Becoming a Better Lover: Improving Sexual Technique

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

I am starting this thread to create a place where we can share questions and information about sexual techniques. Members come to pegym to work on PE, ED, PreE, EQ, MMO etc, but maybe what we all have in common is that many of us want to be better lovers.

Sex is complex. There are hundreds of positions, dick sizes, emotional moods, stamina levels, sex toys, oral sex techniques, confidence levels, methods to build intimacy and connection. What is working for you? What is not?

I had PreE for 25 years. I came to pegym to learn the methods for fixing it, and found the community to be really supportive. Now that I have beat my PreE, my wife and I are having a resurgence of sexual desire. I want to learn all I can to please her (and myself)!

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

I’ll start this off with a question. Now that I improved my stamina, we have been playing around with different positions. We used to only do her on top because she could make herself orgasm quickly. Through all my preE work, I can now last as long as she needs in any position.

When we do missionary, it is painful for her. I’d like to find a way to make that work because it’s a position where we can look each other in the eyes, and she doesn’t have to be on top and work so hard. What are some things to try to make it enjoyable for her?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Why not ask her?

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

I have asked her. She’s not sure what it is either.

[Lucian Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Lucian]

Painful in what sense? Is it her joints? Back? Vaginal pressure? Too deep?

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

Painful in what sense? Is it her joints? Back? Vaginal pressure? Too deep?

If I go in shallow, there’s no pain. So, I don’t think it’s a girth issue at least at the entrance. When I go in deeper it hurts. I can go in all the way in doggy or when she’s on top. So, at least at some positions or angles I don’t seem to be hitting anything.

I guess this goes back to CUSP82’s suggestion. I should ask her specifically where it hurts (front, back, straight in, etc).

My guess is that it’s an angle issue, or a depth at a specific angle. Is there anything you’re doing that makes it work for you? Or, did it just work naturally? Do you put a pillow under her hips, or does she’s rotate her hips a certain direction?

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Developing the physical traits like endurance and hardness are important. but if one learns to transcend negative emotional thoughts during sexual activity one can focus on their partner to the extent where sex takes on a very different form.

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

Developing the physical traits like endurance and hardness are important. but if one learns to transcend negative emotional thoughts during sexual activity one can focus on their partner to the extent where sex takes on a very different form.

Hmm, what does that mean?

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Pay attention to the way she arches her back in doggy and if she duplicates that when on top. Most likely it is an angle thing and you are pounding her bladder or something. See if you can replicate that arch in missionary by using pillows or having her hang off the end of the bed while you stand.

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

Pay attention to the way she arches her back in doggy and if she duplicates that when on top. Most likely it is an angle thing and you are pounding her bladder or something. See if you can replicate that arch in missionary by using pillows or having her hang off the end of the bed while you stand.

Thanks. Good idea.

[Ellford Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close Ellford]

I’ll start this off with a question. Now that I improved my stamina, we have been playing around with different positions. We used to only do her on top because she could make herself orgasm quickly. Through all my preE work, I can now last as long as she needs in any position.

When we do missionary, it is painful for her. I’d like to find a way to make that work because it’s a position where we can look each other in the eyes, and she doesn’t have to be on top and work so hard. What are some things to try to make it enjoyable for her?

Have her lie down on her tummy with a pillow under her lower tummy area to make entry easy. Doggy style is on all fours, so this is done with her lying down.

This angle puts direct stimulation on her g-spot and is a very enjoyable position for her.

You can also adjust your angle by move up or further back.

This is a great position if your well endowed as you can likely get more in the way without it being uncomfortable.

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

Have her lie down on her tummy with a pillow under her lower tummy area to make entry easy. Doggy style is on all fours, so this is done with her lying down.

This angle puts direct stimulation on her g-spot and is a very enjoyable position for her.

You can also adjust your angle by move up or further back.

This is a great position if your well endowed as you can likely get more in the way without it being uncomfortable.

We have been doing that position recently, and it's really awesome. But, since we're still a little in shock that the preE is gone, we have gotten into this habit of doing oral first (which was our routine back when I had preE so she could cum first), then we still do her on top first because it was the the position that I first had success with when I started fixing the preE. By that time, she is usually done - and then we play around with some other positions so I can finish. I think I need to now have the courage after oral to go straight into the position that you described. That one doesn't hurt her, and like you said, you can get the g-spot stimulation. I think I will need to play around with the angle, pressure, and speed to help her get there - and I wonder if her tightening things up (kegeling?) will help move her in the right direction with that position. I know that during oral, when she is getting close there is a lot of tightening up in the core muscles and pelvic floor.

Do you find that the women you are with have many positions that they can orgasm in, or just one or two? After figuring out how my pelvic floor tightness was causing my preE, and then working a lot on kegels and reverse kegels and stretching, it's now pretty clear that once you get control over those things - you can make yourself have an orgasm in almost any position just by tightening up everything. I'm imagining that is similar for women?

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Hmm, what does that mean?

When you're able to let go of emotions which hold you back, you can better focus on your partner's emotional and physical responses.

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

When you're able to let go of emotions which hold you back, you can better focus on your partner's emotional and physical responses.

Any specific emotions? When I had PreE, I think my main emotion was fear ;-) Now, I think my emotional state is very thankful. Everything is lighter now, less tense. With PreE, like most men, I focused a lot on oral techniques. But now, I’m realizing that even my oral skills were limited by my worry around PreE. I’ve been reading that book She Comes First - and have definitely picked up some techniques that I didn’t know about before. I think when my fear went away, it left a lot of room for me to really be aware of what is going on with her during the experience. Now, I can slow everything down, focus on the sensuality, and adapt to what she is doing. I don’t think I ever was in the right mind space in the past to be able to do that.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Any specific emotions? When I had PreE, I think my main emotion was fear ;-) Now, I think my emotional state is very thankful. Everything is lighter now, less tense. With PreE, like most men, I focused a lot on oral techniques. But now, I’m realizing that even my oral skills were limited by my worry around PreE. I’ve been reading that book She Comes First - and have definitely picked up some techniques that I didn’t know about before. I think when my fear went away, it left a lot of room for me to really be aware of what is going on with her during the experience. Now, I can slow everything down, focus on the sensuality, and adapt to what she is doing. I don’t think I ever was in the right mind space in the past to be able to do that.

Any negative emotion can have an impact- from mere concern to fear, and shame. When it comes to penile functioning the worry in and of itself becomes the problem.