Help with this girl

[MovingUp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MovingUp]

So not too long ago I posted how great things were going with this girl in the kissing thread and my log, even though at the point of the post I had my fears about what has transpired since ...

https://www.pegym.com/forums/progres...tml#post717156

https://www.pegym.com/forums/womans-...tml#post717153

... well continuing since then ...

We clicked and have so much in common and were so into each other and texting all the time and she'd send me the sweetest things of how much she liked me and anyways after a weekend night 2 weeks ago almost we ended up having a little oral sex in the car for both of us (it was my first time she said i did great and i made her cum a few times) we started to have sex because she said she really wanted me inside her but i didnt last long cuz she had already gotten me so far with the oral ... and plus it's been a year in a half ... and I wasn't fully hard and had trouble in the confined area of the car ... i told her that wasn't normal and usually I've lasted long of the few times ive had sex. She didn't seem too bothered and we had a great night ... then we hung out at her house the next day and I met her parents briefly and we just chilled and had good time but something seemed off kinda at the end ... and ever since she hasn't seemed interested and like she's really fallen away barely responding to texts ... Now when i say i miss you she's gone a long time without responding, and then saying like oh you're sweet! .... not saying it back ... or she said it back but now she never says it first when she was all the time and stuff like that before ... she doesn't call me babe or anything like she started to before and I feel like I'm about to lose her or something just like every other brief dating I've done (3 other girls)


Now she has just started college back this week and now works and goes to school most days of the week and is busier and now what she thinks I'm probably assuming is that's why she's not talking much and all but we would text all day through her work before, and she has completely seemed like she's not thinking about me anymore ... I haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks and she hasn't even talked about when she'll see me again when I told her to let me know if she wants to hang sometime .. which I said like that purposely to show I was kind of feeling like things aren't the same if I she might not even consider hanging again you know? but I don't think she got that ... and I'm not like going crazy with texts ... I don't wanna keep saying things like I miss you when she clearly doesn't feel the same way anymore and if she doesnt respond I dont send another text usually etc ... i get all the hints ... so I texted her yesterday afternoon and we got like 2 back n forth and then she didnt respond until tonight at almost midnight with just a "hope you had a good day!" ....

I want to just ask her what I did to turn her off and why she's lost interest in me but Idk if I should ... I texted her yesterday afternoon saying talk to me when you can

She went from saying I'm the sweetest guy ever and a million other things all the time and "why don't you have a girlfriend? what's wrong with you that I'm missing? you're perfect." and shit like that to now probably thinking like oh I still kinda like him I'll keep in touch with him ... wtf ??? You know I was feeling good like hey maybe I do deserve a good girlfriend I'm pretty great after all to now like well here we go again whatever is wrong with me or whatever is ending this again ... And I honestly think that there isn't something I'm doing terribly wrong or something wrong with me ... mentally I know that ... or think it ... but it still sits in the back of your head emotionally and makes me feel like shit and I've just been so depressed and down this last week or so and I think about all those lonely people like me who are seemingly destined to be alone and how society doesn't care enough about that and how life is so hard and why should I even ever be happy anyways and I know I seem clingy or whatever guys but this is just fucking bullshit man I am sick of it ... now all I've done all day is wonder about what's going on etc ...


Just I guess for those of you who ventured through this post, what analysis can you give me to help me? and should I not ask her that? say something else? keep letting it go until she maybe just stops talking to me altogether?

[Glamissand1 Senior Member Member of the Month March 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Glamissand1]

You need to confront her about this, either way it plays out. At this point she may be feeling smuthered and may only respond to lack of contact. If it is based on your stamina, tell her to come over and you'll set her straight ( you better be ready to do MMO). If she remains secretive, it is time for you to move on.

[MovingUp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MovingUp]

I have no idea what MMO is and again I'm sure I'm not smothering her as I've abided by the don't send texts in a row rule and I'm smart I know when someone clearly doesn't want to talk ...


edit: ok multiple male orgasm it just hit me. I doubt it's about that because she's known my lack of experience and fears about kissing and the works

[Glamissand1 Senior Member Member of the Month March 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Glamissand1]

Even just one text can be to much if she is not interested. First try talking it out, if she doesn't want to then stop all contact. It is hard to do, but understand that if she can't work with you then she is not the one. The full drop of contact has a chance of bringing her to wonder what you are up to, and keep you in her thoughts. Enjoy your freedom brother, it will be gone sooner then you think, and you will be a bored middle age man that forgot to live it up.

[shordymac Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close shordymac]

she found out that you're to clingly.

stop being so clingly

[MovingUp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MovingUp]

Based on what shordymac do you come to this conclusion by?

I said about 4 times now I'm confident it's not that ... can you give me good reasons to believe otherwise based on what I've shared?

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

She clearly is distancing herself a bit. You have your assumptions as to why that is, and while it hurts, you need to accept that... you are awesome. Recognize that regardless of what she thinks, you are a great catch and if she passes you up, simply because she isn't ready to work on shit with you, that is her loss. Relationships take hard work and everyone comes into them with their own shit. Your shit is, you are still shy about kissing/sex etc. and you are still learning the ropes. Point is, you'll learn quickly, and if she is that impatient, she isn't worth your time.

BUT! Let's not jump to hasty assumptions. After all, you have yet to talk to her. Send her a text explaining how you feel about the situation. Explain your sense of growing distance between you two. Note that while you would like to continue your relationship, if she isn't interested in that, you would like a clean break. Ignoring you is unfair to you, and she needs to decide if she is willing to try this relationship out, or if she is pulling the trigger and ending it.

Lastly, I don't think you should ask for a reason. That won't do you any good. She feels the way she feels, and she might not even know why. Then you can move on to the next girl and see where things go, because one girl's loss is another girl's gain. But if you must ask, at least wait for a response on whether or not you two will be continuing what you have.

EDIT: Also, the reason I think you should send this in a text instead of talking to her is because we don't know if she will even pick up her phone. She is being impersonal, so you may as well do the same. Calling her would just make it seem like you are chasing her. She wants to play games, play along until you get your answer. If you would rather do this with a conversation, show up at her work or something. At least that way it is face to face, and she can't just reject your call.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a great guy, sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to. That doesn't mean your at fault, or her for that matter. Some girls adore the sweet, attentive types, while others don't. Different strokes for different folks.

I think CJ has some great advice there. The only thing I might add is, when contacting her, be calm, collected, and direct. She sounds like a nice girl, and may feel put on the spot, which will put her on the defensive. Be matter of fact. Not cold, but not whiny either (no offense intended). Let her know you're just trying to see where this is going, because your interested.

Whatever happens, remember this; You are a good guy, and will find someone who appreciates everything you do, and loves you for who you are. It might be her, it might not.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find resolution. Keep your head up.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

If she starts distancing herself, it's time to start putting space between you two as well. Find another girl to get into conversations with... even if they're only superficial conversations, it will help you develop a shield of sorts. You can create a buffer of pretty girls to keep you occupied whenever yours gets silly. Women love a man with options, for whatever reason.

Some of my GFs have been a little jealous of my female friends. I don't have a lot, but the ones I do have are quite good looking. Keeps you on your toes... typically, if a woman sees you with a healthy throng of female friends (not too many), she assume you've got something that women like, and assume you're a catch and you just are picky. Which is good!

Put distance between you and this girl, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, you'll stumble onto another girl who likes you just as much as you like her.

[TehDBare Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TehDBare]

First of all, and most importantly, something's up with her and she isn't talking about it, that usually means its something personal she is embarrassed about. In order for the relationship to work she has to speak up, you can't fix something you don't know is broke. You'll have to ease it out of her somehow but if you aren't close enough for her to trust you or is worried you'll think less of her for whatever issue she's having. If she doesn't open up your relationship will never recover.

Speculating as to what the problem is will run your mind around in circles indefinitely. I'll toss in my two cents though just to relay a mistake many guys make, one which you made. One thing that stuck out for me reading about your dalliance in the car is something you said which generally strikes a raw nerve in women. You know how guys don't like hearing about a girls former partners, especially if it's someone we really care about? How it forms mental images we can't shake for days? Women are the same way, sometimes twice as bad. You talked about how you usually last longer, that when with other women you didn't experience these issues. If she was falling in love with you and insecure if her feelings were reciprocated she may have felt shunned. To her being with you was a big emotional connection and you responded about the mechanics of it wih other women. That may have crushed her, or at least pressed her insecurity buttons.

Just a word of warning to everyone reading, don't relay past history even if asked, and if someone is relaying their history to you ask them to stop. Everyone thinks they want to know about it but then regret ever hearing it. How many threads to we have here about a girl telling a guy about a bigger former partner? A woman who loves you worries about someone you may have loved once, any former emotional connection.

[bballer123 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bballer123]

sounds like she just wanted a fling , or she met someone else , girls play alot of games. If it were me i would just tell her how I felt, if i liked her, if not, on to the next one brotha.

[MovingUp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MovingUp]

Well I asked her what I did to turn her off and why she lost interest in me. she responded with "what are you talking about?"

I then said you said you'd be honest. referring to how we've talked about being honest and etc ... anyways she hasn't responded and I'm sick and am not operating 100% up there right now so maybe I'll respond again later ... idk ... sigh

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

With that, I'd count it all joy (that is, it's a loss)

Time to pack it up, when you phrase it like that, you come off as weak. If you seem weak a girl instantly is less attracted to you. Not your fault, they just operate like that; especially younger women. They don't really know how to take a man being forthright with them and honest, showing some emotion.

I'm sorry

[MovingUp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MovingUp]

With that, I'd count it all joy (that is, it's a loss)

Time to pack it up, when you phrase it like that, you come off as weak. If you seem weak a girl instantly is less attracted to you. Not your fault, they just operate like that; especially younger women. They don't really know how to take a man being forthright with them and honest, showing some emotion.

I'm sorry

Yes I was fully aware of how unattractive it's coming off sexually. However I value emotional and deeper connection enough at the present time that I wanted to do that over keeping higher chances of sexual opportunities in the near future with this girl. That being said, don't put all young girls in the same boat.


also more has transpired and she's responded however at this point it wouldn't make sense to post anything so I'll do so when it does.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Yes I was fully aware of how unattractive it's coming off sexually. However I value emotional and deeper connection enough at the present time that I wanted to do that over keeping higher chances of sexual opportunities in the near future with this girl. That being said, don't put all young girls in the same boat.


also more has transpired and she's responded however at this point it wouldn't make sense to post anything so I'll do so when it does.

I understand your logic. I had your logic. I also didn't get the girl I wanted with that logic.

I don't know how old you are, but trust me when I tell ya... If the relationship is still budding, coming on too strong makes you look clingy and desperate. Not withstanding the fact she's back in college. I assume you're in a different college or not in college at all.

I'll tell you something i know for a fact about college. Sex is plentiful and easy to come by...Even a guy of my stature could get it. Got damn good at getting it too. You have to have a certain way about you before women will stick to you. If you're not in their face and they're on a college campus with some guys who may be WAY more attractive than you are, with better verbal skills, and offer them excitement and "thrill of chase" you're pretty much up sh*ts creek... then when you come at her with "Why don't you care about me like you used to" you sound like she's your only option for happiness. She starts to understand she's got you wrapped up and you're not longer intriguing to her. You offer no puzzle, no mystery, no fire, no excitement. Romance is about passion, whimsy, and an element of surprise and daring... if you stop offering her that by complaining about her not caring about you, you've effectively shot yourself in the foot.

I'm not trying to come down on you, I'm just relaying to you how young women are at this age. One thing I always ended up doing was dating older women. Most of the women I've been romantically or physically involved with were several years my senior. currently it's 3, I've been from 2, to 5, 8, 10, 17, and 34 years older than me. One thing I can relay to you is that your style is NOT going to be a hit with younger women. It never worked for me, and from my perspective, it's no looking like it's working for you, or any other guy who's just starting to date a girl.

I stand by my advice of just walking away at this point. You'll save yourself a lot of time, anguish, heartache and annoyance... Especially when you find out she changes her Facebook Status to "In a relationship with Joe Schmoe" or whatever some dude she met at school's name happens to be now.