Sexual anxiety

[CUSP82]

Sexual anxiety! Wow what a neat topic and if two words should never be put together it's sex and anxiety. I really like sex; how about you guys? I mean I try to have it as much as possible and it's always enjoyable. I somehow never equated sex with anxiety of any kind yet some of you guys are really all worked up over it. Okay why?

I was told on another thread that the hot girls just want to be satisfied, implying that somehow hot girls are just sluts and want to be fucked and have 47 orgasms or else they'll think you're terrible at sex. Really? Is that what they think? And we guys know they think that way how? I mean do they say that right before you hop into bed with them; "hey you better be great or you'll never get another chance with me and I'll tell everyone you know that you're terrible in bed"! Isn't that whole idea not only degrading to women but also making clowns of us guys? Every time I hear the term "sexual performance" I always think of trained seals performing at a circus. When did we make sex a "performance". Hey if it is I sure want a standing ovation after I'm done! It does kind of take the fun out of it doesn't it but isn't it supposed to be fun?

Who grades this 'sexual performance", the guys, girls, or both. I have never heard a woman who said they weren't great at sex. They all think they are whether it's true or not. Us guys though,oh we're the wacky ones. We're the ones that somehow think a woman is going to stay with us if we perform well. Hell we can be a complete jerk but this hot girl will stay with me forever because I'm great in bed. Do any of you guys believe that bullshit? If you do please let me know the name of the drug you're taking that is making you so delusional to believe that. I bet you it goes great with rum!

Let's take casual sex; two people that just want to screw. Okay guys why do you have to be "the best" or at least in the top three? There's no real commitment; you're just having sex so why do you care if you're the best? You got what you wanted, which was sex, and she got what she wanted, again sex. Oh no we guys have to have such great egos that we want to leave that woman knowing she'll just beg for it again and again and again. Is that why we have to be the best? So we can give a repeat performance and walk around knowing that there are ladies out there that just can't get enough sex with you. Are we that egotistical? So it's not really giving a woman great sex as an issue but rather we have to feed our egos?Guess what; egos that are hungry will never be satisfied and you'll never have great sex tying to satisfy an ego. Why? Because you're not doing it for her but rather yourself and that's not what sex is about.

No let's take sex between two people that actually care about each other. Well if you care about each other than the sex is always great. Oh there are some days that are better than others but it's always within the realm of greatness. People that care about each other don't really grade performances because they realize how silly and shallow it is.

Sex, and the act of sex, will always vary. I like to go out to eat and I like to go to good places. Does a great chef always cook a great meal every time? Nope! Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not as good but it's still great. Do you dump a great place because the chef wasn't great every night? If you do then you'll end up eating at Taco Bell forever. So do you dump the girl because she wasn't "great' that night? Not me; I'd never drop a willing woman. But we do think that the women will drop us if we're not "great" every night. Not saying much about the ladies does it?

No we have to be the best and be the best always. Silly. We are all humans and we have good days and bad days. Get used to it because that's life. If we want to get all anxious about it then we will never be great at sex and you know what? The women in our lives won't really care. Being nice to them, caring for them, loving them, bringing them flowers, buying them a couch, all means more to women that getting fucked. I have said many times that stress an anxiety can kill and erection faster than Nancy Pelosi's face so if you want to get all worked up and mentally bent out of shape wondering if you're gonna rock her world and feed your own ego at the time be prepared for big disappointment because with that attitude you will never have great sex, even though you'll think you did.

[Thenewguy2]

Funny how all the jerks gets the girls

We wanna be the very best because we got huge egos, everyone got a huge ego in the end. Give a man money, give a man ladies, he wouldn't share it. If you are 10/10 in the bed,and you can make her get several 30 seconds scary vaginal orgasms she's gonna come back for more, because you're not average, you are not the average man, you are something special. Something that's more selfish is to do what you said "I got here, and I got what I wanted (ejaculated after a minute and leave)

Sex between 2 people who cares about eachother is a bit meh, 2 people can care about eachother before the relationship has ever reached the sex point, and then then the bad sex can break the relationship. (average sex wont, poor sex may)

Another thing you're missing is that the man gets what he wants every time, the orgasm, but the girls dont' necessarily get it. Sex for a man can be bad but it's never bad bad, or that extremely bad that you dump a girl, but it can be the case the other way around.

In the end a great thread my man!

[Thenewguy2]

This got fucked up, remove the first post, are PEGym having some troubles? Got throw out of the site when I was going to edit the first post and it apparently made a completely new post. Damn.

[Dangler]

Cusp are you off your meds again ?

[Thenewguy2]

1 admin and 1 mod, still can't delete post #2 in this thread.

[Steneo]

This was actually a hard lesson for me to learn. You just have to let go of the fear of "failure" because that fear/tension just makes the problem worse! Really.

[imac]

1 admin and 1 mod, still can't delete post #2 in this thread.

1 rude member hasn't figured out that he can delete his own posts!

[namsokiek]

1 admin and 1 mod, still can't delete post #2 in this thread.

I like to leave this stuff up because nothing says,"I'm an idiot" quite like the inability to delete one's post.

[TPW]

Great thread Cusp and an important issue.

And do you want to know a secret? Women suffer from sexual anxiety too and for the same reasons as men. True story. They too worry about whether or not their lover finds them attractive and desirable. They also worry about their sexual competence, performance or if their lover will be sexually satisfied. Yes, women may be able to hide their sexual anxiety more effectively than men but that's only because their genitals are mostly internal so it is harder to detect. Ever hear of a woman faking an orgasm? Yeah, I thought so.

There are many things that can cause sexual anxiety – medication, health, societal pressures, unrealistic expectations or inexperience - but one of the most common causes is a debilitating fear that a previous sexual encounter where performance was an issue will occur again.

Anxiety is a future-based emotion. It is a concern over something that may happen in the future. Unfortunately, this preoccupation often generates a self-fulfilling prophecy which in turn causes even more anxiety and so the cycle begins. To eliminate sexual anxiety you will need to interrupt the self-defeating pattern by either changing your thoughts, behaviour, beliefs or a combination of all three.

May I offer some useful suggestions?

1) When referring to sex, eliminate the word “performance” from your thoughts and vocabulary. For many people, the word "performance" often conjures up images of needing to accomplish a task perfectly or run the risk of possible humiliation. Instead, consider what good sex really is; an intimate, sensual dance between two people where there is an equal sharing of give and take; nothing more. A “performance” is for actors but a “sensual dance” is for lovers.

2) While engaging in sexual play; get out of your head and into your body. Really focus on the physical sensations you are experiencing. Focus as well on how your partner feels, smells and tastes. Allow your sexual play to flow naturally with no thoughts or expectations about how it will end. Simply enjoy the journey (lots and lots of sensual foreplay) rather than rush to the finish line (orgasm).

3) To help distract your thoughts, consider adding music with a slow, sexy tempo to your lovemaking session. Also consider adding aromatherapy to your sex session to help distract and keep you in the moment. And both are really great passion triggers too!

OK...Just a few more reminders:

Stop rating your sexual experience, especially while you’re having it.

Stop exaggerating how bad it is not to have an orgasm.

Stop worrying about what your partner may think of you; which isn't something you can control and instead focus on what you can control - your own world of erotic thoughts, fantasies, sensations and feelings.

Remember that sex is about connection, pleasure and enjoyment so as the saying goes...feel the fear and do IT anyway!

[Thenewguy2]

Lol haha, well this is kinda awkward I guess.