Dance exchange weekend

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Sunday night. Ok, technically it's Monday morning, 5:40am. The end of a dance exchange weekend. Such a fantastic time. Great dances, friendly people.

Tonight, there was this extremely cute woman [A]. She kept asking me to dance. After one of the dances I said, "I think you're cute. Can I kiss you?"

She said, "No, my ex-boyfriend is here."
I responded with, "Ok, maybe later then."

Later on, she sat next to me while I was DJing, massaging my hand. I told her that the people giving me a ride to the airport were probably going to leave soon, so I would need a place to stay if I were to stay after my DJ set. She said she was going to ask if there was space where she was staying. She came back and said her friend [J] had a room at his place. I got confused and sensed an evasion tactic.

I danced with her again and then said, "I was really hoping to snuggle with you tonight."
She said, "You're not DJing until the end."
I said, "I'll take it."

After my DJ set, I told the people giving me a ride that I wasn't going back with them. I got my bag from their car. Then [A] and I sat on the couch and snuggled, along with her friend who quickly excused herself. I asked if her ex-boyfriend was still around. She said no, but that this was the first time she'd done anything at a dance event, and didn't want to do anything in front of everyone. I said, "Let's go for a walk."

We walked around, kissed really sweetly. Very gentle, exploratory kisses. We talked, got to know each other. I asked if she wanted to spend the night with me. She said she has a rule about not letting guys in her room. I didn't push further at that time. We kissed some more, talked some more. Then I brought it up again. She asked if I wanted to know why she had the rule. I said sure.

Basically, she was involved with some aggressive men before, and was raped by one of them, about a month ago.

I told her that I would no longer press the issue. Not only that, but I acknowledged the courage it must've taken to tell me. I wanted her to feel comfortable and respected.

We made out some more, and then headed back to the dance. It had already ended, and everyone was packing up.

We said our goodbyes, and got into her friend's [J's] car. She sat behind me, massaging my shoulders and occasionally kissing my cheek. I held and kissed her hand.

We got to her home, she went inside, I went to [J]'s house. Along the way, she texted me saying that she really isn't ready for me to leave. I texted asking what she was doing tomorrow. She responded with her schedule.

I called her, we have a plan to spend about an hour and a half together before she takes me to the airport.

All because I asked if I could kiss her.

<3

[lil-crazy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lil-crazy]

Sweet! Let's us know how it goes lover man :-)

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

She wants me to use snap chat. Never used it before, we'll see how that goes.

I'm going to call her this afternoon after her classes.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

you asked her if you could kiss her??? I always just went strait in for it. The suprise kiss which is followed soon after by the passionate kiss which is followed very soon after by the shady takeoff and the full passion release at the nearest available spot!

Congrats on meetiong her & good luck!

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Yes, I asked her. Verbal consent is totally awesome and it works for me. I've posted about this before. It's part of a revolution on questioning the dynamics of communication in a traditional relationship.

A lot of things that actually work for relationships and marriage are not considered sexy or attractive, like open, honest, and direct communication, or seeking consent. This is why marriages fall apart, and men commit date rape without even knowing it.

I'm reposting this article here, too.

http://feminspire.com/why-i-never-play-hard-to-get/

EDIT: The point of all the questioning is to change people's ideas of what attractive and sexy are. Consent is sexy.

Earlier I posted in another thread as to why it works here in the Bay Area, that it was just a cultural thing; a set of agreements that everyone made, and only applied to this area. I think this experience here disproves what I stated then.

[A] is on the other side of the country. She lives in the deep south, culturally conservative and traditional. And she still finds consent sexy. She couldn't keep her hands off of me.

Plus, I don't need sex that much. I already have a girlfriend, that [A] knows about. What's important to me is human connection and emotional bonding. That's more important to me than sex at this point. Although sex would be nice, I won't push it if there's even a little resistance. And in this case, she was raped, so I'm going to wait until she's ready, if she ever is.

[BetterPleasure Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BetterPleasure]

Is this dance exchange event like a west coast swing event or something different?

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Yes, just like a WCS event, but for blues dancing. I hear the Westies hook up at their events a lot. Blues dancing events are all about the cuddling and snuggling. Then sometimes things happen after that.

I talked to [A] on the phone for an hour and a half last night. Then I took a break to have dinner. Then we talked for another 40 minutes. She's upset that I live so far away. We've planned to go to another dance weekend, together, at the end of December. It's also in the South, and I'd already been considering going. She said we'd be rooming together, and she'd be spending all of her free time with me. That sealed the deal for me. <3

She also said she wants to come visit me in the Summer for a few weeks. Wow, this woman is awesome. I may very well have to go visit her again in February or something, after I take the bar.

I have to admit, I'm going into an infatuation phase with her. She's on my mind a lot, I smile when I think about her. I've had thoughts of moving over to the East Coast and just spending a few months in bed with her. You know, all the really awesome stuff about being infatuated.

If I were still there, I know exactly what we'd be doing right now.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Oh man, she wants to talk to me all the time. She just started telling me about how she likes to be told what to do (she's submissive). I'm going to continue the conversation, figure out what she likes and doesn't like. She said it's the first time she's ever talked about things like this, with anyone!

So, it seems I'll be the one that gets to set her inner nympho free.

It'll definitely make our time together lots and lots of fun.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Oh man, things are getting pretty hot between us. She's been sending me photos of her on snapchat. She sends it, I see it, 10 seconds later it disappears, can't see it again. She was going to take a shower. Some really nice photos. Too bad they're gone forever. Then again, I don't think she would've sent them if they didn't disappear. I could have taken a screenshot and saved it that way, but it kinda takes the fun out of it. I let it go.

Today, she was sitting in class, and asked for a distraction. I texted her a few messages that made her blush. She's submissive and masochistic. We've established certain things we like doing to each other, like biting, spanking, and scratching.

I'm really floating on cloud 9 right now. <3

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

She told me she had a dream last night. In that dream, we went to a club together, along with another woman. She didn't know whether or not I was involved with this woman. She said we went to a hip-hop club, then, as I was driving both of them home, she was making out with this other woman in the back seat. (She's revealed to me that she's bisexual)

Then afterwards, when we got home, we all hopped into bed together and had a threesome.

I responded with, "I think I need to get you a flight ticket to [here], tomorrow. Then we can go to a hip-hop club."

Hot hot hot!

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

We talked on the phone for over 3.5 hours last night. Near the beginning of our conversation, I kept hearing her phone buzzing. She said there are these guys texting her, telling her "good night," but that she was talking to me so she didn't respond. I said, "That makes me feel so special! But also... kind of not."

She told me, looking directly at me (we were on Skype), "The difference is, they're pursuing me. But I'm pursuing you."

OMG, I love this woman.

One hour in the middle ended up being phone sex (over phone, not Skype; we switched between Skype and phone over the night because her wifi was acting up). We were talking about boundaries concerning sex. I told her, "I'll just tell you what I want to do to you, you can say 'yes' if you're ok with it, and 'no' if you're not." After a while, I heard a lot of muffled movement, then she sent me some pics of her, blushed face with an expression of ecstacy. I knew what that meant. She told me she wanted to hear me moan. She asked if I was touching myself, so of course I started to.

She said that was the first time she'd ever done that. Also, it was the first time that she'd masturbated and felt satisfied afterwards (she doesn't know how to give herself an orgasm yet, so masturbation usually leaves her frustrated).

All of this will help us feel really comfortable with each other when I get to see her in about 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS! That's so soon. And then I get to spend all day and night with her. I wonder what we'll get up to...? Nope, I know exactly what we'll get up to.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

My life is full of love. Overflowing. I don't understand how some guys say that love is rare, that love is so difficult to find.

On Monday, a woman [BA] wanted to dance with me. She came up to me, grabbed my shirt, and pulled me out onto the dance floor. The next day, I sent her a facebook message, saying that I really liked that. She responded that she was unsure if it was too much, since she knew I was seeing someone (she was referring to [VJ], since we kiss each other in public and at dance venues). I said it was fine, it wasn't too much. Then we exchanged a few messages, I asked her to come to the dance today (Friday) so we could chat and cuddle. She agreed.

I told [VJ] and [OA] about [BA]. [VJ] felt iffy, and told me that kissing was ok, making out was a grey area. [OA] simply said, "go have fun!" Wow, I love that woman.

So tonight (Friday), I get to the venue. I DJ'ed until 11pm, she got there right as my set ended. We danced, she seemed to want to hold my hand even after the dance. After 3 dances, we sat down and chatted a bit. We couldn't make the conversation that personal, since some people came to sit next to us. Then we got up and I asked her if she wanted to "fake dance," which I specified as kind of dancing, but actually just talking; talking on the dance floor in embrace.

I started out by saying, "I think you're really cute." To which she replied, "I think you're cute, too." We chatted some, I made her laugh a few times. We probably danced 5 or 6 songs together, which ends up being half an hour or so. During our "fake dance," I told her about [VJ], and about polyamory. Then I said, "You probably guessed by now that I'm attracted to you." She said, "Ditto."

We danced more, then after the last song ended, I asked her, "Would you like me to walk you to your car?" She said, "Yes." I walked her to her car, we made out, I asked if she wanted to go on a date with me some time. She said yes. I then asked for her number, and she gave it to me.

I let her get in her car. I walked back to my car. I texted her my name. She texted back saying she had a lovely evening.

There were also texts from my two other girls, [VJ] and [OA]. [OA] was texting about how her friends were over, so she couldn't talk with me tonight. [VJ] texted to say goodnight.

My life is overflowing right now!