relationship advice: how to tell if shes cheating

[ajmarket Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ajmarket]

I'm 2 embarassed 2 talk about this with my buddies, I know I'm new around here but hopefully you can help me out. . .

This girl and I have been off and on for 3.5 years, highschool sweethearts. .. only reason we were off and on is becuz I treated her badly in the begining. . Needless to say I made a lot of mistakes and didn't give her the respect she deserves.

Fast forward 3 years, I'm much more mature now. . I'm a man, not the boy I was back then. I've learned from my mistakes and have been busting my ass to put a smile on her face and make sure she's happy (I'm not doing PE for nothin)

Well the past 2 months she doesn't want sex as often, she's irritable, and gets annoyed easily when I ask her what she did today. .

I'm getting worried she may be cheating, but then again she doesn't really have time 2 cheat. She's working two jobs now, maybe that's why I feel like this. . . Like I'm lonely now, I went from seeing her 5x a week to once a week . .

I trust her, but more and more this is upsetting me. . . A few times on the way 2 my buddys house I've past her work and her car is there, so I know she's not lying about being at work. . .

Idk guys, maybe I just needed 2 vent. . .

I talked to her, she says its just work and stress, but I feel like somethings really wrong here.

[0h2B9 Member Find all posts View Profile Close 0h2B9]

Well the past 2 months she doesn't want sex as often, she's irritable, and gets annoyed easily when I ask her what she did today. .

I'm getting worried she may be cheating, but then again she doesn't really have time 2 cheat. She's working two jobs now, maybe that's why I feel like this. . . Like I'm lonely now, I went from seeing her 5x a week to once a week . .

I trust her, but more and more this is upsetting me. . . A few times on the way 2 my buddys house I've past her work and her car is there, so I know she's not lying about being at work. . .

Idk guys, maybe I just needed 2 vent. . .

I talked to her, she says its just work and stress, but I feel like somethings really wrong here.

could it possible be because of this?

but now I bottom out even if I don't try (it hurts her, but makes me smile )

I know when I have been very aroused and have hit home so to speak, my wife has been off sex for about a week.

just might be worth considering

[W.M.P. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close W.M.P.]

I'm 2 embarassed 2 talk about this with my buddies, I know I'm new around here but hopefully you can help me out. . .

This girl and I have been off and on for 3.5 years, highschool sweethearts. .. only reason we were off and on is becuz I treated her badly in the begining. . Needless to say I made a lot of mistakes and didn't give her the respect she deserves.

Fast forward 3 years, I'm much more mature now. . I'm a man, not the boy I was back then. I've learned from my mistakes and have been busting my ass to put a smile on her face and make sure she's happy (I'm not doing PE for nothin)

Not to burst your bubble here, but being that you're still in your early 20's, I gotta tell you that you still have WAYS to go in terms of being "a man" when it comes to dealing with women. Trust me, between the lack of life-experience and the overabundant testosterone, it's VERY EASY to fuck things up with women regardless of how well intentioned you are. Time, age, wisdom (and yes, slightly lower testosterone) will little by little give you a better idea of how to deal with women.

Well the past 2 months she doesn't want sex as often, she's irritable, and gets annoyed easily when I ask her what she did today. .

I can understand her not wanting sex as often as a result of being stressed (most women loose their libido when stressed)...but her getting annoyed when you simply ask how her day was? Hmmmm.. That don't smell good at all, since a stressed woman will always cherish having someone to vent about her day, so this to me is a red flag.

I'm getting worried she may be cheating, but then again she doesn't really have time 2 cheat. She's working two jobs now, maybe that's why I feel like this. . . Like I'm lonely now, I went from seeing her 5x a week to once a week . .

Dude, when it comes to cheating, women wrote the book and left it behind for us to read. I'm not saying she IS cheating, but that women KNOW how to go about cheating a lot better than you think. So if she wanted to cheat, having more than one job would not be an obstacle at all for her.

I trust her, but more and more this is upsetting me. . . A few times on the way 2 my buddys house I've past her work and her car is there, so I know she's not lying about being at work. . .

Idk guys, maybe I just needed 2 vent. . .

I talked to her, she says its just work and stress, but I feel like somethings really wrong here.

I would just give her some extra space and in the process, refocus yourself on the fact that you and only you are responsible for your own happiness. I went from seeing/fucking my girl several times a week, to seeing her about once a week (sometimes 2 weeks will pass before I see her) and having sex every couple of weeks. She works over 60hrs a week and is also a full-time grad student, which makes her life quite a hectic, stressful mess. However, we do talk on the phone several times throughout the day and night. At first when she took her present job, I was on the same boat as you; horny like a goat and annoyed that she had picked a job that I knew would make her feel miserable. One thing with me is that I was unemployed, so I had WAY too much time on my hands to sit around home-alone and my mind would obviously focus on her not being around as much or horny as often as before. I did confront her once, because the change had been too drastic between us and the whole thing took her by surprise; she cried, apologized for not being the girl she used to be and promised she would try to make things better. However, I saw how her job just became a fucking nightmare and school got more and more difficult, so I changed my stance and (by putting myself in her shoes) was able to see why her libido was almost non-existent. I chose to focus on all the other things she brings to my life other than sex and how she's just such a great girlfriend overall. Sex is still not as consistent as it used to be, but I just make sure to make it count when it happens and hope that one day she will wake up and realize that we only have one life to live and that she'd be better off in dealing with her goals/duties if she made time to enjoy herself a bit more often.


But again, the main difference here is that all throughout this time, the pleasant communication (read "connecting"/"intimacy") has ALWAYS been there whereas when it comes to you and your girlfriend, this whole thing about her getting snappy when you're simply asking about her day...it just doesn't smell good to me.

That's my 2 cents.

[ajmarket Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ajmarket]

update. . .

what a coincedence that i posted this last night and what im gonna tell u happened today?

she drove me 2 work.. . asked why i was being so quiet. i told her how i felt, asked if there was neone else. . . basically she told me the same thing she did last time. . . i love you, youre the only one for me and i havent been seeing neone. . .

her friend then text me, saying we need to talk. . .

i text my g.f saying her friend text me. . . she freaked out out on me saying dont talk 2 her shes gonna lie to me. . .

quick note: her friend has HPV, genital warts. shes a nice girl though.

so my g.f explained that everyone found out about her friends HPV and she accused my g.f of telling them.. .

sure enough her friend told me some stories about my g.f and a couple of guys. . . that i didnt want 2 hear. . .

i had flowers and a bear for her, todays her birthday. . . her dad asked me not to buy her dog, originally i was buying her a puppy.. . i wrote on the card "your dad asked me not to buy u a dog, so i got you a bear" gave her a kiss, hug said happy birthday and went on my way, pretty sure that this is over now. . .

however, she text me saying come over after my family leaves and we will talk. . . ill explain everything.

ill let u guys know... hopefully if shes sleeping with another guy hes not familiar with PE. . haha, i guess i just gotta stay positive about the whole situation, thanks every1

[W.M.P. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close W.M.P.]

Dude:

1st and foremost you gotta keep one thing in mind: You are WAY too young to get your nuts all tied up in a knot over a girl; relationships at this stage of our life should be more about learning both about yourself and women. If she's been doin' some other dude, you have 3 choices:

1. Give her the "chance" that she will ask you (even beg) for and fool yourself into believing that's she's never gonna do it again and that you'll live happily ever after.

2. Walk away and never look back.

3. Just take a step back, check your game and realize that @ this stage of your life, it's best to just keep a loose, not-too-serious relationship, where you're both free to grow up as individuals without this need of being all exclusive and shit and let Life itself see to whether you're a long-term match or not.

About #3, (my favorite) I'd say there's 2 ways to go about it: Either clearly agree to be open about things or just have a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to whether or not either of you is seeing someone else.

[ajmarket Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ajmarket]

I appreciate the help guys.

Had a meeting w her, she basically said "believe wat you want, her boyfriend text me threatening becuz everyone found out they have hpv. . . I told him how many times she cheated on him and she made up some b.s to get back at me. I would never have told him she cheated on him if she actually knew secrets about me cause obviously she would tell you to get back at me. . . I don't wanna talk about this nemore, either believe me or don't. . ."

Idk what to think. . .

I'm in love w her, but something about the situation scares me.

[17ml Member Find all posts View Profile Close 17ml]

find another girl mate, one you can trust

[pluto Member Find all posts View Profile Close pluto]

I'll make my story short.
3 months after graduation my high school sweetheart and i broke up.
We knew we were right for each other but we were states apart at college.
We broke up, she banged like 8-10 guys, I banged about 3-4 girls (totally uneven)
We probably got back together and broke up 3-4 times over the first 2 years.
I graduated college, we got married, she graduated college, we had our first kid, we are living happily ever after!

My advise, let it go and if she really wants you and if you really want her it will happen.

[ajmarket Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ajmarket]

pluto, that was a good story. honestly it gave me hope. ..

well, im starting to lean towards beleiving her. . .

reason. . .

today at school the cops tore her car apart. . . her x best friend, the one who told me evrything. . . called the school and said my g.f had cocaine and xtc. . .

my g.f doesnt use drugs. . . shes a regular little blonde girl lol, not really a partier or nething. . . i think her friend is just out to get her

[RhinoCannon Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RhinoCannon]

pluto, that was a good story. honestly it gave me hope. ..

well, im starting to lean towards beleiving her. . .

reason. . .

today at school the cops tore her car apart. . . her x best friend, the one who told me evrything. . . called the school and said my g.f had cocaine and xtc. . .

my g.f doesnt use drugs. . . shes a regular little blonde girl lol, not really a partier or nething. . . i think her friend is just out to get her

Well, to me it sounds like she's having a really rough time. My advice to you is to let her know that you support her and you love her, and you want her to be happy. And above all, LISTEN to her, and do not try to solve her problems for her. That last part might sound stupid, but I'll be brief:

Men like to solve problems.

Women want somebody to empathize with them.

So when women come to their man with a problem, it's most likely that she just wants the man to listen to her and support her. Men are inclined to focus on the physical issue and try to solve it, which completely ignores her feelings.

This is one of the biggest issues when it comes to relationship problems. Men can feel as if they're doing everything they can for the woman, but she is never satisfied. It's because he's not acknowledging her feelings!

[ajmarket Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ajmarket]

She was talking to some ppl behind my back

No phsyical cheating. . . But lots of lies

Hurts. ..

[buttheadyeah Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close buttheadyeah]

Dude seriously sounds like you're not in a good relationship. I would have never let it get this far. Sounds like things have built up, but should never get like this. If i were you I'd get out of it. This sounds like a middle school relationship. When I'm looking for a girl I find one that has integrity one I could trust with anything. In the long run this is better than even physical beauty. I'm not saying a girl has to be ugly to be like that; I'm just saying girls that are slutty and may get your attention usually arent girlfriend material. Even if they're not the best looking it's worth it to have a behaved girl. Some guys just don't learn though. A good break-up rule for me is if I'm asking myself is she cheating on me? That means there's usually something wrong with her and time to go, or you could be too protective.

[ajmarket Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ajmarket]

yeah, i think its time to walk away, at least for now.

for no were going our seperate ways or at least taking a little break/breather.

she feels with all of the jobs shes working and school that it is unfair to me to be in a relationship

the lies come from not wanting to fight with me during the little time we actually do spend together.

ill figure somethin out

oh well, more time for PE so the next girl gets a big healthy dick

[epsilon Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close epsilon]

Nice story nice man.. Sensitive one. I guest both of you lack communication.. there's just some thing she cant't tell.. Thats bad. Speculation and hunches will destroy you. So if she don't have time for a relation just give it to her. First talked to her the problem, and say you can't stand to be a burden to her hectic time. That seperation will give both of you time to think and analyze your situation.. Just call her back if you can't move on.. Or if she's willing what is two hours for a talk or call four times a week.. Wish you all the luck mate

[dashdeming Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dashdeming]

she feels with all of the jobs shes working and school that it is unfair to me to be in a relationship

Bull shit! This translates to: I have found someone that I think I like better than you but I don't want to tell you the truth in case it does not work out and I want you back as my security blanket again until I can find someone else again!!


Dude, learn to be an alpha male and not a pansy to women. Believe me when I tell you, act like a pansy and you will be treated like a pansy. Be an Alpha Male and you will be sought after by women and you can choose. Make this your last time of being told when something is good for you by a woman. You need to take control of your life and be strong. Dig?