Why do most women look like they're not enjoying sex?

[WishIWasBig Member Find all posts View Profile Close WishIWasBig]

I am mainly going by what I see in porn. Not the professional porn, but amateur porn and home-made videos people film with their own cameras.

I've noticed that in the majority of porn videos (to repeat: the home-made videos, not the ones done by professional companies), the women just don't look like they're enjoying it. It's rare to see a woman in a porn video actually enjoying the sex and genuinely getting into it. Yes I have seen videos where they are clearly enjoying it, but it's quite rare. Most women look bored, unenthusiastic, clearly faking etc.

My question is: why?

I can think of some potential reasons:

- the majority of men are bad at sex
- the man's dick is too long/short/thin/thick
- women as a whole aren't that bothered about sex, and only do it as a trade-off for intimacy/money
- movies, tv and popular culture has ruined women's perception of sex and they will thus never be satisfied by the average man

I'd like to hear some perspectives from men and women. Particularly women.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Because more times than not they don't want to make a video but hubby does.Okay what's for breakfast?

[WishIWasBig Member Find all posts View Profile Close WishIWasBig]

Because more times than not they don't want to make a video but hubby does.Okay what's for breakfast?

I very much doubt this is the reason. In many of the videos, you can't even see the woman's face anyway. Or it could be a hidden camera.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Okay we all have our reasons. I happen not to agree with any of yours but that's me.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

I am mainly going by what I see in porn. Not the professional porn, but amateur porn and home-made videos people film with their own cameras.

Regardless of the type of porn, if you take life clues from it you're going to be doing yourself a great disservice.

Here's some good reading on the broader ramifications of the subject:

The Detraining Effect: Understanding and Reversing Negative Habits To Improve Erection Quality and Sexual Confidence

[halcyon_ Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close halcyon_]

I am mainly going by what I see in porn. Not the professional porn, but amateur porn and home-made videos people film with their own cameras.

I've noticed that in the majority of porn videos (to repeat: the home-made videos, not the ones done by professional companies), the women just don't look like they're enjoying it. It's rare to see a woman in a porn video actually enjoying the sex and genuinely getting into it. Yes I have seen videos where they are clearly enjoying it, but it's quite rare. Most women look bored, unenthusiastic, clearly faking etc.

My question is: why?

I can think of some potential reasons:

- the majority of men are bad at sex
- the man's dick is too long/short/thin/thick
- women as a whole aren't that bothered about sex, and only do it as a trade-off for intimacy/money
- movies, tv and popular culture has ruined women's perception of sex and they will thus never be satisfied by the average man

I'd like to hear some perspectives from men and women. Particularly women.

Are you comparing their reactions to the over-reactions of non-amateur porn?

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

I agree with Cusp. I would bet a majority of the time you see women on camera (amateur) looking like they're not enjoying themselves, it's because they don't want to be filmed - or they're simply self-conscious about how they will look on film.

Re: your comment... In many of the videos, you can't even see the woman's face anyway. Or it could be a hidden camera.

Ummm... if you can't see the woman's face, how can you say they don't look like they're enjoying it?

So, talking about the women who you can see their face -- even if they wanted to do the video, it's very intimidating to be filmed during sex. You have to be a real exhibitionist to be able to truly enjoy the experience.

BTW - most of those "hidden cameras" are fake hidden cameras, as a ploy because for some reason guys watching those like to think the girl didn't know she was being filmed.

The other reason for amateur porn and the woman not looking like she's enjoying it may be because she really isn't. The reverse here can affect the man. He's so into "performing" for the camera - trying to look like a porn star, that he really isn't making his partner happy.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

The other reason for amateur porn and the woman not looking like she's enjoying it may be because she really isn't. The reverse here can affect the man. He's so into "performing" for the camera - trying to look like a porn star, that he really isn't making his partner happy.

This is a complaint many women have about men and sex. Even if the man is potent and has good control, if he's so focused on the performance aspect he disengages himself emotionally there's going to be a noted effect.

[WishIWasBig Member Find all posts View Profile Close WishIWasBig]

I think people are taking the porn and camera stuff too literally.

I'm talking about the wider issue of sex - why do females appear to enjoy it far less than men do?

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

I'm talking about the wider issue of sex - why do females appear to enjoy it far less than men do?

Then what is this based on, exactly? Others' personal experiences may not corroborate this.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

I think its because they are too busy wondering whether or not they left the iron on.

Either that or they are enjoying themselves but just don't show it in a giddy display of smiles, giggles and eye rolling. Maybe like having a delicious piece of cake or chocolate? It entirely consumes your being to the exclusion of all else. Rarely are you grinning, but rather focusing entirely on the sensation of it melting in your mouth.

It could also be they are not enjoying it as they are just nervous and self conscious.

P.S. Next time you eat something delicious film yourself and check out your facial expressions to see if you are smiling or have more of an intense concentrated scowl.

P.P.S. Dammit, I'm out of chocolate!

[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

I think people are taking the porn and camera stuff too literally.

I'm talking about the wider issue of sex - why do females appear to enjoy it far less than men do?

Because men and women are wired differently. Just because a woman's reactions are different than a man's doesn't mean that she's not enjoying it.

And how are you expecting her to look or sound anyway? Like she's just stepped out of a hair or laundry commercial? Big smile on her face, hands thrown in the air screaming "Yes! This is exactly what I've been waiting for!!"? Life isn't like that. I LOVE sex. I almost never smile during it unless we're being playful or teasing. I'm not sure how it feels for but orgasm for women is an interesting mix of pleasure with little tiny ribbons of discomfort that run through it. I suspect it's the same for men because I've almost never seen a man smile during orgasm. O-face is much the same for men and women - muscle tension, pinched/furrowed brow... the more extreme the orgasm the more pronounced those are.

And by the way, many guys aren't all that vocal or talkative during sex either.

If you're relying on porn to be able to tell when your partner is enjoying herself, then you're doing it wrong. You have to learn to pay attention to your partner, read their cues, pick up on subtle differences in breathing and muscle tension. And that's true for women and men. Mainstream porn has instilled in society this scripted and choreographed idea of what sex is "supposed" to be like and it's just not that way. Even when you're talking amateur porn you're still mentally comparing it to what you think is the standard of how reactions are supposed to be, and where do you think you got those from?

[Dr Nemo Senior Member Member of the Month May 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Dr Nemo]

Giving my wife a massage: she makes all kinds of sounds, moans - both indicating pleasure and where she likes it.

Later we're making love: she's quiet as a mouse; it's almost like she's not there.

I've tried everything.

I think this may be what the OP is getting at.


Edit: I would say about 30% of the women I've been with are this^^ way.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

In my experience, I believe the intensity of active sex for both males & females isn't revealed much verbally except in gasps or moans and one or 2 word "sentences" like "FU*K" or "Oh God," which usually is accompanied by a pained or stressed countenance on the faces of BOTH participants as they become hyper-sensitive to the emotions & sensory stimulation of sex spiraling toward orgasm. Very little amateur PORN has audio attached that I've seen, although I'm not a frequent PORN watcher. So I would assume just from a video (unaccompanied by sound), it might appear that both participants are stressed or even in pain. A more accurate indicator would be to focus on the undulations & body movements (writhing, eyes rolling, hips grinding, legs wrapping around or flexing in sync with the breeding partners). In other words, there's pleasure, but then there's also "hyper-pleasure", that's commonly referred to as SENSUALITY!

The typical visually identifiable FUN expressions (laughter, and smiles), usually occur (for me & my partners) during foreplay & the refractory periods... waiting for "round two"(or more!)...just sayin'...

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

Giving my wife a massage: she makes all kinds of sounds, moans - both indicating pleasure and where she likes it.

Later we're making love: she's quiet as a mouse; it's almost like she's not there.

I've tried everything.

I think this may be what the OP is getting at.

Dick-tator - have you asked your wife? Not knowing anything about her, I'll just give a laundry list of possibilities...

1. Cultural taboo about enjoying sex
2. Religious taboo about enjoying sex
3. Upbringing taboo about enjoying sex
4. She's enjoying it so much, she's hyper-focused on the sensations
5. To orgasm, she needs to focus on a mental image
6. She is worried you won't like noises she makes and/or it will distract you
7. She's not enjoying herself (whether that be due to her partner's performance or even perhaps something physical or psychological preventing this enjoyment)

Re: the OP and women in general, not just amateur porn now, not enjoying sex as much as men... I think that's not necessarily true.

Of course, there are times when one partner enjoys sex more than the other. And, there are some women who don't enjoy sex as much as other women or men (see above laundry list); however, it's not the case for all women.

However, if your partner doesn't seem to be enjoying herself... ask! Communication is so important when it comes to every aspect of your relationship - including sex. Most people (men and women) won't come out and talk about their unhappiness with their sex life, because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings. This can then build up to increasing frustration that can spill over into the non-sexual parts of the relationship.