Can a girl grow to like anal?

[dualdimension Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dualdimension]

Maybe a shallow question but I really miss playing with some ass for some reason. My present GF is not into it. She lets me touch it and lick it but says it doesn't feel good.

What can she do to improve sensation down there?

What can I do to help he be more open to awareness of feelings in that area?

Can she convert these feelings into pleasurable feelings?

Is it a lost cause I have to compromise with this and forget butt stuff forever?

She is open minded enough to play with my butt but I prefer to play with hers.

[bob999 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bob999]

You will need to get her drunk or high.... or both

[AverageDude48 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AverageDude48]

Ah, ha!

I have been in this situation before. I love me some anal play as well. I am the perfect size for it (a little on the thick side, or so I am told....) and find that the majority of women are not into anal play. But.......

I would suggest that you have a conversation about anal play with her. Make sure that you have not just been sexually active or that you are not just about to be sexually active. Do it while walking along the Greenway or something that is not sexual in nature at all.

Ask her - in a non-threatening way - why she does not want to try. I promise you that there is a reason. Most of the time, in my experience, the reason was one of three things:

1. Brought up in a very religious way
2. Had a horrible experience with it once
3. Social taboo to her (different from #1)

Assuming that you discuss it and that she agrees to try that with you I would have the following suggestions:

1. Don't make the anal play to focus. She is going to be really nervous and worried about doing that.
2. Do make sure that you give her several vaginal | clitoral orgasms. This is ABSOLUTELY KEY.
3. Remember that when you are inside her that an anus is not a vagina and that they are structurally very different. You have to go SLOW and you can not just shove it in.
4. If you get some poop on your dick (which is VERY LIKELY to happen) you can not react to that. Simply clean it off (so have some wipes and paper towels in your immediate reach). She will be mortified and never let you do that again. So, be cool when it happens (not if....because it WILL happen).


I might suggest the following progression....it makes things easier:

1. When she is giving you oral sex, finger her ass. In my experience, this is a really good way to introduce anal penetration. And, dude - keep it to one finger. No matter what you might think, keep it to one finger.
2. When you are fingering her or eating her out, play with her ass. Eventually slide a finger in there. Same rules apply - keep it to one finger and go slow and steady. And by all means listen to her.
3. When having doggie-style sex, slide your thumb in her ass. THAT WILL DRIVE HER CRAZY (good way).
4. When the time is right, slowly slide your cock into her ass......SLOWLY. Maybe you were going at it doggie style and you pull out and slide it in her ass? Maybe, in a perfect world, you are going at it and she asks you to fuck her in the ass. How awesome would that be?

Point is, go slow and don't force the issue. I am telling you that if you play this right and do things right you can turn the biggest "No, hell no, not ever" into your anal queen.

Enjoy!

[AverageDude48 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AverageDude48]

Also, meant to add that an anal orgasm is likely one of the best orgasms that a woman can have. I have given my share of clitoral orgasms (via fingers and tongue) and g-spot orgasms (both fingers and dick) as well as clit/g-spot orgasms (which they all claim are primal). And, made several women who have never squirted before squirt. They fell in love with that kind of orgasm. But, an anal orgasm? Knocks the roof off of your house, the neighbor's house and will guaranteed result in all of the police in your neighborhood showing up. She will go absolutely insane from that.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

There is a thing in life that makes you want to try anything.... and it's called TEQUILA!

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

You will need to get her drunk or high.... or both

There is a thing in life that makes you want to try anything.... and it's called TEQUILA!

As a women, I find this offensive. If you to have decrease her will to say no, that is not far from rape gentlemen and some would say it is exactly that. I apologize TGD if you were talking about yourself as opposed to feeding the woman tequila but again, if you have to change your normal inhibitions in order to do this than obviously it is not something you are morally comfortable with.

OP, communication and time and she may get there. I will not, even with tequila, I have no desire for it. There are women on this site that have stated that they will for their partner but it is not that enjoyable for them. The biggest thing for women to be more adventurous in the bedroom is Trust in their partner. If you have to do something back handed to get her to do this act, you may ruin the trust factor and any chance of a long term healthy sexual relationship.

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

I think rape is a bit harsh.

There is certainly a difference between getting someone black out drunk and taking advantage of them, and the use of a of "social lubricant".

Peopl get buzzed to free themselves of inhibitions all the time. Usually, it's so they can alleviate the feelings of guilt and responsibility, so the can indulge in the activities they really want to. But, don't want to accept responsibility for it or face the social repercussions.

"I didn't mean to sleep with so and so. It just happened. "

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

First, I think TGD was just joking around. I seriously don't think he was talking about getting a woman drunk to purposely have anal sex with her. TGD's been around here for years, and I'm quite confident that is definitely NOT what he meant.

Second, I'm going to kind of agree with him. :-)

Having a little "liquid courage" to get you comfortable enough to try something doesn't necessarily mean you're morally uncomfortable with something. We all have fears and inhibitions that prevent us from doing something we may want to try. Alcohol can lower those inhibitions enough that you actually can do something you've been to afraid to do before.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. As long as it's something YOU want to do.

Removing sex from this discussion, let's look at another situation that I think has some similarities.

You kind of want a tattoo. You think they're cool, and you've heard from other people that they actually enjoyed the tattooing process. But, you're a bit afraid of the possible pain... Yup, a bit of liquid courage may be just what you need to get past this fear and get a little penguin on your hip. And, who knows, maybe you too find that you did like it - it wasn't so bad, because the tattoo artist new what he was doing and took his time - and you actually enjoyed it. Maybe you'll even try it again, this time without the alcohol, since you know what to expect and it's not as scary as your mind built it up to be.

Going back to the original question - Definitely have some open and honest discussions with her about the subject. Let her know that you love her and if this is always a firm NO from her, that it won't change anything. However, explain to her that it's something you really enjoy. Reassure her that if you ever try anything and she changes her mind mid-process, that it's not a problem. You'll stop at any time.

Averagedude gives some solid advice! Definitely try to find out what her hang up is about it. If it's #2 that's the easiest one for you to overcome, by building up trust.

The only other piece of advice I'd give, if she allows you to try anything - even a finger - use lube... lots of lube. There is no such thing as too much lube.

[dualdimension Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dualdimension]

AverageDude48 lol I like your enthusiasm! lol I am not sure about any of that because she was open enough to let me lick it and I softly touch it from behind sometimes but she simply says she does not like the feeling.. I even think she might let me try anal sex one day but I doubt she will like it which obviously takes a lot of the pleasure away for me.

[dualdimension Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dualdimension]

Also, meant to add that an anal orgasm is likely one of the best orgasms that a woman can have. I have given my share of clitoral orgasms (via fingers and tongue) and g-spot orgasms (both fingers and dick) as well as clit/g-spot orgasms (which they all claim are primal). And, made several women who have never squirted before squirt. They fell in love with that kind of orgasm. But, an anal orgasm? Knocks the roof off of your house, the neighbors's house and will guaranteed result in all of the police in your neighborhoods showing up. She will go absolutely insane from that.

I know the sorta girl you are talking about and my GF is not. She doesn't have vaginal/g-spot orgasms. Only cums during vaginal when clit is stimulated. Apparently most women do not cum from vaginal alone.

[dualdimension Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dualdimension]

As a women, I find this offensive. If you to have decrease her will to say no, that is not far from rape gentlemen and some would say it is exactly that. I apologize TGD if you were talking about yourself as opposed to feeding the woman tequila but again, if you have to change your normal inhibitions in order to do this than obviously it is not something you are morally comfortable with.

OP, communication and time and she may get there. I will not, even with tequila, I have no desire for it. There are women on this site that have stated that they will for their partner but it is not that enjoyable for them. The biggest thing for women to be more adventurous in the bedroom is Trust in their partner. If you have to do something back handed to get her to do this act, you may ruin the trust factor and any chance of a long term healthy sexual relationship.

Yeah I think they were just making childish jokes .. I would never take advantage of my girl friend, but taking advantage and "getting her in the mood" are different things.

Yeah surely you are correct about the trust and she even said "maybe" she would do it one day. I am sure she would just for my pleasure. But I would love if she enjoyed it on some level I am not sure if there is a ways to change what someone thinks is pleasurable. I am surprised that not everyone likes the sensation as I get so much pleasure from it. Even light touching is very nice feeling. Shame she has a sexy butthole too!

lol.

Thanks for the reply I am always working on building up trust as we were a long term relationship until September.

[dualdimension Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dualdimension]

Going back to the original question - Definitely have some open and honest discussions with her about the subject. Let her know that you love her and if this is always a firm NO from her, that it won't change anything. However, explain to her that it's something you really enjoy. Reassure her that if you ever try anything and she changes her mind mid-process, that it's not a problem. You'll stop at any time.

Averagedude gives some solid advice! Definitely try to find out what her hang up is about it. If it's #2 that's the easiest one for you to overcome, by building up trust.

The only other piece of advice I'd give, if she allows you to try anything - even a finger - use lube... lots of lube. There is no such thing as too much lube.

Thanks.. I guess it is always about compromise but I am a little kinky and she is not so I feel I am compromising a lot already. We will see as she opens up with more time.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

First, I think TGD was just joking around. I seriously don't think he was talking about getting a woman drunk to purposely have anal sex with her. TGD's been around here for years, and I'm quite confident that is definitely NOT what he meant.

Second, I'm going to kind of agree with him. :-)

Having a little "liquid courage" to get you comfortable enough to try something doesn't necessarily mean you're morally uncomfortable with something. We all have fears and inhibitions that prevent us from doing something we may want to try. Alcohol can lower those inhibitions enough that you actually can do something you've been to afraid to do before.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. As long as it's something YOU want to do.

First off, I think your right TGD was just joking around and that is why I apologized if I interpreted it wrong.

Having a little "liquid courage" because a person chooses to drink and let their inhibitions go is different than "get her drunk or high". People go out all the time to have a drink at a party and the drink is laced with something or they just have way too much to drink and before they know it they were taken advantage of. Many times the offender will claim it was consensual, and where do you draw that line. I think there are many cases out there where a person consented and then later says they were raped and who's to know what really happened. I think it better not to go down that road and keep yourself safe from any accusations that can ruin your life.

[AverageDude48 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AverageDude48]

I would agree, generally speaking. But I strongly disagree! Huh? How can I agree but strongly disagree?

Easy! I do agree that most women cum via clitoral stimulation. BUT....and this is the part where I strongly disagree....most only cum via clitoral stimulation because that is all they know! Reaching orgasm via clitoral stimulation is *NOT* the only way that they can reach orgasm BUT it is likely the only way that they know.

Man, this is a great opportunity. Not bragging, I promise. But I have shown so many women how to have squirting orgasms via G-Spot stimulation | massage. Most did not even know that they have this amazing thing called a G-Spot! Yet alone that they could squirt.

So, it is not that they can not! They absolutely can! And that is why I strongly disagree. They don't (yet) because no one has shown them that they can!

That makes sense in my head. I hope that I have phrased things logically and clearly.

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

First off, I think your right TGD was just joking around and that is why I apologized if I interpreted it wrong.

Having a little "liquid courage" because a person chooses to drink and let their inhibitions go is different than "get her drunk or high". People go out all the time to have a drink at a party and the drink is laced with something or they just have way too much to drink and before they know it they were taken advantage of. Many times the offender will claim it was consensual, and where do you draw that line. I think there are many cases out there where a person consented and then later says they were raped and who's to know what really happened. I think it better not to go down that road and keep yourself safe from any accusations that can ruin your life.

Since the OP is talking about a committed relationship, I don't think that's really a consideration here.

No one said "get her drunk or high" - I think that's where you mistakenly interpreted TGD's post. I read it as joking and, if anything, SHE could choose to imbibe in a little tequila to lower her inhibitions.

I know it's sometimes hard to read a communication - without all the other conversational cues (body language, tone, etc.) and really for sure know their intention. So, it's always best to try to assume the person's meaning in the most positive way possible.

On a side note, and perhaps part of the issue the OP's partner is having...

Sadly, too many women have been raised that sex is man's world. We are taught that women who go out and enjoy sex are promiscuous, at best, sluts at the worst. "Good girls don't do that." has stymied women's equality in the bedroom.

I was raised in a Catholic home. I can empathize with some of these social and religious taboos that keep women from exploring their own sexuality.

Funny story - when I first moved in with MrKimberly, while in college and pre-marriage, I called my mom to tell her we had signed the lease for an apartment. I was so excited!

She said completely mortified, "Kimberly! You're not sleeping with him, are you?!?!?!"

I said jokingly, "Mom, how do you think I got him to move in with me?"

She did not find me amusing. LOL

But, if I had followed her moral schism you can bet I wouldn't be as happy and fulfilled sexually as I am, nor would I even dare be working for a company that talks about penises and helps men improve their sexual health.

It may be the OP really doesn't know what they're missing because of these social taboos.

I have a friend that had hang-ups about oral sex - especially receiving it. She said her and her husband had a very good sex life. She didn't see why she should even try something like this, when she was perfectly content.

I used the analogy - If you grew up on an island that only had vanilla ice cream and never knew there were other flavors. Well vanilla ice cream is pretty danged good! You'd probably be happy eating vanilla ice cream. Then, one day, someone arrives with chocolate ice cream and you hesitantly give it a try.... WOW! Your world has just opened up! Now you're like, I still like vanilla, but chocolate is pretty tasty too! And what?!? There's a place where they have 21 flavors of ice cream?! Mind blown!

Of course, some people don't like chocolate ice cream. But, they can't know that until they try it. And, if ice cream has always been cream-colored and eating something brown looks strange and a little scary, and you hear stories that only wicked people eat chocolate ice cream or it can give you cavities or other bad things... maybe having it with a little wine would encourage you to at least have a taste of it, to see for yourself if you like it.