Does this happen to you!!

[Danner]

First to make a long story short here it goes. When we weren't married are sex was good she did doggy stlye,bj,missionary but thats about it . ever since we got married sex been not so good sometimes to the point where I don't want to have sex . Is that me wanting the good sex back??? or is it her??? Yeah we have 2 kids we don't have sex as much maybe once a day if we are lucky.Then I started to ask her want she did when she was single I was blown away what she told me the sex positions she did when she was single . Some of the stuff she told me we never did I was wondering why?? Then one day I asked her why we don't do that and she said she feels insecure about her wieght. I said it doesn't bother me and she said i Do it when I lose wieght but it has been like 4 yrs now when she said that. When it does come to losing wieght she gives up yells at me even though i'm diong it with her I'am at a loss cause here. I try to make her lose wieght she yells and gets upset gives up I don't know what giong on. These are positions she told me at the time. Reverse cowgirl,on top, straddling the guy while standing up, deep throat,69,regualr cowgirl,reverse squatting cowgirl that when your hands are underneath her ass. There are a lot more but I forgot their names. Is anyone in the same boat as me???

[Pirate]

Happens all the time. A whole lot of women, maybe most of them, are really insecure about their bodies, especially as they age, super-especially after they have kids. In general, time is kinder to guys than to the ladies and they see that. They can feel that we mature while they just get old.
As for losing weight, that is a minefield. My best advice: tell her that you need to change your diet (to lose weight, for your cholesterol, whatever excuse works for you) and workout more, and then invite her to join you as something you can do together. If there is a sport or physical activity that you know she enjoys, learn it and do it with her.

[hidemyshame]

Your post sounds like my situation. I tell her and show her how much I love the way she looks naked, but she still cannot get past it. It's not your issue it is hers. I find sometimes my wife is really into it and does not seem to have inhibitions and other times its very tame. When its on, I take the bull and friggin run with it.

As for weight loss, that is something she has to want to do and she has to commit to. My wife gained weight from having kids, but again, I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I was still more than impressed with her. Don't push it, don't even nudge it. When and if she is ready, she will do it on her own. One thing that may help is menu planning, we plan our meals weekly and choose healthy meals and a couple of cheat days like Pizza night. Its not all salad and granola, I could never stick to that.

[blackirish]

I agree with the other posts. I think you just have to be supportive. I'm newly married and don't have kids yet, but sometimes my wife gets insecure, which is really nuts because she is thin...but when she feels like that I try not to ever criticize her and just try and see if I can help. I love to hike and also ask her to join me...when she does, she always feels better and that night is a good one, ha.

I agree with menu planning. I actually think that not only helps everyone watch their weight but also saves money I've noticed. We usually plan our weekly meals out before we even run to the store. Its easier because there isn't really an opportunity to grab pizza or fast food more than once or twice a week because you have a meal schedule.

Other than that, I'm a big believer in healthy body healthy mind. If you even feel good you will be more confident (I mean isn't that why we PE)? You and your wife...or even your whole family should try and get out for a 10-20 minute walk now that its nice out. Then just try some meal planning and I bet you and your wife will FEEL really healthy. Within a few weeks you'll being doing the kama sutra.

But I would also try not to pressure her...I think that can turn a woman off. Try and concentrate on pleasing her a little more and I am sure she will come along.

[MrBigDick]

Guys, women in general are emotionally driven and insecure creatures. This being said, dating and sex are TOTALLY different from marriage and sex. There shouldn't be a difference but in some relationships and with some women, once you say "I do" things just change. The women might gain some weight (child birth is a main factor here) and some women get so wrapped up in the needs of the kids and such, they forsake themselves, put the weight on and eventually, their self image takes a nose dive.

I will also tell you all from vast experience, both from my own failed marriage and my last relationship, unless SHE WANTS to make the changes, it's not going to happen. My current gf talks about wanting to lose weight, get in shape, exercise blah blah blah, all that stuff. Thus far, I haven't seen much in the way of any actions from her to indicate she's serious. My ex gf was the same way, unless SHE WANTED to make the change, I could provide encouragement or positive reinforcement but that was it, I otherwise kept my mouth shut and let her figure it out. I know some of you above stated that you go along with your wives in an effort to help them out and then you get yelled at for helping them...........gentleman, that's the nature of a woman. Unless she specifically ASKS you to join her in losing weight or wants you to take part in some way, stay out of it, be supportive and that's it. You may think your being supportive and helping her by joining her in the weight loss or trying to take part in her efforts but unless she asks you into her party, stay out.

[newbienewb]

Well I have to say that everyone on this thread has valid points. However i personally believe that if you know how, you can motivate her to change herself. Its really all about how you two approach the relationship. From the sounds of it, kids are the only thing keeping this together. Man dont you remember the first time u fucked her and how excited you two were? Well you have lost that lust, and its both of your faults. However i blame you more because its really your job to keep it exciting. She doesn't really see a reason to change and until she does, she wont. Sex to her is boring at this point, at least with you. I dont mean to put you down, but i think you know i am right. Both of you are bored out of your minds man.

Self esteem also plays a huge part here. It seems that she has low self esteem, and therefore its a lot harder to talk to her. Then again like everyone mentioned, all women are insecure in some form. I watched an interview with Rihanna where she stated "i wake up some days, hating the way i look, or i think i am too fat". So yeah man, that's just how women are. What i would recommend to you at this point is CBT, otherwise known as cognitive behavior therapy. If the two of you were to find a therapist and go once a week, in 3-6 months you will be having the best sex of your life. All you are missing is communication, the most important part of any relationship.

Wish You The Best
NewbieNewb

[TrouserSnake]

Sure, I have the same problem, my wife is very self conscious about her body and when she feels like crap, she can't get comfortable and sex becomes more like a chore.

It's up to you to help her out, tell her she is hot, you love her, you fantasize about her...
You can't tell her to lose weight but you can encourage her to work out with you.
A trick is to sometime cook for her, that way you control what's in the plate.
But whatever you're gonna do, it will require a lot more work on your side...

[millia]

Exercise with her instead of encouraging it.

[Batwoman]

It's up to you to help her out, tell her she is hot, you love her, you fantasize about her...

This is GREAT advice. There is really nothing like positive reinforcement!

DO tell her how much you want her -- and better yet, show her.
DON'T talk about her losing weight. She feels bad already, any mention you make will just make it worse.

What you need to do is convince her that (A) her weight doesn't really matter to you, you want her anyway, (B) she's hot, and (C) any positive moves she makes (either in the direction of losing weight or relaxing sexually and trying new things) will be enthusiastically rewarded.

Use the carrot, not the stick.
(OK, yes, I get all the possible jokes about those terms.....