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  • Dumped so gf could "find herself"

    My girlfriend dumped me so she could go "find herself" right before our eight month anniversary and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

    I know exactly what that means and I told her "no one breaks up to find themselves." Exes just say that as an excuse to party and sleep around. She's 18 and doesn't know what she wants, I'm 30, divorced, know exactly what I'm looking for in a relationship, and how to accomplish those goals. I think she wants to go party expecting her birthday to be more exciting and let her single friends from work talk her into this.

    I told her that she can't come back, we won't remain friends, I won't call or text her, and I won't help with school anymore. Sucks for her because the only class she passed this semester was the online class I "helped" her with where she got a B. I hope she finds what she's looking for and gets her act together because I'm a real catch IRL and I won't give her a second chance.

    On a positive note, this is the kick in the pants I have been waiting for. I have two weeks to myself to finish some school work and workout, then I start classes again at a women's university where women outnumbered men 3:1 and almost all of them are single.
    Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

  • #2
    Sounds like she did you a favor man. I'm in a similar boat. GF left on a trip across the world, and decided after 5 months that she isn't ever coming home, that she "fell in love with the place." Long distance was going great until she dropped the bomb on me that she isn't coming back.

    I know it sucks but you're right. You're a catch, stay true to yourself and find one that doesn't want to play games. They are rare creatures, but they're out there.

    Great White Buffalo.
    Starting Measurements: 6.25" BPEL, 5.0" MEG (May 9, 2018)
    Desired first gains: 6.5" BPEL, 5.125" MEG (Scheduled August 9, 2018)

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Aurelius View Post
      I know it sucks but you're right. You're a catch, stay true to yourself and find one that doesn't want to play games. They are rare creatures, but they're out there.

      Great White Buffalo.
      I know it sucks, I kind of saw it coming but she led me to believe she was acting like a jerk because she was stressed. She even took me to Avengers Infinity War (a movie she wanted to see) last night and we made plans to spend our anniversary together. I was planning on giving her a massage, cooking her dinner, and eating her out before her shift tomorrow.

      We never fought or had any serious problems and this was my first good relationship after my divorce. It took me 5 years to heal and move on after what happened and I thought the relationship would work out. I guessed wrong apparently. It's OK, she'll find out what's she's missing after her work friends don't work out and she realizes just how much one night stands and partying sucks when she matures.
      Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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      • #4
        It is unfortunate that so many girls today chase the "experience" that they're blinded to what actually leads to a happy life. They think getting hammered and doing drugs and screwing random guys at parties in college is the key to a happy life, because that's what they compare themselves to on social media.

        Tragic, but thus is the modern world. All we can do as men is crush our goals, get shredded, get money, and keep searching for the few and far between unicorns. See all disappointment in your life as a humble teacher - that will make you better and stronger if you allow it to.
        Starting Measurements: 6.25" BPEL, 5.0" MEG (May 9, 2018)
        Desired first gains: 6.5" BPEL, 5.125" MEG (Scheduled August 9, 2018)

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Aurelius View Post
          I'm in a similar boat. GF left on a trip across the world, and decided after 5 months that she isn't ever coming home, that she "fell in love with the place." Long distance was going great until she dropped the bomb on me that she isn't coming back.
          Yeah, that's fairly common with LDRs. They say parting makes the heart grow fonder but it doesn't last for long, especially when they have suitors gunning after them and the loneliness gets to bee too much.

          It also takes a certain level of maturity and willingness to work on the relationship that not too many people have... You have to be incredibly committed, have enough experience working the relationships already, and have an end goal in mind or it doesn't work.

          If you're already married or have a baby together it's one thing but a girlfriend who's read "Ear, Pray, Love" one too many times is another. It's easier just to breakup before something like that happens than be the only one working on the relationship.
          Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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          • #6
            Originally posted by TheGreatDivider View Post
            If you're already married or have a baby together it's one thing but a girlfriend who's read "Ear, Pray, Love" one too many times is another. It's easier just to breakup before something like that happens than be the only one working on the relationship.
            Funny, she mentioned that book exactly in one of our final conversations. Wow.
            Starting Measurements: 6.25" BPEL, 5.0" MEG (May 9, 2018)
            Desired first gains: 6.5" BPEL, 5.125" MEG (Scheduled August 9, 2018)

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Aurelius View Post
              It is unfortunate that so many girls today chase the "experience" that they're blinded to what actually leads to a happy life. They think getting hammered and doing drugs and screwing random guys at parties in college is the key to a happy life, because that's what they compare themselves to on social media.

              Tragic, but thus is the modern world. All we can do as men is crush our goals, get shredded, get money, and keep searching for the few and far between unicorns. See all disappointment in your life as a humble teacher - that will make you better and stronger if you allow it to.
              I don't know if that's a fair assessment. Some girls chase after that lifestyle because of social media but I would say it's more of a coping mechanism for depression. Think about it, when was the last time you were deeply depressed and bought something expensive because you expected it to make you widly happy? It's the same for relationships except a lot of the time the significant other has friends or family cheering them on, saying "yeah, breakup with him and we can have fun", not knowing that in delivering placating words they're contributing to depression down the line.

              Yeah, that's what I've been working on with saving money, paying off bad credit (my score is like 550 BTW), getting in better shape, and working on my bachelor's degree. But with this I'm going to get my driver's license, kick up the exercise and dieting into full gear, and work on getting that $40-$60K job after my Master's degree. I'm a straight demisexual, so I don't really care about having sex when I'm not in a relationship but when I meet that woman I will rock her world in and out of the bedroom.

              I have plenty of experience with heartache and disappointment but it doesn't really affect me anymore. I went through a rough separation bfeom the military, a terrible divorce to an equally terrible ex wife, homelessness, hardship, failure, grief, sorrow, the jerk stage of life, and now I'm OK with this... I'm just understandably hurt and disappointed with her.
              Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Aurelius View Post
                Funny, she mentioned that book exactly in one of our final conversations. Wow.
                Yeah, dude. Cheaters and wayward partners follow a predictable pattern of thinking with scripts. You may recognize the "It's not you; it's me", "we/I need to work on ourselves/myself", and what I got with the old "I need to find myself." It's almost always a lie used to save themselves from the truth about how they aren't happy and expect the world to change something in their lives for them. There are other scripts and though patters like the "I love you but I'm not in love with you!" but the all mean the same things in the end, "I'm not happy because of ________."
                Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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                • #9
                  Tough luck dude! I hope you gonna be ok!
                  Start 5.8 (14.9 cm) BPEL 5.2 MEG

                  Now: 7 .9 (20 cm ) BPEL 5.3 MEG

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Norwaydude View Post
                    Tough luck dude! I hope you gonna be ok!
                    Yeah, I will be OK. This isn't my first rodeo after all, so this isn't as hard to deal with as my divorce was. I'm already going through the stages of mental healing. Right now, I'm remembering all the problems I had with her.... She was an immature teenager that liked to smoke weed, blow off her responsibilities and hang out with homeless people.

                    She's a child that didn't know what she wanted in a relationship and thinks having sex with other guys/girls and partying during her birthday money that will bring her happiness. I thought that age difference wouldn't matter if I treated her right but she's just not ready to settle down right now. I'm looking for a wife and future mother and she's just not there yet.

                    I'm still pretty pissd over this though. It would almost be better if she had cheated instead of leading me on like this. At least then I could rationalize the breakup as being out of my control, but I did everything right this time and it still didn't work out. I've never had this happen before. I always get cheated on and left for the badboy type. But this time I was the bad boy where it counted and really nice to her. I didn't ask for a lot or get clingy, I just asked for one brief call a night, maybe a few texts to see how she was doing, and a few date nights a week. That's not a lot, right?

                    Physically I'm a mess... I couldn't sleep last night, I can't eat, I'm not thirsty, I'm anxious and my blood pressure is through the roof, and I'm having neck and back aches. I'm trying to make myself sleep but my body won't allow it. I was going to workout today and run a few errands but I don't think that will happen. I was really looking forward to eating a good meal with her but it looks like I will be fasting today.
                    Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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                    • #11
                      Most girls at that age are immature and stupid. Her friends lead her to breaking up with you due to age difference.

                      She might have used you just because you must have more experience in sex than boys her age or little older. Then when she saw you both might had peaked in sex, she ended the relation.

                      Also, she must have thought and saw from your atittude that you are taking her seriously, as a possible future wife so instead of apreciating your love like many mature women in their 30s or end 20s, she saw your actions as needy, coming from a nice guy!!

                      Most importantly, the way of breakup must had proven for you that she was just for fun...for sex..matter of time she get grabbed back to youngsters her age...

                      It is simple, you are serious, she is a kid, why get stuck with one man and take care of home early when she can fuck around then after a decade she thinks of family...you see different mentality...

                      An advice for you despite your rudness, if you prefer young girls in early 20s then go after religious girls, just because they are raised on the idea of being house wives or most importantly the idea of family importance, while party and not religious girls are just for sex, enjoy fucking still fresh bodies..
                      Length 7.7" Girth 6.4"
                      Goal L 8.3" G 6.8"

                      Purity and simplicity are the two wings with which man soars above the earth and all temporary nature.

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                      • #12
                        Ummm she is 18y what did you expect.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
                          Ummm she is 18y what did you expect.
                          Certainly not this. After dating for almost 8 months I thought she was more mature than this.
                          Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Well realizing its no consolation GD, this experience just upped your own maturity level too! The difference between 18 & 30 is 12 "LIGHT YEARS"...the difference between 42 & 30 is 12 years too, but it's only 12 "YEARS"! VAST difference!

                            I'd recommend making your next shopping list in the 25 & older age bracket. You'll have much more opportunity to find an experienced more mature partner on the same mental "wavelength" there, than having to sort out the inexperienced, goofy, teen-aged party girls that think any Dick will do! You'll be happier and much more successful long-term, IMO.

                            Sincerely sorry for your heartache, but getting some exercise, eating right and focusing on your studies will not only make you healthier, it'll keep your mind off the breakup! Good luck to you, Bro!

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                            • #15
                              Big deal! I hold the record on being dumped. Never dumped a girl in my life; they dumped me. I got very good at it.
                              The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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