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  • Please, I need someone to help me...

    This is a heartbreak post and I'm going to do my very best to paint this story to you as best I can. I'm a 22 year old college student and just had sex with my ex of 3-4 years and I miss her terribly. Before I get into how I feel currently, I think it's important for me to give you all as much insight as possible so you can get a picture of my current mental state and the situation at hand.

    The beginning years of adulthood are some of the most important years in any person's development. These are typically the years in which a massive amount of growth and development happens to a person and they develop into the type of adult they are going to be for the rest of their lives. It was the start of Summer 2015 and I was 18 and she was 16. I attended a family member's graduation which was about 6 hours away from home. I remember it like yesterday, I was sitting there with my family members and I saw this absolutely beautiful girl that I couldn't take my eyes off of (We will call her Amy from here on out). I had this weird feeling within me as if some other force pushed me to go talk to her and make sure I don't let the opportunity slip away. I remember feeling an INSTANT connection with her from the moment we started talking. There was no awkwardness or anything of that sort. Our conversation was very refreshing, very fun, and felt effortless. When the graduation came to an end, I remember being rushed out to leave and barely got the chance to say bye to her. Fast forward a few days later, she got my number from one of my family members that live in that city. I remember when we first started talking it was just texting eachother every other day or so. I would feel so excited at the thought of talking to her, and would feel an instant rush when I would check my phone and see a message from her. The texting turned into a daily thing, then it turned into phone calls. We would talk on the phone for hours on end. We ended up getting to a point where we were so connected with eachother that I knew where she was and what she was doing at all times of the day and vice versa.

    None of us admitted it or outwardly showed it, but we obviously really liked eachother. This went on all the way up until January 2016, when I went to visit my family members that live 6 hours away from me. I met up with her, and I confessed the fact that I liked her and she said the same, but would have never had the courage to come out with it if I didn't say it first. We finally became a relationship! It was the happiest moment of my life. We were both absolutely head over heels. We didn't have a day without talking to eachother. We spoke to eachother consistently and I remember how many fights she would get into with me whenever my phone would die and I wouldn't get home or reply to her until the next day. Innocent things, no big deal. She made time to come down to where I live and visit me and I did the same. I remember all the attention I would get from other girls all throughout, but was so in love and so committed that I would completely throw it all away in disgust. I remember really believing that this is the woman of my dreams and the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with 100%.

    The next few years we had our fair share of ups and downs like any relationship does. I was her first and only sexual experience and she was mine. I ended up moving close to her for college and so we could finally have a relationship where we aren't long term around mid 2017. Things started to take a big turn over the next few years. I noticed how much effort I was putting into the relationship, how much time I spent on fulfilling her needs and making sure she's content that I completely ignored myself and my own fulfillment. I started to feel trapped and hopeless, but kept thinking that she would appreciate it and love me more if I kept giving her more of myself. I remember how jealous she was and how she wouldn't let me talk to any girls or interact with them at all. I was never a controlling person, or a jealous person but I guess it rubbed off on me from her. Over time, it became as if I was more like a parent to her rather than a boyfriend. I took care of her financially, academically, emotionally, mentally, and physically. But, the effort was just not there on her part. I was blind for so long and didn't want to accept that truth and when I would address it she would just avoid the conversation or give me beautiful lies that I kept believing.

    Around the end of 2017 I was using her macbook and her imessage is linked to her laptop so I found her sexting another guy. I felt my heart drop into my stomach and those really uneasy nervous butterflies. I ended up crying and when she came home I addressed the issue. She seemed really frustrated and tried to explain how that number isn't even someone she knows and her friend "Maya" at work gave Amy's number to a guy that asked Maya for her number. Then she showed me the texts with her and Maya basically "playing" this guy and just doing that for fun. Regardless, I'm still to this day not 100% sure and would say that she did cheat on me to be honest. At the time, I remember trying to break up with her and she went on sobbing and threatening suicide if I left her and she once took a bottle of pills ran to the bathroom and locked it because I said I'm leaving her. Then she came out and the bottle was empty and told me she swallowed them all, but I don't know if that's true considering how manipulative she was throughout the relationship.

    I stayed with her THROUGH ALL OF THAT SHIT! I still thought that we could come back, her jealousy rubbed off on me and after the cheating thing I never had the same trust again. She started having guys follow her on instagram and I wasn't ok with that considering how she never let me talk to any girls. Then she started posting photos of herself showing her body on instagram which made me feel very jealous and angry. When I would have enough she would promise me to delete them all and delete her instagram. She would do that for a little while, then once the coast was clear go back to doing the same shit. Then blame me for being "too controlling". I went through a very tough phase in my life last year, where I had clinical depression and was failing in school and in many other areas of my life. She wasn't all that supportive of me during that time, it was more like she was doing her own thing and didn't really mind. I became extremely anti-social, my anxiety reached heights it never had before, and my depression the same. Ever since I moved out here for school I didn't really make any new friends or anything because I was so restricted by her all this time. Last year I fell into a drinking/partying loop of destruction with one of my cousins that live out here. I was so depressed I would cope with alcohol, MDMA, marijuana, and parties to get away from my problems. This was all behind her back, I still stayed very loyal and didn't really have sex with other girls until the very end of 2018. I started to feel really shitty and wasn't even sexually satisfied in my relationship anymore. Anytime she would feel horny we would have sex, but if I ever felt that way she wouldn't be in the mood or wouldn't even care. It got to the point where she would make me feel guilty and bad for even trying to have sex with her. I fucked a few girls, but it didn't feel good and they thought I was single and tried to get with me. It didn't have that passionate vibe to it like it did with my girlfriend because I loved her.

    Around the start of this year, the same shit was popping up with my girlfriend. She was doing her instagram stuff that pissed me off, the lack of effort in our relationship reached an ALL-TIME RIDICULOUS LOW with her and I feel pathetic at the fact that this is what it took for me to get out of being with her. I ended up telling her I'm leaving and this time I didn't let anything she threatened me with to have an effect on my decision. She ended up begging me not to leave and dropped down to my feet and I stuck to my guns and left anyways. I went no contact with her and started dating some stripper I met at the parties I would go to and she was always trying to fuck me nonstop, and always doing ALL the things that I wanted Amy to do in our relationship. However, it didn't matter to me...I was emotionally unavailable and I didn't really care about her. I ended up breaking things off just to focus on my own life and get my shit together and I started to feel alright day by day. Then my ex started slowly texting me, I would try to give her the least bit of my time/effort through my texts, but she kept doing it. Slowly trying to wrap me around like an anaconda.

    Recently, we became pretty good friends and I got excited about talking to her and wanted to see her and such. I fucked up, a few weeks ago I went to her and poured my heart out to her and tried to kiss her and she just backed off from me and made me feel like a fucking dumbass. I started to believe that she has changed, and that we could be together considering how well things were going when we would talk. Just a few days ago I had some really fine girls follow me on instagram and she got REALLY jealous, because she messaged me very angrily giving attitude but never told me what it was for. Then, the next day she asked me to come have sex with her and me being a dumb horny guy says yes. We ended up fucking and just laying naked with eachother for hours and talking. She told me she doesn't have any feelings for me the way she once did, not in a romantic way. But, she doesn't want to lose me and wants me to be her friend. She also told me she gets extremely jealous when she thinks about other girls being with me. I ended up telling her how I felt and how I wanted to be with her so badly and tried so hard, but she made it sound as if the relationship was all bad because of me when she's clearly the one at fault. Yes, I did become controlling and jealous over time, but I still constantly took care of her. It was me putting in 99% of the effort in the relationship. Now I feel very shitty and depressed and I miss her even MORE than I did. Just now I saw her post a super revealing photo on her instagram and comment on some guys post with something flirty. It feels really shitty, I feel like she's playing with my heart and ok with it. I feel broken, I feel stressed, I feel depressed. For the past few months everytime I watch any movie with even a slightly emotional scene I want to breakdown in tears because of how much I've bottled inside of me.

    I'm just looking for some advice here, she was my first love and the person that I put my heart and soul out on the line for. I remember doing EVERY SINGLE THING that a man can do for a girl in order to keep her happy. I remember being the PERFECT boyfriend and not feeling like I was ever enough. She fucked with my head so hard, I have severely low self-esteem, but if you saw me in person you would never guess it. I'm a tall, athletic, and goodlooking guy (that's what many girls have told me). But, I just feel trapped in my head. I can't talk to another girl for the life of me, I feel like she trained me to be a slave for her and I let her do it to me. I just need help...I know it's a long story and I'm really fucked up in all sorts of ways. But, even the slightest word of advice would be greatly appreciated from you guys. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
    bigplayre
    Senior Member
    Member of the Month June 2019
    Last edited by bigplayre; 06-09-2019, 08:57 PM.

  • #2
    It happens. I've had ex's who played guys trying to sext them and her friends. They would send close-up nudes of the internet pretending it's them and stuff. Girls will be girls. The fact that she showed you proof should put your mind at ease.
    Start: BPEL - 7.008", MEG - 5.197"
    Current: BPEL - 7.126", MEG - 5.118"

    Goal: BPEL - 9", MEG - 6.5"

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    • #3
      Whats the issue here move on have a good life.

      Comment


      • #4
        One of my friends always told me, fuck her, cum on her face and put her out on the street naked......

        sorry for the "joke". Women just do this I think. I myself came out of a relationship. It didn't have as much drama as yours. But she tried to make me feel I'm the fault that out relationship got where it did. I know I had my faults, but I really tried my best and she said that I wasn't even trying. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Made me feel like a pice of shit, still do. i moved out from her yesterday. My heart is broken, but I'm trying to get myself together and hope one day I will find the right girl for me.
        From what you have written, I would say don't talk to her, don't text her, don't look at anything she is doing, ignore her totally.
        Heads up bro!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
          Whats the issue here move on have a good life.
          I guess it's just the fact that I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to talk to other girls etc, I feel like I'm going through more of a grieving phase than anything. I just don't know how to open up out of the shell she's trained me to hole myself in. To not be able to talk to other girls or even get closer with them because I didn't want to let her down.

          Originally posted by ChaserHUN View Post
          One of my friends always told me, fuck her, cum on her face and put her out on the street naked......

          sorry for the "joke". Women just do this I think. I myself came out of a relationship. It didn't have as much drama as yours. But she tried to make me feel I'm the fault that out relationship got where it did. I know I had my faults, but I really tried my best and she said that I wasn't even trying. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Made me feel like a pice of shit, still do. i moved out from her yesterday. My heart is broken, but I'm trying to get myself together and hope one day I will find the right girl for me.
          From what you have written, I would say don't talk to her, don't text her, don't look at anything she is doing, ignore her totally.
          Heads up bro!
          Thank you bro, it really sucks. We got this shit though, what are some things you're doing to help you get over it?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by bigplayre View Post
            I guess it's just the fact that I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to talk to other girls etc, I feel like I'm going through more of a grieving phase than anything. I just don't know how to open up out of the shell she's trained me to hole myself in. To not be able to talk to other girls or even get closer with them because I didn't want to let her down.



            Thank you bro, it really sucks. We got this shit though, what are some things you're doing to help you get over it?
            Well it sucks, because I'm alone now in my own apartment, wich I had to rent, my family and friends are away 250km. I just try to keep a postivie mind and teel myself that this was the best decision for both of our happniess. Try to watch some comedies that make me laugh and just get through it from day to day. Don't do drugs and alcohol, maybe it's going make you feel better for a few hours, but I think it is going to just prolong the process. This is like grieving, takes time. Maybe it will not heal compelety but it's probably going to be bareable.

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            • #7
              Time heals all yo. Little by little let go of simple things that have to deal with her. She's the type to where you can't be friends with her because she'll end up triggering past and current emotions. Let her at a decent pace. If yall do text each other, wait till she texts first then reply. Try to avoid conversations bout past memories. The good or bad. Little by little let go
              Current- April 25, 2019
              NBPEL- 5.25in
              EG-5in

              Goal:
              NBPEL- 7in
              EG-5.7

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              • #8
                1. Get a new phone / number and don't give it to her
                2. Stay completely away from social media - that shit is just female toxic to the core
                3. When you can - move. Either back to your home town or somewhere miles away
                4. Get a gym membership and track your diet and exercise like a religion
                5. Learn to meditate

                You will have forgotten and moved on in just a couple months if you follow that. Plus you'll have no time for the drama games and you'll be in way better shape physically, mentally, and spiritually.
                Original/Current Stats:
                09 / 2017: BPEL 6.75" / NBPEL 6" / MEG 4.75" / BPFSL 7.25"
                09 / 2019: BPEL 7.625" / NBPEL 6.625" / MEG 5" / BPFSL 8.125"

                Realistic Goals:
                BPEL 8" / NBPEL 7.0" / MEG 5.25"

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ellford View Post
                  1. Get a new phone / number and don't give it to her
                  2. Stay completely away from social media - that shit is just female toxic to the core
                  3. When you can - move. Either back to your home town or somewhere miles away
                  4. Get a gym membership and track your diet and exercise like a religion
                  5. Learn to meditate

                  You will have forgotten and moved on in just a couple months if you follow that. Plus you'll have no time for the drama games and you'll be in way better shape physically, mentally, and spiritually.
                  You're right, I decided to stop using social media altogether. I'm going to just stay away from that shit it's toxic for your brain anyways. I can't move back right now, I'm currently going to school out here so that's not really a possibility until sometime in the future. I've started back up on my strength training routine and it feels so good to be back in the gym working towards my goals. I started to fade away from all that stuff when she was in my life. I'm really pushing myself to the point of passing out and throwing up in the gym too so it feels like a good way to build up my mental resolve. Going to start meditating, thanks for all the great advice.

                  Originally posted by johnny_A1 View Post
                  Time heals all yo. Little by little let go of simple things that have to deal with her. She's the type to where you can't be friends with her because she'll end up triggering past and current emotions. Let her at a decent pace. If yall do text each other, wait till she texts first then reply. Try to avoid conversations bout past memories. The good or bad. Little by little let go
                  Thanks man, she keeps texting me on a daily basis she tries to hit me with the "what's up?" "what are you up to?" and just igniting a conversation. I just respond as blandly as I can. She sees other girls following me on instagram and it's really destroying her mentally. I'm glad to be honest. You're right, time will heal this wound just like it has many others. I was in a really bad state of mind that day when I wrote all of this my depression kicked in really hard. I feel like I'm controlling it better now, not going to let it get the best of me going to wrestle with it until it's done.

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                  • #10
                    Same old story again.. She will try to stay in touch and provoke you to make one proactive step (ask her to meet you, etc). Then she will totally refuse you, start to ghost and you will be feeling like s*it. Not shure why they are doing this, but I keep reading it all the time. You need to cut her off. I know you feel like you can't let her go. But damage has been done and the reality is she will not be the one who will be with you until the end of your/her life. At least the chance is like 0.0001%
                    I know how you feel though. I used to be the same when I was your age. I am now 33 and have completely different view on these things. Good you have started to gym hard. My advise to you is Focus on yourself only. You will like yourself better and so will people around you.
                    01.Dec13 BPEL 6.22 MEG 5.1
                    15.Feb14 BPEL 6.80 MEG 5.15 (stopped PE)
                    20.Aug18 BPEL 6.70 MEG 5.24 (restart)
                    20.Nov18 BPEL 6.97 MEG 5.4
                    06.Mar19 BPEL 7.05 MEG 5.43
                    18.Jan21 BPEL 7.13 MEG 5.43
                    My progress log

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                    • #11
                      The best decision I made was that I blocked the girl who I was obsessing over from all social media. It was excruciating at first, but it gets better over time. You have written a number of times that you have expressed your feelings to this girl yet she has not reciprocated them. I feel it's time you stand up yourself and recognize that you deserve someone who will value you and appreciate you. Since you've written so much on this topic, it's clear that you've given it a lot of thought. This tells me that you're coming from a good place and you're capable of self-reflection. This can be a great experience to learn from in the future so you don't lose track of yourself in the pursuit of someone else. I highly recommend you speak to a therapist since I imagine you must be going through a tough time. The best thing to do is to cut your losses and discover yourself again, regardless of how ugly or painful that process might be.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by bigplayre View Post
                        You're right, I decided to stop using social media altogether. I'm going to just stay away from that shit it's toxic for your brain anyways. I can't move back right now, I'm currently going to school out here so that's not really a possibility until sometime in the future. I've started back up on my strength training routine and it feels so good to be back in the gym working towards my goals. I started to fade away from all that stuff when she was in my life. I'm really pushing myself to the point of passing out and throwing up in the gym too so it feels like a good way to build up my mental resolve. Going to start meditating, thanks for all the great advice.



                        Thanks man, she keeps texting me on a daily basis she tries to hit me with the "what's up?" "what are you up to?" and just igniting a conversation. I just respond as blandly as I can. She sees other girls following me on instagram and it's really destroying her mentally. I'm glad to be honest. You're right, time will heal this wound just like it has many others. I was in a really bad state of mind that day when I wrote all of this my depression kicked in really hard. I feel like I'm controlling it better now, not going to let it get the best of me going to wrestle with it until it's done.
                        To be honest there's still more to come. It'll be a rollercoaster. Especially because she's still trying to be involved. Everyone will pretty much tell you to let her go. Which is very damn true. But you know as well as i know that's hard to do. Take your time bro. One step at a time. However, keep in mind that the end goal is to let her go.
                        Current- April 25, 2019
                        NBPEL- 5.25in
                        EG-5in

                        Goal:
                        NBPEL- 7in
                        EG-5.7

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by petrpan View Post
                          Same old story again.. She will try to stay in touch and provoke you to make one proactive step (ask her to meet you, etc). Then she will totally refuse you, start to ghost and you will be feeling like s*it. Not shure why they are doing this, but I keep reading it all the time. You need to cut her off. I know you feel like you can't let her go. But damage has been done and the reality is she will not be the one who will be with you until the end of your/her life. At least the chance is like 0.0001%
                          I know how you feel though. I used to be the same when I was your age. I am now 33 and have completely different view on these things. Good you have started to gym hard. My advise to you is Focus on yourself only. You will like yourself better and so will people around you.
                          I really appreciate your words. Why is it that women do this? Why do they like to provoke and keep you feeling for them, but never actually get back? Is it like an "insurance policy"? If I date another girl or if she sees me with another girl I KNOW for a FACT that it would KILL her on the inside and she would most likely come fight the girl I'm with. But, in my case if I see her with another guy it would definitely hurt me; however, it would also make it so much easier for me to get over her.

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                          • #14
                            It's not just women that are crazy or sadistic.

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                            • #15
                              If I had a nickel for every narcissistic relationship I've been through that was just like this...

                              She was never going to be faithful to you. She was actually pretty controlling and manipulative from the start. I mean blowing up at you because your phone died and you couldn't reply to her right away. That's not love, that's love bombing and it's a manipulative tactic to get you to think about her non stop so you'll be more compliant when she pulled away. The whole thing is just a pretty typical narcissistic relationship pattern... Idealize, devalue, replace, and discard. Only you dumped her before the last step.

                              What you're experiencing now is just a Hoover, or a bait and switch, where she's trying to keep you as a backup source of attention so she can mess with your head and get you to give her the attention she craves, either positive or negative. Don't drink do it. Block her on everything you can think of and count on never seeing her again. If you do get away from her and refuse to talk to her. She's not going to ever change.

                              The fastest way to heal from this is to accept the harshest truths, the so called "black pills." These are not for relationships with all women, just those with toxic, manipulative, narcissistic partners.

                              Here they are:

                              Black pill #1: She never loved you.

                              Love to her was about to control and doing what she wanted while keeping you around. That's very apparent from the way she parentified you and continuously broke promises to change, lied to you, and kept relationships with her orbiters from you.

                              Black pill # 2: She wasn't real.

                              This one you're not going to see unless you run I to her again but her persona with you wasn't the real her. You might have seen cracks in it but never the real her being nasty or cold with you.

                              Black pill #3: She was never yours

                              She was never going to commit to you completely. In all likelihood, she had other guys she was talking to the entire time who were either exes or wanting to be in a relationship with her. You were just the lucky one at the time.

                              Black pill #4: You we're never hers.

                              Even as committed as you were there was no way she was ever going to accept you. You could have bent over backwards to be the best boyfriend possible and she still would have cheated.

                              Black pill #5: You didn't do anything to deserve this.

                              Perhaps the hardest pill to swallow, but the most important none the less. You didn't do anything to deserve the control and manipulation you faced in the relationship. You weren't abusive with her, you tried your best to love her and take care of her. She did what she did not because of you but because she's damaged.

                              These are just my thoughts based on my experiences with narcissistic partners. Not all women are like this, but it's pretty easy to tell from yours that you got involved with one based on the tell tell patterns and her actions.
                              Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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