Pulling out my hair! Very upset and in need of help.

[kport1]

i have an idea, why not give him just that,,,friendship!! just be yourself,do something fun together, outta the box though you plan it,like when he drove you around town to show you what has changed and al keep it simple as not to pressur yourself ,i think that would be a start , how about you?

[mistydawn]

i have an idea, why not give him just that,,,friendship!! just be yourself,do something fun together, outta the box though you plan it,like when he drove you around town to show you what has changed and al keep it simple as not to pressur yourself ,i think that would be a start , how about you?

I agree. What I normally so is watch TV, but he and I don't mesh well doing that. So I am doing a lot of thinking about what we could do.

[Batwoman]

Plan a nice meal together and go shopping for all the food, then prepare it together and dine together.
Go on a long walk or hike in some nice natural area or park
Go to a museum or a zoo together
Read books together (going to a library or bookstore together to browse can be fun, you don't have to like each others tastes in books to enjoy it)
Go to a movie
Eat out in a nice restaurant (where you are not rushed and can talk over many relaxed courses)

So.... why don't you mesh well in terms of TV watching? Do you just dislike the programs he watches, and vice versa?

[kport1]

I think going to the zoo or an aquarium is a perfect way to spend an afternoon,,theres no pressure, very relaxing and who wouldnt enjoy, afterwards have a bite to eat,go for a lite bite to eat and drinks,talk about what you just experienced, open up alittle,,i think this sort of day may make you feel alittle more at ease around him,try and have fun,,go online and see things to do in the surrounding area for other interesting ideas,,you really need to do something (i believe) that puts you at ease,,difficult i know though you will be surprised, i am sorry i dont have any better ideas, i wouldnt over think this trying to make it the perfect day,baby steps,it will be nice no matter what you choose to do for him , i would most definately keep it simple though,,for you mostly,you will be fine

[mistydawn]

Plan a nice meal together and go shopping for all the food, then prepare it together and dine together.
Go on a long walk or hike in some nice natural area or park
Go to a museum or a zoo together
Read books together (going to a library or bookstore together to browse can be fun, you don't have to like each others tastes in books to enjoy it)
Go to a movie
Eat out in a nice restaurant (where you are not rushed and can talk over many relaxed courses)

So.... why don't you mesh well in terms of TV watching? Do you just dislike the programs he watches, and vice versa?

He is unemployed with little to no money. I pay for gas and pizza. I'm not sure I am willing to put out much more money. I don't want him to get dependent on me. As far as TV I don't like the programs he watches and he constantly switches channels. Drives me nuts. I would be fine cooking dinner for him/us. I'd buy that stuff. The only thing about going out in public is I don't know if he would hold my hand or not. I would be hurt if he didn't. We have only gone to his mothers house and we sat in separate seats. I don't think he gets out of the house enough.

[kport1]

okay then,,i didnt know that ,,you are then limited as to what your choices are,,hmmm..i do know from experience, unfortunately, when you dont have a job and all,,you are not at your best,,it is place i dont want to be again,,really messes with your head amongst other things, i kinda felt like everything was on hold , you know? so much that i wanted to do, but couldnt,,i think one can always make a situation better though, but is difficult to get your mind off of,the stress and mental anguish can be overwhelming at times i can assure you,,sometimes you find that you are just going through the motions, you are not completely in the moment ,,you know? so scale it down a bit, even more, go to a park, a picnic,take a walk, play some tennis, frisbee, something that you think he and you would enjoy,just get out,where there is other people,explore,doing many little things together is far more effective than doing one big thing,it doesnt have to be a whole day,,,can be short and sweet,,,as far as the holding hands, well, that may or may not come in time,,dont force the issue, it may come faster if you dont,,i am thinking that the whole idea here is to build and give to him your friendship, though i am not sure if the timing is at an optimum because of his situation

[mistydawn]

Bottom line: what is it that you are so damn scared of?

That question has been answered on my thread "Interpretation sought... all imput appreciate", page 2.