Your Flirting Style Can Predict Your Relationship Success

[TPW]

We all have our own way of flirting to show another we are interested in them and according to a study conducted a few years ago, it seems some methods of flirting are more likely to lead to positive romantic outcomes.

After examining more than 5,100 dating adults, Jeffery Hall, assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kanas, identified five styles of flirting:

1. Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest in a potential partner. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners.

2. Traditional flirts think men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Because they adopt a more passive role in dating, women with this style are likely to report trouble getting men's attention and are less likely to flirt or be flattered by flirting. Traditional men often know a potential partner for a longer time before approaching them. Both genders tend to be introverted and prefer a more intimate dating scene.

3. The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners and nonsexual communication. Although they are less likely to approach a potential partner and do not find flirting flattering, they do tend to have meaningful relationships.

4. Sincere flirting is based on creating emotional connections and communicating sincere interest. Although women tend to score higher in this style, it is advocated by both genders. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful.

5. People with playful flirting styles often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance. However, they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships.

Dr. Hall found little difference between men and women for each flirting style. The bottom line is that being self-aware about know how we flirt can help us in the ever-frustrating dating and mating game.

"Being aware of how we communicate romantic interest gives us insight about how that style may not always work out in the way we want. We might attract people who respond to our way of flirting, but not help us get the relationship we want," he said. "Because all people are a mix of styles, they should attempt to emphasize the styles that meet relationship goals more than the styles that do not. It is easier to emphasize or minimize parts of our behavior that are already there than to change them completely."

He emphasized how understanding your flirting style can impact a relationship's chance at success: "Knowing something about the way you communicate attraction says something about challenges you might have had in your past dating life. Hopefully, this awareness can help people avoid those mistakes and succeed in courtship."

And by understanding the various flirting styles, it can also help you determine another's flirting style which can help you better understand what she/he is looking for as well.

Not sure what kind of flirt you are? Dr Hall has developed a quick and easy online test that you can take:

Welcome to the The Five Flirting Styles Flirting Styles Inventory! | Flirting Styles Inventory | KU


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[Dontrike]

I took the test, but since the only people I have flirted with were my two girlfriends, after we had become a couple, it really didn't show me anything. Sure some of it was right, like being polite, but the rest I have no clue about or or seemed wrong.

[TPW]

Hey Dontrike,

Let me elaborate a bit more about each of the flirting styles:

1. The Physical Flirt- She is the woman who keeps touching your knee or hand when she makes a point. He is the guy who puts his arm around a girl when they're moving through a crowd. They have mastered the technique of the 'physical flirt', an effective style for showing interest that uses lots of nonverbal communication and sexual innuendo.

According to Dr Hall; these men and women tend to use their bodies to make connections, and when combined with the ‘sincere’ flirting tactics, it is quite an effective way to fast-track a romance — and make it last — because they are combining meaningful conversation with the association of touch.They see flirting as a means to an end.

A word of caution; often people tend to perceive this type of flirt as a player, so keep your radar up with this one until you know each other better.

2.The Traditional Flirt - A female ‘traditional flirt’ would not make the first move, and her male counterpart would consider that be a deal-breaker anyway. These flirts are introverted, quiet-natured people who tend to be shy.

According to Dr. Hall; ‘traditional flirts’ adhere to stereotypical gender roles, with the men enjoying being the pursuer while the women kick back and wait to be wooed. With these personalities, the men initiate and plan the date (over the phone, not via text message), pick their lady up and pay for dinner. While it is fine for the guy to do all the chasing in the beginning, a little reciprocation from the woman can give him positive reinforcement to keep on going.

3. The Polite Flirt - These type of flirts move so slowly that you might not even know he or she is interested. Days, weeks, even months can go by in between an initial “hello” and the first date — much less that first kiss.

According to Dr. Hall; these are cautious, thoughtful daters who plot their every move. Not only do they find flirting and the dating process unappealing as a whole, but when they meet someone, they like to get to know that person slowly. These type of men won't appreciate a woman who makes the first phone call and these type of women will be uncomfortable with physical affection in the early stages of dating. These flirts are introverted, quiet-natured people who tend to be shy so you're unlikely find them belting out tunes at a weekly karaoke night but will, however, meet them at the bookstore, coffee shop and through volunteer groups.

4. The Sincere Flirt - By and large, this is the most popular flirting method around. There’s no chit-chatting here — these knowledge-seekers make a beeline for your heart, asking deep and meaningful questions that yield the most information about you. Time flies with this flirting style and before you know it, you have told the person you're with all lot about your personal life… usually before the appetizers arrive. T

Just remember that while it is great to discuss big-picture topics on a date, this person isn't your therapist and sharing too much, too soon is usually a turn-off. So take it slow and leave your skeletons in the closet in the beginning until you know each other better.

5. The Playful Flirt - If you find yourself in the presence of a playful flirt, you'll likely need to stay on your toes! This type flirts for sport, not love and there’s no occasion that is off-limits for doing so. If you’re working the door at a lounge, they will flirt for free entry. Waiting for the bathroom? They will flirt to cut in line ahead of you. And it doesn't matter if you are of the same gender; they’ll flirt simply as a means of communication.

According to Hall; there is one caveat - because these types often flirt for attention or simply to get their way, it can mean they are not really interested in the person they are talking to. Flirting gives them an ego boost, even if they are already in a relationship.

I hope this helps give you a clearer picture about the different flirting styles.

[mr6incher]

TPW, you are able to resurrect information like this. Consistently thinking out of the box, you pick something yet very relevant to most of the audience.

You take information - that people already experienced some or most of - and structure it in our minds, so we suddenly have the overview to retell it or even elaborate on it to ourselves.

Amazing, i really enjoy reading useful info like this (or the rare truth tight/loose to mention what comes to mind)! in most cases for every subject, i either get confirmed or "wake up"

[TPW]

Well thank you so very much for the lovely compliment mr6incher!! And while the credit for this information belongs to Dr. Hall, I am delighted that you have found value in my sharing of it.

TPW, you are able to resurrect information like this. Consistently thinking out of the box, you pick something yet very relevant to most of the audience.

You take information - that people already experienced some or most of - and structure it in our minds, so we suddenly have the overview to retell it or even elaborate on it to ourselves.

Amazing, i really enjoy reading useful info like this (or the rare truth tight/loose to mention what comes to mind)! in most cases for every subject, i either get confirmed or "wake up"

[MrsLooking4more]

My Results:

Physical style: physical

You scored higher than 50–60% of other survey takers in your demographic.
For this flirting style, you are very similar to the majority of people. It is not a dominant style for you. This flirting style probably doesn’t play a big role in your flirting behavior.Traditional style: traditional

You scored higher than 50–60% of other survey takers in your demographic.
For this flirting style, you are very similar to the majority of people. It is not a dominant style for you. This flirting style probably doesn’t play a big role in your flirting behavior.Polite style: somewhat polite

You scored higher than 60–70% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You believe that courtship should be cautious and rule-governed. You are somewhat likely to use proper manners, non-sexual communication, and less forward behavior during courtship. You tend to be somewhat choosey about who you flirt with, and it is somewhat likely that you took a long time to get to know someone before you knew you were romantically interested in them. You are not very likely to like the singles scene and the way people typically flirt with one another. You are somewhat likely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.Sincere style: sincere

You scored higher than 40–50% of other survey takers in your demographic.
For this flirting style, you are very similar to the majority of people. It is not a dominant style for you. This flirting style probably doesn’t play a big role in your flirting behavior.Playful style: somewhat playful

You scored higher than 60–70% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are somewhat likely to use flirting to boost your self-esteem and to have a good time. You do not really believe that flirting should be reserved for the purpose of developing a relationship. You are somewhat likely to flirt with those who you have no long-term romantic interest. You are somewhat likely to find romantic interest in many other people, and to flirt everywhere you go. You believe that flirting is flattering and enjoyable. In your last serious relationship, you were somewhat likely to have a short and unimportant relationship that moved quickly, but didn’t last.

[kickinthemebs]

Physical style: very physical

You scored higher than 80–90% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are very comfortable and competent in expressing your sexual interest to potential partners. You are very capable of figuring out that potential partners are interested in you, and very effective at conveying romantic interest to potential partners. In your last serious relationship, it was very likely that you:

• Felt attracted right away.
• Were successful when you flirted using your body language.

Traditional style: not very traditional

You scored higher than 30–40% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You do not really believe that men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. You are not very likely to feel uncomfortable in a flirting situation where a woman takes charge. You tend to be not very choosey about who you flirt with, and it is not very likely that you are selective about who you pursue romantic relationships with. In serious relationships, you do not really believe that you should know a potential relationship partner for a long time before approaching them. You are not very likely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.Polite style: not at all polite

You scored higher than 0–10% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You do not believe that courtship should be cautious and rule-governed. You are very unlikely to use proper manners, non-sexual communication, and less forward behavior during courtship. You tend to be not at all choosey about who you flirt with, and it is very unlikely that you took a long time to get to know someone before you knew you were romantically interested in them. You are very likely to like the singles scene and the way people typically flirt with one another. You are very unlikely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.Sincere style: not at all sincere

You scored higher than 0–10% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are not at all interested in seeking emotional connection and showing sincere interest when flirting. You find flirting not at all flattering, and do not believe that personal and private conversation is the best way to develop romance. When flirting, it is very unlikely that you are:

• Successful
• Confident
• Able to quickly determine relationship potential

In serious relationships, you are very unlikely to experience a strong emotional connection and sexual chemistry.Playful style: very playful

You scored higher than 80–90% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are very likely to use flirting to boost your self-esteem and to have a good time. You do not believe that flirting should be reserved for the purpose of developing a relationship. You are very likely to flirt with those who you have no long-term romantic interest. You are very likely to find romantic interest in many other people, and to flirt everywhere you go. You strongly believe that flirting is flattering and enjoyable. In your last serious relationship, you were very likely to have a short and unimportant relationship that moved quickly, but didn’t last. - See more at: Results | Flirting Styles Inventory | KU

[kickinthemebs]

It told me what I already knew, very playful flirt

However, I 100% disagree with this guy's synopsis of this category totally: "People with playful flirting styles often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance. However, they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships."

Also, it appears to contradict the other category I scored 80-90% in, the physical flirt: "Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest in a potential partner. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners."

[Looking4more]

Physical style: somewhat physical

You scored higher than 60–70% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are somewhat comfortable and competent in expressing your sexual interest to potential partners. You are somewhat capable of figuring out that potential partners are interested in you, and somewhat effective at conveying romantic interest to potential partners. In your last serious relationship, it was somewhat likely that you:

• Felt attracted right away.
• Were successful when you flirted using your body language.

Traditional style: not at all traditional

You scored higher than 10–20% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You do not believe that men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. You are very unlikely to feel uncomfortable in a flirting situation where a woman takes charge. You tend to be not at all choosey about who you flirt with, and it is very unlikely that you are selective about who you pursue romantic relationships with. In serious relationships, you do not believe that you should know a potential relationship partner for a long time before approaching them. You are very unlikely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.Polite style: not very polite

You scored higher than 20–30% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You do not really believe that courtship should be cautious and rule-governed. You are not very likely to use proper manners, non-sexual communication, and less forward behavior during courtship. You tend to be not very choosey about who you flirt with, and it is not very likely that you took a long time to get to know someone before you knew you were romantically interested in them. You are somewhat likely to like the singles scene and the way people typically flirt with one another. You are not very likely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.Sincere style: somewhat sincere

You scored higher than 70–80% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are somewhat interested in seeking emotional connection and showing sincere interest when flirting. You find flirting somewhat flattering, and believe that personal and private conversation is the best way to develop romance. When flirting, it is somewhat likely that you are:

• Successful
• Confident
• Able to quickly determine relationship potential

In serious relationships, you are somewhat likely to experience a strong emotional connection and sexual chemistry.Playful style: somewhat playful

You scored higher than 70–80% of other survey takers in your demographic.
You are somewhat likely to use flirting to boost your self-esteem and to have a good time. You do not really believe that flirting should be reserved for the purpose of developing a relationship. You are somewhat likely to flirt with those who you have no long-term romantic interest. You are somewhat likely to find romantic interest in many other people, and to flirt everywhere you go. You believe that flirting is flattering and enjoyable. In your last serious relationship, you were somewhat likely to have a short and unimportant relationship that moved quickly, but didn’t last.

[TPW]

Hey KITM,

Actually, I am not sure your two styles are contradictory. I see it more that 'playful flirting' is a comfortable mode of communication for you when interacting with all women but you then you would shift into 'physical flirting' when you are sexually attracted and interested in pursuing a relationship with a specific woman. In other words, the level of flirting will be in direct proportion to how you feel romantically about a woman.

It told me what I already knew, very playful flirt

However, I 100% disagree with this guy's synopsis of this category totally: "People with playful flirting styles often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance. However, they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships."

Also, it appears to contradict the other category I scored 80-90% in, the physical flirt: "Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest in a potential partner. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners."