List of Questions for the Guys

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Hello Gentle Men lol

I have been saving up questions, as I do from time to time. Here they are please answer one or all. Thank you berry much

1) Do you still want to be the chaser in the courting stage?
2) Once you both have established you are in a committed real relationship and you settle in and settle down, do you still want to be the chaser (the one that does all the reaching out daily, making the plans etc...)
3) If you have your own residence (house or apartment) would it be a red flag if you met someone that does not have their own place? Not because she can't but because she doesn't want to and is making up her mind where she wants to live.
4) Do you men realize that women are emotional. And that even if we have all the things you were hoping for we will still go crazy a few days before our period, we will still break down in anger and/or tears when we feel you have embarrassed us or said something insensitive. I mean do you really understand/accept that and just relax and wait for it to be over? We are different genders you know lol
5) Do you mind if the woman in your life has no set style but has good fashion sense/style. Not just office attire, not just bohem, classy, modern, sexy, casual. There is no telling what she will wear on any given day but rest assured it looks great! Of course I am not talking about wearing heels on a boat. I am just saying its not always one particular style.
6) Do you prefer if she stays with plans she says even when the plans don't include you? Example: You know she made plans with friends for Friday night. You know where they are going and wish them a great night. But the next day you hear about her evening and the entire schedule/plan changed. Does that get you upset?
7) Have you ever dated someone, broke up, then some time later ran into her again and thought then the timing was right for YOU and try to date her again? If so please tell me the story. Personally I have never been with someone where the relationship ended and I felt I ever wanted to be with that man again. Even when I see them again and 100% of all my past relationships ended well and they are all good men.

Okay I will cap it at 7.

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

2. Being the Dom in this relationship I do most of the planning especially in the bedroom but it is great sometimes when she wants to take control and surprise me with something special.

4. Women are emotional? Never would have guessed, LOL!
Yes, I realize that women go on their emotional roller coaster ride. I have learned to deal with it better over the years but once in a great while it gets irritating. Mostly when I'm going on my coaster ride.

5. Having no set style is great. My beloved wears different things at different times and I love it!

6. The only time I get upset with her changing plans is when it affects what I have planned. If she is going out with others and is supposed to be back at a given time and we have made plans for when she returns and then it all changes, that bugs me. If she has certain plans with friends and those plans change and they do something different, that's no problem at all.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

1. & 2. "Chaser" I don't like chasing, chases, the chase lol jokes aside, No, I'm fine with whatever we find mutually interesting/beneficial, as long as there are no surprises, I LOVE to sit and talk/plan/discuss.

3. No.

4. Yes I do realize that, I guess I'm kinda emotional too but I just wish for a very broad communication channel to be open so that no one feels distraught, left out, or suppressed.

5. I don't mind at all, and I'm sure she'll always look the best no matter what "I'm biased, I know".

6. Her plans doesn't have to include me all the time, I do realize she needs her own space so she doesn't feel smothered, as for changing plans, I think it depends on the circumstance.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

1 & 2 - I like to try and keep the courting alive. I guess not take it for granted that I have her. So yes, I do remain the chaser. But it is nice to see the effort returned. Everyone wants to feel desired.

3 - This wouldn't bother me if I was dating.

4 - Realize it, yes. Try to not be the reason for it, yes. Always successful and/or understand it...no. If I can soothe her then I will, and if not then I will support her the best I can. Sometimes a safe retreat is best, lol.

5 - Nope, that's great actually. Keeps it interesting. Honestly, she thinks I'm crazy, but I love her in a white/grey t-shirt and fitted jeans.

6 - No, if the plans change, it's fine, I trust her. However, for safety's sake, she will usually let me know, but I do not require it. We both will do it out of consideration.

7 - No, when that happened before, I was usually quickly reminded why it ended.

I also like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain. I'm not into yoga.....

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

1) Do you still want to be the chaser in the courting stage?

Yes and No. I like to have an ability to woo, but I prefer if a woman makes a bit of a first move. It is easier for me to know which woman is interested in me. Since women are always chased, many haven't a clue how to tell a guy they don't like to move on. So many times it can be a clear disconnect in communication.


2) Once you both have established you are in a committed real relationship and you settle in and settle down, do you still want to be the chaser (the one that does all the reaching out daily, making the plans etc...)

I believe there are hierarchical levels of decision making. I don't know where i was before, but where I am now is that I make decisions for the betterment of my partner and I. What I mean by that is that every decision I make, every day, is very important for the well being of our relationship and her and my health. Decisions as far as what's for dinner, what do you want to watch, what are we going to do this weekend... That kind of stuff is lower level decision making that I sometimes bother with, but most times I would prefer to leave up to her.

3) If you have your own residence (house or apartment) would it be a red flag if you met someone that does not have their own place? Not because she can't but because she doesn't want to and is making up her mind where she wants to live.

In my personal opinion if someone doesn't have a car, it's a pretty heavily weighted deal breaker for me. In the region i live, it's not very walk-friendly. It's getitng better but for the most part, if I have to come out and pick you up to go out, or we have to figure out where and what to do based on how long it takes me to come get you, I'm little turned off. Housing, that's an all together different thing.

These days, with the cost of living and rent sky rocketing, millenials job prospects paying the same thing they were paying back in the 80s with prices nearly double what they were back then, school loans etc. I don't really hate if a girl lives with her parents, or with family or friends. It's tough out here, though since I like to date older, it's pretty sad if a woman is 40+ without a place to stay. My age, I'm a lot more forgiving.

If it's just because she's too lazy to want more than where she is, then we're not compatible.

4) Do you men realize that women are emotional. And that even if we have all the things you were hoping for we will still go crazy a few days before our period, we will still break down in anger and/or tears when we feel you have embarrassed us or said something insensitive. I mean do you really understand/accept that and just relax and wait for it to be over? We are different genders you know lol

Talking with my mom the other night, some of the stuff that came out of my mouth made her say I'm a smoother version of my Father. He's crass, tactless and straight forward. I'm way more refined, but I generally land hard where I believe and I make my case and generally don't venture too far left or right from it.

I've said some things to hurt my lady, and she gets mopey or short and silent. When I hurt her feelings I ask her what's wrong... "nothing..." is usually what I get. I prod a few more times until she either tells me or I tell her "You'll tell me when you're ready. I'll let you process it."

I understand that people process things differently, regardless of gender, and some people take things personally faster than others. It's all about open lines of communication.

5) Do you mind if the woman in your life has no set style but has good fashion sense/style. Not just office attire, not just bohem, classy, modern, sexy, casual. There is no telling what she will wear on any given day but rest assured it looks great! Of course I am not talking about wearing heels on a boat. I am just saying its not always one particular style.

Good fashion sense is a good thing. I don't like "shiny" girls. Ones with a lot of glam style, or flamboyant jeans. My lady has started becoming more business cas. or professional to appeal to my dress style and likes, but at the same time, I don't mind her dressing down. It's all good. I like when a woman dresses like an adult, the style isn't that important.

Hair and Clothes make the man, just as they do the woman, so I like my women to look professional, but also comfortable.

6) Do you prefer if she stays with plans she says even when the plans don't include you? Example: You know she made plans with friends for Friday night. You know where they are going and wish them a great night. But the next day you hear about her evening and the entire schedule/plan changed. Does that get you upset?

This one is tricky. It really depends on HOW those plans changed. if they end up somewhere else, and that somewhere else puts them in a position to be hit on and to hit on guys or be drunk around a lot of strangers, I get suspicious. Not that SHE would do anything, but guys are always willing to take advantage of a woman.

I don't like to be unaware of something changing hours after it happened, or find out on facebook. "yo dawg, I saw your girl at club High Tower with her dress hiked up." I'm like "BS, she was at the Meet and Greet at the Hilton." Then i find out her "plans changed" and she was really at a Club, and she didn't tell me. That's the stuff that raises a red flag. One time, I don't mind. Twice I get suspicious about her actual intentions whenever she goes out.

of course if she has a valid excuse like "the venue was closed" or "they wouldn't take credit/debit" then I'm like "alright" but just "because we wanted to do something different" makes me squint my eyes in curiosity. "When did the plans change and why didn't you tell me? When else did you have plans that changed? Why did they change, and did I know? Who made the plans? Whose idea was the first and second set of plans? Do I know this person and their intentions?" Those are questions I ask myself when "plans change"


7) Have you ever dated someone, broke up, then some time later ran into her again and thought then the timing was right for YOU and try to date her again? If so please tell me the story. Personally I have never been with someone where the relationship ended and I felt I ever wanted to be with that man again. Even when I see them again and 100% of all my past relationships ended well and they are all good men.

Yes I did. I've had a few, but the most glaring, right now, would be when my previous partner broke up with me, but wanted to stay friends. Then somehow we got back together again and I fell head over heels for her, and then we broke up again but even more drastically. It was probably the most painful breakup I'd ever experienced, but I'm better for the experience. I told my GF, even 3 months into our relationship I was still holding a piece of myself back on the hopes something may work out the other woman. I told her I still love her (my previous partner) and that I probably will always love her (it's only human, my married female friend told me she and her husband had the same conversation), but I've finally let that part of me and my past go and I've fully invested into my current relationship. I have found myself falling for her more and more each day.

My first GF... she cheated on me repeatedly, and I took her back. I would never go back.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

I wonder what men think when they meet a new girl. Do they think " wow I could be having sex in less than a month woohoo" lol

Cuz that's what I just thought haha

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Assertive and confident! That's a good thing, guys like that.

I think it would depend on the guy. When I first met my wife, I just wanted to get her attention. But I am also the shy type. It took me a while to get up the nerve, and after getting to know her, finally just leaned over and kissed her. Didn't say a word.

Come to find out, she was just waiting for me to make the first move.

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

1) Do you still want to be the chaser in the courting stage?
Hell ya!
2) Once you both have established you are in a committed real relationship and you settle in and settle down, do you still want to be the chaser (the one that does all the reaching out daily, making the plans etc...)
Hell ya!
3) If you have your own residence (house or apartment) would it be a red flag if you met someone that does not have their own place? Not because she can't but because she doesn't want to and is making up her mind where she wants to live.
Makes no difference. I have a house, why would we need two? Actually I do have two homes, so even better.
4) Do you men realize that women are emotional. And that even if we have all the things you were hoping for we will still go crazy a few days before our period, we will still break down in anger and/or tears when we feel you have embarrassed us or said something insensitive. I mean do you really understand/accept that and just relax and wait for it to be over? We are different genders you know lol
Yes I realize that. Bless your heart, PMS really sucks. I can imagine. I just wish all women had to wear a red sign around there neck during their period to give us a warning signal.
5) Do you mind if the woman in your life has no set style but has good fashion sense/style. Not just office attire, not just bohem, classy, modern, sexy, casual. There is no telling what she will wear on any given day but rest assured it looks great! Of course I am not talking about wearing heels on a boat. I am just saying its not always one particular style.
I think I speak for every man in the entire world when I say "no clothing necessary".
6) Do you prefer if she stays with plans she says even when the plans don't include you? Example: You know she made plans with friends for Friday night. You know where they are going and wish them a great night. But the next day you hear about her evening and the entire schedule/plan changed. Does that get you upset?
No. As long as you trust each other and are loyal. Nope no problems with that at all. Besides getting a night to myself isn't all that bad. Personal time is wonderful.
7) Have you ever dated someone, broke up, then some time later ran into her again and thought then the timing was right for YOU and try to date her again? If so please tell me the story. Personally I have never been with someone where the relationship ended and I felt I ever wanted to be with that man again. Even when I see them again and 100% of all my past relationships ended well and they are all good men.
No. Never. Cannot relate to this question.

Thanks Islander, that was fun! You may submit my answers to the "abnormal psychology" dept. if you need a diagnosis.

[WantGirths Banned Find all posts View Profile Close WantGirths]

1. Nope. Although while this is diminishing there is still some stuff lingering from that, so while a woman can be the chaser now, it will still often put a guy off if she is aggressive about it as some guys are. So please chase, I love it, but you may wish to chase ever so slightly in a more reserved way than a man would. This is changing though.
2. FUCK NO! I don't mind being the main decision maker, but I don't want everything to be up to me, and I don't want to have to feel like I am still chasing you. A bit of a challenge can be good. For example my ex would "fight" me in the bedroom sometimes and I would have to overpower her and take her. This was fun, but it was just a game. I don't want to actually feel like I have to I am trying to chase you and earn the right to get in your pants or whatever.
3. You mean she lives with roommates or even her parents or something? I guess it depends on the age. Not really to me, but I am young.
4. This is why I find women who are not like this. They do exist. I am an understanding guy, but at the same time I have little tolerance for irrational BS. I can deal with emotions when they are deserved, but women who are just overly emotional and lash out and cry and shit for no good reason, I don't play that shit.
5. I have zero fashion sense. Seriously finding anyone with less fashion sense than me would be kinda like winning the lottery. So having said that I don't care about my womans fashion. There is a caveat to this. I don't care what you wear so long as you are wearing it for comfort. I don't care what it looks like, but when you start sacrificing comfort for style i think things get ridiculous and it becomes a big turn off for me. The only two girls I have ever seriously dated never wore make up (the second didn't even own any at all, the first didn't wear anything more than a bit of eyeliner to prom) and that is incredibly sexy to me. They didn't spend a ton of time fixing their hair, or really any time at all. They mostly worse gym shorts, pajama pants, jeans, sweat pants, t-shirts, and hoodies. That is sexy to me.
6. I would say yes to this to an extent. I understand plans change, that is ok, but I would appreciate a little heads up if plans are changing, a text is a simple thing to send. If this happens occasionally and there is a reasonable explanation it's not going to bother me, but when it is a regular occurrence it does certainly annoy me.
7.A. My first serious girlfriend. I had recently gotten out of a 6 month relationship where she had cheated on me. It wasn't that serious, but I was in high scool and just got cheated on, so shit was dramatic. I met this amazing girl right when all of this was going down. We started dating, I broke things off because I wanted to take some time to get my head straight before jumping into a new relationship. We started dating again a little while later, and we were together for a little less than 2 years. Then I came to college, and we mutually broke up the day I left. Except while we technically broke up we were still very much in love and wanting to be with each other, while also trying to lead a single life and live as if we weren't together. This caused lots of problems and while we were technically broken up the whole time there were multiple periods of together and apart from each other. Our official break up was on great terms, but after all the shenanigans it ended on very very bad terms. I still care about her a great deal, and actually recently reached out to her. I haven't heard back from her, but even if I don't I plan to keep the promise I made to her, which was that I would find her after we both graduate and we will meet up and talk.

7.B. My second serious girlfriend I relentlessly pursued for 5 months, she finally gave in and started dating me. Then a week or two after we started dating she found out her ex (very similar situation to me and my ex, but never got as ugly as me and my ex) was moving back from mexico. So she told me she wanted to see how it goes with him. I gave her multiple chances to change her mind that night. We sat and talked for a few hours, she didn't change her mind. Then very predictably a day or two later she came and told me she made a mistake. I knew that all the odds favored her leaving me for him when he got back, and that it would likely end horribly for me (I knew from day one who she was, what she was like and how things would go. I could read her better than she could read herself). I also knew that I would regret it even more if I didn't try, because while there was a 95% it would end horribly for me, that 5% chance was worth the risk, she actually was an incredible girlfriend while she was with me. So I said fuck it and got back together with her. A few months later she dumped me for him, and then she proceeded to fuck with me as much as possible until I quickly put an end to it.

[fordzilla Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close fordzilla]

I believe cooking should be one of the questions

And I am not being mosagonistic or whatever that word is I mean I have known a crap load of male chefs that were bad ass at cooking, not trying to say it singles out to be just women in the kitchen like what I am saying is like are girls curious to know if guys still think all old school like that

And my answer to my own question would be uhh yes she should be able to cook "not that it's her duty or some crap like that" but I mean I can't cook so it'd be awesome if my significant other could cause I burn everything including water

[Padawan787 Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Padawan787]

1) Do you still want to be the chaser in the courting stage?

Mostly, but not always.

2) Once you both have established you are in a committed real relationship and you settle in and settle down, do you still want to be the chaser (the one that does all the reaching out daily, making the plans etc...)

Yes.

3) If you have your own residence (house or apartment) would it be a red flag if you met someone that does not have their own place? Not because she can't but because she doesn't want to and is making up her mind where she wants to live.

Living with a room mate is fine, living with parents would be a red flag.

4) Do you men realize that women are emotional. And that even if we have all the things you were hoping for we will still go crazy a few days before our period, we will still break down in anger and/or tears when we feel you have embarrassed us or said something insensitive. I mean do you really understand/accept that and just relax and wait for it to be over? We are different genders you know lol

Yes, and it can be annoying as fuck, it depends on the woman of course. I often feel that women aren't actually as emotional as they claim to be while on their period, but just use it as an opportunity to say or do whatever they want without criticism or great consequence.

5) Do you mind if the woman in your life has no set style but has good fashion sense/style. Not just office attire, not just bohem, classy, modern, sexy, casual. There is no telling what she will wear on any given day but rest assured it looks great! Of course I am not talking about wearing heels on a boat. I am just saying its not always one particular style.

No I don't mind what particular style it is on any given day, being well dressed is important though.

6) Do you prefer if she stays with plans she says even when the plans don't include you? Example: You know she made plans with friends for Friday night. You know where they are going and wish them a great night. But the next day you hear about her evening and the entire schedule/plan changed. Does that get you upset?

No, not really.

7) Have you ever dated someone, broke up, then some time later ran into her again and thought then the timing was right for YOU and try to date her again? If so please tell me the story. Personally I have never been with someone where the relationship ended and I felt I ever wanted to be with that man again. Even when I see them again and 100% of all my past relationships ended well and they are all good men.

No.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

I am very spooked by men that after a few conversations show their excitement about meeting me. I rather they be more subdued. Wait a while. Instead they talk too much about how I make them feel.
I have hurt or let down so many because they go too deep too fast and I run. I didn't do it on the last guy. But thinking back I feel I should have. He was way too in too early. This is happening again with a new guy.

What can I say that won't ruin his happy thoughts or show my control freak nature lol

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

I am very spooked by men that after a few conversations show their excitement about meeting me. I rather they be more subdued. Wait a while. Instead they talk too much about how I make them feel.
I have hurt or let down so many because they go too deep too fast and I run. I didn't do it on the last guy. But thinking back I feel I should have. He was way too in too early. This is happening again with a new guy.

What can I say that won't ruin his happy thoughts or show my control freak nature lol

Agreed, people need time to get to know each other better before making a step, but maybe they are afraid that if they wait they'll miss the chance to be with someone so awesome so they rush things up.

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

This is a really great thread islander! I thankyou for it because I think Draggin stopped and filled it out at some point.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

1) Do you still want to be the chaser in the courting stage? either way

2) Once you both have established you are in a committed real relationship and you settle in and settle down, do you still want to be the chaser (the one that does all the reaching out daily, making the plans etc...) both equally involved I will always have my projects and she will have hers and we are both invited to help

3) If you have your own residence (house or apartment) would it be a red flag if you met someone that does not have their own place? Not because she can't but because she doesn't want to and is making up her mind where she wants to live. Not at all for me. If she does own her own house and the relationship goes that far one of them can become a rental property but I think it can be less complicated if she isnt tied down like that.

4) Do you men realize that women are emotional. And that even if we have all the things you were hoping for we will still go crazy a few days before our period, we will still break down in anger and/or tears when we feel you have embarrassed us or said something insensitive. I mean do you really understand/accept that and just relax and wait for it to be over? We are different genders you know lol Yep. I just have to know when to shut listen and say to myself "She doesnt mean it let her express herself" and be there for her as best I can.

5) Do you mind if the woman in your life has no set style but has good fashion sense/style. Not just office attire, not just bohem, classy, modern, sexy, casual. There is no telling what she will wear on any given day but rest assured it looks great! Of course I am not talking about wearing heels on a boat. I am just saying its not always one particular style. I like it when she dresses how she feels

6) Do you prefer if she stays with plans she says even when the plans don't include you? Example: You know she made plans with friends for Friday night. You know where they are going and wish them a great night. But the next day you hear about her evening and the entire schedule/plan changed. Does that get you upset? Doesnt bother me a bit. My wife goes out with freinds 2-3 nights a week and dinner always turns into a movie vise versa. I dont really ask where they are going I just say have fun be safe.

7) Have you ever dated someone, broke up, then some time later ran into her again and thought then the timing was right for YOU and try to date her again? If so please tell me the story. Personally I have never been with someone where the relationship ended and I felt I ever wanted to be with that man again. Even when I see them again and 100% of all my past relationships ended well and they are all good men. Most all of the relationships I have been in have ended well and before I was married I have hooked up with quite a few exes just for the heck of it. go out for dinner or relax have a drink watch a movie, sex or just hang out. Dont recall a single relationship ending bad ever