YES! girlfriend wants a threesome - where/how can we find a girl for us?

[SolomonSeal Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SolomonSeal]

To my delight, my girlfriend has told me that she "really, really" wants to have a threesome. She seems to geniunely want to fuck another girl, with me.

Now how am I supposed to bring that up in conversation with a potential 3rd person? Has anyone done this and had a good way of seducing another girl to join in? I was thinking about getting her to do most of the work (ie chatting up and flirting with the girl and then introducing me and then we both continue flirting with her) but i'm not really sure what approach we should take.

Any adivce from people who've been here before?

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Ahh you are looking for a unicorn,good luck .with that

[Robberman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Robberman]

Now I've never had a threesome but this type of topic has come on here before and the typical answer is to let the person who proposed the idea arrange the event. Few examples;

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...-question.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...threesome.html

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Doesn't your girlfriend.... have any girlfriends?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

To my delight, my girlfriend has told me that she "really, really" wants to have a threesome. She seems to genuinely want to fuck another girl, with me.

Now how am I supposed to bring that up in conversation with a potential 3rd person? Has anyone done this and had a good way of seducing another girl to join in? I was thinking about getting her to do most of the work (ie chatting up and flirting with the girl and then introducing me and then we both continue flirting with her) but i'm not really sure what approach we should take.

Any adivce from people who've been here before?

Go to a swingers club with her. Get her (and you) used to group sex, and the idea of sex being playtime disconnected from love. Fuck jealousy off. You both need to cross that bridge. I promise you the more comfortable she is in that place, you probably won't have to do anything, you'll go out to a bar and she'll be chatting up girls on your behalf.

And, this is important, how would you feel about an MMF threesome with another dude fucking her?

Because that's what she's asking/offering from her side.

It's amazing fun, don't get me wrong, I've had quite a lot of group activity, all women and me, all men and her, and all sorts in between, and it's all brilliant, but you need to be OK with it all, and she needs to know you are.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

On picking up, it's not that different to picking up a one night stand anyway. You can't walk up to anyone in the street and say "hey, wanna fuck?"... well, not normally. But it does have the exotic on its side, and that's appealing to women, unless they have threesomes and gang bangs all the time. Hey, some do.

I'll give you two tips.

1) You BOTH need to do the seduction. She needs to be attracted to the idea, and to BOTH of you and what's on offer.

2) picking up works so much better if they know or think that this is a random one off. That you'll never tell her friends or family because you don't know them (slut shaming is a thing). And THEN it's a crazy adventure nobody needs to know about. Her confidence (the third girl) and her feeling relaxed with you is paramount. NO pressure - it's an offer, not a demand, it's HER decision. Let her choose.

If you're picking up a stranger, tell her, immediately, my girlfriend really wants to fuck you, I'm just checking you out for her. Say "we're sat over there, think about it, come and say hi" Then walk away, sit down elsewhere in the venue with your gf, checking out others, looking sexy, like sex is always in your life.

... is one approach.

But beware, you can get into trouble if you choose the venue wrong. Word gets around that there are perverts in here if you judge wrong or push too hard. Speaking from experience.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Oh, and again. like one night stands, don't pretend or even try to pretend that this isn't about sex, that you want to get to know her and her hobbies or her favourite movies. That's creepy as shit. It's about sex. Be proud and unapologetic about that. If the girl you're trying to seduce freaks out about that, she wasn't an option anyway. If you show any fear or uncertainty, game over.

In your seduction, demonstrate that you're a filthy unusual adventure, that you've done this before and it's all under control, there's nothing weird, and it's not going to get weird afterwards. Be casual from hello to goodbye...

... which is why I recommend going to swingers clubs first, to get your own confidence sorted, and any worries from you OR her cleared up in a place where you have somewhere to turn and discuss with people who know far more about this stuff than you.

Good luck

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

Threesomes are the worst idea ever. Please don't do this to yourself.

I just can't look at these kinds of posts and say nothing anymore.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Threesomes are the worst idea ever. Please don't do this to yourself.

Why?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Hm, not sure you should say things like that @aBone2pick without being able to stand your ground, it starts to sound like listening to a priest decrying one's lack of reverence for Jesus. With no explanation, only criticism for whichever random action doesn't fit within your perfect traditional holy model.

I'm curious as to what the problem could be, and all I can come up with is the idea that sex is only and can only be about sharing connection and commitment with only "the one" who has earned it. A demonstration of your love only for her, a gift perhaps, rather than being able to seek (and share) pleasure on it's own terms, free from any notion of infidelity and grow stronger together. Being against which would also suggest a weird notion that it's impossible to share pleasure with another who is not your one soul mate or contractually agreed partner under the eyes of God.

As you may guess, I would argue strongly against all of that, having had threesomes, foursomes and more-somes, yet still loving everyone involved (small 'l', respect, concern etc, not big 'L', romance, commitment, obsession) remaining in connection with all of them.

Because the value of any relationship is trust, connection, honesty and integrity. Not exclusive access to my magic penis.

For instance today, I was talking with somebody in Australia earlier whom I love very much, and fell in Love with at the time. We have had an MMF threesome and an MMFF foursome, yet somehow OMG we're still connected and there's nothing awkward about it.

This is why I said earlier how important it was to get comfortable with the idea, the practice, separating sex from love, and trusting each other's comfort therein first.

Inviting random strangers into your bed, against the wishes of the other, yeah that's bad, but that's not about a threesome, that's about disrespect. And I recognise there's also a fair bit of wisdom and emotional maturity required to see it through successfully, should there be any feelings involved.

And, threesome or not, that level of communication, honesty, trust and understanding is, IMHO, wildly undervalued and underpracticed in traditional relationships anyway.

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

I consider the bond that can be shared with a couple to be the most beautiful thing someone can experience in life. Every guy is tempted to have sex with beautiful women, and sometimes this temptation arises whilst one is in a relationship. It may seem like the perfect solution to just invite a third person into the relationship temporarily, but in my eyes, there is something sacred and unspoken being lost.

Perhaps this is my culture, my upbringing, or influences from religion. Be that as it may, it is my view. Why don't I just keep it to myself? I don't keep it to myself for the same reason I wouldn't stand by and watch someone do a drug that I thought would harm them. There are many people who would scoff at me and call me prude for that as well, but that just is what it is.

People have the right to do as they choose, and I don't wish it otherwise. However, if they are at a crossroads and about to make a decision that I deem to be a poor one, I will tell them that I think it is a destructive idea.

Spanky, I mean absolutely no disrespect to you as a person. Swinging may work for you, but it would not work for many, and those people for whom it does not work often find out the hard way.

Edit*

I want to add that I've read a lot of your posts, Spanky, and I've generally agreed with you! I can be happy agreeing to disagree in this instance.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Well said.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Hey aBone2pick, as you say, you're free to hold your opinions, and honestly I respect you and that far more for expanding on it, as on reflection the main reason I argued at length was because you simply said "that's bad" like a preacher with no reasoning.

I feel differently about that "special bond" obviously, as I seek, and often find that special bond with everyone in my life. I've only really been able to do that fully as I've got older and had the courage to free myself of the chains of expectation and "duty". Like seriously, monogamous marriage feels to me like a duty, not a commitment or expression of love in its own. The idea that without that, it's not an expression of love is fearmongering nonsense, and no lasting relationship was ever built on fear. Religion demands sacrifice to demonstrate adherence too, but that's not my soul. I don't need approval.

None of which means I don't love deeply. Ironically I think now I love far more deeply. And I wouldn't "bring in a random third" just because I got to fuck some hot ass, any more than I would seek that on my own believing that was going to be the best sex of my life. Looks don't mean shit. That's about competition with other equally shallow vapid men.

Congratulations, you fucked the hottest chick in the club. Chances are with that much attention in her life she probably just starfished you for five minutes anyway.

That third we'd "bring in" still needs to be someone special, or at least someone worthy and deserving of my/our time. As with any sexual partner. And believe this or not, doing so with partners has in my experience brought us closer together and certainly not demolished any sacred magic bond.

I've learned that, for me at least, exclusivity is possessive, often for other eyes only and often leads to jealousy, infidelity, lies and pain, whereas freedom to feel, embrace and share our emotions, however improper they may seem, gives us strength beyond measure. Of course, we're all different, and seek different comforts, and I've never claimed that I should be a role model.

My only concern for the OP was that he was keen, and knowing a bit about this, to share what I have learned to try to help him not make the same mistakes as many and grow stronger from the experience rather than drive a wall of guilt and jealousy by not being open about it and misunderstanding the energies and strains that can occur.

I wouldn't go out and tell people to have group sex. That's their business, and I quite like that it's not that common, so it's kind of my party. But it is fun, and immensely fulfilling if handled right. Like drugs too. Everyone says they're bad, run away. But actually they're mostly harmless and pleasurable as long as you're responsible and careful. When you've discovered that, as in many places, it's hard not to question the motives behind these rules forbidding things that harm nobody else and generally just bring you pleasure and fulfilment.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Also I'm guessing - and aware that this may start to come across disrespectful - that with those opinions you've never done it. Or if you have it was her sister or an ex or something super complicated and just went badly wrong.

I'm not saying everyone should become a swinger. I have many close friends who have never done such things, have been happily married and exclusive for years too. That's awesome, and as long as they're fulfilled I commend them and their choices. But only on their terms. Their life works for them. I hope.

My only argument, and reason for continuing to argue is that I've never had any problems or bad results. It's not a bad thing by definition. It's just a thing. A thing you can fuck up just like anything else of course, but still just a thing. A thing with different emotions and experience to what you'll find in any advice from Oprah and Dr Phil, or in the relationship columns of Cosmopolitan. But that doesn't make it bad, just different. Personally I think the wider your experience of life, good or bad, the stronger you grow. And that is something I'd recommend for anyone.

[jackjohnson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jackjohnson]

it would be great if there was a website like threesome.com that provided this. It would probably be very popular.