Is it weird..........?

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

To be afraid of being cheated on?

With my recent week long time in the mental hospital I had time to think on a bunch of things and this was one of the things I kept thinking about this, my only relationship, and a sex crazy trip I was going to go on.

The entire time though I figured out that she may not have loved me as much as I loved her and that I won't be going on that trip, mostly because of lack of money, but the one thing I couldn't figure out is this fear of being cheated on, I still can't figure this out. I have never been cheated on, not in my only relationship, but the very thought of finding it out or seeing the person I care about cheating on me before my eyes drives me up a wall. The thought of being 2nd like that is one of the few things that I actually fear. This thought was always in the back of my mind in my relationship, but I knew she would never do that and I don't want to know even if she did.

The thing is I have no idea why. I can't imagine this being normal and I know this is something that is not only holding me back in dating and relationships, but also with myself and being afraid to ask someone out and be constantly thinking this. I have to get past this way of thinking so I can not be tripping over this, especially when I am not in a relationship nor even dating.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Your thoughts are a defense mechanism, you make your self afraid of something that hasnt happened to justify your avoidance of intamacy. If you kill all the poisonous snakes you will never get bit by a viper. You have to feel pain to appreciate love Dontrike. Go and take a chance, dance in the rain, you get wet but you feel free.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

Oh I like going in the rain, especially biking, feels awesome, but I know what you were getting at.

I was plenty intimate with my ex, but that fear was always there, she never knew about it. I trusted her completely, but the though was always there. Nothing has ever happened to me to be afraid of it and I am starting to wonder where it is coming from.

My first thought was from reading porn. I kept reading stories where the woman/man would cheat for whatever reason and love the fact that they were making the other feel like they were less then dirt, and then other things happen. Which is part of the reason I started doing the AP90, to not think like that anymore, but that fear is still there.

If/when I do look at porn again I need to stop reading/watching as soon as it get's to that point and just grow out of this.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Oh I like going in the rain, especially biking, feels awesome, but I know what you were getting at.

I was plenty intimate with my ex, but that fear was always there, she never knew about it. I trusted her completely, but the though was always there. Nothing has ever happened to me to be afraid of it and I am starting to wonder where it is coming from.

My first thought was from reading porn. I kept reading stories where the woman/man would cheat for whatever reason and love the fact that they were making the other feel like they were less then dirt, and then other things happen. Which is part of the reason I started doing the AP90, to not think like that anymore, but that fear is still there.

If/when I do look at porn again I need to stop reading/watching as soon as it get's to that point and just grow out of this.

You may be trying to find reasons that she ended it with you and if you cant get one that you feels is satisfactory then you may be mentally creating a reason, you know she didnt but your fear is that she did and that may give you closure. however the fact that you think these thoughts may mean that she did and you know it but cant prove it. Dont make yourself second best in your head. the best thing is to accept that she has moved on, for whatever reason. Would you feel better or worse if you found she did, It wont change what has happened either way.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

It is true that I am still trying to figure out exactly why and before I tried getting back together with her I had moved on, so I guess I just caused another cycle to happen and going through the motions one more time.

I wouldn't be able to prove if she did or didn't, considering it being a long distance relationship from beginning to end, but I know she wouldn't, she isn't the type of person, that much I do know. It would make me feel awful if I found out she did, but I that is true for anyone else and it wouldn't change anything.

I wasn't 2nd best to her, at least from what she told me, but to me, if I was with someone and found out they were cheating, it would feel like I am 2nd to the person I cared about and wasn't good enough.

I am an awesome person, and the week long stint in the hospital made me think about myself a lot and I learned that I have an awesome personality. I am funny and in general a pretty good guy, even when I am in a place that is not so good to be in. I have an amazing imagination and I love dreaming about just random things during my day, to think about the what could be.

Maybe there is something more to this. I hate being 2nd in certain things, which I guess is my pride at work there. Maybe I just have to dial it down and stop worrying about such things.

Makes me wonder when the next time I will have someone or, for that matter, just be able to go out and experience the dating world, the one night stands, the crazy random orgies, or other such crazy things. My trip was going to be awesome and I wanted to just see what or who I could get myself into, but money is going to be light and that definitely disappointed me.

I have no idea how to even go about asking someone out or even going out and just living it up. Perhaps I am making to much of this.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Sometimes the only thing that helps is time. It would be good to get out and meet and maybe even date some nice lady but I would not get into a relationship untill you are at ease and basically truly over what has happened. One must be happy with ones self and remove the baggage because it will cause problems if you move to fast. i think ( I hope ) the stay at the hospital did good things for you. I think also that with all you have going on outside of women that you may have just had a giant ball of stress around you and maybe now they have helped to show you how to manage some of the pressure.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

They did help, but a lot of it I knew. I just tried to solve everything on my own and didn't open up about any of it to anyone this time and I tried to force myself to get over it and when you force everything into a ball and force it, it tends to pop and release everything, and I broke down from all of it coming out at one time.

You are most likely right, I probably just need more time.