She had one night stands

[Qloz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qloz]

Hey guys,

I am in a good relationship for 4 months now. Everything is perfect, she is in love with me and I love her as well. But..

In the beginning of the relationship she told me things that I didn't want to know. I didn't ask her to tell me these things, she did it because she felt it would favor our relationship.

She told me that she had two one night stands last year when she was single, in summer and in November. At first, I was like oookaayy..wtf? Then I accepted it and moved on, but I got frustrated as time passed by.

The problem is that I imagine those nights and it keep buzzing in my mind..not always but 1-3 times a week. I talked to her about this and she was crying for an hour because of the regret she feels. She said she regret those nights and she didn't want to lose me because of this. Oh and she regret that she told me this whole story...and I mean, yeah, I would not care about these one night stands if she didn't tell me..but she DID, who the fuck knows why.

I love her and I wanna be with her but I'm a bit scared of this..what if my buzzing mind won't stop, even after months?!

If only she didn't tell me this sh*t...

How would you cope with this? Would you even cope?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Have you ever had a one night stand? If the answer is no you are a rare man.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Umm get some therapy most girls will have some experience get used to it.

[Qloz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qloz]

Have you ever had a one night stand? If the answer is no you are a rare man.

I had, but..I didn't tell her anything about it, because its the past, and it wouldn't be appropriate I feel like.

[Qloz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qloz]

Umm get some therapy most girls will have some experience get used to it.

I'm fine with that, but why do I have to know this?

Therapy, again? haha

[closed232 Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed232]

What is it, more precisely, about this information that bothers you? That she had sexual partners before you? Or the fact that those encounters were ONS? Seems like a weird thing to get hung-up on. You're also contradicting yourself. "She did it because she felt it would favor our relationship", you write, and to me that sounds like a fair and legitimate reason. But then you conclude, some paragraphs later: "I would not care about these one night stands if she didn't tell me..but she DID, who the fuck knows why" So, unless you distrust her - which is a way bigger problem - you do know why, don't you? If I were you, I would accept that explanation and trust that it was an act of honesty and love.

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Better for her to have had 1 night stands before you and realise they arent for her then when with you!

She told you to be honest and share her life with you, past, present and future.

She was single and its not the end of the world so move on. Or honestly you risk losing her. My husband use to give me grief something i told him, i would cry and cry over it until one day i didnt have any tears left for it. When said it, i got up out of bed, got dressed and went to leave....

She can't go back in time and change the past, so stop making her feel bad for actually doing nothing wrong.

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

I agree. I think it would benefit you to talk with a therapist, or, work on some of these things on your own. In this post and some of your other posts, it seems like your are very effected by what other people say, and start to spin those words around in your mind, which leads to you feeling like shit. That's a tough mental state to be in. It sounds like it could be a mix of low-self esteem, an attachment disorder, fear of abandonment, etc. When I was a kid, my father slept around and left our family multiple times. I have spoken with a number of therapists because of issues that resulted because of that. It's helped me a lot and has made me a better husband and father. You may want to consider it.

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

What's bothering him is, he doesnt like to think of her being used for some bloke's sexual gratification like he did with his one night stands.

What you have think is, its a two way street. And shes fine, shes not damaged goods etc

[Qloz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qloz]

What is it, more precisely, about this information that bothers you? That she had sexual partners before you? Or the fact that those encounters were ONS? Seems like a weird thing to get hung-up on. You're also contradicting yourself. "She did it because she felt it would favor our relationship", you write, and to me that sounds like a fair and legitimate reason. But then you conclude, some paragraphs later: "I would not care about these one night stands if she didn't tell me..but she DID, who the fuck knows why" So, unless you distrust her - which is a way bigger problem - you do know why, don't you? If I were you, I would accept that explanation and trust that it was an act of honesty and love.

It's bothering me because I think about this shit all the time. I imagine that some dude fucked her after 2-4 hours of drinking..even though she regretted it and cried because of my explanation I still feel like shit.

Because I didn't want to know this.

I don't know what to do, how to move on..I don't want to lose her but I don't want to lose my mind either.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

I had, but..I didn't tell her anything about it, because its the past, and it wouldn't be appropriate I feel like.

Well she had a past too so sinceit's in the past forget about it. You said you love her? Well a big part of love is forgiveness, not that she needs to be forgiven for being human. So either forget about the past or screw up this relationship real good. I'm going to get something to eat.

[closed232 Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed232]

It's bothering me because I think about this shit all the time. I imagine that some dude fucked her after 2-4 hours of drinking..even though she regretted it and cried because of my explanation I still feel like shit.

Because I didn't want to know this.

I don't know what to do, how to move on..I don't want to lose her but I don't want to lose my mind either.

What you're describing is called life, and if you can't cope with it, seek counsel or professional help if you're unable to deal with it on your own. Because you do realize this isn't her fault?

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

Women are supposed to be dainty, wholesome, fragile, innocent, etc, etc, creatures. That's what their stigma is. So when something goes against our own (unfair) personal image of them, it can be disconcerting. The fact of the matter is, they're sexual beings just like men... they ARE human after all. Things that happened before you don't matter. She told you something in the hopes of getting closer to you by sharing something about herself. Something she regrets. Don't throw that back in her face. You can't live in the past and expect there to be a future. The way you move forward is by apologizing and telling her that you love her.

[Qloz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qloz]

Women are supposed to be dainty, wholesome, fragile, innocent, etc, etc, creatures. That's what their stigma is. So when something goes against our own (unfair) personal image of them, it can be disconcerting. The fact of the matter is, they're sexual beings just like men... they ARE human after all. Things that happened before you don't matter. She told you something in the hopes of getting closer to you by sharing something about herself. Something she regrets. Don't throw that back in her face. You can't live in the past and expect there to be a future. The way you move forward is by apologizing and telling her that you love her.

I know, but can't do much if these pictures in my mind always come up..I can't stop thinking about it, and imagining others fucking my gf.

I'm quite depressed af.

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

I know, but can't do much if these pictures in my mind always come up..I can't stop thinking about it, and imagining others fucking my gf.

I'm quite depressed af.

Well, you're doing it to yourself. Find the underlying reason as to why. Ask yourself what, exactly, are you afraid of? Are there any insecurities you have driving this fear? Pretty sure the answers have nothing to do with your girlfriend.