okay.. have some trouble talking to my gf about sex, please help!

[indianajones Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close indianajones]

okay, so sometimes i have some problem talking to my girl about sex, what i like and stuff.. I've learned from reading and from experience that for a man an a woman to have the BEST SEX EVER is to talk about what they like the other one to do.. When ive mentioned a couple of things to her, she takes it very bad, she thinks of it as critisme, which is not my intention at all. ive tried alot of times and the only thing that happends is that we fight, which i dont want. latley i have tried to ignore the things i want her to do with me and kind of thinking its my problem that im a really horny guy with lots of different thoughts going through my head and ive tried to push those thoughts aside.. but the truth is, i really dont want to that.. i see this girl as being potenially the one, because we click on every level, but when im not really satisfied with the sex im getting i dont now how long i can take.. I see sex as a vital part of a relationship! like really important! is this wrong?
the problem is that, when i ask her what she wants me to do better, she says nothing, ITS PERFECT just the way it is. but its not perfect for me. bottom line, ive had girls that are better in bed then my gf, but i want this to change, i want her to be my goddess!!
problems i have with the sex is:
- she can't ride proparly
- she can't blow proparly
- i feel im really passionate, but she's not
- when i cum, in her mouth or face, she tells me she enjoys it but i can see it in her face that she isnt really liking it. i would love for her to squirt me in my face when im licking her! isnt it about the same thing; to squirt in someones face or to sperm in someones face?

I notice sometimes that she is giving her best to make it good, but i still feels its not enough
am I the problem here? am I too picky?

ive told her multiple times how i like it, giving her pointers on different things, but it still seems that she isnt getting what im asking for..

can anyone give me some pointers? guys or girls! it would be very much appreciated! =)

[overunderin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close overunderin]

Maybe not giving her pointers.
Some girls really do find what you are doing as perfect.
Some are more than a little shy.
Have you asked her multiple times how she likes it?
She really may just not have the same drive as you, this happens.
When you say you fight after mentioning things to her....this is to be expected, no matter what you say, she will take this a critism and that is something no-one really likes regarding sex.
Only my thoughts, no disrepect meant or intended.
Really hope things work for you.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

There are so many things going on here that it is hard to know where to start.

The first thing is this -- don't expect her to change. You may be a lot less compatible than you think you are, and you may just have to live with that, or move on. You say that she may be "the one" and you click on every level, but then you go on to tell us how unhappy you are with her sexually. Those two things don't go together. One of the biggest sources of disappointment in relationships is when one partner really expects the other to change. Yes, people do change.... but rarely in well-defined directions that match up with what their partner has in mind. Be prepared to be pleased if she does change her attitude and behavior, but do not be surprised if she does not.

You are of course entirely correct that communication is the key to great sex. But it has to be real two-way communication, and that requires both partners to give and take equally. Clearly this is not happening with you guys, especially if talk about sex leads to fights.

Here is the only thing I can think of to suggest -- stop saying anything that is not positive about what she does for you. If she does something you like, tell her then and there. "Oh baby, I love it when you use your tongue like that!" "Wow, do that thing with your hips some more!" Stuff like that. STOP giving her pointers or directions. In other words, ignore what you don't like, but praise her for what you do like. This should make her feel pleased and secure, and want even more praise..... and with luck she will start fishing for praise by trying slightly new things and being a bit adventuresome. If any of these new things work for you, praise her. If not, say nothing. This will encourage her to expand her sexual horizons with you in a way that will make her feel in secure and in control.

If she starts asking you for opinions verbally -- saying things like "Do you like that, honey?" -- you should always respond in a positive way. Don't say "no, I don't like that" but instead "could you try moving your lips up and down instead?" Deflect any negatives and turn them into positives. You need to keep what you say from sounding like criticism. I know this may be hard, but it is the only way I can think of to help you get over this hump as a couple. Later, if things work out, you will be able to be more candid about your likes and dislikes. But for now try to keep it all positive.

Finally, you may just have to accept that there are some things she does not like and may never like. Can you live with a woman if you cannot cum on her face? Maybe she has been trying to tell you that she doesn't like it, but you're not listening. Not everyone likes everything. Some compromises may be necessary on both sides here.

And remember -- be patient and don't rush.
Change, it if is going to happen, takes time.

[vulcan Retired ModeratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close vulcan]

I cannot imagine that many girls like a guy coming in their face, there is an element of humiliation in it.

Don't get me wrong, I have done it & enjoyed it - just never expected to met with a genuine smile. Sorry, that just really made me laugh.

I cannot contribute beyond that.

[indianajones Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close indianajones]

Overunderin: yes, i have asked her what she likes and she says she likes everything, i always want to improve and do different things and make myself the best lover i can be!

Batwoman: you are totaly right and i always do that too, if she hits the sweet spot i always tell her "thats really good keep going" and encourage her, but im now going to be even more entuiastich about it.. my intenion was not to say that i was unhappy with her, maybe it came out wrong, I just want things to improve..
I have realized that both sides need to compromise and i will do so too and take your advice! thank you!

Vulcan: some people have footfetish, some have peeing fetish, some even have shit on the face fetish, i really like cumming a girl in the mouth and in the face that is my fetish, the cumming sensation is much harder than normal when i do so.. and offcourse not everyone likes it, maybe the fewest.. but you can bet that if a girl i really liked would have a strange fetish i would climb the biggest wall to try and like that fetish myself just because i know she likes it that much.. i think that is a great feeling doing something for your partner that your not comfortable with because of the love to your other half..

[DRXXXTASY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DRXXXTASY]

There are so many things going on here that it is hard to know where to start.

The first thing is this -- don't expect her to change. You may be a lot less compatible than you think you are, and you may just have to live with that, or move on. You say that she may be "the one" and you click on every level, but then you go on to tell us how unhappy you are with her sexually. Those two things don't go together. One of the biggest sources of disappointment in relationships is when one partner really expects the other to change. Yes, people do change.... but rarely in well-defined directions that match up with what their partner has in mind. Be prepared to be pleased if she does change her attitude and behavior, but do not be surprised if she does not.

You are of course entirely correct that communication is the key to great sex. But it has to be real two-way communication, and that requires both partners to give and take equally. Clearly this is not happening with you guys, especially if talk about sex leads to fights.

Here is the only thing I can think of to suggest -- stop saying anything that is not positive about what she does for you. If she does something you like, tell her then and there. "Oh baby, I love it when you use your tongue like that!" "Wow, do that thing with your hips some more!" Stuff like that. STOP giving her pointers or directions. In other words, ignore what you don't like, but praise her for what you do like. This should make her feel pleased and secure, and want even more praise..... and with luck she will start fishing for praise by trying slightly new things and being a bit adventuresome. If any of these new things work for you, praise her. If not, say nothing. This will encourage her to expand her sexual horizons with you in a way that will make her feel in secure and in control.

If she starts asking you for opinions verbally -- saying things like "Do you like that, honey?" -- you should always respond in a positive way. Don't say "no, I don't like that" but instead "could you try moving your lips up and down instead?" Deflect any negatives and turn them into positives. You need to keep what you say from sounding like criticism. I know this may be hard, but it is the only way I can think of to help you get over this hump as a couple. Later, if things work out, you will be able to be more candid about your likes and dislikes. But for now try to keep it all positive.

Finally, you may just have to accept that there are some things she does not like and may never like. Can you live with a woman if you cannot cum on her face? Maybe she has been trying to tell you that she doesn't like it, but you're not listening. Not everyone likes everything. Some compromises may be necessary on both sides here.

And remember -- be patient and don't rush.
Change, it if is going to happen, takes time.

This is the best advice anyone can ever give you my friend. Take it and use it. You will soon see that she will be more receptive to your suggestions in the long run. As for the face shots, leave that to the porn stars, there's nothing sexy about it. Unless, of course you're into degrading women.

[vulcan Retired ModeratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close vulcan]

Vulcan: some people have footfetish, some have peeing fetish, some even have shit on the face fetish, i really like cumming a girl in the mouth and in the face that is my fetish, the cumming sensation is much harder than normal when i do so.. and offcourse not everyone likes it, maybe the fewest.. but you can bet that if a girl i really liked would have a strange fetish i would climb the biggest wall to try and like that fetish myself just because i know she likes it that much.. i think that is a great feeling doing something for your partner that your not comfortable with because of the love to your other half..

Hi Indianajones - I see your point now. I did not mean to seem judgmental ( I have my own things too). But I do think the fact that she is doing the cum in face is evidence that she is trying to please.

I think (& I may be wrong), that it will be hard for her to 'act' happy at the point of your ejaculation - even if she tried (her reaction is probably involuntary). That this is an unreal expectation on your part.

[herosol Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close herosol]

i think this may have to be fixed by things outside of the bedroom.

how's your relationship outside of sex?

does she seem uninterested at times?

[indianajones Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close indianajones]

DRXXX: as i said to Vulcan, its kind of like my fetish. Someone thinks its degrading, i dont see it that way at all! and batwomans advice is very much appreciated! i will def use it!

hero: everything is good, can not complain at all! she does never seem uninterested hehe

vulcan: yes you have a point there and she does it because of love because she knows how much i like it

[DRXXXTASY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DRXXXTASY]

DRXXX: as i said to Vulcan, its kind of like my fetish. Someone thinks its degrading, i dont see it that way at all! and batwomans advice is very much appreciated! i will def use it!

I understand that's a fetish and trust me I don't personally feel as if it's degrading per se ( since I'm into BDSM). Most women feel degraded by it though.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

The main thing is that both partners need to be into whatever the activity is. This doesn't mean that both must enjoy it equally in a physical sense -- it's fine for someone (male or female) to give gifts of pleasure to their partner that are perhaps not all that pleasing to themselves, in their own right. It can be deeply emotionally satisfying to fulfill a lover's fantasies even if the acts themselves don't do much for you.