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  • Please respond if you can!!! Zoloft

    *How common are sexual side effects with Zoloft? Anyone have issues? Anyone NOT have issues? Please feel free to move this to appropriate location. I just really wanted this to be visible.

    Hello all,

    I will try to keep this short and easy. I found out 6 weeks ago that my wife has had emotional affairs (a few) online, messages, texts, photos, and phone for 2+ years. I am devastated. We have been married almost 22 years. I have only been with 2 women in my entire life. I am the only guy she has ever even kissed (I think). I found out because she was acting very differently and shutting me out for months... Finally, I checked the phone records and found a few anomalies. She would never have told me if not caught. She did a good job ending contact with him and owning her wrongs. The next few weeks brought us closer, although it took that long for the full truth to come out. Then, when our marriage counselor advised that total transparency of her whereabouts, devices, passwords, etc. would be necessary to rebuild trust... She began to shut down. We always shared everything for 20 years. I never snooped. Secrecy and password changes only became necessary once her cheating got out of hand.

    She has refused to give any passwords... each time I mention it, we move closer to divorce.

    She was also hiding some cash, and calling domestic abuse hotlines. I have never used a swear word at her in our entire relationship (even after the disclosure). I have never hit, kicked, grabbed, pushed, detained, restricted financial access... nothing abusive. We don't agree on some things regarding parenting (4 kids) and life in general. She tends to shut down and disregard me. Then I keep talking to get some sort of acknowlegement. If I am upset or follow her into the next room to continue a discussion... she considers it emotional abuse.

    Having said all of this... I do not believe she ever slept with anyone else. I am 98% sure. These guys were thousands of miles away, and she just enjoyed the attention. They started innocently on quora.com, and then friendships got out of hand. The special trust we have had since we were basically kids has been shattered. Not sure if she is even the same person anymore. It scares the hell out of me that she had over 1,000 posts... over 3,000 followers... and had done this and lied for a couple of years... and was never going to tell. I had no idea what quora was... or that she was on it constantly. Reading her bible until late at night, then avoiding me... thinking that was the way to recover. Talking to girlfriends (mutual friends) about how bad I was. Talking to her online boyfriend about how bad I am. It's all so hard to accept from the girl I thought was the sweetest, most loyal, and most honest on earth.

    I will say I handled things badly for some years... When we were homeschooling and she would disregard my opinions, I dealt with it poorly. I was critical. I did not give her the right kind of love, compliments etc. for years. There were many other life stresses involved as well. The kids became too much of a focus. Very few date nights for years....

    So my counselor referred me to a psychiatrist... I have been prone to depression my entire life. But recent events have made it bad. I was prescribed a low dose of Zoloft. How common are sexual side effects with Zoloft? Anyone have issues? Anyone NOT have issues? I took my first pill this morning. I have never taken an anti-depressant before. BTW- we have ruled out ADHD, Bipolar 1&2, Hypomania, schizophrenia, and other major issues (with me).

    I do PE for both myself and my partner... not because we have bedroom problems. I always put my woman first in bed. I take my time. She usually finishes twice, but our record is 5 times. I feel good about it. I kind of need the drug right now... but I cannot bear a loss of drive or function in this area. If that's the deal... I will refuse to take it and try anything else... more exercise, yoga, playing music, hanging upside down, hypnosis, whatever.... More PE?

    I would really appreciate your experience or insight.
    Digittydog
    Senior Member
    Last edited by Digittydog; 05-21-2018, 12:25 PM.
    Digittydog
    3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
    4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
    5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
    6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
    7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
    8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

    +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
    Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

  • #2
    After all tat she did you guys are still having sex?
    The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

    Comment


    • #3
      I don't know anything regarding that type of medication but I would say you need to work on being a couple before sex.

      Your wife has basically had a whole separate life from you. Things/needs are lacking between yous, probably both sides.
      Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.

      Comment


      • #4
        Diggity -

        Regarding your question - SSRIs can cause sexual side effects, including a decreased libido, trouble getting an erection and delayed orgasm.

        This does not mean every man on SSRIs, like Zoloft, experience these issues. So, don't worry so much about it that your worry actually makes these side effects happen - not the RX.

        I commend you for still working on your relationship. Emotional cheating can be more devastating than physical cheating.

        Regarding your wife not wanting to do full disclosure on passwords, etc. -- have you asked her why? Not an accusatory "Why not?!" but rather a sincere, "Why?" as a means of better understanding her position.

        It may be something completely innocent. Or it may not be. However, communication is the only way to really find out.
        Kimberly
        PEGym.com

        Follow us on Twitter! https://twitter.com/pegym

        Comment


        • #5
          Yes
          Digittydog
          3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
          4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
          5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
          6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
          7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
          8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

          +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
          Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by KMWylie View Post
            Diggity -

            Regarding your question - SSRIs can cause sexual side effects, including a decreased libido, trouble getting an erection and delayed orgasm.

            This does not mean every man on SSRIs, like Zoloft, experience these issues. So, don't worry so much about it that your worry actually makes these side effects happen - not the RX.

            I commend you for still working on your relationship. Emotional cheating can be more devastating than physical cheating.

            Regarding your wife not wanting to do full disclosure on passwords, etc. -- have you asked her why? Not an accusatory "Why not?!" but rather a sincere, "Why?" as a means of better understanding her position.

            It may be something completely innocent. Or it may not be. However, communication is the only way to really find out.
            My wife may be undiagnosed ASD. She thinks so. She is very smart and capable... but has peculiarities to her wiring such as: trouble deciphering emotions, discomfort around emotions, trouble interpreting non-verbal communication, preference for bluntness, anxiety around flirting or things not spelled out explicitly, etc. One of her "needs" is the space to process things in private. This used to be done in journals and letters. Then phone and text to girlfriends. Then an online journal and messages to girlfriends. That's all great. Then she got into these relationships and also some people and blogs which are poisoning her against me IMO. The dilema is... she doesn't want me "to have her whole mind" which I understand. But also she did what she did and needs to build trust. Trust cannot be built through secrecy and sweeping things under the rug.

            I have read a bunch of things online about the sexual side effects. Even in women, sex drive is often reduced on ssris. So do you think there are plenty of men who do not experience the side effects. Depending on how common they are... I may not take this.
            Digittydog
            3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
            4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
            5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
            6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
            7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
            8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

            +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
            Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by CUSP82 View Post
              After all tat she did you guys are still having sex?
              Yes
              Digittydog
              3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
              4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
              5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
              6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
              7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
              8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

              +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
              Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Tara123 View Post
                I don't know anything regarding that type of medication but I would say you need to work on being a couple before sex.

                Your wife has basically had a whole separate life from you. Things/needs are lacking between yous, probably both sides.
                I agree. But I don't think putting that on hold would help us. She wants me to initiate regularly... my dignity is taking a hit though. I also want the sex of course. It's hard. It's something I have debated. I have slept in the guest room several times recently (hoping she comes for me). Sex is something which has been a constant and the contact helps. It's an area which isn't currently broken... although the affairs are hurting it a bit. We have never used sex as leverage for change, and I really don't want to start.

                I have basically decided not to make any policy about it. Going with how I feel that day.
                Digittydog
                3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
                4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
                8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

                +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
                Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Digittydog View Post
                  My wife may be undiagnosed ASD. She thinks so. She is very smart and capable... but has peculiarities to her wiring such as: trouble deciphering emotions, discomfort around emotions, trouble interpreting non-verbal communication, preference for bluntness, anxiety around flirting or things not spelled out explicitly, etc. One of her "needs" is the space to process things in private. This used to be done in journals and letters. Then phone and text to girlfriends. Then an online journal and messages to girlfriends. That's all great. Then she got into these relationships and also some people and blogs which are poisoning her against me IMO. The dilema is... she doesn't want me "to have her whole mind" which I understand. But also she did what she did and needs to build trust. Trust cannot be built through secrecy and sweeping things under the rug.

                  I have read a bunch of things online about the sexual side effects. Even in women, sex drive is often reduced on ssris. So do you think there are plenty of men who do not experience the side effects. Depending on how common they are... I may not take this.
                  It sounds like she needs to see a psychiatrist too, to help her develop some of her social skills. It's OK to want to process things in private - but that doesn't necessarily preclude her sharing her e-mail passwords, etc. with you.

                  Perhaps she should go back to journaling. A form of processing that she can keep private - but is not something where you should have a concern about her inappropriately interacting with other people.

                  Here's my thought on the whole "complaining to others" business. And, this goes for every couple...

                  Every minute a person spends complaining about their significant other to a third party is one less minute that could be spent actually addressing the issue with your significant other and fixing it.

                  Of course, you have to have developed enough communication skills to have these difficult conversations productively.
                  Kimberly
                  PEGym.com

                  Follow us on Twitter! https://twitter.com/pegym

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thread moved to the Relationship Forum.
                    To totally satisfy a woman sexually is not about having a large penis, it's about being a good lover.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by KMWylie View Post
                      It sounds like she needs to see a psychiatrist too, to help her develop some of her social skills. It's OK to want to process things in private - but that doesn't necessarily preclude her sharing her e-mail passwords, etc. with you.

                      Perhaps she should go back to journaling. A form of processing that she can keep private - but is not something where you should have a concern about her inappropriately interacting with other people.

                      Here's my thought on the whole "complaining to others" business. And, this goes for every couple...

                      Every minute a person spends complaining about their significant other to a third party is one less minute that could be spent actually addressing the issue with your significant other and fixing it.

                      Of course, you have to have developed enough communication skills to have these difficult conversations productively.
                      I agree, but she is the one setting limits on what she is willing to do to repair the relationship. I told her that with transparency I would exclude journals, online journals, messages to certain girlfriends, etc. That didn’t help. She is super anxious about me seeing what she googles. It truly looks like she’s hiding more secrets. I don’t think she is... but no way of knowing.
                      Digittydog
                      3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
                      4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                      5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                      6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                      7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
                      8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

                      +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
                      Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Digittydog View Post
                        I agree, but she is the one setting limits on what she is willing to do to repair the relationship. I told her that with transparency I would exclude journals, online journals, messages to certain girlfriends, etc. That didn’t help. She is super anxious about me seeing what she googles. It truly looks like she’s hiding more secrets. I don’t think she is... but no way of knowing.
                        What does she say when you ask her why she's anxious about you seeing what she Googles?

                        Maybe she's worried you're going to see something that's harmless and try to turn it into something major. Maybe she's worried you'll jump to conclusions that are wrong.

                        Maybe she's Googling something she's embarrassed about - like porn - and is worried you'll judge her.

                        You need to find out what the reason is. But, you need to do it calmly, openly and non-accusatory.

                        You have to talk to her. Come from a place of love. Let her know you are 100% committed to fixing this -- which means fixing your part in these problems, because the only reason she was emotionally cheating, was because she wasn't getting what she needed from you. That doesn't excuse her behavior, but the fact remains the same.
                        Kimberly
                        PEGym.com

                        Follow us on Twitter! https://twitter.com/pegym

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by KMWylie View Post
                          What does she say when you ask her why she's anxious about you seeing what she Googles?

                          Maybe she's worried you're going to see something that's harmless and try to turn it into something major. Maybe she's worried you'll jump to conclusions that are wrong.

                          Maybe she's Googling something she's embarrassed about - like porn - and is worried you'll judge her.

                          You need to find out what the reason is. But, you need to do it calmly, openly and non-accusatory.

                          You have to talk to her. Come from a place of love. Let her know you are 100% committed to fixing this -- which means fixing your part in these problems, because the only reason she was emotionally cheating, was because she wasn't getting what she needed from you. That doesn't excuse her behavior, but the fact remains the same.
                          There is no "fact", only possibility and opinions. Professionals say the betrayed partner is not to blame. Cheating is about the person doing the cheating. Prior to learning any of this, I have spent 6 months trying and owning all of my flaws and mistakes. I am in shape. I am sensitive and attentive (wasn't always). In bed... I am just average physically... but always make sure she finishes at least twice. I put my best effort in. I give her basically the "20-year anniversaty treatment' every 3-6 months. Sex has been 2-3 times per week or more. I help with the kids. I do dishes and laundry. I make a good income. I supported her for 15 years when she wanted to stay home with kids. I am nice to her family.

                          I am not getting what I need from her. That's the fact.

                          She doesn't want me to see what she has been googling. She says she "can't give me her whole mind". Some of it she says is blogs about unhealthy marriages, abuse, etc... I think she may be writting a blog and have a big following of people. Remember, she wrote over 1,000 things and had over 3,000 followers on quora.com and never told me a thing about it. She has at least 4 gmail accounts. Whatever she is doing... she doesn't want me to see. It probably isn't more guys... but it could be. It is very likely something which is feeding discontent and poisoning our marriage.
                          Digittydog
                          Senior Member
                          Last edited by Digittydog; 05-22-2018, 11:10 AM.
                          Digittydog
                          3-23-18 BPEL 6.25/ EG 5 starting
                          4-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                          5-31-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                          6-26-18 BPEL 6.5/ EG 5
                          7-31-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125
                          8-30-18 BPEL 6.625. EG 5.125

                          +3/8" x 1/8" after 5 months PE
                          Goal 8 x 6 (+1.75 x 1)

                          Comment

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