Womans Psychology

[hunghigh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hunghigh]

My girl and I have been together for 9 months and she shared something with me because shes honest. She told me that she has herpes and has since college because her boyfriend of 3 years was sleeping around. I dont have it but didnt judge her because that doesnt make who she is. Shes besutiful, tall (6'), and a professional woman. So last week we got into an argument about sex and lack there of. I think my experience with PE my sex drive is super high as compared to most 45 year old men. Anyways a few days later BOOM an outbreak. I have sympathy for her as the way she describes it at being very painful. The question I have is would an outbreak change the way she is with me? We usually snuggle but that's seem to go away. I know im not having sex with her for a few weeks but there really isnt any touching with her. Im trying to understand but this has me scratching my head. Then I think something is wrong with me or her feelings have changed after the argument about sex. Any opinions?

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

She sounds responsible, intelligent and likely wants to protect you because she cares about you, IMO. I'm sure she appreciates the fact that you're willing to date her & have sex with her, in spite of her herpes. It likely has inhibited her experience to some degree, post college, so she's more likely to resist temptation for casual spur of the moment sex than a normal healthy female. She may still harbor some embarrassment or even believe she's to blame for having contracted herpes. While that's unfounded, there's no limitations on how we humans can punish ourselves wrongfully; so it's an issue and will remain so until she's overcome that guilt, self-blame, or embarrassment, mentally.

Best thing you can do is be supportive, show compassion and sympathy for her during outbreaks and be a loyal boyfriend that's supportive when she needs it most. Herpes is treatable, but not "curable" and some of the meds have some undesirable side-effects. Worst of all, its a constant reminder to its victims of their past transgressions when it comes to safe sex practices. It goes without saying that condom use is imperative AT ALL TIMES for those "dating", especially when your partner is herpes, other STDs, or HIV positive. Be thankful she was truthful with you from the get-go. She may be a "KEEPER"!

[dairo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dairo]

I was born with... herpes, I call them cold sores. They only occur on my lips, inside my mouth or nose though. They are very embarrassing, and her not wanting you to touch her is very understandable. Don't even mention them to her, and don't get annoyed if she doesn't want to go out or whatever when she has them.

Also, NEVER CALL IT HERPES TO HER. If you have to broach the subject ( WHICH YOU SHOULD NEVER DO!!!!) call it a cold sore.

Honestly, if she has and outbreak, the best thing to do is probably just stay away from her, make excuses if you have to, until she feels better about herself... but the more I think about this, she could think you are avoiding her because of the outbreak. Dunno, make a educated guess.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

I was born with... herpes, I call them cold sores. They only occur on my lips, inside my mouth or nose though. They are very embarrassing, and her not wanting you to touch her is very understandable. Don't even mention them to her, and don't get annoyed if she doesn't want to go out or whatever when she has them.

Also, NEVER CALL IT HERPES TO HER. If you have to broach the subject ( WHICH YOU SHOULD NEVER DO!!!!) call it a cold sore.

What you're speaking of dario, is herpes simplex. The OP's GF has sexually transmitted type II Herpes. Two entirely different types of herpes, although related, different forms of transmission...just sayin'...

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Hung high , I assume you are talking about genital herpys not just the lips, which I also have. Frustrating I know, haven't been able to go down on the Mrs for ten days. Even a condom won't won't get you enough protection down there during her out break. Just be supportive it's a condition not of her making, she's angry at her ex and frustrated too.

[dmizzle Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dmizzle]

You are a brave man.

[dmizzle Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dmizzle]

9 months before she said she had herpes?

[dairo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dairo]

He never specified exactly what kind it is.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Nor did he say when she advised him of the affliction.

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

Nearly everyone you know has herpes. Yep, That herpes. Most people are asymptomatic.
The big herpes scare was used as a scare tactic to try and make young people practice abstinence.

[hunghigh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hunghigh]

Thanks for your post. Said some thoughtful things which helps me too! She told me about her "cold sores" on her hoo-ha probably on our second phone call. We met on tender and are engaged to be married. Thanks for all the input!

[dmizzle Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dmizzle]

Nearly everyone you know has herpes. Yep, That herpes. Most people are asymptomatic.
The big herpes scare was used as a scare tactic to try and make young people practice abstinence.

That is not true. There is herpes type 1 (cold sores), which I have, and herpes type 2. Genital herpes. Yes, the majority have type 1, but not type 2. I get a cold sore maybe once every 3 years.

QUOTE=hunghigh;1267291]Thanks for your post. Said some thoughtful things which helps me too! She told me about her "cold sores" on her hoo-ha probably on our second phone call. We met on tender and are engaged to be married. Thanks for all the input![/QUOTE]

Its not the end of the world even if you get it. As long as you stay with her. I couldn't do it, but if you love her, I applaud you.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

My girl and I have been together for 9 months and she shared something with me because shes honest. She told me that she has herpes and has since college because her boyfriend of 3 years was sleeping around. I dont have it but didnt judge her because that doesnt make who she is. Shes besutiful, tall (6'), and a professional woman. So last week we got into an argument about sex and lack there of. I think my experience with PE my sex drive is super high as compared to most 45 year old men. Anyways a few days later BOOM an outbreak. I have sympathy for her as the way she describes it at being very painful. The question I have is would an outbreak change the way she is with me? We usually snuggle but that's seem to go away. I know im not having sex with her for a few weeks but there really isnt any touching with her. Im trying to understand but this has me scratching my head. Then I think something is wrong with me or her feelings have changed after the argument about sex. Any opinions?

Has her behavior towards you changed since the outbreaks began (with no other factors accounting for a change)? If so, then you have your answer. Being very understanding towards here will help her to work through any concerns she may have.

[hunghigh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hunghigh]

Has her behavior towards you changed since the outbreaks began (with no other factors accounting for a change)? If so, then you have your answer. Being very understanding towards here will help her to work through any concerns she may have.

Other than the argument about how often we have sex.... No. She did say a few days ago that she feels as though I think that its just an excuse not to have sex. Also that she doesnt think of me as being compassionate. All these things make me feel horrible. The woman I love isnt supposed to feel like this. This is complicated, because ive never been in a relationship with somebody that has a VD. I do love this woman otherwise wouldnt have accepted it and moved on. So im trying to get past this and see if things go back to normal after this episode. If not then I think I know my answer. Thanks for all the replies! Very much appreciated!

[D3monh3art Member Find all posts View Profile Close D3monh3art]

Well... women sometimes think and take steps ahead of us. So get used to respond for thing you haven't done or said yet.

"I dated a girl once that was very beautiful but also very shy, we never had sex because was always something that would interfere. I invited her to a friends beach house so we can finally have some quiet and time alone and she was very happy about it. The day before we were supposed to go there she told me we need to talk, when we met she just said that we are through.
I was blind sided, i tried to fix it or find what just happen but... that was it. Years later we met at a party and it was like we missed each other like crazy, ended up fucking in the houses garage 20 min later.
The next day we had lunch and she told me that she is not looking for a relation cause it was complicated and it was fine with me but i got to ask why in the world she broke up with me back then.
She said that it was because of her sixth toe that in the mean time she got removed. I was like:
-What sixth toe ? I didn't even knew that you had one.
-Yes... I know but after the beach house you would have seen it and then YOU would want to break up with me... So i did it first...
i told her she at least could have given me a chance and she said that back then she had a cloud over her head and everything would start or stop with that toe."

I know that you can't use any of this in your case but do your best to show her the VD is meaningless for you, cause in her head for sure it's a huge thing.