Giving up being a "relationship" guy seems like the only way

[372kid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 372kid]

I have been in 4 serious relationships. Got hurt every time. I dont know what it is but females always seem to want a good guy til they get one. Im not the weak passive good guy. I do know how to stand up for myself and often do, but Im also a very nice person. Recently, my ex screwed me over in ways i dont wanna get into. It really sucks constantly going through this process of getting to know a person, getting really into them, thinking they're into you, and then having your heart messed with. Yes, i am young in a sense, but Im old enough to know that one of the things I want in life is a mature, honest, loyal, and healthy relationship. And frankly, with the girls of my generation, that seems like a dwindling possibility. I apologize for the grammar and other errors, Im just kinda mad. Im definitely hurt, and now Im alone.

[bang Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bang]

I am a "relationship guy" too and I can see your point exactly. Maybe I am in the same boat as you, recently had to break up with who I thought was a nice young Asian girl, turned out I was romeo #5 and after having a crazy ex boyfriend/fiancee and a whole lot of mind games, I HAD to break up with her. Yeah it sucked all the things we did together all the great times we had are now all gone. Shagged her twice at least and got away with $100 of free food haha That's the bright side. Right now I'm on my own, on the hunt. I'm done hurting that was last week, looking to find the next girl. Already txting one, going to meet up soon, should go well.

For me I decided to look at why this keeps happening. I'm not saying that you have to do it, but maybe if you want to have a look. I discovered I'm not as confident as I want to be and so I want to work on that. Right now I'm not a social lepper but I'm not the smooth dude walking up to that smoking hot blonde and sweeping her off her feet. Point is if I want to be like that guy I can learn to be like him. I could also sit and cry in a corner because every woman I've ever loved has walked out on me. Well that's no longer true, I broke up with the last one (like a man, I did it nicely cos I am not a tool). Honestly I did the latter, waste of a year and a half. Best to pick yourself up when you are ready - and you will be in time - yeah what a cliche but its true - do stuff for you, do up your car, buy a sports bike - whatever, as long as you feel good. Boost your ego, gain some confidence.

Seriously though I think your being hard on yourself. It does take two people to have a relationship and really if your not on the same page as each other then its just not gonna work. I can relate man, it sucks, hope this helps you out a bit.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Yeah, I agree that you're being a bit hard on yourself.

I think the whole idea that something, anything will last forever, is just asking for disappointment. Nothing lasts forever, eventually all relationships end; all people die; all forms decay. This sounds pretty morbid, but the point of it is to say, enjoy it for what it is now, because you can't make it into something it isn't, and it's never going to happen like this again. It's going to change in the future. You're going to change in the future. Why rush things to be anything other than what they are right now?

[372kid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 372kid]

Thanks, Bang and Qarzan. I probably am being too hard on myself; It's just the fact that I've always known that one day I wanted to have a wife, and a family. That was one of the things I was sure of. And as time goes on, and I keep experiencing or witnessing these bad relationships, it just seems less and less likely. I really loved this girl. I admit to having sub-par confidence as well. I wont get into all of the reasons why that is right now, but that is something I really wish I could fix and it's part of the reason Im here. Truth is, I dont know how to build my self worth. Im used to being treated like nothing, and this last relationship only reinforced that.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Never let them see you sweat, and never let them see you weak. Remain confident, and strong, no matter what.


A boy makes his girl jealous of other women, yet a man makes other girls jealous of his woman.

[Whiteboy16 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Whiteboy16]

A boy makes his girl jealous of other women, yet a man makes other girls jealous of his woman.

Love this quote.

OP I know what you mean. Some women just seem to like hurting men. I know it's not fair to generalize and I try very hard not too become jaded, but sometimes it just seems this way. My last ex spent the final 6 months of our relationship being horrible and cold and then when I broke up with her she made me feel I was doing something horribly wrong. My college gf dumped me a day before my finals started, IMO there was no reason she couldn't have waited the week until finals were over as we weren't seeing much of each other due to my studying anyway. Another ex told me she wasn't in the right place for a relationship, I found out a week after she dumped me that she had started dating another guy IMMEDIATELY.

And we've all had friends who have been dumped on their birthdays or in front of people etc. But we have to remember that these are the FAILED relationships! There are women out there who don't act this way! Just don't wear your heart on your sleeve and never make her feel like you're not in control.

I think that all women, even the sweet ones, hate to see weakness in men. They'll tell you that it's okay to cry, it's OK to be vulnerable but I think that they're secretly disgusted with the men who take them up on such offers!

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

I am a "relationship guy" too and I can see your point exactly. Maybe I am in the same boat as you, recently had to break up with who I thought was a nice young Asian girl, turned out I was romeo #5 and after having a crazy ex boyfriend/fiancee and a whole lot of mind games, I HAD to break up with her. Yeah it sucked all the things we did together all the great times we had are now all gone. Shagged her twice at least and got away with $100 of free food haha That's the bright side. Right now I'm on my own, on the hunt. I'm done hurting that was last week, looking to find the next girl. Already txting one, going to meet up soon, should go well.

For me I decided to look at why this keeps happening. I'm not saying that you have to do it, but maybe if you want to have a look. I discovered I'm not as confident as I want to be and so I want to work on that. Right now I'm not a social lepper but I'm not the smooth dude walking up to that smoking hot blonde and sweeping her off her feet. Point is if I want to be like that guy I can learn to be like him. I could also sit and cry in a corner because every woman I've ever loved has walked out on me. Well that's no longer true, I broke up with the last one (like a man, I did it nicely cos I am not a tool). Honestly I did the latter, waste of a year and a half. Best to pick yourself up when you are ready - and you will be in time - yeah what a cliche but its true - do stuff for you, do up your car, buy a sports bike - whatever, as long as you feel good. Boost your ego, gain some confidence.

Seriously though I think your being hard on yourself. It does take two people to have a relationship and really if your not on the same page as each other then its just not gonna work. I can relate man, it sucks, hope this helps you out a bit.

Have you ever looked outside of yourself and put the blame on her? Maybe you are not to blame, but the type of female your messing with is why you are having the problems you are. What were these females doing in the 3 months, 6 months 1 year 3 years before they met you? If they were playing games on guys, cheating on guys, not being in relationships... What makes you think that they are going to do it with you? People don't stop doing that thing until they have had pain behind it or it's too late and they ran those games as far as they can.

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

Never let your guard down and make it appear you are going to walk away at any time.This gives you control, if that's what you want.

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

Never let your guard down and make it appear you are going to walk away at any time.This gives you control, if that's what you want.

There might not be any control to be had if they are dealing with party girls or cheaters. With the right ones, they will be mature enough to know they got a good guy and not want to play around with it.

[372kid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 372kid]

You all are right. I do realize that I need more confidence in myself. As for me and her, we're done. As for her, I know she is largely to blame for our problems. She knew it too, but it wasnt worth fixing obviously. I dont want control over anything but my life. Controlling her, or anyone is not what I want to be about. I just wanna cut the BS and find "that girl", but thats not really in my hands right now. What I want to focus on right now is healing from this, and working on my own self worth and self love. Aside from doing PE I dont really know where to start..

[372kid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 372kid]

I dont think I should have to control a person for a relationship to work. I do understand keeping my image as a man, but I shouldnt have to play games with a girl to make her stay. I want genuine love, not control.

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

You all are right. I do realize that I need more confidence in myself. As for me and her, we're done. As for her, I know she is largely to blame for our problems. She knew it too, but it wasnt worth fixing obviously. I dont want control over anything but my life. Controlling her, or anyone is not what I want to be about. I just wanna cut the BS and find "that girl", but thats not really in my hands right now. What I want to focus on right now is healing from this, and working on my own self worth and self love. Aside from doing PE I dont really know where to start..

Control yourself. If you do find a female for a long term thing, make sure she already tends to do the long term thing. Girls who are perpetually single or party girls are not good at being in a relationship, because they will always have in the back of their mind if they don't get what they "want" they will go outside. The ones who are used to being in relationships, will try to get it through the relationship. Find one who doesn't like the single game. But while you are doing it, take your time get your life under control.

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

If you want true love, it will cost you.You won't know what or when, but it will.No one is asking you to play any games.Be smart, and walk at the first sign of trouble or craziness.That way, you will be pleased you avoided trouble rather than depressed.

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

If you want true love, it will cost you.You won't know what or when, but it will.No one is asking you to play any games.Be smart, and walk at the first sign of trouble or craziness.That way, you will be pleased you avoided trouble rather than depressed.

You can't always run when theres trouble, because there WILL be trouble, there will be friction, and there will be different opinions. Just find someone whose used to working with someone and not ballbusting, cheating or henpecking or one who runs at the first sign of her not getting what she wants. Ones who like to be single like to be single and they are like this for a reason of their own. Ones who like to have a male provider and cheat on the side, do this. Ones who have a guy but drink too much and party with girlfriends and once in a while that slip up do this. And the ones who love a good man, who love to cherish and take care of their man, they exist too. There are many types of women. Know how she has been dealing with people in recent and not so recent history, then you might have a shot at a relationship that's almost guaranteed to fail. What if you found out the pattern that she did on you, "that's what she do". What if you could learn that? If you get a scorpion expect to be stung when their threatened. If your with a snake, expect to be bitten halfway across the river. If your with a lioness, expect her to eat you if she feels you are not a lion. I've had way too much time to think about this stuff. You are on the right path. Control YOURSELF. Have a good balance of Alpha and Beta qualities. Have some things you do for yourself and hobbies. Be a man. And check out what types of woman are worthy of you, don't use your eyes. Use your intelligence. Our eyes fool us all day longs for the "traps" that are out there waiting for us. They look like that for a reason.

[372kid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 372kid]

You can't always run when theres trouble, because there WILL be trouble, there will be friction, and there will be different opinions. Just find someone whose used to working with someone and not ballbusting, cheating or henpecking or one who runs at the first sign of her not getting what she wants. Ones who like to be single like to be single and they are like this for a reason of their own. Ones who like to have a male provider and cheat on the side, do this. Ones who have a guy but drink too much and party with girlfriends and once in a while that slip up do this. And the ones who love a good man, who love to cherish and take care of their man, they exist too. There are many types of women. Know how she has been dealing with people in recent and not so recent history, then you might have a shot at a relationship that's almost guaranteed to fail. What if you found out the pattern that she did on you, "that's what she do". What if you could learn that? If you get a scorpion expect to be stung when their threatened. If your with a snake, expect to be bitten halfway across the river. If your with a lioness, expect her to eat you if she feels you are not a lion. I've had way too much time to think about this stuff. You are on the right path. Control YOURSELF. Have a good balance of Alpha and Beta qualities. Have some things you do for yourself and hobbies. Be a man. And check out what types of woman are worthy of you, don't use your eyes. Use your intelligence. Our eyes fool us all day longs for the "traps" that are out there waiting for us. They look like that for a reason.

Thank you, Longrod. Im gonna accept some responsibility here. I knew that this girl had a very checkered past to say the least. She had abandonment issues, and she and I both think that this is what led to her current ways. Either way, I remained with her. I cared deeply for her, but also wanted to show her that I wasnt like the other guys that messed her up. I more or less thought tha if I could show her this, then what ended up happening to me wouldnt happen. OF course, it didnt turn out this way, and I spent a lot of time trying to fight through that. Now, I know better, and I have to do better. As for what to do as far as myself, right now, the best thing I can do is PE. I really did need, and do appreciate the encouragement.