Not physically attracted to girlfriend

[6inchkiller Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 6inchkiller]

Hey guys, I've been having a few problems with my relationship and I was hoping someone could help me sort some of this crap out. Ha. I have been seeing the same girl for about a year now. She is absolutely wonderful and I am 100% positive that she loves and would do anything for me. Everything that is currently holding our relationship back has to do with me. She is ready to go in head first, and I'm kinda holding back. We aren't "officially" together, and I usually hold out on things that typically boyfriends should do (i.e. meeting her family, buying flowers, Facebook relationship status).
My inhibition mostly stems from the fact that I am not incredibly sexually attracted to her. I know it is ridiculously shallow to say this and I hope no one thinks too ill of me for it, but I have always been infatuated with large breasts. My girlfriend has very small breasts and it is sort of an issue when it comes to our sex life. I have a hard time staying erect and have to fantasize about other women in order to keep going. This started about the 2nd or 3rd time we had sex. I'm a healthy 20 year old dude and I practice a lot of the exercises on this site so I don't think ED is a practical reason for my problems.
I really love this girl. She is so smart and funny and we have so much in common that I don't want to let her go because of some superficial reason that she has no control over. But I'm in college and there are so many attractive girls around that I am tempted to try my luck out there instead of maybe settling down already and risk being unhappy in the long run, or wasting her time.
An underlying issue of this situation is the fact that I am on this site to begin with. In other words, I am unhappy with the size of my penis. Since my girlfriend has no problem with it and claims that I more than satisfy her in bed, I'm scared of breaking off a good thing and going out into the college atmosphere A.K.A a sea of alpha males with giant dicks. But at the same time, I don't want my fear of rejection or humiliation to keep me from trying to be happy.
If anyone took the time to read this, I appreciate it. This is a great community. Any advice would be awesome. Thanks, guys.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

OK, first off, you can't help what turns you on and what doesn't......it's just who and what you are and there's no shame in it.

Second, don't assume that college is FULL of alpha males with large dicks..........I mean sure, there probably will be some guys who will be larger but how would you even come to find that out? Yes, you've got a good thing it sounds like but you simply can't force that which isn't there bro. It's that plain and simple.

It would be unfair to keep leading her on if you're honestly not physically attracted to her. Since you're not a true couple as yet, I would kind of taper things off a bit and put some distance in between you and she.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

At your age, if you are not strongly sexually arroused by your girl then something is wrong with the relationship. I sense that you already know that or you would not be writing about it here. I expect that a combination of your fears about re-entering the singles scene -- together with not wanting to hurt someone you care about -- are keeping you in a relationship that is headed nowhere.

It is bad enough when a person discovers that they are sexually incompatible with a partner after getting married or having children -- ie., when the stakes are much higher and the damage of splitting up would be much greater. You may be miserable over this, but you have been given a gift of sorts in realizing now, when you are an unmarried student, that maybe you are not with the right person. I don't really think this is about the size of your girl's breasts, I think it is about deeper things....mismatched chemistry, lack of rightness in the relationship, general incompatibility. If you have to fantasize about another girl to get off with the one you are with then something is badly wrong. Your girl may be a wonderful loving person and a great fit on paper (so to speak) and still not be a good fit for you in reality.

I think you need to be brave and talk to her about this. It will be painful, but you are not doing either of you any good by continuing on with something that is not making you happy. After a year, you should know in your heart whether or not this is right for you.
And I think you already do.

[malehanger Banned Find all posts View Profile Close malehanger]

At your age, if you are not strongly sexually arroused by your girl then something is wrong with the relationship. I sense that you already know that or you would not be writing about it here. I expect that a combination of your fears about re-entering the singles scene -- together with not wanting to hurt someone you care about -- are keeping you in a relationship that is headed nowhere.

It is bad enough when a person discovers that they are sexually incompatible with a partner after getting married or having children -- ie., when the stakes are much higher and the damage of splitting up would be much greater. You may be miserable over this, but you have been given a gift of sorts in realizing now, when you are an unmarried student, that maybe you are not with the right person. I don't really think this is about the size of your girl's breasts, I think it is about deeper things....mismatched chemistry, lack of rightness in the relationship, general incompatibility. If you have to fantasize about another girl to get off with the one you are with then something is badly wrong. Your girl may be a wonderful loving person and a great fit on paper (so to speak) and still not be a good fit for you in reality.

I think you need to be brave and talk to her about this. It will be painful, but you are not doing either of you any good by continuing on with something that is not making you happy. After a year, you should know in your heart whether or not this is right for you.
And I think you already do.

Very good reply here and I was going to say some similar things based on my own experiences in relationships. If there's "something" that bugs you about the person you are with and it is a constant thing, there's a very good chance that even "talking about it" will not make the issue go away. You would have to go into your own subconscious mind and literally remove that issue. Since that is impossible, you really need to make a decision. Are you going to find a way to somehow overlook this issue you have with this current girlfriend, or find a way to be honest with her and move on? If you decide to overlook it, why not find an area of her body you ARE attracted to and learn to develop a strong focus toward it? I remember reading an interview of a male porn star a few years ago. The interviewer asked something along the lines of "Surely it's not ALL beautiful women that you find attractive right?" and the porn star agreed and admitted that sometimes he found his co-star completely unattractive, but early on in his career he learned that almost all women had at least ONE thing physically which turned him on that he could focus in on during a scene.

Slightly off the wall example, but it may work. Assuming you are one of those soppy, types who buys into the ideology of "beauty is on the inside...". Apparently it works for many people though. Just look at attractive women who are with morbidly obese men, because "he's just SO SWEET!". Who am I to judge though? You're young, and probably have many, many years ahead of you. If you have doubts now, your best bet may very well be to express your honest feelings to this girl. Maybe use this as an example to yourself of what you do/don't want in a potential long term partner. Life is indeed too short to "settle".

[6inchkiller Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 6inchkiller]

Thanks, everybody. I ended up breaking things off. I think it's for the best. I came to realize that I'm not in the right place for a relationship right now. I found myself not trying or working very hard to improve when I had somebody who likes me just the way I am. Which is great, but not when you want to better your life. I guess that's why there's some saying along the lines of "No one can love you unless you love yourself first". Definitely ringing true in my case. She was completely fine with my size, but the point is I'M NOT. Being single gives me a sort of renewed motivation to work on my PE. I know that sounds selfish, but I think it's what I need right now.

[mister Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mister]

You can't fake that sort of thing and put it there when it's not. I've know some fantastic girls over the years but that didn't mean they turned me on and if they didn't there was nothing I could do and probably plenty vise versa on my part too .
Dunno where this sea of alpha males has suddenly appeared from over thhis last few years when the average size is around yours anyway which has taken 1000's of years to evolve.
I think it's called the internet . Now everyone can brag about the incredible body they have , or the one they've just had , they can have perfect breasts, ass's, long golden legs and suddenly all score horses every time they the fuck someone and everytime your talking or reading some guy - how odd , they're hung like horses, suddenly the chart that shows the scientifically proven real reality of these percentages , in this very club , must have become completely ass about - overnight !
And suddenly the whole f'n female world has become so shallow , that mere mortals will not get a look in , me don't thinks so ! And what suddenly we can all pick and chose as if there's no tomorrow when only a few yrs ago it was just the way it's always been and finding a partner or lasting relationship was about the hardest thing to do in life for both sexes .
There's gotta be some new beauty/body/facial/ass/tits/penis pills out there that I haven't heard about and the whole f'n world must be taken them - cept us .

Do what ever is right for you and try not to be scammed by this internet bs sweeping the whole planet lately I say. I look around me in the real world and no one or thing has changed , everyone and everything still looks the same as it did last yr or the yr before , you have nothing to worry about .

[Rando Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Rando]

You did the right thing OP and props for doing it immediately instead of drawing out the process which would have only made it more painful for the girl.

One of the toughest things I've had to do is decide not to enter into a relationship with a girl who was off the charts compatible with me and had the perfect personality, but just didn't turn me on sexually. In the end, I think that's a pretty key component that must be there and it sounds like it wasn't for you.

mister, good post. The internet can be a great thing at times, but also an awful thing too. It's so easy to spread lies and misinformation and I would imagine the average "e-penis" size is 8 inches whereas the real average is 5.5 or so. Unfortunately it only seems to serve as a tool for creating or building insecurity with individuals. The realities are far different than the internet and porn world would have you believe.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Good for you for making the right decision. Kudos.

[nightsky Member Find all posts View Profile Close nightsky]

Now go get some big boobs, ya silly goof!

[Brandon85 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brandon85]

Now go get some big boobs, ya silly goof!

Ah...

Big boobs!

Medium boobs!

Small boobs!

Nice in every size!

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

Hey guys, I've been having a few problems with my relationship and I was hoping someone could help me sort some of this crap out. Ha. I have been seeing the same girl for about a year now. She is absolutely wonderful and I am 100% positive that she loves and would do anything for me. Everything that is currently holding our relationship back has to do with me. She is ready to go in head first, and I'm kinda holding back. We aren't "officially" together, and I usually hold out on things that typically boyfriends should do (i.e. meeting her family, buying flowers, Facebook relationship status).
My inhibition mostly stems from the fact that I am not incredibly sexually attracted to her. I know it is ridiculously shallow to say this and I hope no one thinks too ill of me for it, but I have always been infatuated with large breasts. My girlfriend has very small breasts and it is sort of an issue when it comes to our sex life. I have a hard time staying erect and have to fantasize about other women in order to keep going. This started about the 2nd or 3rd time we had sex. I'm a healthy 20 year old dude and I practice a lot of the exercises on this site so I don't think ED is a practical reason for my problems.
I really love this girl. She is so smart and funny and we have so much in common that I don't want to let her go because of some superficial reason that she has no control over. But I'm in college and there are so many attractive girls around that I am tempted to try my luck out there instead of maybe settling down already and risk being unhappy in the long run, or wasting her time.
An underlying issue of this situation is the fact that I am on this site to begin with. In other words, I am unhappy with the size of my penis. Since my girlfriend has no problem with it and claims that I more than satisfy her in bed, I'm scared of breaking off a good thing and going out into the college atmosphere A.K.A a sea of alpha males with giant dicks. But at the same time, I don't want my fear of rejection or humiliation to keep me from trying to be happy.
If anyone took the time to read this, I appreciate it. This is a great community. Any advice would be awesome. Thanks, guys.

That's a lot of pride in your cock "6inchkiller"

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

If it ain't there by the second date it ain't coming. What mr big dick said:
OK, first off, you can't help what turns you on and what doesn't......it's just who and what you are and there's no shame in it.

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

OP hasn't been on since July, so I am shutting this beast down.

Closing thread...

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

Thread Closed