jerking off stories

[cujo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close cujo]

My woman is going in for an operation that would leave me without action for 3 months...so i am thinking while i will be on the hand the whole time...i might as well make it enjoyable...So guys...what are your jerking off stories that is worth sharing...I am a run of the mill guy...my my routine is so boring i go limp during my jerking off sessions...Please do share lol!!!

[Total_Honesty Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Total_Honesty]

One time, I was at the store when a friend called and said that he needed something for his muscles. I tell the store clerk and he gives me a tube of IcyHot. I give it to my friend and he stares at the tube and tells me he'll use it later on. Later, I'm standing outside his house talking to his brother smoking cigs when I hear a loud yelp. That dumb motherfucker used the IcyHot to beat off. He thought that the heat it gave off would feel good on his dick. Hahaha!

Me and his brother started laughing and left.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

What kind of stories are you looking for?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Hey all you have to do is read the following threads; the pineapple one, the g-spot, and the sex toy one. You'll have more than enough to have fun with!

[cujo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close cujo]

LOL i thought i would hear funny stories about plastic bags...socks...mint lotion and stuff...????

[TazerGun Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TazerGun]

Umm, I jerked off into a T-Shirt before and passed out for a little. I woke up and the shirt was practically glued to my dick, I had to slowly peel it off... I was so scared.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Umm, I jerked off into a T-Shirt before and passed out for a little. I woke up and the shirt was practically glued to my dick, I had to slowly peel it off... I was so scared.

I love that feeling.

[elpresidente Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close elpresidente]

Jerk off story

I was jerking off and as I was ejaculating I went to block the cum with my hand and it shot inbetween my fingers and into my nostril as i was inhaling. Worst booger and jerk off session of my life.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Had one where I was going at it on my back. I never knew what was going to happen when i came. was it going to be a shooter or a dry one. it was never known. the shooters are rare but they sometimes happen.

Well, while I'm there going with it, I get close, I fire off. Totally expecting it to be a small load, because I hadn't be jerking very long, i turned my head at the last minute just as a precaution. WOOSH!!! powerful White string goes whizzing by my head narrowly missing my eye. I hear it splat on my pillow that was bring propped up on the wall. Got a VERY small bit on my ear from the ricochet. I was SOOOOO happy i moved at the last minute... that would have gone in my nose and eye. LOL!

[chirk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close chirk]

I have one about a friend. This one is true and it happen to him. He has a cat and a dog at the time. They where always on his bed when he went to sleep each night. This particular night the cat lay next to him and he decided to pull his pud. As he was stroking away the cat saw that some thing was moving and as he was at the point of no return the cat decided that he was going to jump at this moving thing with his nails out. As he scream at the pain the cat ran away and never returned to this day. A few days after i went to visit him and asked where his cat was and he told me what happened. I said to him he should of though of what would of happened it the first place. Now no animal is allowed into his bedroom.

[blulite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blulite]

I was jerking off and as I was ejaculating I went to block the cum with my hand and it shot inbetween my fingers and into my nostril as i was inhaling. Worst booger and jerk off session of my life.

i had a similar mishap once where i ended up with a full facial cum shot... i had my eyes closed as i cum so i totally never saw it coming lol.

another time i was working as a courier and had this massive hard on while i was driving, so i decided to mount the daily sport on the dash and knock one out while i was driving, what i didnt think of was where i was going to shoot, so blurted my load all over the drivers footwell then covered it in newspaper.

another time, one of my pals, decided to have a tug and his mum was shouting him for dinner, he kept tellin gher in a minute, he was tugging with his eyes closed and when he finished he opened his eyes to see his dinner was sitting on his desk...his mum had come into his room and put his dinner down and he was tugging his tallywacker.

another time, abouot 8-9 year ago when i first got together with an ex, one night, i says to her, "sit on my dick", she said no im tired, so i said, "well ill have a wank then" she said go on.... so i did, which took me a while, but when i was about to shoot my load, i straddled my then gf who was half asleep, so she couldnt move her arms, and blurted my load all over her face, hair, eyes etc... next night, i says to her, sit on my dick...she said no...i said well ill have a wank....she said no its ok and climbed aboard lol

thats all i can think of at the moment, if any other mishaps come to mind ill post them but i think thats about it. other than being caught a few times by people, but who hasnt.

[DOA Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DOA]

I was in high school, when I was 17...I had decided not to jerk off for at least a month but being 17 you know how utterly impossible that would be. Well one day around the 3-4 week mark I was just going insane with almost a month's load of cum in my balls and my music teacher sent me off to try out the digital composition software (we were all doing different projects)...well, the room was a small windowless room that you enter through another classroom so I had to make my way through a band class in session to get there. Excuse me clarinets, oops sorry trombones, excuse me saxophones...Long story short, as soon as I closed the door, I went mad and pulled down my pants and fapped my meat so hard to the awful jazz music playing behind the door. I sprayed my cum all over the floor, there was so much. I had to muffle my totally involuntary groans haha. One of the best orgasms I've ever had. I then took off my underwear to use to wipe the floor clean

[Thick_Unit Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Thick_Unit]

Was not really jerking off at the time but one time a long time ago in middle school one day in the middle of class my overstimulated mind lol well I end it up with a dry spontaneous orgasm that day one of the best ever nothing could compare to it It was so intense it was painful but still felt so awesome . It lasted a few minutes too.I did not even want to move at all, as it did not help the situation at all.

I really do want to experience that again.

[deleteduser Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close deleteduser]

I was 14 and going to town on the big guy rubbing one out when my dad walks in my room. He walks in and as I'm scrambling to throw a sheet over my junk he comes and sits on the bed. He apologizes for barging in and says, "Don't worry about it, there's no shame in it. All guys jack off, even your own man. I won't barge in when the door's shut anymore." He then gets up, walks to the door and before he shuts it, says, "Take out the trash after you're done."

[Kaleem08 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kaleem08]

I was a freshman in high school rubbing one out and it was possibly the best rub i have ever had and when i was done it shot up to my forehead. I was never the same again.