Should potential loss hurt as much as actual loss?

[More]

I was thinking about how much it would hurt losing my girlfriend. Recently she fall under some guys spell that she was friends with and was totally twisted by him. I mean her mind was truly taken by him. O and he was a asshole who really didn't care to much about her but she of course he had her mind without even trying had her blushing and shit. anyway this guy friend has a girlfriend and my girl isn't that type of person go out with someone who is in a relationship. I had to confront her about this "friendship" and the guy as well. He got mad at her and i told her a few more things about herself and the way she has to be the glue in her friendships and so on. Him getting angry at her really showed how much he didn't care and how n still wrapped up she was with him. Even still i told her to end the "friendship" with him and we talked on. I then just came out and said you would of left me for that asshole if that shit had of went on. She admitted that she probably would have and tries to stick to he has a girl so she wouldn't have left me. So knowing in my heart that she would probably be with him in a matter of time if he didn't have a girlfriend and/or i didn't intervene, she would be gone. It's weird because we love each other and all that but knowing that is a shaky feeling for me. I mean you keep in mind that things like that can happen yet i still don't really know how i should feel. Any thoughts on this?

[ErictheGed]

Do not fall for this girl mate. She told you if he was single she would probably be with him? Oh end it now man, on your terms.

[michiganboy]

Ive read quite a few of your threads. If they are all about this same girl. Leave her now. She seems like a horrible person and you do not need her getting the last word.

[mtnoelle]

I agree with michiganboy and ErictheGed!!

DUDE!!! Are you freakin nuts!?!?!?!?! She loves you and at the same time tells you that she would leave you for another guy!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WAKE UP!!!!! That's not love!! that's more like: "you're ok for now but later I'll really get it good! I'll tell you I love you so I can keep this fantasy going."

I'm not trying to be rude at all man. Just being truthful and honest. And believe me, the truth really does hurt sometimes!

[Radiohead]

Terrible advice: Get back at her. Start doing shit that will piss her off. Make her feel like how YOU felt. You cant be walked on. After you piss her off, dump her on the spot.

Thats totally childish though.

But hey, at least you would get revenge. She WOULD have left you if that guy was single...holy shit, I would be SOOOO pissed off if I were you. Holy CRAP. Just leave her, man. Get the last word.

Do not fall for this girl mate. She told you if he was single she would probably be with him? Oh end it now man, on your terms.

[W.M.P.]

DUDE!!! Are you freakin nuts!?!?!?!?! She loves you and at the same time tells you that she would leave you for another guy!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WAKE UP!!!!! That's not love!! that's more like: "you're ok for now but later I'll really get it good! I'll tell you I love you so I can keep this fantasy going."

Indeed. Our buddy More is nothing but "Mr. Right Now" to this girl.

Listen up, More: this "girlfriend" who you think "loves you so much" is nothing but a typical young chick who is pulling your strings at will, and yet you find yourself unable to release yourself from her puppetry. Keep fooling yourself into believing that this girl is more than that, and I guarantee you all you gonna get is stepped on over, and over and over. In her world, your name is "Matt" and your place is on the floor, right in front her door.

[Batwoman]

I agree: not a good situation or a good girl for you.
Real love does not work this way.

[Mc Dong]

Dude... this is a tough spot.

1. it sounds like she likes him
2. it sounds like she would have left you if he was single
3. it sounds like you are convenient to her.
4. it sounds like she knows he's a jerk.
5. it sounds like you really like her.

I am sure that this problem is confusing you, hurting you and pissing you off. Remember this: You didn't do anything wrong. She strayed away and brought this problem on to both of you. Now the questions is how do you handle it.

You need to understand her motivation behind liking this guy. If is a crush because he's a bad boy/jerk, then it's not a big deal and you should talk to her about setting boundaries on your own relationship. Maybe it's really nothing to worry about. I don't know what going, maybe you two are great together and she needs to see it again.

OR she has strong feelings for him. If so, then I would give her space (on your terms... just ignore her until she realizes what she is missing). Or, if you don't like games, then you should just end it. You shouldn't be in a committed relationship if your girl likes another guy. That's not fair to you.

Just do not let her walk over you and control what happens next. You need to step up and take control. DO NOT BE A "NICE GUY" BOYFRIEND. You need to establish that this "situation" is bullshit and unacceptable, and then YOU decide how YOU want to handle this.

My 2 cents... Good luck

MD

[More]

Dude... this is a tough spot.

1. it sounds like she likes him
2. it sounds like she would have left you if he was single
3. it sounds like you are convenient to her.
4. it sounds like she knows he's a jerk.
5. it sounds like you really like her.

I am sure that this problem is confusing you, hurting you and pissing you off. Remember this: You didn't do anything wrong. She strayed away and brought this problem on to both of you. Now the questions is how do you handle it.

You need to understand her motivation behind liking this guy. If is a crush because he's a bad boy/jerk, then it's not a big deal and you should talk to her about setting boundaries on your own relationship. Maybe it's really nothing to worry about. I don't know what going, maybe you two are great together and she needs to see it again.

OR she has strong feelings for him. If so, then I would give her space (on your terms... just ignore her until she realizes what she is missing). Or, if you don't like games, then you should just end it. You shouldn't be in a committed relationship if your girl likes another guy. That's not fair to you.

Just do not let her walk over you and control what happens next. You need to step up and take control. DO NOT BE A "NICE GUY" BOYFRIEND. You need to establish that this "situation" is bullshit and unacceptable, and then YOU decide how YOU want to handle this.

My 2 cents... Good luck

MD

Thanks Mc Dong....This happen weeks ago and for the most part i did what you were speaking on..stepped up and she drooped the guy..but my thing is just the feeling of potential loss you know. shit still lingers in me.

[millia]

The loss hurts either way.
Her telling you that she would leave you for another guy if he was single hurts even more.
This girl is not girlfriend material to you because she doesn't know what she wants.
If I were you I'd go through the hurt now, and save myself for getting hurt even worse later.