Is my GF crazy or just an artist?

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

Its an honest question. Well first here's a little history: https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...criticism.html

If you're lazy to read that, basically since that big fight(not having sex anymore, selfish issues) we had half a year ago, we didn't break up. We said our sorry's, tried to improve on what our problems were in the relationship. 2 or 3 more fights of the same magnitude, we're here. The last fight was some time before christmas. She was saying I didn't have time for her, even though I was with her the night before. I have to mention that I'm taking up graduate studies, juggling that with being with my family once a week and her. Old issues were brought up and she mentioned that she's not happy with me anymore, that I don't turn her on anymore. I said that if that's the way she feels about me, then maybe we're just wasting each other's time. I decided to break it off with her. We were both hurting. Few days later, I realized it was a bit premature (may have been a mistake) to break it off with her so I decided to get back with her. THings were going good until the new year. Except that the last time we saw each other was before christmas because we both wen't home to our families for the holidays.

Next thing I find out(this is 2 days ago), is that she doesn't want to talk to me first till she gets back(indefinitely). Now before she stopped talking to me, I thought she was just busy being with family and all that. Then bad things got into my head like "what if she ended up cheating on me intentional or not?" That's when I was a bit aggressive to her asking why she didn't even let me feel about her presence. Apparently, she turned her holiday into a soul searching break. She says she was thinking about our relationship. I may have been too hasty in asking her "so we shouldn't have gotten back together?". She says she's still thinking about it.

For 2 days now, I've been tellling myself that the relationship is over. That whatever decision she makes when we meet, is that I'm going to tell her that its not really working anymore and that we're on the last thread of the relationship. I don't know if this is the right thing to do. I still love her but the more time I have not having contact with her, I start to realize that she may be a bit unstable. I'm not saying I don't have my own faults but I've been reading around and her attributes are that of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder and maybe some of Narcissistic Pesonality Disorder. She can also be an emotional bully sometimes. I thought it was just girls being girls (especially during PMS)

My question, is my head on the right track? I ask if she's crazy or just an artist is because she does have a lot of artistic abilities. Or does this go hand in hand? She's a very eccentric person.

I'm really confused about all this. I'm not looking forward to getting this relationship back to normal anymore. I'm starting to see other girls as someone I should have been with instead. Nice normal girls. Or is it just because I haven't had sex or a fulfilling relationship so I have those "goggles"? I've been feeling really lonely too this whole week. I'm not the suicidal type so I know I'll get through this. I just don't know if my mind is healthy right now what with all the stress I'm getting from this relationship and other important things in life.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

I would also like to add that she hates it when I bring up money issues even though I'm really on a tight budget. She had a lot of plans(travelling) which required me to shell out a lot of money. This made me always remind her about my situation and it irritated her. It may have been my fault cause of the way I bring it up but it's kind of what sparked the fight.

[ErictheGed Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ErictheGed]

Sorry things haven't quite worked out with her quickguy. I think this ones over mate. Doesn't sound like you guys are enjoying anymore. You'll both be better off in the long run if you stick to your guns and finish this.

[first Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close first]

Sounds like she may have a histrionic personality disorder. It is a disorder that happens more often amongst women than men, especially the artistic or theatrical ones.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrio...ality_disorder for more information and check if it the symptoms fit her.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

Yeah buddy she can't get mad at YOU for spending YOUR money. That's just ridiculous. It pains me to see how readily guys part with their cash on women. Not saying that some women don't deserve it, but until you're married or engaged even there's no reason for you to believe that she'll be in your life forever. Sorry if this sounds a bit pessimistic, I'm only looking out for ya man.

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

@ErictheGed: I hear ya, buddy.

@first: Its possible but she is definitely not provocative in terms of appearance. She's a tshirt, jeans and sneakers type of girl. Although she hates underwear. She's also not the center of attention type, but she does have an extremely competitive nature. Which is why I think she has a just bit of Narcissistic behavior.

@Flanker6: Thanks for the concern. I want to clear up though, the money I need to shell out is for myself. The plan is we pay for most of our own expenses. The thing is, I'm not capable of spending that much just yet. She has plans that are a bit too soon and I can't promise or commit to it. She is very impulsive, which is ironic because it's kind of what drew me to her in the first place.

I think I also learned that I'm not really ready for a relationship with this much commitment.

Its going to be extra hard because we belong to the same circle of friends. I guess I'll be the invisible man to them for a while till I get my wits back.

I have to remind too that nothing's official yet. We haven't talked yet and she hasn't decided on what our relationship is going to be(not that I know of). But I need to tell her that it isn't working and that's going to take a lot of balls from me.

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

So I got a message from her. We haven't seen each other yet, though. Basically, she said that she fell for theadventurous, anything-goes guy. Apparently I'm not that guy anymore cause I'm busy with studies. She said she had the best relationship with me but I'm not that guy anymore. She said it might have just been a phase. She said that it's okay that I'm securing my future but she's being left out. I understand her.

I'm more confused now. I definitely understand her side. But I don't know what to do anymore. We both still love each other but things aren't the same as a a couple of years ago when our relationship was new and I didn't have a lot of responsibilities yet. Breaking up is still my option but I don't know if its really the right thing to do if she's as confused as I am.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

So I got a message from her. We haven't seen each other yet, though. Basically, she said that she fell for theadventurous, anything-goes guy. Apparently I'm not that guy anymore cause I'm busy with studies. She said she had the best relationship with me but I'm not that guy anymore. She said it might have just been a phase. She said that it's okay that I'm securing my future but she's being left out. I understand her.

I'm more confused now. I definitely understand her side. But I don't know what to do anymore. We both still love each other but things aren't the same as a a couple of years ago when our relationship was new and I didn't have a lot of responsibilities yet. Breaking up is still my option but I don't know if its really the right thing to do if she's as confused as I am.

Sorry I kind of went off on a rant for my last post .

Anyways, she sounds like she still wants to play the field more and isn't ready to settle down into anything too long term. Just continue your studies and the right one will fall into your lap.

[GTO Retired ModeratorPEGym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close GTO]

So I got a message from her. We haven't seen each other yet, though. Basically, she said that she fell for theadventurous, anything-goes guy. Apparently I'm not that guy anymore cause I'm busy with studies. She said she had the best relationship with me but I'm not that guy anymore. She said it might have just been a phase. She said that it's okay that I'm securing my future but she's being left out. I understand her.

I'm more confused now. I definitely understand her side. But I don't know what to do anymore. We both still love each other but things aren't the same as a a couple of years ago when our relationship was new and I didn't have a lot of responsibilities yet. Breaking up is still my option but I don't know if its really the right thing to do if she's as confused as I am.

From what I've read, this seems to be the question and answer right there - she's not with the same guy she fell in love with. You're both growing and it looks like in opposite directions. You are focused on future - she's in the 'her and now.' If she's patient and waits until your studies are over, I think you can get a little of your old self back and be that adventurous-type. But she's really, REALLY showing you who she is right now and it'd be good to heed the warning signs.

- She seems to be extremely narcissistic and only wants to consider her own universe.
- Even though she knows what you are doing, she's made it clear that SHE wants to be the object of your attention, not your studies.
- She gets upset over money issues when you are trying to be responsible and live according to your budget - she could care less and only wants to consider what SHE wants - budget be damned.

There's a pattern there and by and large, people will always remain true to who they are. Sure we can all change, but we rarely operate outside of who we are and the personalities that make us who we are. She's showing you who she is. Question is this the person you want to be with?

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

GettingThereOK: thanks for showing me that. I needed to hear someone else's point of view.

2 days ago, i felt sorry for her. Today she sends me a message saying that she's angry that I didn't make an effort to contact her. All that time she wanted me to "court" her back. I was left in the dark during the whole thing. Now she's real upset and looks like we're really breaking up. We're meeting up tomorrow and settling this once and for all. It's gonna be ugly.

[Lazy 8 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Lazy 8]

She sounds extremely immature to me, someone who doesn't understand the nature to commitment or serious relationships. I wouldn't waste my time with her. It will never go anywhere. You will always be left hanging. Invest in your graduate studies and make the life that you want. Sooner or later you'll encounter a woman who will treat you with the honest respect you deserve. Don't get distracted by this relationship. You'll end up much happier in the long run.

[Unit Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Unit]

No one can tear your heart out and so causally throw it to the Hell Hounds, like the ones we have loved. Save yourself, heal your wounds and be ready for a better partnership.

"Just because nobody understands you, does not make you an artist."

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

Thanks for the replies. It helped me really see what I should have been seeing all along.

I'm no perfect boyfriend either, but her ambiguity hasn't helped. She expects me to read what's exactly on her mind and throws out tantrums whenever I don't. This relationship has really emasculated me. This is the worst start of the year in my life ever. I'm really in the gutter right now. It isn't also helping that this is one of the busiest weeks in school. I think I'm turned off about the idea of a relationship for now. I'll probably stay single for a while.

I really appreciate the responses. I'm glad I found this forum. You guys are like the best friends I never met.

[quickguy Member Find all posts View Profile Close quickguy]

It's especially going to be hard since we belong to the same circle of friends(that's how we started out). I'm going to brace myself for one of the darkest times in my life.

[Unit Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Unit]

It's especially going to be hard since we belong to the same circle of friends(that's how we started out). I'm going to brace myself for one of the darkest times in my life.

Well you are about to find out who your true friends are. After a split up friends pick sides. There is not allot that you can do about it just let it ride. I would be real surprised if your friends don't already know that it's not working out for the two of you.