Understanding Women

[Sretsbew Member Find all posts View Profile Close Sretsbew]

I hope this isn’t a silly question. Certainly my intentions are sincere. But here goes...

I’m not an unhappy person, but I am somewhat confused. I have a friend—short, compactly built, bit of a gut, not bad looking (somewhat like Jesse Plemons), combative personality but relatively successful. And he has many stories of women trying to seduce him, whether at a bar or at the fitness center or wherever. And he has ended up dating a few of these women, I know. They are often younger than him and quite attractive. But the main point here is this: he claims that they approach him or at least invite his approach.

Now take me. I’m a few inches over six-feet tall, about 215 pounds, mesomorph (e.g., my arms are 17+ inches in circumference). I won’t compare myself to an actor or anything, but I’ve been told that I’m good looking (even “beautiful” on one occasion) various times throughout my life. I also happen to have a really big penis, and I sport a healthy bulge, especially in jeans and athletic pants. I also have a respectable career. And yet, I don’t think a girl has *ever* made a pass at me..unless I already knew her and a relationship was beginning. In other words, I haven’t picked up on signals from a girl at a bar or the gym or on the subway, etc. I have to get to know her first.

So my question is: Why? Do I appear aloof, unapproachable? Or am I just bad at picking up on signs of attraction?

To be clear, it’s not that I want to randomly hook up with girls. I think I’d be happy just to know that I’m wanted. I look at my “measurable” stats (height, build, etc.), and I feel like I should be in demand. But I guess I’m not. What gives?

Sometimes this plays with my head. I start doubting the sincerity of compliments I’ve received in the past, and this fuels my BDD. It makes me want to work out harder, to do more PE, so that I can finally “know” that I’m attractive. But that knowledge continues to elude me...

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Why don’t you put yourself in the shoes of a gorgeous lady. How many end up married to ugly guys because no one had the guts to ask her out. In other words, you reek of, “He’s to good looking for me, or, he’s vain, thinks his shit don’t stink”, on and on. In my early thirties, I got buff, tan, best shape of my life. I was carrying two batteries to our boat docked behind a bar with one way glass. I hear a waitress say, “ He’s Hot.” The second waitress replied, “Ya, and he knows it.” I actually turned around to see if there was some stud behind me. Nope, it was a nice ego booster but so what. Married with kids.

[Nightforce Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Nightforce]

If you're "all that" good looking, you could be in similar class to the smoking hot women who never get asked out by normal guys because lots of the "normal" i.e. not the attractive jerks, think those women are out of their league.

Edit: Yep, what Party said.

[Sretsbew Member Find all posts View Profile Close Sretsbew]

I can see how I sound arrogant or something. I don’t blame you for thinking that. But I’m really not. I just do this back-and-forth thing in my head: “You’re good, desirable, be happy.” But then: “Maybe you’re not. Maybe you think you are, but how come no one approaches you?” And in response: “Must be a fluke, right? Or did I miss something? After all, I have traits that suggest I’m attractive.” But again: “Those are just numbers or internet-driven opinions. What matters is reality.”

And so it goes...

[Sretsbew Member Find all posts View Profile Close Sretsbew]

For the record: *I* never said I was good-looking. I often don’t feel that way myself. I offered factual information, either numbers or things that have been said to me. If I said those things to myself, I wouldn’t be here!

[Kenotthib Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kenotthib]

To be honest bro what it comes down to is something intangible. Simply put based on what you said he has more charisma than you. The men that get approached by women typically have a high amount of charisma. Another factor is being that you''re as big as you say this could lead to some women being intimidated by you. It also sounds like even though you may be good looking, you might (just being honest) not be good looking enough to get approached. If that's the case and even if it isn't, don't wait for women to approach you. You see someone you like or find attractive then go after them. And always have an abundance mindset when pursing women, if you get rejected then move on to the next.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Might want to spend less time worrying about your buddies accomplishments and start thinking of your potential. Life is what you make, you either dive in head first and break new ground, or you follow and hope things work your way. To hell what your friends say or tell you, in fact, it may all be made up BS to boost their egos. Eitherway, take time to be more social, worry less about your height or weight and focus more on who you are as a human being. If funny, put that foot forward, if smart, use that to your advantage. If the playful side is available, let that be shown without being too clingy.

Define who you are going to present to others and be true to that. The right gal will come along eventually.

[Injoker Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Injoker]

I’m a few inches over six-feet tall, about 215 pounds, mesomorph (e.g., my arms are 17+ inches in circumference). I won’t compare myself to an actor or anything, but I’ve been told that I’m good looking (even “beautiful” on one occasion) various times throughout my life. I also happen to have a really big penis, and I sport a healthy bulge, especially in jeans and athletic pants. I also have a respectable career.

Sounds pretty intimidating to me. This could be why.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Does he have money/status ? That will do it.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Say it with me... Confidence. Your friend has confidence in himself so he doesn't need to worry about how others perceive him and can focus of genuine interactions with women. As a bodybuilder who put his arm size in a relationship thead I'm willing to bet you have some insecurities which women do pick up on. Women can sense insecurities like it's a super power and get turned off by men who are too hung on themselves.

There's lot to be said about the guy who can make women comfortable. If you can talk to a woman that is anxious and get her to calm down just using your words you'll no problem with dating. That's sort of my schtick I us as a built but out of shape and decent looking guy like your friend. I have a natural ability to approach women and make them comfortable so I tend to have lots of female friends (for that's worth) and get dates easily. But I'm not overly confident, I just don't care about any outcome or how I come off in a first impression. Just explaining my take on your situation for what it's worth.

This brings me to the elephant in the room no one has picked up on. You have a friend that who can pull women easily, so why don't you make him your wingman? For God sakes, it would only take a few nights to see how he interacts with women and decide if you want you do that yourself. He might be just running number by approaching 100 women a night every night and sleeping 1 in 1,000 or he could be genuine and picking up on the signs the women who are DTF that night are throwing out. And there is always a few women in who are DTF in every bar or club on ladies night, they might not look like whant but it will be a sure thing.

You could also the counterintuitive tactic of going out and meeting women with no expectations to get their number, date, or have sex. This something I love doing because I am lazy and don't need to try, I can just have regular conversations and pickup on the obvious signs I would have missed if I was trying to use PUA or pull a game. You see, normally women who have boyfriends will mention them for no other reason than to establish boundaries with men. I don't mess those girls, too much of a headache and I don't care get involved in all that drama. But the girls who are single and available will also let you know if you pay attention by dropping activities she wants to do with a partner, like going to a restaurant or museum.

The best part about this approach is you aren't feeling it or she's not responsive you don't have to keep trying. You can say "Bye Felicia!" and leave right there. You don't have to buy her drinks, put up with foodie calls, deal with a woman's terrible girlfriends, or go even pay attention if you don't like her. If you do you set yourself apart from all the thirsty guys who are only after one thing and actually have women want to talk to you.

[Sretsbew Member Find all posts View Profile Close Sretsbew]

I appreciate the advice, but my intentions were misperceived as I feared. I included those stats to be as objective as possible. If I just said, “I’m pretty good looking,” people would have to guess what that means. I used the stats to say: “here, this is the size of my body,” just like people do on this site with penis size. And I think the stats are important because they’re associated with attractiveness, much like an 7- inch penis is widely considered a “good” size.

I guess it’s possible that I lack charisma or whatever. But I’ve never had a problem getting a girlfriend. What I’m puzzled by is the lack of random attention I get. All these guys have stories about “So this girl came up to me” or “my coworker came on to me.” But that’s never happened to me, and I feel like it’s weird. Sometimes I think guys embellish these stories; sometimes I think I’m doing something wrong, either not noticing or not acting on it. A coworker recently invited me into her office and shut the door. Was that a sign? Or if I would’ve acted on it, maybe she would’ve slapped me. Who knows? So I did nothing.

I’d just like to understand women better.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Understand women? Never; give it up now!

[Nightforce Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Nightforce]

Sretsbew, Sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate anything negative. I apologize if I sounded that way.

And as for .....

I’d just like to understand women better.

So would every man on the planet. LOL

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Okay I'm going to get into trouble for this but I'm doing it for you guys!
Women;

C an't
U nderstand
N ormal
T hinking

[Sretsbew Member Find all posts View Profile Close Sretsbew]

I thought that the point of this forum was to understand women better! LOL.