is your goal, to make yourself a better lover/person, then by all means face her and ask her again how she really feels. Once you take away her reason for the lie (creating conflict and making the situation uncomfortable any way) then you will get the honest truth. Just be prepared to not like the answer!

[Wang McDiddledong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wang McDiddledong]

It's not like all these things have just sprung up right off the bat. I have reasons to believe she was being honest about that depression/desensitization stuff, since she told me about that on the phone before. The problem is, though, after our first meeting we never saw each other again, only continued the familiarity online. We live in different cities after all. Even though I'd always flirt and make suggestions, she for some reason was surprised when I came clean about my intentions for her. She acted as if it was a genuine surprise that I liked her, even though I was pretty obviously showing interest in the preservation of the nature of our relationship. It was probably my mistake to assume that her attraction (if she had any for me in the first place) wouldn't just die down over time, that and our talks were pretty deep, which probably made her think of me more as a friend.

It's very disappointing, but I'd rest easier if I knew what she was saying was true, that she didn't want to do anything because she's averse to long-range relationships (I know for a fact that she had been in one until recently). That way at least I'd know she does like me, but it's life that's in the way. Or know she never did, which would leave me with no regrets about cutting off.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

..."she's tired of men for the time being", "her mindset has changed since the old days", and "she doesn't want a long distance relationship"?

How many red flags do you need to see!? This woman gave you three excuses for why she doesn't want to fuck you.... Do you really need to hear her explain why? No you don't, you pick your ego up off the floor write this one off as a rejection and move on.

Quit wasting your time on these women who don't want you. If she was into you she would make excuses for you to be together, not give you reasons for why she's broken and doesn't want have sex with you.

Wait, is this someone you met online?

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

It's not like all these things have just sprung up right off the bat. I have reasons to believe she was being honest about that depression/desensitization stuff, since she told me about that on the phone before. The problem is, though, after our first meeting we never saw each other again, only continued the familiarity online. We live in different cities after all. Even though I'd always flirt and make suggestions, she for some reason was surprised when I came clean about my intentions for her. She acted as if it was a genuine surprise that I liked her, even though I was pretty obviously showing interest in the preservation of the nature of our relationship. It was probably my mistake to assume that her attraction (if she had any for me in the first place) wouldn't just die down over time, that and our talks were pretty deep, which probably made her think of me more as a friend.

It's very disappointing, but I'd rest easier if I knew what she was saying was true, that she didn't want to do anything because she's averse to long-range relationships (I know for a fact that she had been in one until recently). That way at least I'd know she does like me, but it's life that's in the way. Or know she never did, which would leave me with no regrets about cutting off.

Is the the same girl from before?

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Why are you questioning her honesty? She said no. She gave three reasons for no, but it's still no. She seems surprised you want to pursue a sexual relationship. I don't see any dishonesty here. No means no.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Seems quite simple that she is not interested in anything other than whatever online relationship you have enjoyed in the past. There is a possibility that she may change her tune later on, but doesn't seem likely. We all have friends that we have no desire or want to bed as part of our makeup of friends. Guys and girls can have platonic relationships. Keep her as a friend despite your disappointment at not being boyfriend material. She obviously likes you as a person, which is nice.

[Wang McDiddledong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wang McDiddledong]

Seems quite simple that she is not interested in anything other than whatever online relationship you have enjoyed in the past. There is a possibility that she may change her tune later on, but doesn't seem likely. We all have friends that we have no desire or want to bed as part of our makeup of friends.

No, we don't ALL have those, speak for yourself.

Guys and girls can have platonic relationships. Keep her as a friend despite your disappointment at not being boyfriend material. She obviously likes you as a person, which is nice.

That doesn't work for me, I'd rather just cut off the relationship altogether. Being liked as a person isn't nice, it isn't special at all and I have no interest in it.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

You want to fuck all your friends? For real?

[Wang McDiddledong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wang McDiddledong]

You want to fuck all your friends? For real?

No, I'm heterosexual - which means I don't want to fuck my male friends. Who happen to be the only kind of friends that I have, I don't make freinds with women. I can be pals or colleagues, but not friends. Well unless the girl is taken or something, but makes it clear that we'd be fucking if she weren't. It's all about the psychological comfort of knowing that person's into you, but it's life that's in the way. If a person's not into you, it's damaging to the ego, so it's probably better to just go away to avoid the unpleasant feelings. Unless that person is unattractive herself, in which case one probably couldn't care less.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

No, I'm heterosexual - which means I don't want to fuck my male friends. Who happen to be the only kind of friends that I have, I don't make freinds with women. I can be pals or colleagues, but not friends. Well unless the girl is taken or something, but makes it clear that we'd be fucking if she weren't. It's all about the psychological comfort of knowing that person's into you, but it's life that's in the way. If a person's not into you, it's damaging to the ego, so it's probably better to just go away to avoid the unpleasant feelings. Unless that person is unattractive herself, in which case one probably couldn't care less.

Wow, gonna have a long lonely life hanging with a bunch of dudes then. I have a well balanced mix of good friends, both male and female. And it is easy to maintain these as friends because "I" am taken and have pledged myself to one woman. That is how things are supposed to work. Gosh, couldn't imagine life without good friends. Being able to confide in others (as we are doing now here) and not have any consequences nor expectations helps you get through the day sometimes. Would love to change your mind on this, but it needs to be something you are comfortable with.