Cheated on 😞 Need advice

[Cokey30 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cokey30]

Hi to all and this is my first post and it's lengthy so thanks for your patience...ok

so I'm 33 wife 32 we've been together since we were 16/15 never broken up period. When we were younger 18/17 we both cheated on each other due to just wanting to experience something different my experience was pretty good hers was horrible the guy was pretty small , needless to say that devastated me although we both did the same thing (i know men). I tried to open back up to her but I couldn't find the way to do it so , so I threw intimacy ,affection and nurturing out the window .

We loved each other very much and are the best of friends so we kept going with our relationship and she tried her best to deal with not getting those things in hopes I would eventually come around..

Now fast forward to now after going over a decade of missing those things she caved and cheated with a guy. It crushed me when she told me he was bigger than me. Now as far as size I'm 7 inches fully erect no bone press, my penis curves down like a banana a little so I'm above 7 if I straighten it out ,girth is about 5 1/4-1/2 . My wife considers me big and she describes him as really big her guesstimate is about 8-9 inches and a little more girth

...here's my question up until this point I've been fine with my length but always wanted more girth my wife's vagina got wider after our kids so I always questioned my girth since then.

Am I over thinking as far as my size is concerned? She tells me while the guy was really big it wasn't a physical difference in the two of us and she prefers my size because she likes to get pounded and with him she couldn't see herself enjoying it as much because she assumes that it would be too painful because I hurt her at times.

But I'm second guessing what she's saying because well I'm a man and women lie lolbvs ,although she has been pretty transparent about this situation thus far . Am I paranoid?

[Dongo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dongo]

If it was me, I would get tested for STDs first. Then I would strongly consider the future of the marriage. It sounds like you are kind of OK with it. From what you describe it is a loveless marriage. What do you want out of the marriage at this point?

[closed278 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed278]

Sorry to say this, but girth and length will not make you feel more secure in your current situation. It will also no do anything to prevent cheating.

And does it matter if the guy she cheated with had a 2 inch long dick or a 10 inch long dick?

Your dick size is the lesser issue here.

It is VERY not likely that she found that is 8-9 inches. possible. It is more likely that a woman that would cheat on you then be "transparency" about it is making things up to make you more angry.

P.S. I am sorry to tell you this but from my experience, a woman that cheats ONE time has probably done it more than what they admit.

Blessings

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

YES. Welcome to the Gym!

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

I added some paragraphing, so your post does not look like a 'wall of text'.

Apologies if I got things mis-placed, but not to fear, you can click the edit button and edit away !

[Undead Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Undead]

Sucks to get cheated on man but many have and dont even know it so really dont give yourself that headache and if you need a stress releaver you can always try out P.E. Your size is great and if you want to grow we are here, good luck to you.

[ino Senior Member Member of the Month June 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close ino]

she prefers my size because she likes to get pounded and with him she couldn't see herself enjoying it as much because she assumes that it would be too painful because I hurt her at times.

I am prone to believe that your wife speaks the truth on what I quoted you about, based on what I have generally read about women's preferences throughout the years. Although women may prefer girthier penises, (and yours is a good girth) most women can't handle too much length. Your penis is at the upper average, and for the average vagina depth yours has such a length which many women find too long if you are not careful. So again, I suspect your wife tells the truth.

This aside, love-making is much more than the size of the penis.

Welcome to the forum.

[professor 09 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close professor 09]

...It is more likely that a woman that would cheat on you then be "transparency" about it is making things up to make you more angry.

Yes..so true. The old ex-boyfriend with 8,9,10 is so obvious, unsophiticated, and played out.

[Cokey30 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cokey30]

Maybe I didn't convey it well enough because it was already a lengthy post , but her and I are still madly in love with one another it's just when I got hurt the first time as teenagers I cut my emotions off. I've had a pretty traumatic childhood and I've always built walls when hurt so I did the same with her. She in return had to cut off her tendency to show emotions to protect herself and to deal with me so that's basically how we got here. But I definitely don't think our marriage is loveless we have just forgotten how to show it over the years due to what happened and I'm partly to blame because of it. But from you guys responses basically I'm being paranoid I guess about the size thing .

[Cokey30 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cokey30]

Thanks

[Cokey30 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cokey30]

Sucks to get cheated on man but many have and dont even know it so really dont give yourself that headache and if you need a stress releaver you can always try out P.E. Your size is great and if you want to grow we are here, good luck to you.

Thanks

[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

I will say that in my experience cheating is very rarely about the sex. Please don't focus on the penis size, I can pretty much guarantee that it wasn't her reason for cheating. If she says she prefers your size then believe her -- I'm one of those women that doesn't like being with the really big guys.

Now having said that, cheating is almost always an indication that *something* is amiss in the relationship. You've already identified an area where you two have had difficulties and that sounds to me like it very possibly could be something that sparked her cheating. Sometimes cheating is a need to stir things up and add some excitement, but often it's just because of a need to feel a particular kind of closeness. Not putting blame on either of you for this, please understand that, because there was probably a better way that should could have handled it other than looking to someone else. But it's done now, and the thing to focus on is what the trigger for it was and how to repair/rectify that and whatever issues have not arisen because of the cheating.

I know you're focusing on size, but believe me she's not. It wasn't the cause, don't let it become an issue now.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

I am with Qandisa is NOT about the size. When you cheated on her before was it about her size? Boobs? Body? Vaginal Tightness or lack there off?

Also like Dongo said get tested for STDs.

If you feel you love each other and this was her way to get your attention, sounds to me like she got it, now what are you going to do? Counseling, talk it’s out or let it go again and wait a few more years until it happens again? Something is going on, you don’t cheat, just to cheat.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Dealing with thebwalls and barriers should be the focus. Size should have no relevance. Find a way to open up for each other. More importantly find a way to open up for yourself.

[emgee20 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close emgee20]

If it was me, I would get tested for STDs first. Then I would strongly consider the future of the marriage. It sounds like you are kind of OK with it. From what you describe it is a loveless marriage. What do you want out of the marriage at this point?

Why does it seem like everyone who gets cheated on who posts on this site mentions that their wife/girlfriend told them that the other guy was bigger. How does that topic come up unless she's being asked. That would be real messed up if she just decides to say " Oh. By the way, he also had a bigger penis than you." That is such a sensitive topic and I can't understand why a girl would even wanna answer that question unless she's trying to make you feel worse than you already do. I would say if you want more length and girth , go for it. You're already stating out with a good size as it is.