gah. Pain!

[Brian98]

Well ive been out and in of this forum for a while now, bothering people with my problems about my ex and sadly im going to have to do it again:P

Well i was doing good, wasn't thinking about her much, moving on, not sulking over the past. I go out on saturday night, come home slightly drunk, feeling good and then she starts trying to phone me at half 5 in the morning. Taking advice from people here and friends in life i didn't answer, seeing her phoning me though, looking at the phone which btw rang for ages, i was shaking, my whole body, maby the drink although i was fine before, i couldn't answer it. Once it stopped ringing, she texts me telling me she just got her phone back, it was a funky night, someone had her phone and was phoning people in her phone book, she never meant to phone me, apologized and hoped she didn't wake me up. Text her back saying it's fine, no harm done, then she texts me asking me if i was out, chatting away, being friendly with smilie faces she has'nt done in ages. Id been planning on leaving it a while, but i had a message i wanted to send her via facebook, apologizing for all the things i done considering who she just lost in her life and hoped we could leave things on better terms, since we got talking i sent her it the next say, she texts me saying not too worry, things have been left on good terms(i disagree).


Also found out she was at the same place i was on saturday night, although i never seen her myself, i think she has maby seen me and this is why she has contacted me, seeing me and maby having a drink in her, she somehow gave in and phoned me, i just don't know what this means, i still have feelings for her and although im telling her im fine with not getting back together, id love to if she wanted too but i just feel the only reason she phoned me is due to seeing me and thats it, it's nothing to do with having any feelings for me or anything. Just bothered now cause she's back on my mind, i can't sleep at all now, second night in a row of no sleep.

Anyone have any clue as to what all this phone call crap means, is she just trying to upset me, see if i still have any feelings towards her or what?

[frostysnoman]

If i were a betting man, i would say that it was her calling you, and not someone that took her phone. She probably just told you it was someone else because she felt silly that she let the phone ring for so long. She knows that your relationship is over, and yet again, if i were a betting man, i would say she feels the same way as you right now, in terms of wanting to get back together. I think she gave in because she still loves you, and by the sound of it you still love her, but you don't want to get hurt again. I would suggest making a list of pros and cons on a sheet of paper about being with her. This will give you a visual aid you can refer to. Its very simple, if you don't like what you see, then it is not worth the trouble of re-kindling the flame. But i can tell she obviously felt like there was a reason to try to contact you, she wants you to think about her, all she had to do was try to call, or send a text, and she knew that she would be running through your mind for ages. Follow your heart, and do what you feel will make you happy, because that is what life is all about right?

Yours,

Frosty

[Editor]

She was calling for a booty call!

[hollywod8691]

No doubt she was calling you, once she got the hint you weren't picking up, she didn't want to feel dumb so she made up that lame story. Fact is she wanted to talk to you, because she missed you, was drunk, just wanted to talk. Either way, you were on her mind for some reason. I would just be friendly with her, act like you don't care, don't let her see that you miss her! If it's meant to be she'll come back, if not then you shouldn't feel bad because she wasn't the one. Just my 2 cents

[dsmall]

Well ive been out and in of this forum for a while now, bothering people with my problems about my ex and sadly im going to have to do it again:P

Well i was doing good, wasn't thinking about her much, moving on, not sulking over the past. I go out on saturday night, come home slightly drunk, feeling good and then she starts trying to phone me at half 5 in the morning. Taking advice from people here and friends in life i didn't answer, seeing her phoning me though, looking at the phone which btw rang for ages, i was shaking, my whole body, maby the drink although i was fine before, i couldn't answer it. Once it stopped ringing, she texts me telling me she just got her phone back, it was a funky night, someone had her phone and was phoning people in her phone book, she never meant to phone me, apologized and hoped she didn't wake me up. Text her back saying it's fine, no harm done, then she texts me asking me if i was out, chatting away, being friendly with smilie faces she has'nt done in ages. Id been planning on leaving it a while, but i had a message i wanted to send her via facebook, apologizing for all the things i done considering who she just lost in her life and hoped we could leave things on better terms, since we got talking i sent her it the next say, she texts me saying not too worry, things have been left on good terms(i disagree).


Also found out she was at the same place i was on saturday night, although i never seen her myself, i think she has maby seen me and this is why she has contacted me, seeing me and maby having a drink in her, she somehow gave in and phoned me, i just don't know what this means, i still have feelings for her and although im telling her im fine with now getting back together, id love to if she wanted too but i just feel the only reason she phoned me is due to seeing me and thats it, it's nothing to do with having any feelings for me or anything. Just bothered now cause she's back on my mind, i can't sleep at all now, second night in a row of no sleep.

Anyone have any clue as to what all this phone call crap means, is she just trying to upset me, see if i still have any feelings towards her or what?

Yes, I have a clue. She was drunk dialing. Yes, she is trying to see whether you have feelings for her; and it is hard to dial anyone at 5:30 without upsetting them. IMHO, I don't think second or third time is the charm.

If I could take a time machine back to 18 years of age, I would have blown the woman off who became my first wife before we got back together the second time. Let's just call her the She Wolf, or SW for short. SW broke up with me in early November while I was in college. I was devastated and it took several weeks for me to even start feeling anything. I eventually got my act together emotionally and started dating a perfectly nice college girl who was in my class. I visited her over the Winter break (mid-January) and we had a great time. When I got back to school, SW learned that I was dating a new girl. SW didn't like this girl because she was basically prettier, smarter, and happier. SW's relationship, who she broke up with me to date, wasn't going that great. SW called me a few times, but I was perfectly happy being with the new girlfriend and was very casual in our conversations. SW had a death in the family right before Valentine's Day. SW asked me to come visit her because I knew the relative and she was in a lot of pain. It seemed like the humane thing to do. Being the idiot I was, i started getting involved in SW's drama, including her legitimate grief. SW seemed like she had grown up and learned from the experience. SW told me that a real relationship was more important than the hot sex and partying she was having with the new guy--and she told me that he had a huge penis to add to the fun. SW: "It was just physical, i didn't have any emotional connection with him." Actually held her hands up and showed me just how long and wide. This on the day of her relative's funeral when I came over later for a visit. A small voice told me to run away and just enjoy the drama-free relationship with my classmate. But did I listen to that small voice. . . . heck no. At 18, there was nothing better than lots of drama. A normal relationship with a well adjusted healthy girl just couldn't compete. And I figured, if crazy -ass SW broke up with me and rejected me, it would only be a matter of time before normal girl saw that I was flawed and dumped my ass again. I didn't think i could handle being dumped twice (going 0-2) and figured at least I was the one doing the dumping this time so it would be like I was (1-0-1), and now I never really got dumped in the first place.

So, I broke up with my classmate, and went back out with the SW. And SW delivered on lots of drama during all 4 years of college; professional school; and the long hours following while I established my career. Parenting also involved a lot of drama. The $60,000 she ran up in credit cards without telling me when our salaries could barely pay back student loans and groceries was also a fun discovery. Lots of crazy drama phone calls; fights, make up sex, name calling, yelling, screaming for almost 15 years, ten while married, which I assumed would end the need for all the drama. I found out 6 months before our wedding that SW had pretty much cheated on me continuously during our entire dating time at college (we went to nearby schools) with two very long sexual affairs with older guys thrown in for good measure. I kissed/made out with two girls on only two occasions during the whole time which left me guilt ridden. I married SW because; after all, I had put so much time in; invested so much pain and anguish in this relationship, certainly there would be a payoff, and we would ride off in the sunset into bliss. We never did. I still pay her every month and try and deal with parenting the two kids I had with her. We are rarely on the same page with respect to parenting so the drama has really extended more than 26 years and counting.

You can't change the past, but I often think of how much different those 15 years (and even the happier post divorce years) could have been if I had just sucked it up and dealt with that residual pain in college; and not thought that a re-do was in order. I certainly was not in love with the new well adjusted girlfriend, but learning to deal with the pain of breakups and starting something new was something I needed to learn. If I had let a bit more time set in, and been more comfortable with the idea of relationships ending and beginning, and that some ended in rejection; then I would have told SW that I felt bad for her relative's death, and sent a card. Instead, there was this high. . . see I wasn't rejected. She finally saw just how great I am and wants me back. What a rush.

Sure, your experience could vary. But 5:30 am drunken phone calls are never a good sign. If there is a chance for a second go around, a well adjusted girl texts you and says, "I would love to have coffee with you and just see how you are doing." Even then, I would run like hell. Being dumped sucks. It's painful. It takes a relatively long time to get over rejection. But man, I wished I sucked it up back in college, and had the courage to go out there, see what was really happening with the new girl, and go forward with the idea I could survive getting dumped again.

[thenewdude]

It isn't uncommon for ex's not to call you again in time when they need some type of familiar companionship but more on times of intoxication then sobriety unfortunately. She knows you and will always have some kind of connection with you because you guys were together sexually (most woman do not forget their former lovers even if the sex was bad).
She made be on the rebound or not. I don't know her but you do. If you still feel that you both care about each other and can
patch things up, I would take things slowly and cautiously for a while (1 to 2 month at least) without sexual interaction to flaw the judgment letting time reveal itself; if things don't pan out, therefore there will be no loss or real upset.

[Brian98]

She isn't the sort of girl that would want to hurt me or anything, she has already told me she doesn't want to keep in touch after the break-up because she doesn't want to lead me on. I would like to try things again, things were good before the whole fiasco with her dad dying and me being a idiot. I don't know if things could go back to being the same after this though, she isn't seeing anyone, she hasn't met anyone as far as i know and i find it hard to believe after everything she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, i just don't know if i can face this all again, if i got back together and we ended up deciding it wasn't going to work, i don't want that rejection again. My course of action is still going to be not contacting her, ive been doing well so far and seems im doing better than her, she's contacting me now, both of us are very stubborn, led to a few problems to begin with but im happy knowing im getting my stubborn side back as she seems to be starting to slip again, only time will tell, i wouldn't mind keeping in touch but it's up to her, she needs to contact me because i ain't going to do it, im a good looking bloke, got a big dick, nothings stopping me, maby has a hit on my confidence because before, with her, i had no problems going up to woman, telling them straight, usually led to at least a kiss, now i have trouble approaching and even staring at a girl is difficult, once she attempts to make contact when im staring at her i automatically move my eyes away, il have to work on that before i find another lady, for now im not openly searching, just let it happen if it's going too, no need to force it.