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Elusive female orgasm; Please help me understand

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  • Elusive female orgasm; Please help me understand

    So I've just recently started dating a new girl. From the start, before we ever had sex she told me it's very difficult for her to get off. Her ex husband never got her off she said.
    I've had plenty of experience, over 30 partners, never a complaint, always able to get them off. Fore play is very important to me and going down on a women is one of my favorite things to do. I use to get my ex off , no shit probably 4-5 times on average everytime we had sex.

    Now heres what stumps me. Tonight was the second time my new girl and I had sex. We were both extremely turned on, it was obvious. Just to make sure I performed my best for her I popped a cialis and was on stimulants as well. My stamina was off the charts. Sex lasted around 20-25 min and the whole time she was screaming like I was doing my job. I thought i got her off at least 3 times by the sound of her moans. I've literally never fucked someone so hard in my entire life.........Immediately after, she told me she didn't get off! I'm thinking what in the actual fuck. I gave her my best, the build up was beyond arousing for her. She says it's just difficult for her, but it still takes a toll on my self confidence. I mean I don't have the biggest dick, 6.5 BPEL and close to 5" E.G.. it's always been enough to get the job done and then some, but is this girl wanting a bigger dick to fulfil her needs? Also, she told me she can get herself off in 30 seconds just thinking about me. so I'm not sure what's going on but I feel like a failure because of it. As if I wasn't already disappointed with my dick size, now it's just embarrasing. Is this common for females or does this girl need more?
    It's very important to be able to take care of my girls needs. I don't see a point in being with someone you physically cannot get off no matter how hard you try. I don't want to constantly be paranoid that she secretly is wanting more of something.

  • #2
    Drugs won't help and your dick is not the issue.

    You have to look at head issues that you have and that she has .

    Have you asked why she is screaming like a banshee if she is not getting off ? Any possibility she is just messing with you to lowr your confidence we ge that a lot.

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    • #3
      1) Not all women can have orgasms.

      2) Women's orgasms are much more than penis in vagina penetration.

      3) Just because she didn't get off doesn't mean she didn't like it.


      I can't get my girlfriend off either. Hard as I try with everything I've got, and one of the best vibrators on the market, she can't orgasm. She's never had an orgasm, but that's okay... She's young and just learning about her body. And the fun for us is in trying but enjoying the ride not making it a race. Sex with someone brand new can be very uncomfortable. But after a few months you'll learn what each of you likes and where your triggers are. It's a bit like cracking a safe for the first time. It might take you forever your first time but the payout will be worth it. Then after you get the hang of it you can do it under normal circumstances for a smaller but still rewarding payout every week.
      Sex is the great leveler, taste the great divider. - Pauline Kael

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      • #4
        Originally posted by TheGreatDivider View Post
        1) Not all women can have orgasms.

        2) Women's orgasms are much more than penis in vagina penetration.

        3) Just because she didn't get off doesn't mean she didn't like it.


        I can't get my girlfriend off either. Hard as I try with everything I've got, and one of the best vibrators on the market, she can't orgasm. She's never had an orgasm, but that's okay... She's young and just learning about her body. And the fun for us is in trying but enjoying the ride not making it a race. Sex with someone brand new can be very uncomfortable. But after a few months you'll learn what each of you likes and where your triggers are. It's a bit like cracking a safe for the first time. It might take you forever your first time but the payout will be worth it. Then after you get the hang of it you can do it under normal circumstances for a smaller but still rewarding payout every week.
        This really made sense to me, I appreciate your response. She said that exact same thing to me and even about her ex while explaining, that just because she never gets off doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it. Which yes anyone enjoys sex while its happening, but if I were to pull out without cumming everytime I had sex id be sexually frustrated every day.
        I do understand learning her body, what works for her. With my last partner I learned her so well I could get her off in the first 20 seconds. I have told her to be patient and let me learn her.
        I'm happy I'm not the only one who experiences this.

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        • #5
          I'm sorry, I don't understand the screaming and carrying on either. Was she on drugs too? If she can get off by herself, then she can at least get a orgasm by oral I would think.

          I guess it's true that some women can not have orgasms with penetration although I personally think that there is something physically wrong with them as we are built to have them.

          Why does her not having an orgasm have anything to do with your dick size, think about it. She can get off with her "finger", but not your dick? Nothing to do with size more to do with sensitivity. I'd tell her to go to a gyno and tell them her issue.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
            Drugs won't help and your dick is not the issue.

            You have to look at head issues that you have and that she has .

            Have you asked why she is screaming like a banshee if she is not getting off ? Any possibility she is just messing with you to lowr your confidence we ge that a lot.
            Yea...the cialis was just the kicker because I wanted to make a lasting impression on my sex game with her the first couple of times.
            She definetly has some sort of mental block , id assume because she isn't comfortable yet, but she said she's always had this problem. I'm curious to figure her out, I wouldn't think she would be messing with me, but hell maybe she is. I'm use to finishing and the girl telling me how much she enjoyed it while her legs sit and convulse, with her I just finish in a pool of my own sweat as she rolls over and remains silent. It's a kick right to the nuts honestly.

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            • #7
              Even though some girls cant orgasm with penetration alone, the felling might be good enough for them to scream. Woman are different from each other. My wife, for example, cant orgasm with penetration alone but she screams a bit depending on how rough is the sex and when she climax her body shakes a lot but not always does she scream.

              Also, if she can orgasm alone via masturbation she will eventually do it with you, just be patient and let her get more comfortable. Woman are more complicated than men in this department. I know a lot of women who cant orgasm with penetration alone but all of them, when comfortable with her partner, can get there with oral sex.

              Good luck!
              06/2016 - BPEL: 6.3 / MEG: 5.3
              09/2017 - BPEL: 7.1 / MEG: 5.5

              GOAL - BPEL: 7.5 (19 cm) / MEG: 6.3 (16 cm)

              Comment


              • #8
                it's all to do with her mental state, brain connection to the nerves in her pussy and comfort, can try oral combined with g spot or a spot stimulation maintaining a steady rhythm and in tune with her speed needs if that doesn't work you have some work ahead of you make sure not to put any pressure on her or suggest that it's something she needs to achieve just support her and tell her just to focus on the pleasure and not to worry.

                She needs to increase her attention to the present moment during sex to achieve orgasm this can be done through different techniques such as her paying attention to you and her breath breathing slowly. If she can orgasm and is orgasming through masturbation from the clit get her to stop as it reinforces that she can only orgasm from that stimulation. I taught my gf how to have a few kinds of orgasms when she was only capable of small clit orgasms from her shower head , still working on squirting and she can almost orgasm from just boob play alone. Any girl can learn to orgasm from different stimulation it's just the process.

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                • #9
                  Can she bring herself to orgasm while your with her? Is it possible she has issues with someone being in the room with her? If she can do that, might I suggest having her on top where she can control everything, including stimulating herself.

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                  • #10
                    I ran into a girl who could only have an orgasm by anal sex. No idea why except she must have built a little odd. She figured that out not me. She could always have an orgasm anally but never any other way. Sounds great for me butt not really.
                    7 1/4 inches x 5 1/4 inches Spring 2014
                    8 X 5 1/2 late summer 2014
                    8 X 5 3/4 Feb. 2015 That took a while.
                    8 X 6 goal
                    8 X 5 7/8 May 2015, wife said stop for now.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Seven07 View Post
                      Yea...the cialis was just the kicker because I wanted to make a lasting impression on my sex game with her the first couple of times.
                      She definetly has some sort of mental block , id assume because she isn't comfortable yet, but she said she's always had this problem. I'm curious to figure her out, I wouldn't think she would be messing with me, but hell maybe she is. I'm use to finishing and the girl telling me how much she enjoyed it while her legs sit and convulse, with her I just finish in a pool of my own sweat as she rolls over and remains silent. It's a kick right to the nuts honestly.
                      So im not syaing that this is what is exactly going on with your girl but it sounds like her mental block may be deeper than you think.. i personally have a sexual history with a dark past.... to put it kindly. I didnt orgasm at all because my body physicall could not do it. I eventually went to coulciling for the past part and ended up resolving some ofthose issues. However i still to this day have to mentally focus my body to relax for sex. And i can orgsm now. It took a long time tho.... try stuff to fully relax her body? Bath, back rub. Etc.
                      People may not remember what you did or what you said but they'll always remeber how you made them feel. 😉

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        If she can get her self off in 30 seconds ask her to show you how she does it.

                        My girl has only ever gotten off in cow girl grinding up and down rubbing her clit on my pubic bone while I grab her around the waist and help while pushing her hard into my pubic bone. Usually takes 5 to 10 seconds but she usually needs to be warmed up first. She can have endless orgasms this way but they keep getting weaker and eventually she had enough that she is done. If she's is really horney my dick doesn't even need to be in her. Never happened with me but She said it could even be in her butt. She has never gotten off ever from a tounge, a finger, a dildo or a vibrator or any combination of the above from me or any one else. She can't even get her self off with a finger or vib. Girls are all different and some very confusing and complicated.
                        start feb 2016 bpel 6.0 x 4.8 eg
                        now bpel 7.0625 x 5.2 eg

                        goal: hit bottom :)

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Mavric View Post
                          If she can get her self off in 30 seconds ask her to show you how she does it.

                          My girl has only ever gotten off in cow girl grinding up and down rubbing her clit on my pubic bone while I grab her around the waist and help while pushing her hard into my pubic bone. Usually takes 5 to 10 seconds but she usually needs to be warmed up first. She can have endless orgasms this way but they keep getting weaker and eventually she had enough that she is done. If she's is really horney my dick doesn't even need to be in her. Never happened with me but She said it could even be in her butt. She has never gotten off ever from a tounge, a finger, a dildo or a vibrator or any combination of the above from me or any one else. She can't even get her self off with a finger or vib. Girls are all different and some very confusing and complicated.
                          Very similar to my ex! Penetration while rubbing her pussy on my oiled up stomach. Never cum during a good pounding but had multiple intense orgasms by grinding and rubbing. She fuckin loved it

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