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Dangler · 09-17-2014, 04:16 PM

Sometimes a situation is best if you talk openly about whats on your mind. No need to steer this friendship off the cliff if the other half did not want you to go that route in the first place.
Some friendships are best left 'as they are'.

islander · 09-17-2014, 04:50 PM

Op
I've done that with a man before.
When we had sex the entire relationship was over within a few months.
He was already so friend zoned by me I couldn't re classify him as a romantic sexual partner.

I'm not saying this will happen to you but address it. Tell her you want her. Lust her. Etc. Trigger that dopamine in her brain.
At least to know she is or isn't passionate about you. Then you can decide.

Good luck. Xo

blulite · 09-17-2014, 06:15 PM

lol so basically i should just go find someone else?? because this shit seems to be going nowhere....

WIItard · 09-17-2014, 08:47 PM

Continue to see her and look for others along the way. Dating is dating.

After 4 months you are in the friend zone, chances are you are not leaving that zone.

BigO · 09-17-2014, 09:10 PM

Cut her off for a few weeks. If she asks what's wrong tell her you don't like your motor running with the car sick in park.

Then cut her off again or just be friends. Good friends are always good to have. Especially hot looking lady friends.

Eazygeezer · 09-18-2014, 05:04 AM

4 months is deep in the trenches of friend zone pal!

Get yourself onto the dating scene again and keep her as a friend, because that's all she is. She has protected you from a crazy bitch, tbh I think you should've got someone else to get rid of her at rhe party or done it yourself ,but it's done now. So she probably has more of a mothering type instinct towards you.

I would've tried something on with her already but it's highly unlikely now, because you would probably feel awkward too.

In fact I would tell her your getting back on the dating scene, that way you are at least being upfront about it, she should be well aware that if you date someone else, her position in your life will be downgraded somewhat.

Might be just the kick in the arse she needs, regardless though there is nothing to stop you keeping her as a friend whichever way you jump.

Good luck!

Bossolini · 09-18-2014, 06:32 AM

All that friend zone talk seems a little far fetched to me. I mean they kiss/cuddle and all that, so it's obviously more than just friends. Judging by her comments, I think she had some bad experiences in the past and doesn't want to ruin what you have now by moving too fast.

I don't really understand why you want to call it quits right now, even though you are having a good time together. Like someone else said: talk to her about your frustrations, because it sounds like a great thing you two have.

Eazygeezer · 09-18-2014, 07:25 AM

Are we alao talking about zero sexual contact? Nothing except cuddle and kiss? Have you tried to do anything beyone that? OP what's the longest you ever had a woman hold out for sex before? Any type of sex even a grab of the breast etc.

She isn't a virgin, she has kids right? So her fanny hasn't actually healed up and you're not gonna split her in two?

My question would be, why does she NOT want to have sex with you, the crap about liking you too much smells to me like you're on the path towards her eventually having the bottle to give you the old bs line of, "we can't be together, you're such a great bloke I don't deserve you, it's not you it's me"

Ive been on the end of that one, what they actually mean is "it is you, but you are a good guy so I'll pretend to blame me so that your feeling are not as badly hurt" roughly boils down to, not what she's looking for in a long term partner.

Tbh there is nothing wrong with that, people like different people, saying it like that preserves the male ego, and prolongs the friend zone agony, because then the friendly great bloke is thinking. Well, maybe in a while she might change her mind, come to her senses whatever. See where I'm going here?

My advice

1. Ask her flat out if she ever sees a romantic(sexual) future for you both
if her answer is yes then your next question is when.

The old adage don't ask don't get springs to mind

Any answer that doesn't provide a definitive answer is an obfuscation. I.e. trying to keep you hanging on

If her answer is no, get yourself back dating and cool off with her, any new partner won't be crazy about accepting that kind of friend, would you be happy if it was reversed?

Look at it this way, have the conversation, what's the win loss?

Win - you get to have sex with someone you are emotionally attached to!
loss- you have a great friend and a few weeks/months down the line you get to have sex with someone you are emotionally attached to, or not

The only real loss is the time taken to find someone else

Ps my advice is based on real life experience, others may be different but I can only provide ideas based on what I went through myself

Good luck hope it goes the way you want it to!

closed224 · 09-18-2014, 07:55 AM

First acknowledge you are in a romantic relationship already. Sex is not a requirement of romance. Second straight up talk to her about your desire to move to the next level, but Dont demand it. Third ask yourself if you are presenting as a guy who let's women beat him up just so he can"screw them" and where that might scare this current wonderful woman. Be honest, do you want to screw and then move on or are you ready to committee to a long term relationship? Know your self first then present that to her. My second and third items should have been reversed sorry.

Rybina · 09-18-2014, 07:56 AM

This:

Originally posted by Eazygeezer View Post

Ask her flat out if she ever sees a romantic(sexual) future for you both

I was seeing somebody, we'd been on a couple of dates, hadn't kissed yet, we were texting each other etc, and she messaged me something like: "Is it ok if we just carrying on dating as friends because I've not long got out of a long term relationship, and don't want to jump into anything too soon really".

And I replied something like "Honestly, not really, I'm not looking for friends, I've already got my own friends :-) .... (then some waffle so it was wasn't offensive) ".

She replied something like "Lol, fair enough, at least you're honest".

Next date we were kissing, the date after that I was balls-deep in her.

Ask the question dude.

Obsidian · 09-18-2014, 04:46 PM

Everyone told you ''FRIEND ZONE'' maybe that is but I have a different suggestion/approach

If you really like this girl and want a relationship do something like this, if not do anything

Maybe she is undecided and wants you to make the first move, so DON'T TALK, ACT !

If you are able to make a situation where there is no kids and you two are alone, make a dinner or something similar, make a really romantic situation but don't go overboard, try to make her comfortable and subtly saying that you want her without actually saying it, then see how the situation goes on.

Don't go straight to her panties so to say, massage her back or feet or something similar and if you notice that sexual tension from both of you is going up just don't make a move i.e. don't touch her breasts or pussy, at that point if she makes a move like some passionate kissing or says anything go for the sex.

This is just the way i would handle something like that, if it ends up that you were actually in the friends zone the worst thing that could happen is she denies you at that point you say sorry i thought you wanted or something similar and you actually don't hear from her for some time or at all.

Hope it helps in any way

TPW · 09-18-2014, 05:37 PM

Hiya Blulite,

From what you have written, you two have completely bypassed the romantic love stage typical of new relationships and moved directly into the stability stage. You have created a relationship that is based more on a sense of security and emotional closeness than physical intimacy. And since this arrangement enables her to get all of her security and emotional needs met without engaging in sexual intimacy, she may not be interested in changing it.

Therefore you have a few options:

1. Accept the relationship as is with the hopes that one day maybe things will change between you two. Although if sexual intimacy hasn’t occurred in four months, I am not sure it will without prompting.

2. Let her know that while you enjoy your time with her, you would like the relationship to include sexual intimacy as well. Ask her if she is capable/interested in doing so.

3. Relegate this relationship to just a close friendship and begin to pursue other love interests. Although not necessary, it would be considerate of you to let her know your intentions.

4. End the relationship completely and move on.

To help with your decision-making, you may also want to give the following threads a read:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...tionships.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...iend-zone.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...-sex-life.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...ould-know.html

Good luck.

blulite · 09-18-2014, 07:06 PM

Originally posted by Bossolini View Post

All that friend zone talk seems a little far fetched to me. I mean they kiss/cuddle and all that, so it's obviously more than just friends. Judging by her comments, I think she had some bad experiences in the past and doesn't want to ruin what you have now by moving too fast.

I don't really understand why you want to call it quits right now, even though you are having a good time together. Like someone else said: talk to her about your frustrations, because it sounds like a great thing you two have.

now i have to agree with you on this one, this particular woman is probably the most str8 talking and upfront woman ive ever known...

ill explain a little more

we spend time together every day, we kiss, cuddle etc..., our lives are patched together and were both very much interested in each other.

what seems to be the issue is that "yes" she has had previous bad experiences, as have i, weve had the relationship discussion on numerous occasions and its always boiled down to that although she does like me a lot and does want to be with me, shes not quite ready for a relationship just yet.

which to me isnt such a bad thing to be totally honest, ive been in so many flash relationships in the past thatve been based on sex and lust, and went belly up after a couple of months.. that im actually sort of enjoying how things are working out. courting, dating, whatever you want to call it.

like someone said, "dating is dating" ... but how long do you date someone before you actually get into a fixed relationship??? no one knows, there is no time frame, and no set rules for it, it depends on the individuals surely?????

since she split up with her sons father just over 2 years ago... im the only man shes actually been interested in being with, yes shes got laid here and there, but no one else has really been given the time of day when they've tried to get with her. now to me, that says a lot!!!

a lot of people who see us together envy the way we are.. especially when our fights break out lol, and by fights im not saying arguments, im talking, nerf wars, towel fights, food fights, mustard and ketchup guns... waffles and syrup and even sachets of milk and sugar... heck we get messy.. and we giggle like crazy...

you see, my confusion is, as much as i sometimes think im wasting my time, i also see that things are awesome right now and id love our click to continue on... even into a relationship, so part of me says run, but the other part says, hey this shit rocks... and it should still be just as great if we get together... hence maybe waiting isnt such a bad thing. and if things dont work out like that, then at least ive not passed her by and jumped into yet another flash relationship and walked by possibly the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

blulite · 09-18-2014, 07:17 PM

Originally posted by wishful10x8 View Post

First acknowledge you are in a romantic relationship already. Sex is not a requirement of romance. Second straight up talk to her about your desire to move to the next level, but Dont demand it. Third ask yourself if you are presenting as a guy who let's women beat him up just so he can"screw them" and where that might scare this current wonderful woman. Be honest, do you want to screw and then move on or are you ready to committee to a long term relationship? Know your self first then present that to her. My second and third items should have been reversed sorry.

i as already screwing the violent girl, had been for a couple of months (another flash relationship) .... and no she dont see me as a guy who lets women "beat him" just so he can get laid lmao... heck i can get laid by picking up the phone and making a couple of calls and ill have pussy on a plate with a side order of anal lol...

and to be totally honest... im not just looking for a screw, if that was the case i wouldnt be spending so much time with her and introducing/accepting her into my life... and to be truthfull i dont think she would be doing the same either...

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