I have been using apps to meet guys for sex for about 8 years. I started 'later' than normal as I was very academic/introverted/late puberty/etc. I hit 30 years old recently and lived in a UK city all my life with a very good gay scene.
I get laid pretty quickly and by pretty hot guys and don't require to much in much effort in the conversations to get them to come over.
I have mainly had success with hookup apps, when I try dating websites/apps, I still get a lot of likes, but it is chat chat chat and never a physical meet (I do offer beer/pizza etc they say yes but I never actually met anyone).
I have never been on a date, or had sex with the same person more than 3 times.
It was okay initially but over the years I started to wonder why nothing was converting to more. Let's benchmark to 100. Say 50% are visiting so that is a one time only anyway because I'm in a City. From the other 50%, 95% are one hour stands. I have offered shower/sleepover etc and do follow up with the ones I like after, usually with a positive response, but rarely another meet (even if its just for sex).
I have been to various therapists - sex therapy, physcotherapist, psychiatrist, relationship coach - and no one has any clue what is going on for me.
A small number of guys converted to friends (all were in different countries).
> One friendship lasted about 4 years (I became sexually uninterested, but liked the friendship, and because we were in different countries it was good). He ended it as I think I became a bit needy towards the end so he pulled away and we have not spoken since. In hindsight, I think I was just being used because of my location/as a long distance fk bud.
> One friendship is ad-hoc/we speak 1-2 times a year briefly, nothing much happening there.
> Other than that, everyone fizzles within a month.
My friendships where I don't sleep with them have lasted years though (longest is 7 years).
I cannot figure out for the life of me what is going on. I tried looking internally for answers and here is what I am coming up with.
> I still have no clue what I am looking for. I have maybe 1 infatuation per year (i.e. sleep with them and am interested in meeting up so message). It lasts 24-48 hours and dies out. I can't control how I feel though.
> I have not met the right person to feel chemistry. I'm starting to feel like this one is BS because I have slept with a *lot* of people.
> Ye...I'm out of ideas lol.
If it helps, I am doing good in other areas of my life. Great job that I enjoy/good income/growth in career, healthy (gym fit, eating healthy for years), educated (Masters), good relationship with my family etc.
I get laid pretty quickly and by pretty hot guys and don't require to much in much effort in the conversations to get them to come over.
I have mainly had success with hookup apps, when I try dating websites/apps, I still get a lot of likes, but it is chat chat chat and never a physical meet (I do offer beer/pizza etc they say yes but I never actually met anyone).
I have never been on a date, or had sex with the same person more than 3 times.
It was okay initially but over the years I started to wonder why nothing was converting to more. Let's benchmark to 100. Say 50% are visiting so that is a one time only anyway because I'm in a City. From the other 50%, 95% are one hour stands. I have offered shower/sleepover etc and do follow up with the ones I like after, usually with a positive response, but rarely another meet (even if its just for sex).
I have been to various therapists - sex therapy, physcotherapist, psychiatrist, relationship coach - and no one has any clue what is going on for me.
A small number of guys converted to friends (all were in different countries).
> One friendship lasted about 4 years (I became sexually uninterested, but liked the friendship, and because we were in different countries it was good). He ended it as I think I became a bit needy towards the end so he pulled away and we have not spoken since. In hindsight, I think I was just being used because of my location/as a long distance fk bud.
> One friendship is ad-hoc/we speak 1-2 times a year briefly, nothing much happening there.
> Other than that, everyone fizzles within a month.
My friendships where I don't sleep with them have lasted years though (longest is 7 years).
I cannot figure out for the life of me what is going on. I tried looking internally for answers and here is what I am coming up with.
> I still have no clue what I am looking for. I have maybe 1 infatuation per year (i.e. sleep with them and am interested in meeting up so message). It lasts 24-48 hours and dies out. I can't control how I feel though.
> I have not met the right person to feel chemistry. I'm starting to feel like this one is BS because I have slept with a *lot* of people.
> Ye...I'm out of ideas lol.
If it helps, I am doing good in other areas of my life. Great job that I enjoy/good income/growth in career, healthy (gym fit, eating healthy for years), educated (Masters), good relationship with my family etc.
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