What would you do if she cheated?

[bknc2012 Member Find all posts View Profile Close bknc2012]

What would you do if your girlfriend or wife cheated? I have always been of the opinion that if my wife cheated on me, it would automatically be a wrap. However, my friend just told me that he found out his wife cheated on him and he doesn't know what to do? She alleges that it only happened once, but I told him that is some bullshit. What do ya'll think? Would you end it or try to work it out?

[Steneo Senior MemberPEGym Hero Member of the Month Dec 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close Steneo]

Honestly, I think that would be it for our marriage. I simply cannot imagine an excuse she could give that would be enough to forgive and forget that.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Either stay faithful, or stay the fuck single. 'Nuff said.

EDIT: My bad lol just got edgy and jumped the gun. I would end things right then and there. People in love don't fuck other people, it's as easy as that. There is no logical excuse and/or excuses that can make it right for somebody to cheat on somebody when they are "in love" with them. Ever.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Oh, there can be many things to factor. What if the guy ignored her, abused drugs, beat her, cheated himself or was just a fuck tard. There are reasons that the guy could consider himself lucky that even though he was such a dick to her that she cheated he should be grateful to get another chance. There are also situations where she was just a selfish bitch and should be kicked to the curb.

not a single one of us can ever answer the question until we have been in those shoes, I have seen tough men, real men, secure as hell men who always said they would be through in a heart beat change their tune when it happened to them. In most cases all guys talk tough and always will but some of you/these tough guys who think they know what they will do will really just hit their knees and cry like a girl begging for a second chance, and maybe, just maybe they will be lucky enough to get one.

OK, lets here all the tough guys with nerves and hearts of steel say whats on their mind!

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

I am a female and that is one of my hard limits. It would be OVER. No excuse in the book will do it for me. Harsh but true. Once the trust is gone, is gone. You can try to go back to what i was but it will never be the same.

I unfortunately experienced this and I know I can't live with it. Thank God I found a good man who shares my beliefs of fidelity the next time around. Thanks Babe!

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Both the Mrs and I agree that cheating is the one thing we would both have an extremely hard time forgiving if we even could at all. I feel we have something special between us and there is nothing in this world that would bring either of us to the point of cheating so I don't see us ever even dreaming of cheating.
Big O is absolutely right. There are certain situations where people might not blame someone for doing it but those are situations where it should have ended way before the cheating started. It doesn't necessarily make it right though.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Don't get me wrong, my post was not at all meant to say cheating was OK, it is not. i am saying that for anyone who has not been there, they will have no idea what they will do until then.

[closed185 Awaiting Email Confirmation Find all posts View Profile Close closed185]

I love the threads where both MrsL4M and L4M both reply in =)

[bknc2012 Member Find all posts View Profile Close bknc2012]

I would say that my buddy is one of those guys. Not that he was an asshole or abusive or anything like that, but that he was a secure guy, who talked tough and who is realizing walking away isn't as easy as he thought.

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Don't get me wrong, my post was not at all meant to say cheating was OK, it is not. I am saying that for anyone who has not been there, they will have no idea what they will do until then.

We all know that's not what you are saying. You are right. Nobody knows what they would do if they were honest about it. I have seen some people take off in a second and others that endure it multiple times depending on the situation. I just know that for us, there wouldn't be a second time.

[Captain Jack Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Captain Jack]

I'm right there with you guys. I think I would do my best to maintain some sort of "friendship" or civil relationship with her, of course, for the kids' sakes, but if she does another dude, that's pretty much the end of it. As far as I'm concerned, my wife wouldn't cheat on me. If she did, that would mean she wasn't the person I knew and married anymore, which means that pretty much nullifies our long-term relationship built on trust. We've had plenty of discussions about cheating, too, and we're both of the opinion that if either one of us wants to have sex with someone else, we would tell each other first and try to work on what had happened in the relationship to get to that point. If it can't be fixed or whatever, then we would part ways amicably first, then go do whomever you want to do. Of course, that's easier said than done, but it's nice to know ahead of time how a partner feels about cheating.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

I would say that my buddy is one of those guys. Not that he was an asshole or abusive or anything like that, but that he was a secure guy, who talked tough and who is realizing walking away isn't as easy as he thought.

Honestly, walking away is difficult. Especially if he loves her. It'll take time for him to heal, but once he's healed, he'll either leave or stay.

Key is, he'll never forget. So eventually he will leave, or he will proceed to cheat to "make it right", to stay.

EDIT: I know when I got cheated on, I stayed. I stayed to heal and manipulate the bitch to thinking I had forgiven her, and then one day when things were perfect, I disappeared, literally, while she was at work. IMO that hurt her more than her cheating on me hurt me. I'm just an evil man when I get fucked with. and boy did I get fucked with. It's actually part of the reasons I'm still single today; I hate hurting people, but for some odd reason some people just don't mind hurting me. I'd much rather avoid it all altogether.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

I've know men and women who have been cheated on. The thing that always sticks is when the guilty party ends the marriage out of guilt and self punishment. And the other loses the other twice.

Cheating is a mental and emotional breakdown. If the one that was cheated on wants to forgive via counseling the cheater can get the help they need then good for them.

I find women cheat to get out of the marriage they no longer love their husband. So no matter what the husband would like to do ( counseling and forgive) its just too late.

Cheated sucks. It's the ultimate breakdown.

[bknc2012 Member Find all posts View Profile Close bknc2012]

I think you are right, Islander, no matter if they both say they want to work it out, the wife has already made her decision. Otherwise, why would she cheat on him in the first place?

[Vixen65 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Vixen65]

Oh, there are many circumstances where I could forgive and move on - but he would go through hell first.

A drunken fling that he deeply regrets, openly confides, after 5 years of marriage - that I would forgive. To me that is part of the commitment we make of "through thick or thin" and forgiveness of our human mistakes.
A crush with some sex 8 years in, in the middle of a long period of a struggling marriage I could understand too, if openly confided - it is horribly lonely being in a bad marriage.
And I've seen good, solid relationships of 20+ years where one or the other mis-steps badly - would one really consider throwing away 20+ years of "investment" for a fling driven by one or more of the weird personal crises we all experience?

Months before my ex and I got separated a friend of mine tells me about one of her friends who has "started dating this guy on a regular basis" - as she tells me the story it dawns on me the "guy" in the story is my husband. My friend was shocked, and upset at her role in accidentally and clumsily revealing this to me. To be honest I wasn't even upset - we had struggled and struggled the preceding 2 ½ years, and all the "revelation" had done was show me how dead our relationship was.

We went through the most acrimonious divorce. Despite the acrimony, I never told my ex I knew he had started a new relationship at least half a year before our separation. He always was weaker than I, and maybe even lonelier - I couldn't deliver that low blow to him. And I knew that the infidelity was because of the breakdown of the marriage, and not the cause of the breakdown of the marriage. In the divorce he accused me of cheating with one of my colleagues - the colleague had been a dear friend and great support and my source of a "male perspective". Had I been weaker, or my colleague made passes at me, I think I could have been the cheating party - it was all so very sad and lonely.
Having been divorced, and experienced many divorces among friends the one thing I've learned is that the only two people who could possible know what really happened inside a marriage are the two - and in my experience they only come to fully know and understand it many years later. I now consistently feel sorry for both and support both. I will gladly be a sounding board for their deliberations, but only they can say what is the best way forward.
10 years of hindsight on my marriage? The root cause of our divorce was our wedding - we simply were never suited for each other.