Member of the Month Oct 2013
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I was asked to post about how to avoid being "friend-zoned" so here goes....
All relationships are essentially social exchanges. They are based on reciprocity; a give-and-take agreement that is often done subconsciously and without discussion. When someone finds themselves stuck in the “friend zone” it is because they have entered into an unfair or unequal social exchange whereby the other person is getting all their emotional/romantic/sexual needs met while the “friend-zoned” individual is not. In other words, these “friend-zoned” individuals are giving everything they have to the other without ensuring they are receiving everything they want/need in return.
Obviously, the best way to avoid the “friend-zone” is not to fall in it to start with. If you are romantically interested in someone then it is important that the social exchange reflects that; in other words move the relationship toward girlfriend/boyfriend/lover/partner immediately. Here are a few suggestions:
Be Attractive. Dr. Helen Fisher defines 3 types of love – lust (sexual desire), attraction (romantic love) and attachment (comfort) – which indicates that there is more to love than just one single emotion. People who get “friend-zoned” only generate feelings of attachment without any attraction or lust feelings. For any number of reasons, these individuals have not been able to spark the chemistry to make the other person desire them in return. Therefore, the social exchange is unequal. The good news is that people can and do learn to be more attractive both physically and psychologically by increasing their erotic capital (see link below) and developing social skills such as confidence, creating sexually stimulating conversations, flirting physically and being a bit coy, non-needy and elusive. By working on their sexual appeal, individuals will more likely be considered "lover" rather than "friend".
Match. Individuals who end up in mutually-satisfying relationships often match each other on a number of levels. For example, they are both roughly equal in traits such as physical attractiveness or education or social status. Although there are exceptions, people tend to attract and mate with others who are similar to themselves.
Ask. Often the reason people end up in the “friend-zone” is because they are too afraid, too uncertain or too passive. Many individuals are more comfortable approaching someone they are attracted to as simply “a friend” because it is less risky emotionally or seems easier. These individuals begin the interaction by not clearly communicating what it is that they want and then settling for less. Sometimes, this is done strictly due to insecurity. Other times, however, it is simply a ploy in which they use friendship as a way in the “back door” rather than risk rejection up front. Unfortunately, these tactics seldom work. So rather than get stuck in the friend zone because of fear or deceit, it is often far more productive to simply state what is desired. It is likely to make for a more equal and fair social exchange. If the other person is not interested, then simply walk away and find someone who is.
Stop Being Too Nice. The final reason why individuals end up in the friend zone is because they are simply too nice. They do all the work in the relationship; making all the concessions and sacrifices. In other words, they make it very “easy” for the other person to be with them. Unfortunately, they also tend to get taken for granted, are devalued and forgotten. We need to remember that people value that which they have to work to obtain and invest in and that included relationships. According to research, people have more attraction and respect for individuals for whom the perform favours. They also find relationships more valuable and commit more completely when they invest in them in various ways. So by doing all the work in the relationship, a person unintentionally places himself “in” the friend zone. And when he is the one doing all the investing, he is also the only one developing all the romantic feelings; the other person does not. Therefore, to avoid being friend-zoned”, the effort and investment must be balanced on both sides. Each individual must give and contribute in equal measure. The needs of both must be satisfied. If the other person doesn't offer then ask!
As you can see, people can end up stuck in the friend zone for a number of reasons. Fortunately with awareness and a bit of work those situations can be changed. The friend zone can truly be avoided.
(info about erotic capital) https://www.pegym.com/forums/gym/672...jawline-7.html
All relationships are essentially social exchanges. They are based on reciprocity; a give-and-take agreement that is often done subconsciously and without discussion. When someone finds themselves stuck in the “friend zone” it is because they have entered into an unfair or unequal social exchange whereby the other person is getting all their emotional/romantic/sexual needs met while the “friend-zoned” individual is not. In other words, these “friend-zoned” individuals are giving everything they have to the other without ensuring they are receiving everything they want/need in return.
Obviously, the best way to avoid the “friend-zone” is not to fall in it to start with. If you are romantically interested in someone then it is important that the social exchange reflects that; in other words move the relationship toward girlfriend/boyfriend/lover/partner immediately. Here are a few suggestions:
Be Attractive. Dr. Helen Fisher defines 3 types of love – lust (sexual desire), attraction (romantic love) and attachment (comfort) – which indicates that there is more to love than just one single emotion. People who get “friend-zoned” only generate feelings of attachment without any attraction or lust feelings. For any number of reasons, these individuals have not been able to spark the chemistry to make the other person desire them in return. Therefore, the social exchange is unequal. The good news is that people can and do learn to be more attractive both physically and psychologically by increasing their erotic capital (see link below) and developing social skills such as confidence, creating sexually stimulating conversations, flirting physically and being a bit coy, non-needy and elusive. By working on their sexual appeal, individuals will more likely be considered "lover" rather than "friend".
Match. Individuals who end up in mutually-satisfying relationships often match each other on a number of levels. For example, they are both roughly equal in traits such as physical attractiveness or education or social status. Although there are exceptions, people tend to attract and mate with others who are similar to themselves.
Ask. Often the reason people end up in the “friend-zone” is because they are too afraid, too uncertain or too passive. Many individuals are more comfortable approaching someone they are attracted to as simply “a friend” because it is less risky emotionally or seems easier. These individuals begin the interaction by not clearly communicating what it is that they want and then settling for less. Sometimes, this is done strictly due to insecurity. Other times, however, it is simply a ploy in which they use friendship as a way in the “back door” rather than risk rejection up front. Unfortunately, these tactics seldom work. So rather than get stuck in the friend zone because of fear or deceit, it is often far more productive to simply state what is desired. It is likely to make for a more equal and fair social exchange. If the other person is not interested, then simply walk away and find someone who is.
Stop Being Too Nice. The final reason why individuals end up in the friend zone is because they are simply too nice. They do all the work in the relationship; making all the concessions and sacrifices. In other words, they make it very “easy” for the other person to be with them. Unfortunately, they also tend to get taken for granted, are devalued and forgotten. We need to remember that people value that which they have to work to obtain and invest in and that included relationships. According to research, people have more attraction and respect for individuals for whom the perform favours. They also find relationships more valuable and commit more completely when they invest in them in various ways. So by doing all the work in the relationship, a person unintentionally places himself “in” the friend zone. And when he is the one doing all the investing, he is also the only one developing all the romantic feelings; the other person does not. Therefore, to avoid being friend-zoned”, the effort and investment must be balanced on both sides. Each individual must give and contribute in equal measure. The needs of both must be satisfied. If the other person doesn't offer then ask!
As you can see, people can end up stuck in the friend zone for a number of reasons. Fortunately with awareness and a bit of work those situations can be changed. The friend zone can truly be avoided.
(info about erotic capital) https://www.pegym.com/forums/gym/672...jawline-7.html
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