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HELP! GF Lied About Her Past

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  • HELP! GF Lied About Her Past

    Ok so here's the deal:

    I had been seeing this girl for a while and one night when she was drunk she was telling me (even though I didn't want to hear it) that she'd always wanted to wait until marriage but then in college that changed. Her boyfriend and her had sex, and then after they'd broken up she'd got super drunk and had sex with some guy that she didn't even remember and those were her only two times.

    Fast forward like a month: I asked her out, and like as soon as I did she's like wait there's something I have to get off my chest; that one night I lied to you about the guys I've been with. She said her and her boyfriend had never had sex and that her first time was the time she didn't even remember. Then she said that after that she was always scared of that happening again so she made sure to go out with someone every time she was going drinking so that she wouldn't accidentally sleep with someone, and that I was basically her first and that I'm the first guy she's had sex with sober. I was like ok whatever, I know you were drunk but don't ever lie to me again (honestly is far and away the most important thing to me).

    Fast forward another month to yesterday: She lives in a dorm and I was kinda bouncing on her bed (ADD) and she got really mad cuz she didn't want people to think we were having sex. That made me think that maybe she was ashamed of having sex. Later on that night I asked her if she was embarassed that we have sex and she went on to say that she had a promise ring that she'd wait till marriage and then that one night happened and then after that she went "sex crazy" and that she's fine with sex but doesn't want people to know. I asked her if by sex crazy she meant she had a lot of sex and she said yes, after that night I was upset and didn't know what to do and started bringing guys home every time I got drunk.

    What the hell!!!!!!

    Then I got pissed at her for lieing to me and she claims she didn't lie, she told me I was the only one she'd had sex with sober (which she did) and she's like oh what did you want a number or something?

    So basically, I don't give a damn who she's slept with but I feel extremely led along thinking this whole time I'm the first guy she even remembers having sex with when in reality that's not the truth at all. I also feel awful for having sex with when she's obviously still not 100% comfortable with it. We're meeting later today and I don't know what to tell her. I didn't want to get in a serious relationship when I asked her out, but I also think she's really cool and nice and don't want to hurt her.. any advice you guys might have would be greatly appreciated.
    PEGym Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH76tfDxm7Y

  • #2
    Be scared, be very ascared. Run like hell. Sounds like a basket case you should avoid. It also sounds like you didn't even ask her to tell you this stuff, then she devulges the details and then recants and is constantly contradicting her past statements. At least she didn't tell you how big their dicks were and other details. I't doesn't sound like its worth the risk. Just my opinion though.
    ColtAR-15
    Senior Member
    Last edited by ColtAR-15; 01-27-2012, 09:55 AM.
    Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Ben Franklin, 1775.

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    • #3
      Dude.. honestly I don't care if "technically" a lie or not. That is deceiving and stuff like that should not be tolerated. She's doing that and you haven't even gotten serious with her. I don't know man.. personally I wouldn't get attached. She definitely seems like she has issues and girls like that end up hurting you more often than not. But it's your decision to make
      Starting (january 05, 2011):
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      • #4
        Wow, I would have some concerns about her not being able to be honest, maybe she was scared to tell you the truth because she has seen how some guys are but that still is no reason to lie. I would wrather have a girl tell me her past sex was none of my buisiness or that she has had a lot of sex from the get go. I am not so concerned about her getting drunk and then getting nailed but more about the stream of lies, sounds like you have had three coversations about sex and she has lied twice, the 4th conversation could prove the third to be a lie as well. If I were to continue dating her I would tell her that either you agree its in the past or get the truth, get it over with and then never talk about it again. Odds are that I would probably not get serious with her though.
        Last edited by BigO; 01-27-2012, 02:51 PM.
        Going an inch and 1/2 deeper than before

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        • #5
          I agree with both of you to a degree.. The thing is though that the rest of the relationship has been a lot healthier than most of my past relationships and she's been way way less crazy than any other girl I've dated (so far). But I definitely agree that that's deceiving and I am not ok with being deceived. I feel like the reason she did it, though, is because she's really ashamed that she'd been having sex (she's really religious - this also scares me kind of because I'm not at all) and that if she'd been more comfortable around me she might have been more honest about it (like she was last night). She honestly is not the type of girl that would lie to me (I don't think, but I've only known her for a couple months).
          PEGym Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH76tfDxm7Y

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          • #6
            Thanks BigO. That's really good advice and you bring up some really good points and that's kind of how I feel about it too
            PEGym Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH76tfDxm7Y

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            • #7
              Dump that bitch now! Who the hell does she think she is? I mean what right did she have to go out and have a past knowing she was going to meet you one day. Hell all she had to do was look in her crystal ball, see that she was going to meet a nice guy like you, and all she had to do was wait around and not do anything until she met you. I mean the nerve of her to go out have some fun, maybe had a romace or two, knowing that one day she was going to meet you. So what if she's really cool and you like to hang out with her; hell she's had a past! I only hang with people that have a "present" or a "future". So dump her now even if you like her and go find a girl that has no past; I hear they are easy to find. Have you ever thought about being a priest?
              The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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              • #8
                In most case I would say never talk about the past but this can of worms is opened all ready and this makes this situation different. I guess the first thing is to ask her why she lied and then listen to her and see if you can believe and trust what she says. If she is cool and fun to be with maybe you are what she needs and she may see that with you she can be honest but always remember that after this conversation to let it go and move forward. Dont throw it in her face and I think you may have something.
                Its too easy to say dump her on the net but I understand what the other guys are saying as well. I would have the talk and then give yourself some time to digest it, she may need some time too because if she opens up she is going to expose her feelings and her past and it may be very embarrassing for her, the other option is to both agree its in the past and that from this point on honesty will be the way for you both. Good luck, I wish you and her the best with whatever decisions you make.
                Going an inch and 1/2 deeper than before

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                • #9
                  I think you should avoid people like that too, sounds like she has issues.... if she is religious then why would she has more sex after that time lol, its like saying she accidentally cut her hand, then she got scared and from then on she keep cutting her hand.... somethings not right there

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                  • #10
                    Honesty has always been a big thing with me too. Of course it's not polite to stereotype but I think that people who lie have a fundamental character flaw. I married a woman who "told a few lies here and there" because at the time she asked me to forgive her and promised it wouldn't happen again. We were married for eighteen years and have been divorced now for three. We got a divorce because I found out she was having an affair with her boss...and had been for years. In the course of fact finding (investigation) prior to the divorce I learned that she was not only lying to me, but also to her mom, her sister, her best friends, and even her damn lover. She is the best liar I've ever encountered...really astonishing to witness. I think it's just something she's done all her life. So my advice would be to politely part ways with this young lady and all her drama and deceit. Work on you and being happy and I promise a better (honest) one will come your way soon.

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                    • #11
                      CUSP82 - Thanks for your time. If you read my post you'd see that I don't care how many guys she been with I care that she lied to me. But again thanks a lot for your input.
                      PEGym Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH76tfDxm7Y

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by CUSP82 View Post
                        Dump that bitch now! Who the hell does she think she is? I mean what right did she have to go out and have a past knowing she was going to meet you one day. Hell all she had to do was look in her crystal ball, see that she was going to meet a nice guy like you, and all she had to do was wait around and not do anything until she met you. I mean the nerve of her to go out have some fun, maybe had a romace or two, knowing that one day she was going to meet you. So what if she's really cool and you like to hang out with her; hell she's had a past! I only hang with people that have a "present" or a "future". So dump her now even if you like her and go find a girl that has no past; I hear they are easy to find. Have you ever thought about being a priest?
                        I don't think thats the issue for the OP. It's the deception, the inconsistancies and contradictions that are.
                        Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Ben Franklin, 1775.

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                        • #13
                          Did you even ask her to tell you this stuff?
                          Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Ben Franklin, 1775.

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                          • #14
                            Not the first time, she was pretty drunk and just started telling me. I really didn't want to know haha
                            PEGym Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH76tfDxm7Y

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                            • #15
                              ColtAR - that's exactly right, thanks
                              PEGym Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RH76tfDxm7Y

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