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My wife and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years, married for about a year and a half. We recently moved to Maui and I absolutely love it. She’s having a hard time adjusting and wants to move back to the mainland. Things haven’t been great with us lately. We argue and fight a lot more than we used to. It’s gotten exhausting for both of us. She just hates it here and it’s taking a toll on our relationship. She wants to leave in a couple of months and I want to stay. She moved here for me so I think it’s only right to move back for her. There is no shortage of attractive women here and I find myself thinking about staying here on my own and being single. But the thought of not waking up with her and all the fun we’ve had makes me so sad, it’s hard to imagine life without her. We’re like best friends. I don’t know if it’s just the situation with us fighting and things not being good like they used to be or what. I love her more than anything but I find myself thinking about these women I meet and how I could have a different life here on my own. I guess it’s pretty easy to get wrapped up in it. I go to the beach everyday and see young attractive women wearing next to nothing and go to clothing optional beaches and it’s been amazing. This is something I’ve wanted to do for as long as I can remember. I’m still attracted to my wife. I’m 35 and she’s 30 so we’re still fairly young. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if it’s just normal attraction to the opposite sex or what. Is this normal? Anyone who wants to chime in is welcome. Especially any of the females on here and definitely married men.
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You're fancying other women more at the moment because of the situation your in. Its easy to play out fantasies in your mind of perfect scenarios but as along as you remember their not real.
In the meantime you need to be spending every spare minute with your wife to try and stop her being bored or feeling lonely. Try and get you both involved in activities involving others as well as doing things just the 2 of you.
Some people don't move well and this might be your wife but it could all be different in a few months with a bit of effort made. Stop the fighting as either way it won't help with anything.Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him. -
Hey Want,
I feel your pain. As former military, I was stationed in Hawai'i and lived there for a number of years after I got married and got out of the military.
The temptation is insane over there. Our wives are the opposite...My wife wants to move back to Hawai'i and I want to stay here. LOL
I would encourage you to remember your vows though. I would recommend either looking up materials from The Gottsman Institute to help improve your marriage. Your marriage is worth fighting for.
Regarding moving to the mainland....If it was me, I would because love is sacrifice and if you are serious about salvaging your marriage, this would be a smart move.How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! ~ Song of Solomon 4:10
“For things to change, you have to change.” - Jim Rohn, The Art of Exceptional LivingComment
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P.S. I am listening to "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail" audiobook from John Gottman, Phd. I want the best marriage God has given me.How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! ~ Song of Solomon 4:10
“For things to change, you have to change.” - Jim Rohn, The Art of Exceptional LivingComment
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Take all advice with a grain of salt. You could divorce your wife, sleep with 100 women and still wake up to find yourself hollow and empty. Or you could execute everything perfectly and act as the perfect husband, but your wife might end up divorcing you. Don't get so attached. Be in the present. NamasteComment
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First of all, I want to thank you for being so real on here. It's a breath of fresh air to realize again that this is the kind of place that we can really share our struggles.
This is hard. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. The location on this planet that you wake up in daily is an enormous reality. I hate where I live with a burning passion. I hate it with all of my heart. I'm actively deciding where else to live right now. My wife hates where we live for the same reason that I do; it's miserably cold. However, we have very different ideas about where we want to go and it's definitely caused a reasonable deal of tension. I get your situation. If I get to a new place that's way better than the place I'm in now and she hates it for some reason, I would never move back to where we are. Once I'm out of here, I'm never coming back. I would be willing to compromise and move somewhere else that meets my criteria, but living in a place that puts you at peace is as important as living with someone you love deeply. If your wife simply dislikes Maui, that's one thing. If she hates Maui specifically for the reasons that you love Maui then this question goes deeper than anything I can probably help you with.
I wish you the best of luck and I'm gonna follow this thread to see if I can offer any help as things unfold a bit more.Focus on the positive :D
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The dog in the bun represents my lifetime goal.Comment
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You need to sit down with your wife and have a serious discussion. Let her know you are happy here and find out what makes her loath the islands. Fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle so you can make a rational decision moving forward. Like Ujjaiy said, and I believe, is the sanctity of marriage is something that is not taken lightly. You looked each other in the eyes and vowed to forever stay together regardless of what other outside forces are pulling on you. Would recommend not visiting the clothing optional beaches while repairing your marriage.
At some time in the near past you found this woman worthy of her hand in marriage. Nothing has changed in that regard, you simply need to remind yourself why you said "I do" a couple years ago. Marriage takes a measure of effort, there is compromise on both sides. The easiest solution is to listen, agree and compromise on everything. I've been happily married for over 30 years to the same girl. She is not only my wife, but my best friend -would love for you to see that in your relationship and enjoy many years together into the future.Comment
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I get you like the location but is part of that a fantasy you have developed about how your single life there wpuld be . You realise the reality could be very different.Comment
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Me I hate moving some people move house so very often without much reason. That would upset me .Comment
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I honesty appreciate all of the input and advice all of you have given me. That’s why I love this community. This is one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with in some time. It’s not the fantasy of being here and being single. There’s nothing I want more than for my wife, who is my best friend, and me to be here and enjoy all the island has to offer. This has been a dream of mine. I’ve tried to talk to her for months and figure things out but nothing is changing. She’s homesick and is negative about everything here. It’s become hard for me to enjoy it. Maybe my title wasn’t the best choice. I’m faced with the decision to move back to somewhere I don’t want to be and being with my wife or staying in a place I absolutely love and not having her. I don’t want to move back and be bitter about the situation and cause problems in our marriage. And I’m afraid I will be. But if I don’t go back I don’t know what will happen with us. This is something I know I have to figure out on my own but the support and advice I’m getting means everything. I’ve never felt so stuck in between a rock and a hard place.Comment
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I would agree with zzman. You need to have a sit down talk with your wife. Open communication can help you heal a lot of the hurts you two are feeling right now.goal--Contentment
proactive's progress logComment
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What in particular are some things she doesn't like? Have you asked her do research and plan out a day? Was she excited to move before you guys got there? You said she's homesick... is she very close to her family?Comment
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What she said is so true, you have 2 months to convince her to stay and how good the life will be, you have a lot of loving to do to work the magic.Originally posted by Tara123 View Post
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Well i guess u have to make the choice a little for your self. What do you love more? Your wife who you claim is your best friend. And can see yourself with the rest of your life. Or a plot of ground youve lived on for several months. Also i think itd be important to note she moved there for you. Are you willing to do the same for her? If not? Id think heavy about that. This woman deserves your best. Are you going to fight for your relationship with your best friend or let it go?People may not remember what you did or what you said but they'll always remeber how you made them feel. 😉Comment
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You have labeled her your best friend and wife. Hard Question, does she feel that you are her best friend and husband? Again, topics for a sit down discussion that needs to be had.
If she hates your current paradise, find out why. Are you spending enough time with her to satisfy her needs to feel special and wanted. Something tells me if clothing optional beaches are your go to, then she is sitting at home stewing about the current situation. Carve more time with her, let her know that she is still an important part of your life - Have fun together. Sometimes I am amazed at how simple this relationship thing can be if your put the effort into it. Don't leave her at home pissing about the islands, instead, take her out as a couple and experience all that there is together. Could be a lot of fun.Comment
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