What to do with my ex gf?

[Qloz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qloz]

Hey guys,

Me and my ex gf broke up in October, we were kissing, hugging during the breakup, so the breakup went during good terms. I told her that I need time to recover and to clear my mind, she said fine and text her when I'm ready to talk to her. I texted her in November, we started talking everyday. We talked like before we broke up, without saying things like "love you" etc. I didn't really know what to do or what I want from her, I just went with the flow.

During November she said she misses me and I told her to stop and don't make this harder than it already is. I asked her about what is our relationship after the breakup if we talk everyday. She said she doesn't know, she knows that we can't be friends or can't be friends for long but at the moment she feels like we are friends. I told her we can't be friends for too long because it won't work, she answered that she directly highlighted the "at the moment".

In the last week of November she asked if I want to see her dog and maybe go take a walk with her and her dog and talk. I didn't know what to answer, I said okay, why not. I went to her place, we obviously didn't go to take a walk with her dog. We watched Netflix in her room instead during the whole day in her bed. She cooked for me and it was nice, the whole day.

I thought we won't see each other again but I was wrong. In December she asked again, if I want, I can go to her and watch movies again in her bed. I went again, she allowed me to touch her legs and her face but nothing else happened. This happened again for like 5-6 times and I go to her place this Friday and I don't know what to do.

She is very weird while I'm with her in the bed, if I start texting on my phone she begins to stare my phone and asks about my friends, girls. She is more jealous than when we were together. Always asking about others, girls, asking about what I'm doing, what I'm going to do and with whom. If I don't touch her during watching the movies she starts to poke me, so it seems like it bothers her if I don't care about her.

She still knows the code for my phone and when I was out in the kitchen she went through my phone and my Messenger. Asked about girls and etc. If I come up with some dumb shit like I go to a date with someone from Tinder she gets very annoyed.

So yeah, what do you guys think about this whole "thing"? Should I just ignore her in her bed or try something else? (I still have feelings for her, or I'm just attracted to her idk)

[FoeDollas Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FoeDollas]

Doesnt sound like shes lettin you hit.. gets jealous about other girls.. she just wants to be friends with her but you cant have any other girls in ur life. Its pretty clear dude.. you need to get another girl lol

[Dongo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dongo]

I think you need to take the lead sir. She is leading you on and you are following her.

[ProjectMagnum Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ProjectMagnum]

You should count your blessings that she cares about you. Yeah, it's jealousy but there is more to jealousy than her wanting you to herself. It would be different if she is worried about what you were doing while she did her own thing. But if she is "saving" herself for you in a sense, and worried about what you are doing, I view that differently. But that's just how I see it.

[BallsMahoney Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close BallsMahoney]

I think if you want to be her boyfriend, then do that. If not, I think you should give her a clean break and let her move on.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

I don't read where you know which way you want to be.
Is there anything you are really mixed up as far as where you want your life to be headed ?

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

After reading your post and since you are asking for opinions, here is what I would recommend...cut all ties...no more emails, no more texts, no seeing her at all, definitely no Facebook. When I say cut all ties, I seriously mean ALL ties.

You are wasting your time and your emotions on a "ship that has already sailed."

She is inconsistent with what she wants as well as yourself. She is insecure by her looking at your phone and asking about girls you are going out with.

The best course of action is to work on being the best version of yourself (physical training, building up your mind, improving yourself) and like a magnet, you will attract the one you need in your life.

Be courageous and have the machismo to let her go...it's time to move on.

[djmotion Senior Member Member of the Month March 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close djmotion]

The best course of action is to work on being the best version of yourself (physical training, building up your mind, improving yourself) and like a magnet, you will attract the one you need in your life.

This is actually mostly not true. I really don't know where people get this from. I've been working on myself for years and never found anyone nor received the least bit of attention from women. Unless you are young (21 and less) then you usually only meet someone by making an effort with dating. From my experience though, you get a gf easier by partying with friends and then they introduce you to women and so on. Nothing happened for me with going to the gym, doing PE, going to uni, building my career, reading self improvement books, studying, etc.

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

This is actually mostly not true. I really don't know where people get this from. I've been working on myself for years and never found anyone nor received the least bit of attention from women. Unless you are young (21 and less) then you usually only meet someone by making an effort with dating. From my experience though, you get a gf easier by partying with friends and then they introduce you to women and so on. Nothing happened for me with going to the gym, doing PE, going to uni, building my career, reading self improvement books, studying, etc.

Not true for yourself however there are others who have had success by focusing on themselves. I am not discrediting your experience at all...There are exceptions to every opinion.

[djmotion Senior Member Member of the Month March 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close djmotion]

Not true for yourself however there are others who have had success by focusing on themselves. I am not discrediting your experience at all...There are exceptions to every opinion.

I would say it's something people say to others who are having a hard time finding someone and feeling lonely to make them feel better. Focusing on yourself can improve quality of life somewhat but won't make an S.O. fall into your lap. Obviously we all have different experiences but I can't say I've seen someone who has really focused on themselves find a partner. In fact, most of them say they are happy yet they are alone. On the other hand, I've seen people who drink and socialize a lot easily find a partner. Not saying everyone should go get blitzed to meet someone but as far as relationships go, focusing on yourself usually doesn't help. It can even cause you to forget how to flirt and find a partner.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I would say it's something people say to others who are having a hard time finding someone and feeling lonely to make them feel better. Focusing on yourself can improve quality of life somewhat but won't make an S.O. fall into your lap. Obviously we all have different experiences but I can't say I've seen someone who has really focused on themselves find a partner. In fact, most of them say they are happy yet they are alone. On the other hand, I've seen people who drink and socialize a lot easily find a partner. Not saying everyone should go get blitzed to meet someone but as far as relationships go, focusing on yourself usually doesn't help. It can even cause you to forget how to flirt and find a partner.

Have to say this is a common experience; however I really think it is the combining of the 2 that works best . So having a life being into yourself and geting out there in addition.

[ProjectMagnum Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ProjectMagnum]

I would say it's something people say to others who are having a hard time finding someone and feeling lonely to make them feel better. Focusing on yourself can improve quality of life somewhat but won't make an S.O. fall into your lap. Obviously we all have different experiences but I can't say I've seen someone who has really focused on themselves find a partner. In fact, most of them say they are happy yet they are alone. On the other hand, I've seen people who drink and socialize a lot easily find a partner. Not saying everyone should go get blitzed to meet someone but as far as relationships go, focusing on yourself usually doesn't help. It can even cause you to forget how to flirt and find a partner.

Who'd have a better chance when in competition for prospective partners? The person who simply just goes to bars with friends to pick up girls or someone who already has been working hard on themselves and happens to be at the same bar with the intent to find someone?

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Who'd have a better chance when in competition for prospective partners? The person who simply just goes to bars with friends to pick up girls or someone who already has been working hard on themselves and happens to be at the same bar with the intent to find someone?

Notice both guys are actively looking for a partner which was dj's point.

[djmotion Senior Member Member of the Month March 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close djmotion]

Who'd have a better chance when in competition for prospective partners? The person who simply just goes to bars with friends to pick up girls or someone who already has been working hard on themselves and happens to be at the same bar with the intent to find someone?

Exactly as Pegasus said. I'm referring more to the person who only focuses on themselves hence they won't be at the bar in the 1st place. People say "focus on yourself, do the things you love and you will meet the right person". I think this would be more correct ... "focus on yourself, do the things you love and do things to meet new people such as using a dating site and you will find someone". It's hard to meet new people when you focus on yourself because you go to the gym to train, not chat. You study to learn, not socialize, etc.

You are correct in what you said though. Going to bars when I wasn't working on myself I never got any attention. Fast forward 5 years after I had been religiously hitting the gym and was in the shape of my life, I got invited out with a friend and we met some people at the bar and a girl was feeling my muscles so yeah but I rarely ever got out when I was working on myself.

All my time is taken for now and I haven't been out with a friend in 1-2 years so you can see how it would be hard for me to meet someone when I'm "focusing on myself".