I'm a liar.
I tell small lies.
Fuck.. this was so hard to say...
I have an insecurity of impressing without regret of what this action and lie i say, and set of actions preceding it may happen, following it. This causes me to lie. I don't know if i need help, but i hate this part of myself. Everyone (hyperbole more like 6 close people) i know says this is the last thing they would expect of person of my stature (one they come to talk to, one for advice, one to confide in because of non judgemental nature) and my kindness. This is context for what follows.
I've been dating this woman named L coming up on 12 months now. We've really had a great relationship up to this point, we laugh, we argue (we come to a conclusion and never let things spill over and continue), we cry (once lol) but we truly enjoy each other's company. The sex is infrequent but that is down to current living situations and cultural aspects.
She loves the way i treat her, respectfully, sometimes snarky but in a loving way... who says couples aren't sarcastic from time to time to get a rise out of each other?
This past week feels like a nightmare, but i can honestly say it has built up until this time. My insecurity revolves around me trying to impress to create a false narrative or make something sound better than it is. So in essence, i Lie. These aren't big lies, they're small and insignificant, but they mean something to her. She doesn't understand because i've been truthful about the big things so why lie about things that are tiny. She doesn't care about being impressed, she simply cares for the truth. We had a conversation at the 3 month point about this. Since that time i changed my behaviour but this was still an outstanding issue for her.
This week we had a little blow out. The blow out centered on something going on while we were talking to each other on the phone. I simply became distracted and couldn't really think with the noise so i said i would take a nice bath, relax and get back to you later. She sent a cute meme, then 20 minutes later told me she was annoyed. I said i felt the same way (about the meme) and she misinterpreted me as saying i'm annoyed too, but once she went off this resentment over my lies came out at that point full front and center.
Last night, we had a good talk. She helped open my eyes to this insecurity, so for me it shows she cares quite a lot about this relationship AND me to see me want to get over this.
I need to get over this for me, before i keep this healthy relationship going sideways.
I've walked away from relationships of not being treated right, people not reciprocating the same energy but expecting me to pour out my soul to them, people keeping hold of things and not telling me until the end of the relationship (telling me not being baptized was fine (i'm east indian, she was christian).
But this woman.. I want to marry her, but before i do that, i want to be rid of this cloud hanging over. She says it hasn't impacted how she feels about me, it doesn't make her see me any differently, but it makes her question small things when she believes they may be untrue. This isn't healthy for a long life together. Since that three month period nothing has happened. I've been faithfully truthful to her. Honesty is what she values most.
This insecurity I feel i've had for the longest time and addressing it now makes me feel weak. I feel disappointed that i've had the person who loves me have to tell me what i need to fix. The last thing i want to be to my partner is a project.
Only time will fix what has happened. To the men on this forum, how have you handled and completely gotten over your insecurity or not let it impact your relationship. And to the women, how have you approached your partners about this. How have you seen your partners grow from this? Has this moved you two closer together?
I want to grow. I don't want to be a dependant. She loves me for who i am. She doesn't like this aspect of me. I understand this isn't an US issue, this is a me issue and it one i wholly want to get past.
I tell small lies.
Fuck.. this was so hard to say...
I have an insecurity of impressing without regret of what this action and lie i say, and set of actions preceding it may happen, following it. This causes me to lie. I don't know if i need help, but i hate this part of myself. Everyone (hyperbole more like 6 close people) i know says this is the last thing they would expect of person of my stature (one they come to talk to, one for advice, one to confide in because of non judgemental nature) and my kindness. This is context for what follows.
I've been dating this woman named L coming up on 12 months now. We've really had a great relationship up to this point, we laugh, we argue (we come to a conclusion and never let things spill over and continue), we cry (once lol) but we truly enjoy each other's company. The sex is infrequent but that is down to current living situations and cultural aspects.
She loves the way i treat her, respectfully, sometimes snarky but in a loving way... who says couples aren't sarcastic from time to time to get a rise out of each other?
This past week feels like a nightmare, but i can honestly say it has built up until this time. My insecurity revolves around me trying to impress to create a false narrative or make something sound better than it is. So in essence, i Lie. These aren't big lies, they're small and insignificant, but they mean something to her. She doesn't understand because i've been truthful about the big things so why lie about things that are tiny. She doesn't care about being impressed, she simply cares for the truth. We had a conversation at the 3 month point about this. Since that time i changed my behaviour but this was still an outstanding issue for her.
This week we had a little blow out. The blow out centered on something going on while we were talking to each other on the phone. I simply became distracted and couldn't really think with the noise so i said i would take a nice bath, relax and get back to you later. She sent a cute meme, then 20 minutes later told me she was annoyed. I said i felt the same way (about the meme) and she misinterpreted me as saying i'm annoyed too, but once she went off this resentment over my lies came out at that point full front and center.
Last night, we had a good talk. She helped open my eyes to this insecurity, so for me it shows she cares quite a lot about this relationship AND me to see me want to get over this.
I need to get over this for me, before i keep this healthy relationship going sideways.
I've walked away from relationships of not being treated right, people not reciprocating the same energy but expecting me to pour out my soul to them, people keeping hold of things and not telling me until the end of the relationship (telling me not being baptized was fine (i'm east indian, she was christian).
But this woman.. I want to marry her, but before i do that, i want to be rid of this cloud hanging over. She says it hasn't impacted how she feels about me, it doesn't make her see me any differently, but it makes her question small things when she believes they may be untrue. This isn't healthy for a long life together. Since that three month period nothing has happened. I've been faithfully truthful to her. Honesty is what she values most.
This insecurity I feel i've had for the longest time and addressing it now makes me feel weak. I feel disappointed that i've had the person who loves me have to tell me what i need to fix. The last thing i want to be to my partner is a project.
Only time will fix what has happened. To the men on this forum, how have you handled and completely gotten over your insecurity or not let it impact your relationship. And to the women, how have you approached your partners about this. How have you seen your partners grow from this? Has this moved you two closer together?
I want to grow. I don't want to be a dependant. She loves me for who i am. She doesn't like this aspect of me. I understand this isn't an US issue, this is a me issue and it one i wholly want to get past.
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