Addicted to sex

[KungFuJoe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close KungFuJoe]

Let me start by stating that my addiction is not that I want to screw anything that walks on two legs. I only want my wife. She is my best friend, the absolute coolest person I've ever met, and she is one of those natural extroverts that people love being around. She is also a gorgeous woman but she doesn't have a big ego at all. My libido is extremely strong and has just gotten stronger the longer we've been married (9 years so far). Our sex life is great...better than great. We have sex pretty often (on average once every two days, but maybe more because we will do it more than once frequently). We also both work, and have three kids (including a 16 year old who we have to be really discrete around and two girls, 6 and 4, who can't go more than 30 minutes without wanting our attention for something. Even with our busy schedules and kids all around, we make time for sex, and we have great sex. In terms of previous partners, it's not even close for either of us. I gave her the second orgasm she'd ever had in her life the first time we had sex and she blows my mind with just laying a fingertip on me. The sexual attraction we have for each other is ridiculous, especially considering how long we've been together (almost 11 years).

Sounds great doesn't it? So whats the problem? The problem is that I'm addicted to sex...with my wife. Extremely addicted. If she would let me, I'd fuck her every waking minute if my life. After we have sex I'm ready to go again..and again...and again. Eventually she gets sore or tired and wants to stop. Just last night we went out to dinner, left the kids with their grandparents, came back home and had sex for probably two to three hours. I probably came 3 or 4 times. She eventually was exhausted (she is an early sleeper and it was 3am) and wanted to sleep. I still wanted to have sex but she was done. So I jerked off over her naked body until I came again. Then I went to sleep. I woke up this morning and first thing on my mind was sex. She was still sore, but she wanted it too so we lubed up and went at it again. After we were done I wanted another go at it, but she was too sore and still tired from the previous night. Then the rest of the day was pretty normal...cooked brunch, watched a movie with the kids at home, then went to my wife's nephew's bd party til the evening and came home. First thing on my mind...get my wife naked and have sex. She was tired and just wanted to put the kids to bed then lie together in bed and watch a movie and go to sleep. I said ok but what was really on my mind was, "maybe this will lead to sex.". Well...about 30 min into the movie she was so tired she couldn't even go brush her teeth and just wanted to sleep.

Here is where the problem comes. I was hoping for sex. It wasn't going to happen. I was disappointed and got moody. She wanted me to hold her in bed while she slept, I just wanted to leave the room. It sounds awful just typing this but it's the truth. I can't help feeling that way. It happens quite often, too. It's very frustrating for me because I know I'm being childish and overly sensitive, but that's why I call it an addiction...I can't help it! We've actually had little fights about it where I've complained that I feel I'm not getting enough sex or that she doesn't want it enough, when in reality it's not that she doesn't want it like any normal woman with a strong libido, it's that I want her to want it as much as I do!

The reason why I went into detail about my previous night and today was to show, in a microcosm, that this is not her problem. I think pretty much any other guy, in my situation, would be 100% satisfied (and then some) with the quantity and quality if sex that we have. It's all on me. I've tried telling myself to try to not desire her so much, but that's like telling me to try not to breathe any more. The slightest touch from her drives me wild and I find myself trying to be physically and emotionally distant from her so I don't feel the urges. She is not oblivious when I do this and has commented on how I seem cold sometimes.

I guess I just don't know what to do. I love the way I lust for my wife, but I don't like how I get when I'm disappointed. My wife is completely understanding and she says she doesn't mind that I always want her and that she would be worried if I stopped. I've told her everything I just said here and that I think I'm addicted to her. We are very open with each other and communicate very well. I know I need to grow up and stop acting like a child who just got denied a brand new toy, but it's much easier said than done. I guess a part of me is afraid that she will stop wanting me..that the sex will stop and become an afterthought. But i also know that my actions aren't helping and might actually be hurting.

I also think and hope that by saying all this and putting it out there in an open forum will help me see the big picture and better understand how I feel and how to control it.

[Going411x7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Going411x7]

Do you suppose that if you had sex less often with her she would no longer want you? Just wondering.

[ColtAR-15 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ColtAR-15]

Wow. I dont know how you two manage that with three kids. I just have one and it was really dificult working in sex with her working and when she wasn't my daughter was home. Now that my wife isn't working I kind of went hog wild like you and was having sex every day for 6 -7 days straight without a break. I am amazed that you want it several times a day. Once a day is plenty for me. I know it is probably easier said than done but I would try to let her
initiate the sex more often. I also wish my wife took the initiative more often but thats just the way she is.

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

I am sooooo glad I am not in your wife's shoes.

[Rando Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Rando]

initiate the sex more often.

This seems like a common theme in marriage threads, but not when he's already getting 5-7 times a week! I think most of the burden falls on OP to try and figure out a way to lower the sex drive. Maybe take up a sport or hobby that keeps you very active so you can burn off some of that extra energy you have. Find some kind of balance where you can keep a healthy sex live while staying active so everyone's happy.

[Thick_Unit Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Thick_Unit]

This seems like a common theme in marriage threads, but not when he's already getting 5-7 times a week! I think most of the burden falls on OP to try and figure out a way to lower the sex drive. Maybe take up a sport or hobby that keeps you very active so you can burn off some of that extra energy you have. Find some kind of balance where you can keep a healthy sex live while staying active so everyone's happy.

Isn't that what hand is for..

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

KungFu, do you work out regularly? It sounds like you have waaaay more energy than most guys, that may be part of the problem. If you're not doing it already, I suggest that you start an exercise program with the goal of getting some serious cardiovascular exercise (running or swimming or biking) at least 4 or 5 days a week. That might help you tame the beast a bit. You seem like a thoughtful guy and are working on this, you just need the tools. I think some serious exercise would help take the edge off, and make the control easier for you.

[Rando Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Rando]

True, but again is it really necessary to masturbate 7 times a week when you're getting laid 7 times a week? I understand that some people just have really high sex drives, but there has to be more productive ways to put that energy to use.

[blulite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blulite]

hey KFJ, i totally feel you on that one... im not married but ive always had mega mojo .... although soetimes hard you will just have to get used to not being able to screw the ass off your wife as much as you would like to. it was a similar problem that led me to jerk off numerous times a day on top of sex, which eventually led me to suffer from Prem..

im not really sure i can offer advice here, but more i can relate to your problem. your not alone on this front by far, i can imagine theres a lot of guys on here with similar issues either now or in the past that caused problems of various sorts.

the only thing i can say, that would be anywhere near advice, i suppose would be to just accept it and see it as something to look forward to... i know you want to fuck your wife constantly, but good things come to those who wait, and by the sounds of it shes deffo worth the wait.... pussy is my favourite meal of the day... however some days its just not on the menu. when it is i enjoy it all the more...

fine dining at its best...

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

This seems like a common theme in marriage threads, but not when he's already getting 5-7 times a week! I think most of the burden falls on OP to try and figure out a way to lower the sex drive. Maybe take up a sport or hobby that keeps you very active so you can burn off some of that extra energy you have. Find some kind of balance where you can keep a healthy sex live while staying active so everyone's happy.

"Thick_unit says that is what a hand is for. " It won't be enough.

I go along with the husband getting a hobby or exercising or sport. Keep your mind is focused on other things.

I just started dance class last week. I am going to learn how to sew as well. One keeps me physically active ad the other mentally active,.

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

True, but again is it really necessary to masturbate 7 times a week when you're getting laid 7 times a week? I understand that some people just have really high sex drives, but there has to be more productive ways to put that energy to use.

[headlikeahole Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close headlikeahole]

Many of you don't seem to understand addiction. You wouldn't tell an alcoholic to drink pepsi instead....

If you truly believe you are addicted to sex, then you should be seeking professional help. End of story.

If you just have a really high sex drive (which is what it seems like to me) then you need to start settling for what you can get. Maybe you want to fuck ten times a night, well too bad thats not always going to be possible. Most guys would KILL to have a gorgeous wife who wants it 5 times a week. The idea that you might be bugging her for more actually angers me a little.

The way I see it, your problem is either addiction, or greed.

[blulite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blulite]

i honestly dont think greed can come into it... i believe if it were down to greed then there would have already been problems in the marriage with regards to prefference differentials.

as for seeking professional help, would it acually be worth it to seek professional help to lower your libido? i think that would be counter-productive and could lead to lack of sexual motivation. finding a good balance and good compromise is the best way forward.

5 mights a week isnt exactly lacking ... but if 5 nights isnt quite enough for one partner then the only way to resolve the issue is to accept it. we cant always have the things in life that we crave the most..

acceptance and understanding of your partners needs is something that should be brought to the table and discussed/remedied. if your partner needs are not the same as your own then thats just unlucky.. you have to be mindfull of their needs atop your own.

[headlikeahole Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close headlikeahole]

i honestly dont think greed can come into it... i believe if it were down to greed then there would have already been problems in the marriage with regards to prefference differentials.

as for seeking professional help, would it acually be worth it to seek professional help to lower your libido? i think that would be counter-productive and could lead to lack of sexual motivation. finding a good balance and good compromise is the best way forward.

5 mights a week isnt exactly lacking ... but if 5 nights isnt quite enough for one partner then the only way to resolve the issue is to accept it. we cant always have the things in life that we crave the most..

acceptance and understanding of your partners needs is something that should be brought to the table and discussed/remedied. if your partner needs are not the same as your own then thats just unlucky.. you have to be mindfull of their needs atop your own.

If you read my post, I said if he truly is addicted he should seek medical help, sex addiction has nothing to do with libido its about greed and power. Thats why I don't think he's a sex addict. I think he quite simply doesn't have enough self control.

I'm horny probably 90% of the time I spend awake. That doesn't mean I need to constantly be fucking my girlfriend. I know well enough to wait for her to want it, and once its over I know well enough not to ask for more.

[KungFuJoe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close KungFuJoe]

going411by7,

I'm just afraid that if she starts wanting sex less, it means she is losing her interest in me and in sex overall. It's an irrational fear, I know, but it's there nonetheless. A part of me thinks it might be related to my very first relationship, where we both had a ton of sex in the beginning, but it eventually wore off and the passion all but left, though to be honest, we just fucked all the time...it was never very passionate.

colt,

I tried the whole leave her alone until she initiates. But I guess my problem isn't so much that she never initiates. She does. Even moreso since I've started PE. But I want it constantly. The problem is definitely not her. It's me.

rando and batwoman,

I workout with weights 5 days a week. I also PE 5 days a week. However, I don't do much cardiovascular training other than basketball once a week. I have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and after any type of strenuous cardiovascular training, I am not only exhausted right after, but the next day...and only fully recover two days later. It also makes me get sick often. When I was younger and playing every single day, I got sick quite a lot. Since I stopped playing basketball (except maybe once a week) I can't remember the last time I got sick. I know this is against the norm where cardio training boosts your immune system but I think my hypo depresses my immune system after hard training. I do desire less sex after playing basketball, but I also can barely walk as well.

headlikeahole,

I have to agree with what you're saying. I do think it's borderline addiction because it's something that I can't stop doing (wanting to have sex) and can have unfavorable results (my being frustrating at her when she doesn't want it every single time).

Honestly, I've given professional help a few passing thoughts. If I was just addicted to sex (regardless of with whom) I would have gone for help a long time ago. But the reason why I try to deal with it on my own is because I only desire my wife. And I mean that. As my sex drive for my wife has gone up, my attraction towards anyone else has dropped dramatically. AND I LIKE THAT. And that is also why I haven't really been trying to "solve" my problem because a large part of me feels that my insane lust for my wife is not a problem, but a benefit. Not that I would ever cheat on her otherwise...but it feels good to go to a club, where half the chicks are hot and wearing next to nothing, and feel absolutely NOTHING towards them.

The thing about this...I KNOW what I need to do. I need to stop feeling "rejected" whenever I want sex and my wife doesn't. I need to understand that it's not because she doesn't want me...it's because she just doesn't want it at that time. I'm not a stupid person, but I am an emotional one. But, it does help to hear other people's viewpoints and opinions. Helps keep things in perspective.

Thanks, everyone, for listening.