When they contact you again (I LEARNED MY LESSON...)

[Dante311 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dante311]

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. This weekend, I learned my lesson. I am Bananaboat11 for those of you who remember me. I had a terrible break up with my ex, Nicole... 9 - 10 months ago. I sulked on pegym for months and there were a good number of you who helped perk me back up. First... many thanks. I am pretty much back to where I was prior to meeting her... nearly. which is nice.

But about 3 weeks ago... she contacted me. 2 days later... I responded. We then had a conversation. I offered her a chance to make it up by giving her my phone # to call me so we can chat about things. Never heard from her... don't think I will. I basically fed her ego. Her intentions, I thought/hoped, were selfless... but instead they were selfish and narcissistic. She's living her life with her new beau... and here I am in grad school.. miserable... alone.

I fed into it... she **** talked me after we broke up... she was selfish (and I partly was too)... go read my story if you feel like blaming me. I know every side has their perception, but I will swear on my life... and my grave... our breakup... the girl was evil. In her recent apology to me... she admits she was and feels awful. but she still has no intent of anything with me... ever. not even a friendship. Yet, I still have feelings for her.

It sucks.

Selfish bitch.

I have 5 women interested in me... two of whom have professed their interest/attraction to me. They're all good catches, too. I however, have no interest. Because of Nicole. I can't get her out of my mind now since she contacted me...

...and I have confidence. I'm tall and I'm told I look like a cross between Daniel Craig (from Defiance/James Bond), emimem, and the lead singer of linkin park - chester bennington. Which is flattering. To sound conceited online.. I have so much in my favor and I thank god every day for the blessings I have... and all I want is someone I can never have... nor should have. She's toxic. She destroyed my heart... my soul.. and my ability to love.

When an ex contacts you... I'm fully confident.. it's about THEM. Not you.

If you must respond... do so. But don't feed into their manipulations. They should have to do EVERYTHING you'd do to get them back, for you... show up at their door crying... pleading... they dumped you. They should WANT to make it work. Remember, they left. They have the problem... with you or about you... or themselves... they need to want to be with you.

If they don't? **** 'em... you can do better. You deserve someone who wants to be with you because you're special. Don't let an ex suffocate you... shatter your emotions... and destroy you dreams..

*sigh*

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Ahh, yes, ex's. Just makes you think you you were smoking before.

You gave us some advice here, and I think it's a way of you letting some steam out. You're telling yourself to be strong and move on but the thorn still pierces your feet doesn't it.

I've gone through similar situations more than I'd like to admit.
From what I've read, you're miserable because you can't let her out of your head. And that's because you're lonely.

What I can think of is that you either:
1) Meet someone new and start fresh, as that'll get your mind off your pain,
2) Rough it out
3) Get back on your feet and crush that bitch's ego.

I've done all three before, and let me tell you, you don't need to show off to your ex. She didn't give a shit before and it's unlikely she ever will. You moving on and being happy again with your life is a way of flipping her off. If you'd like to think she'll get pissed, go for it. But don't focus on her.

You're lucky someone shows interest in you. As for me, no one has and I doubt that it'll ever happen. But you just live on, time's limited. Quit brooding over it too much. It too took me months of bitter, resentful, and painful struggle to get over it.

But it gets better. You emerge wiser and more powerful. You may also develop some sort of mentality to get over this kind of shit. (I have). So, good luck to you and hope things get better.

Right now the only thing pissing me off is Will Smith's daughter's song. Fucking hell I wanna punch her face in. Oh, don't forget Justin Bieber.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I had an ex crying and pleading at my door,( she had our child pleading she wan't a mumy and a dady too), it was a big mistake I made to let her back. I lived to regret it.

[Btufts Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Btufts]

Lol funny my insane ex has been trying to talk to me for the past few weeks (we went out for 5 years) I denied all her texts and
Phone calls off other peoples numbers until she called me
Out for it so I texted her back saying I don't want to talk to you I'm happy there's no reason for me to talk to you. She responded by telling me how she hates losing people and friends but if you don't want to talk I'll leave you alone bullshit lol (readers digest version). I laughed and didn't respond. Best decision made. This coming
From the girl who texted me a month or two ago telling me how big her new bfs dick was. I'm 8x6 how much more dick
Do you need???? Ahaha clearly it was bullshit as she was a huge pride and I was telling her how much sex me and my current gf have. It's pathetic what some girls will say to try and bring you down

[Dante311 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dante311]

would it be bad if i blocked her on fb?

[Btufts Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Btufts]

Block her Fa sho end contact

[John Trenor Banned Find all posts View Profile Close John Trenor]

Hey Dante311,

I understand your anger and frustration. In the end, I think it's mostly frustration... frustration with the fact that women expect men to fight for them, but very rarely return the favor (at least in an obvious way). Basically, it feels (unequivocally) unfair! To make things worse, it feels like you have feelings for her and can't move on, while she's more than willing to find someone new. All that said, let me tell you that most of this power dynamic is an illusion that women are really good at creating.

I remember a long time ago I was in a position very similar to yours. My then girlfriend and I had broken it off. She had seemingly moved on, while I still dropped her the occasional call or email. A lot of great women were interested in me as well, but none of them could keep my interest - I was still thinking about my ex. We did meet twice during our months apart; these meetings would go great, but she resumed her super cold distant attitude the very next day.

(This story is going somewhere, I promise)

One day, I was chilling on the beach with my friend and his girl. Sometimes it's good to get a woman's perspective on these matters, so I told her my story. Her response was that my ex was being so distant (not returning my calls or emails - not acknowledging my very existence) because she still had very deep feelings for me. And you know what? Two months later my ex proved my (girl)friend 100% right! My ex even admitted to something along those lines herself! We ended up staying together just over a year until I left her.

I'm not saying that you should get back together with this girl. In fact, if a woman has deep feelings for you, but runs the other way on account of her insecurity, than she's probably not good girlfriend material.

All I'm saying is that women play the game really well (if you don't know how to read their behavior). From what you said, it looks like this girl is very attracted to you, but is too immature and uncomfortable with herself to act upon what her heart and body know.

She's playing her power trip game (probably subconsciously) because she needs to mask her insecurity, her feelings, and her confusion (from both you and herself, actually!). I'm not saying that this somehow excuses her actions, but that it means she is not really disempowering you. She feels helpless herself... and probably doesn't even know it!

All that said, you can draw comfort from choosing to be above this cavemen-like power relation that she's trying to impose on you. You can see the dynamic for what it is, and choose not to hate her, but feel sorry for her (if you want). Uncovering what's really going on will give you a sense of understanding and, hence, a feeling of power over the whole situation.

Best of luck my friend.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

Do you think that she maybe just wanted to apologize for how she was and wanted to check to see how you were doing .. but because you still have feelings for her, you fed more into the situation then what she about when she got in touch? i have done that with guys in the past .. i still care for them, wanted them to know there were no hard feelings and i hoped life was going well for them.. i missed the friendship but wasn't trying to reignite anything.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

would it be bad if i blocked her on fb?

If you don't want to see what she is doing or have her see what you are doing then block her or change the settings so your updates don't show to her, and remove her from your news feed.. you don't need to delete her to limit access..
but if you want to put her firmly in the past then deleting would be the way to go.

[hsarge Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hsarge]

I was played like a yo-yo by a spectacular looking woman. One night, after 2 years on and off, she got mad at me for a petty reason and would only sit in the back seat of the car while I drove. I told her if she didn't get up front, I would not date her again. About a month later she showed up at my front door. I let her in and she wanted to chit-chat.I told her if she was interested in me, to take her clothes off and get in my bed (we had been intimate); she wouldn't, so I told her to leave. She came back 2 more times, but I roommate said I wasn't in. You can only take it so long.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

I was played like a yo-yo by a spectacular looking woman. One night, after 2 years on and off, she got mad at me for a petty reason and would only sit in the back seat of the car while I drove. I told her if she didn't get up front, I would not date her again. About a month later she showed up at my front door. I let her in and she wanted to chit-chat.I told her if she was interested in me, to take her clothes off and get in my bed (we had been intimate); she wouldn't, so I told her to leave. She came back 2 more times, but I roommate said I wasn't in. You can only take it so long.

That is disgusting .. I HAVE huge respect for you girlfriend not giving into your immature, spiteful ,cruel, controlling DEMANDS

[Closed039 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Closed039]

That is disgusting .. I HAVE huge respect for you girlfriend not giving into your immature, spiteful ,cruel, controlling DEMANDS

I disagree...I know the exact type of girl and while I agree that men should not make it a rule of thumb to treat women like that, hsarge handled the situation well. Otherwise, you wind up like Dante all fucked up.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

I disagree...I know the exact type of girl and while I agree that men should not make it a rule of thumb to treat women like that, hsarge handled the situation well. Otherwise, you wind up like Dante all fucked up.

i'm sorry but when you say things like that to a woman it just makes you a cunt . In situations like just walk away if you can't be mature about it and talk things through... Petty fights is part of being in relationships , alot of arguments are seemingly over nothing ..but when a month goes by and the girl comes over to talk and try to resolve things ..and the response "if you like me, take your clothes off"..is narcissistic and puts the woman in a no win situation .. If she takes her clothes off she loses all respect and becomes your door mat .. if she doesn't then she becomes the bitch who wouldn't give you want you wanted.

p.s not calling you a cunt .. meaning it in general sense of if you do that.

[rimlas Member Find all posts View Profile Close rimlas]

i'm sorry but when you say things like that to a woman it just makes you a cunt ..

haha

[John Trenor Banned Find all posts View Profile Close John Trenor]

If you don't want to see what she is doing or have her see what you are doing then block her or change the settings so your updates don't show to her, and remove her from your news feed.. you don't need to delete her to limit access..
but if you want to put her firmly in the past then deleting would be the way to go.

I agree with the first part of what you said... there is a possibility that she just wanted to check up on him. However, her sudden cold behavior points to the possibility that she has some lingering feelings. That said, I see your point TittyTittyBangBang - it's nice to get a different perspective because you can always learn something new.

regarding the above quote, I think leaving her on your facebook is the tougher of the two options, but I vote for leaving her. You see, the problem isn't that you can see her interactions online, but that you have pretty strong feelings towards her (some of them are hateful - no judgment at all, of course). In other words, those unresolved feelings are thre root of your woes, not her presence on your fb news feed.

That said, if you feel you don't want to be reminded by her (in the form of face book pics, updates, etc), then block her. But, if you can get past those burdensome emotions without blocking her, I say keep her as your friend - just leave it alone. The reason I say this is because I think a real man faces the storm head on, no matter how overwhelming it may seem. Keeping her on face book will show that you're not afraid, while blocking her may demonstrate weakness (to both her and, more importantly, to yourself).

Ultimately, do what you feel is best. You can't go wrong there. I'm just saying that you don't want to produce sings that you later may regret - i.e. blocking your ex.

Again, best of luck